Between Never and Forever by Brit Benson

38

I presscall for the fifth time in five minutes.

It goes straight to voicemail.

I’m about ready to lose my shit. I close out and dial again as I buckle the seatbelt across my lap. I haven’t flown commercial in years. I’ve used the label’s jet for tours, and the studio chartered a private jet for us to get to Portofino. It was last minute, but I was able to charter my own out of Milan to get to Raleigh.

I had already planned to fly back for Brynn’s birthday, anyway. A few days early isn’t doing any damage for the film.

I dial again. Voicemail.

“Hey, it’s me. I’m on a plane. I’ve got in-flight Wi-Fi and okayed the call with the pilot, so call me when you get this please.”

I pause. I open my mouth twice to say it, but I can’t. It doesn’t feel right to do it over the phone.

“See you soon.”

I hang up, then glance at Red in the pod next to me. He’s got my sixty-pound mutt sleeping on his lap, and it makes me smile despite the circumstances. I have no idea how it’s going to work when Ziggs has to pee. It’s a little over thirteen hours non-stop from Milan to Raleigh, and there’s no fucking way she’ll be able to hold it. We brought some puppy pads, so we’ll see.

Red blinks at me, and I shrug.

“He still won’t answer.”

“Try not to worry. Get a little sleep. He’s probably busy.”

I nod. Busy.

I open my phone and scroll back through the article that Hammond sent me. Levi in an altercation with Terry. Levi on the ground with Terry. Levi, sporting a bruised jaw and a scowl, talking with an officer.

Shots fired. No known injuries. Sav Loveless’s lover. Suspect at large.

My nerves are shot. I’m worried for Levi and Brynn. I’m terrified for my mom. What would he want with her now? I did an internet search and found out he was released six months ago. Had he been looking for her this whole time? As far as I know, she hasn’t been in a single article online. It’s just been photos of me and Levi, and discussions about his adopted, nameless daughter.

I don’t know how he found her, but I’m pretty sure it’s my fault.

It’s literally all my fault.

I turn on the television in front of me and flip through the available movies. There are a bunch of Paul Northwood’s romcoms, which makes me chuckle. The world isn’t ready to see Paul in this role. Money laundering, drug running, philandering Paul Northwood? The housewives are going to lose their minds.

And wait until they watch me kill him.

I feel a spark of mischievous glee before I remember just exactly where I am and where I’m going. I turn the television off and take out my lyric notebook. I pop in my earbuds, cycle through the melodies I roughly recorded with my phone and write. At least I’ve gotten some songs out of this whole mess.

Songs and Levi.

I smile.

That’s really all I’ve ever wanted, isn’t it? A purpose, an outlet, and him.

My phone rings three hours into the flight, and I answer it immediately. My voice is hushed and full of concern.

“Levi. Is everything okay? What is going on?”

I hear him sigh and the small bit of relief I felt seeing his name on my phone screen vanishes.

“Levi. What the hell is going on?”

“You shouldn’t be on a plane, Sav. You should be filming in Italy.”

I bristle at the authority in his tone.

“Let me worry about my filming schedule.”

“I’m just saying. There’s no reason for you to be on the way—”

“Levi. Shut up. I’m already cruising at thirty-five thousand feet so table the daddy mindset and answer my damn question.”

He laughs lightly, which makes me smirk, and then he sighs again.

“I’m guessing you saw that I had a visitor?”

“Yep. Is Sharon okay? How did he find her? What does he even want with her.”

Silence.

“Levi. Is Sharon okay?”

“Yes. She’s okay. Shook up, but okay. But he didn’t initially come for Sharon.”

I gasp.

“For me? Fuck, this really is all my fault. Fuck.”

“Not for you. He didn’t even mention you, actually.” He pauses. I hear him inhale and exhale. “He came to see Brynn.”

What? For Brynn...

“That doesn’t make any sense. Why would he show up wanting to see Brynn?”

More silence.

“Levi, Jesus, just talk.”

“He’s claiming to be Brynn’s biological father.”

Now I’m the one who is speechless. I just gape, staring at the floor in front of me. I try to say something three times, but I can’t form words. When I finally speak, it’s only one word. That’s all I get out.

“No.”

