Deceitful Vows by Brook Wilder

 

Chapter 5

Paige

 

I keep patting down my pockets as I walk over the threshold of my father’s house, even though I know the camera can’t fit in any of my pockets. It’s gone for good, and I have another gig tomorrow. Double fucking shit. I want to scream it aloud as I walk down the hallway toward the kitchen. But I can’t. I don’t want to upset Dad.

 

Say nothing, Little Ms. Lucky. Safe at home, I can scoff at those words. I have no plans of saying anything about what happened today. To anybody.

 

My dad looks awful. The chemo has ravaged his skin, turning it pale, and his sparse hair barely covers his scalp. His bent elbows poke through his frail skin, and he’s unstable on his feet as he sits down at the kitchen table. Emma and I ignore the change and only reassure him with compliments that he chooses to believe.

 

“Listen to this.” He smiles at the laptop screen, the only new thing in the house and it’s ten years old. “And tell me the title of this song.”

 

I peek into the ceramic sink at a bowl of half-eaten spaghetti and decide not to try to get him to eat more. The white tiles on the counter will never look clean, even if I have the time to scrub them. The fluorescent light in the kitchen tints everything pale green, even his translucent skin. I sit down in an oak chair next to him, and Dad tilts the screen down so I can’t cheat.

 

I force a weak smile. “It sounds like Toto.”

 

“And the name of the song?” He waits for a reply, and I shrug my shoulders. “It’s ‘Roxanne,’” he spins the screen toward me.

 

“It’s a bit before my time, Dad.”

 

He laughs. “A couple of generations. I was a kid when it came out.”

 

The social worker recommended that Dad listen to songs from his youth. Nostalgia can bring comfort, she explained. Instead of pulling out his collection of classic metal, he opted for easy listening. Now, Emma and I hum along as we help Dad around the house.

 

“How was your day?” we ask in sync.

 

“I asked first,” he declares.

 

“Tim and I are over.” A renegade tear threatens to fall, and I wipe it away quickly.

 

“You know how I feel about him.” Dad frowns as he lowers the volume on his computer. “He’s not good enough for you.”

 

“You always say that,” I sigh.

 

“He’s not good enough for anyone. He’s making a big mistake letting you get away. But his loss is your gain.”

 

“I caught him cheating.” I stop talking and stare at Dad. He never talks about Mom, so I have no idea why she left. Dad would never have cheated on her or anyone. He’s not that type. I remember strangers who came to our house every now and then. And as a kid, I never thought much about them. Not until today.

 

Did she cheat on him?

 

“I’m sorry,” I mumble. “I didn’t mean to dump it all on you. I had a really bad day. You have no idea.”

 

Dad leans out of his chair and pulls me against his side. “Paige, you’re shaking.”

 

“I’m fine,” I lie. “I’m just pissed, that’s all.”

 

I notice how his bones poke out of his skin and reach out to rub his shoulder gently while willing my eyes not to well up with tears.

 

“How are you feeling today, Daddy?” I ask.

 

He looks away as if not seeing me makes it easier to lie. “Not too bad. I’m hanging in there. Soon, I’ll be back to my old routine.”

 

“Your old routine is what made you sick,” I reply softly.

 

He worked multiple jobs to keep us in our home. Jobs that paid well, but the fumes were toxic to his lungs. Jobs that no one would want unless they were desperate, and he was desperate to keep us together after Mom walked out on us and never looked back. Not a call. Not a letter. Not even a text.

 

Dad stares at me, and I feel myself frowning. “Sorry about the early appointment.” He pats my hand. “But they want to observe me after the chemo.”

 

“Dad, it’s okay. I don’t mind taking you to the hospital in the morning. I want you to get better, and I don’t mind helping.”

 

“You do more than you should, Paige.” He closes his laptop, cutting off the music. “I should be taking care of you.”

 

I smile. “I’m twenty-three. I don’t need to be taken care of.”

 

“You need to be doing more with your life than taking care of an old man.” The room is silent as we struggle with what to say that won’t hurt the other’s feelings. “Paige, I’m getting better. And I appreciate all the countless sacrifices you’ve made for me and your little sister. But … I just want to see you happy with your life. Don’t waste it on me.”

 

“I’m not wasting my life on you. And I am happy.” Avoiding his eyes, I whisper, “I just had a shitty day.”

 

Dad stands and moves slowly to his bedroom off the kitchen. I walk beside him, watching his steps and making sure he doesn’t stumble. He reaches his room without gripping onto my arm. I guess that’s progress. Him being able to walk on his own. Wow, our expectations have changed.

 

“Getting old ain’t for the weak, Paige.” He smiles as he sits down on his bed.

 

I try to smile. “Do you need anything?”