“Yes. I didn’t want to believe it, but it lines up. I just spent the last several hours with my lawyer and some police officers. The Larks found him and bribed him with Jules’s life insurance policy. Terry was going to petition for custody and then give Brynn to William and Helen if he won.”

“You’re fucking kidding. There’s no way that would work.”

“Especially after this bullshit. But the Larks are desperate and desperate people are dangerous and impulsive. They think sharing blood gives you a claim on a person. They’re wrong. Genetics don’t guarantee a relationship. They don’t want to know Brynn. They want to control her just like they tried to do with Jules.”

He’s right. Shared blood doesn’t make a family. It’s like Mabel said. The band is my family. Levi is my family. I don’t know why more people don’t understand that. Family can just as easily be something you build and not something you were born into. Sometimes, the family you choose is better.

“I’m so sorry, Levi. If we could have kept this out of the tabloids, this never would have happened.”

He lets out a dark laugh.

“Ironically, the tabloids probably had little influence over this fucking mess. This one is all thanks to my mother.”

I gasp. “Your mother?”

“My father’s old notes. Counseling files. She’s been cleaning out his old office and took it all to the Larks.”

Bitch.

What an absolute disgusting human being. I can’t even speak due to the anger surging through me. I could choke on the venom. Of all the times I’ve hated Levi’s mom, none of them compare to how I feel right now.

“When do you land?” Levi’s voice cuts through the torrent of hateful thoughts filling my head. “When do I get to see you?”

I tap the screen in front of me and check the in-flight countdown clock.

“Nine-ish hours.”

“Alright. I guess I’ll see you soon, then, Brat.”

I grin.

“You love it.”

I hear a quiet laugh. “I do.”

I walk through the garage door into Levi’s house. He’d left it open for us, so we didn’t have to deal with the assholes on the sidewalk outside.

“Savannah!”

Brynn gives me a hug before Ziggy pounces, knocking her on her ass. She giggles and scratches Zigg’s head, then Red pulls her back to her feet.

“Happy early birthday, Boss. I forgot your present, but it should be here in a few days.”

She hugs me again, tighter this time, just as Levi and Sharon come into focus. I give them both a nod before focusing back on Brynn. I smooth her hair back and return the hug with just as much enthusiasm.

“How are you holding up?”

She shrugs and pulls back, swiping at her face where a few tears have fallen.

“It’s kind of scary, but it doesn’t matter. Dad’s my dad. That won’t change.”

I smile at her and nod. She’s so much wiser than her age. I’m sure growing up with a sick parent has a lot to do with it, but the fact that Levi is always honest with her also plays a factor. I don’t lie to my daughter, he’d told me. It makes me love him more.

“That’s very true,” I say, my eyes scanning her face. “It won’t change. He’s your dad. You’re his daughter. You always will be. That’s what matters.”

It’s funny. When I first met Brynnlee, I couldn’t find Levi in her features at all. I searched and searched and came up blank.

But now, despite knowing the truth, I see him everywhere. In the serious set of her brow. The warm concern in her eyes. The way she purses her lips when she’s being critical, which is always, just like her father. Her keen intellect. Her studiousness. She might not be Levi’s biological child, but she’s his daughter through and through. There’s absolutely no denying it.

“So, what’s the word, then?” I ask, changing the subject, and I take delight in the way her eyes brighten and her smile returns.

“Curmudgeon. Noun. A crusty, ill-tempered, and usually old man.”

I smirk and flick my eyes toward Levi. He raises an eyebrow in challenge.

“Don’t,” he warns, so I raise an eyebrow right back before I start to speak.

“Levi Cooper was known as throughout town as an unfriendly curmudgeon.”

He shakes his head as Brynn giggles.

“A plus, Sav!” I take a dramatic bow and then she claps her hands together. “Oh, I almost forgot! I learned a song. Want to hear?”

“Um, duh. Give me a second with your dad and Sharon, first. Take Zigalicious to the music room, and I’ll be there in a sec, okay?”

Brynn turns and sprints through the house, and Ziggy follows without any prompting.

My dog looks for any opportunity to replace me.

“You just couldn’t help yourself,” Levi says dryly.

I wink at him and shrug.

“It was a softball toss. I had to do it.”