 

He waves me off. “I’m good. You go to bed.”

 

I shut the door slowly and can’t help feeling guilty. I should stay and help him, but I’m tired too. Images of people scattered lifeless across the floor won’t leave my mind alone. Breathing heavily, I close my eyes and try to shove my emotions down somewhere I can’t reach.

 

I tap on the door even though Emma and I shared our bedroom growing up. There’s no response, so I walk in. Emma is sitting cross-legged on her bed, earbuds stuck in her ears and her face illuminated by her laptop. She doesn’t look up until I sit on the edge of the bed.

 

Smiling, she yanks a bud out. “You look like you crawled home.”

 

I toss myself backward onto her bed, banging the top of my head on the wall.

 

She giggles. “You always do that, you klutz.”

 

I swat her bare thigh. “Do you mind? My day sucked. And I’m on my period.”

 

She closes the laptop and then sweeps her dark hair behind her ear. “What happened?”

 

“I broke up with Tim,” I reply guardedly.

 

Emma pulls a face. She never liked Tim, but she’s careful with her opinion after one particularly bad rant, which caused me to stick up for him. I defended my decision to date that loser by calling her immature. She has better taste in men than I will ever have.

 

“What brought that on?” she asks carefully.

 

“I caught him cheating on me.”

 

The look of surprise on her face gets me. I would be sharing this with my best friend if I had one. I’m too busy working to maintain a friendship. I shouldn’t be sharing gory details with my sixteen-year-old sister, but no one else knows me better. I start talking to keep me from mentioning the other thing.

 

“In my own bed, no less.”

 

Her eyes widen. “Were they naked?”

 

I give her a look and remind myself she’s sixteen. An innocent sixteen, thank God. “Yes, they were naked.”

 

Emma winces as if the thought of seeing naked people is gross. “Sorry, Paige. What an asshole. He’s such a dick. That’s not all, is it?”

 

I shake my head. “And there was a … shooting at the wedding.”

 

She’ll probably read about the shooting online in the morning. I need to talk about it. My voice softens. “Some guy there helped me. He saved my life.”

 

“That’s awful and sick.” Emma scoots over and sits beside me. “I could help more, Paige. I don’t mind getting a job. Delia says they’re looking for people to work behind the counter at the deli. It’s walking distance from the house. Or I can ask cousin Kenney about getting a desk job at the precinct. He’s been asking about Dad and wants to help.”

 

“No.” I sit up. “I want you to focus on school, so you can get a decent job that pays you what you are worth.”

 

“And what about you?” Her eyes harden. “You need help with Dad. I can take care of him too, you know.”

 

I bite my lip and don’t dare ask if she’s been in her room all day while he’s been sitting in the kitchen. Alone. She’s just a kid. And I want her to be a kid and not deal with all this shit. I remember what it was like after Mom left. How hard it was on Dad. How he lost the best job he’d ever had and had to make do with shit work plus pay her alimony.

 

“Focus on school,” I tell her firmly. “And buy me a Mercedes when you graduate college. Okay?”

 

Emma’s smiles are infectious. Her laugh brightens a room when she’s happy. I always want her to be cheerful. And I don’t mind taking this on to keep her in a bubble.

 

She grabs her laptop and shows me her homework. “I’m almost done. I’ll wash the dishes while you take a shower. You stink like sweat and old men, girl. Are you sure you only took pictures?”

 

I swat her leg and leap up before she can shove me off the edge of the bed with her foot. “Fucking sassy.” I stick out my tongue. “Love you, kiddo.”

 

***

 

Rubbing a towel over my hair, I feel human again. I can’t stop thinking about what I saw. And my missing camera. But most of all, I can’t stop thinking about him.

 

Andrei.

 

Emma is fast asleep in her bed as I climb into mine. I close my eyes, but I can’t fall asleep. I keep seeing Andrei. Tall, gorgeous, and dangerous. My phone buzzes on the bedside table. Tim with another freaking text. Asshole.

 

I sigh into the dark and focus so I can see Andrei again. Sparkling eyes and a crooked smile. I will myself to remember his intoxicating scent. The warmth of his touch. The way he pulled me close to him as we danced earlier before everything went to shit.

 

Gradually, reality hits me. People died. I could have died if it wasn’t for him. Andrei took a bullet for me.

 

Don’t be silly, Paige.

 

I push those thoughts out of my mind and focus on the image of the two of us dancing again. In my mind, he dips me again. But this time, instead of staring, he kisses me and I imagine myself opening my body to him as he peels away every article of my clothing. My fingers dance between my legs as I fantasize about Andrei’s warm hands roaming my naked body.

 

Hot and dangerous.

 

I should’ve fucked him.