As soon as I’m sure Brynn is out of earshot, I take Levi’s hand and step into his arms. He pulls me against his chest and presses a kiss to the top of my head. I don’t question it. I don’t hide it from Red or my mom. It would be pointless to try, anyway. Instead, I just relax into his embrace and breathe in his scent. I miss him more and more every time I leave.

“Any news?” I finally ask, and Sharon shakes her head.

“No. Nothing yet.”

We walk into the kitchen, and I take a seat at the island. Levi grabs me and Red glasses of water as he fills us in on the situation.

There is a warrant out for Terry’s arrest. Everyone is looking for him. He’ll probably go straight back to prison because he wasn’t supposed to have a gun. Not only that, but he discharged it with people present while shouting that he was going to kill my mom in front of a sidewalk full of paparazzi.

What a scum bag.

Good news is that this whole fucked-up mess has discredited the Larks significantly, and Levi was able to get a restraining order against Terry, William and Helen, and his own mother as a precaution. Plus, there are officers on the beach and patrol cars circling town, so this is probably the safest house in the state. Not that I think they’ll do anything. They’re not the type to do their dirty work themselves, hence the reason they tracked down a human parasite like Terry.

“Ironically, the idiots outside serve as extra security,” Levi says with a tired laugh. He puts his arms back around me and I sink into him. “They’ll get him, and this will be all over soon.”

I glance at my mom. She looks nervous. She looks exhausted. My heart twists. She worked so hard to get away from him and now he’s back. I don’t even know how I’d feel if I were in her shoes. If it was Oscar or Sean. Mr. Oglesby. Hell, if I were Terry’s target.

I’d be terrified and pissed and so fucking tired.

Without over thinking it, I reach across the counter and grab her hand, giving it a squeeze. She flinches but doesn’t pull away. I don’t know what to say. I don’t have the words. I just let the gesture speak for me and hope that the way I’m feeling right now is obvious.

It’s okay. You don’t deserve this. I’m here. I’m proud of you. It will be okay.

“Sav, c’mon!”

Brynn shouts from down the hall, and Levi’s chest rumbles behind me with a laugh. I stand from the stool and step out of his embrace. I turn and give him one last kiss on the lips.

“The Boss beckons,” I say with a grin, then I turn and head toward the music room.

Brynn and I mess around for a bit in the music room. She’s started teaching herself a Van Morrison song, and I’m really impressed by what she’s accomplished in the short time she’s been playing. She has me play “Blackbird” a few times while she stares at my fingers picking the strings, and then she drags me into the rec room down the hall for a movie night.

“Let’s get Ms. Sharon and she can watch with us. It can be a girls’ night,” Brynn says, hopping up from her oversized bean bag and disappearing before I can even respond.

Minutes later, Brynn’s back with Sharon and Levi in tow, then Ziggy barrels through their legs and cannonballs into Brynn’s beanbag chair. Brynn groans playfully and I roll my eyes. Menacing, mannerless, disaster of a dog.

Levi gives me a look that asks if I’m okay with this, a movie night with Brynn and Sharon, and when I glance at my mom, she’s hope wrapped in discomfort. She wants to be in here with me and Brynn, but she doesn’t want to upset me.

I think back to what Levi said. Brynn’s already lost so much, and my mother is important to her. My mother is a safe space for her, and with all the bullshit swirling around right now, she deserves every possible safe space.

I smile and nod at Levi, then turn my attention to my mom.

“What movie are we watching tonight, Ms. Sharon? Do you usually choose or does Boss?”

My mom’s jaw drops, and she blinks at me, a shocked smile turning up her lips. When she doesn’t answer right away, Brynn answers for her.

“We take turns, and it’s my turn but you can pick since you’re new here.”

I laugh, and when I glance at Levi, his smile makes my whole chest clench in the best possible way.

I rack my brain, but I don’t really know any kid movies. I didn’t exactly have the type of childhood that included fairy tale movie nights and family bonding. When I come up short, I smile at Brynn.

“How about you choose, and I’ll choose next time.”

“Okay!”

She wastes no time pulling up a movie, and Levi gives me a wink before leaving the room and shutting the door behind him.

I wake up in a beanbag chair to a quiet room.

There’s a screensaver floating on the television. I think I fell asleep in the middle of the third superhero movie.

I glance at the other beanbags. Ziggy abandoned me after the second movie, so she’s sleeping with Red in the primary bedroom.

At some point, Brynn ended up next to Sharon and they’re both fast asleep. My mom has her arm around Brynn and they’re sharing a fleece blanket that has little unicorns and rainbows on it. The sight brings as much joy as it does pain.

I can’t deny the jealousy I feel.

I never experienced the Sharon that Brynn gets to experience. But, oddly enough, I’m glad that Brynn gets her.

I push myself out of the beanbag chair and stifle a groan as I stretch. I can’t sleep here, and I don’t want to fight the pull that’s coming from the second floor.

On light feet, I tiptoe out of the rec room, down the hall, then up the stairs to Levi’s bedroom. When I step through the door, I find him stretched out on the bed with the comforter low on his hips. His sculpted chest is bare, and his handsome face is peaceful. I smile and cross the floor.

Slowly, I pull the blanket back and slip beneath it. I try my best not to wake him, but the minute the mattress dips under my weight, he turns in my direction. His arm wraps around my waist and he pulls me toward him, tucking me against his chest in one smooth motion.

“Took you long enough,” he mumbles into my hair.

I smile against his skin and inhale his scent, snuggling into him. I press my ear to his chest so I can hear the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

“Hey, Levi?” I press a kiss to his chest, and he hums.

“Yes, Savannah?”

“I love you.”

He doesn’t say anything, but his heart starts to race. I can feel it thrumming against his chest where my ear rests. His fingers tighten on my skin, and he presses a soft kiss to my head.

“Say it again.”

I sit up so I can look at his beautiful face.

“I love you,” I repeat.

He reaches up and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, then wraps his hand around my neck and rests his thumb on my lip. I feel his eyes on every inch of my face and he smiles.

“Are you real?”

I smirk and press a kiss to his thumb before answering.

“I’m real if you’re real. And this is real.”

Slowly, he sits up until we’re sitting face to face in his bed. The moonlight filters through the windows. The house is silent but for our soft breathing.

“How will it work?” he asks finally.

I shrug.

I open my mouth to tell him I can move here, but then I shut it. I wince and close my eyes. I wish I could. I just don’t know that I can.

And can I ask him to move to Los Angeles? To leave Brynn’s hometown, the business he owns, the house he built?

This house has Julianna in every room. It’s important to Brynn, but I think it would be suffocating for me.

I’m working on forgiving Julianna for doing what she did. I understand she didn’t think she had a choice. I know it was the best possible outcome for Brynnlee, but my heart still aches for Levi.

To think of what he went through in those early years. The betrayal he felt. The disappointment. I can’t help but wonder how things would have been different, but I have to shut that down. You could waste your whole life wondering what if.

“Be honest with me, Sav. What’s going on in your head?”

I purse my lips and fidget with the comforter. I avert my eyes, but he uses his fingers to gently tilt my chin up, making me look at him.

“We will make this work. We’ll figure it out. But you have to be honest with me.”

I take a deep breath.

“This house is beautiful. It’s absolutely gorgeous. But...”

“But it hurts,” he finishes, and I nod.

“It hurts.” I take his hand in mine. “I don’t know if it will always hurt. But for now, it does. And with everything changing with the label and the future of the band, I should be in Los Angeles with everyone else. But I can’t expect you to uproot Brynn. To abandon the life you’ve made here. Your company.”

We fall back in the silence with our hands clasped. I feel like crying, but I also feel hopeful. I know that no matter what, we’ll make it work. We’ll adapt. We’ll merge our lives into one.

It’s Levi who finally breaks the silence.

“You can ask me, you know. To move to California. To leave this life. You can ask. I can talk to Brynn and see what she says. Honestly, she might want to move. Or we can split time between here and L.A. I can handle the company remotely. I can sell it. I can share ownership with Dustin. There are so many options, and I’m only willing to consider the ones that keep us together.”

His words calm my nerves and warm my heart. I lift his hand and press a kiss to his palm. We’ll only consider the options that keep us together.

“We’ll figure it out.”

I smile. “Okay. We’ll figure it out.”