Wrong Side of the Tracks by Ashley Zakrzewski
ChapterFour
Once the sheriff drops me off at home, I don’t even know what to do with myself. Do I just go in and act like nothing happened? Go to work tomorrow like I didn’t just lose everything? I’m all alone now, and I have to go back to the quiet house. It’ll never be filled with laughter again.
I’m just standing outside, not wanting to go in, but Darcy is counting on me. Oh, Darcy. She’s not going to understand this. We always come home. This time Tina and Kennedy aren’t coming back with me. Another tear sheds. It’s not just me that this is going to shatter, it’s our furry friend too.
She knows I’m here, but she has no idea it’s just me.
“Hey, girl.”
I open the door, and inch inside, shutting the door behind me. She looks at the door and then back at me.
“I know, girl. You don’t understand, but they aren’t coming home.”
Saying the words out loud make them real. So many things are going to change and as her husband and Kennedy’s father, I have to plan a funeral. We never talked about her wishes, and honestly, I thought we had decades before we had to breach the subject. Now, I have to figure this all out. Not tonight.
I pick Darcy and put her in my lap, but she stares at the front door, tail in place. Normally, they would file in after me, but they don’t. Her head tilts and she stares back at me as if asking me where they are.
“There aren’t coming home, sweetie,” I say, as I pet her. “It’s just me and you from now on.”
It’s getting late, but just the thought of going into the bedroom and sleeping by myself makes me a wreck. Or walking past Kennedy’s princess themed room and knowing that I’ll never get to hear her laugh again.
So, I stay in the living room, turn on the television, and cuddle up with Darcy. We are going to need each other now more than ever. Our hearts are broken and for now, all we can do is grieve. One step at a time.
I don’t even think about calling my boss until around midnight, and I send him a text. It’s a small town so I’m sure he has heard the news, but it’s still the right thing to at least let him know I won’t be coming in. Hell, I’m not sure if I’m ever going to get off this couch.
All I want to do is rewind back to right before I walked in the house, and just go get the damn butter myself. The thought of not having Kennedy in this world, to let her light shine, it’s killing me inside. She was going to be an amazing woman with her drive, and there is no doubt that her love for animals would have become her profession one day.
I lay on the couch, but my eyes won’t stay shut. My mind just replays the day in my head. So many things I would have changed if I knew it was going to be my last day with both of them. I would have told Tina I loved her and hugged her too many times. I would have let Kennedy play longer and never let her go.
You just never know when it’s your last day with someone you love, and now more than I ever I understand what my mother told me before my father died.
“Just remember, when someone is gone, the good outweighs the bed. The memories you make will be the only thing left. So, spend all the time you can with them. Kiss and hug them like it’s your last day, every day.”
* * *
At some point my eyes closed, because the next thing I know it’s noon, and there is someone knocking on my door. When I first wake up, I forget about yesterday, and call for Tina, but she doesn’t come in and that’s when it sinks in.
They are both gone.
I rub my eyes and Darcy follows me to the door. She might think she is an attack dog, but she isn’t scary in the least bit.
The door opens slightly.
“Hey, Milo. I just wanted to bring over something for you to eat. When my husband told me… I can’t imagine what you are going through. There’s not much I can do, but a casserole will help keep you fed.”
The sheriff’s wife is at my door holding a casserole dish. I’m sure word has spread around town already and I’ll have more visitors before the day is over. With it being a small town, things spread like wildfire, and there are no secrets.
Everyone knows everyone’s business.
“Thanks, Rita. Very kind of you.”
I open the door to get the dish and she takes that as an invitation to come inside. Not that I’m really in the shape for company. I don’t want to talk to anyone. Although, I can’t imagine that’s good either.
“Listen, I don’t want to overstep, but here is a card of a therapist who you can talk to when you are ready,” she says, setting it on the table and exiting the house.
A therapist? Seriously?
I venture to the back of the house, and my eyes catch Kennedy’s princess room, and my body stops. My hands start to shake, and I can’t fathom how my life will be now. Everyone might be worried about me, but in good reason. I really want a drink but doesn’t seem right considering the circumstances of their death. No, I need to stay away from booze.
There is no energy no today, and my eyes are dry and swollen from crying most of the night. Why am I still alive? God should have taken me instead.
I go back to the living room, shutting Kennedy’s door because right now it’s too hard. Darcy is yapping at me, and she still isn’t quite sure where they are. She is back barking at the door.
My phone rings, and I rush to answer it. “Hello?”
“We need to talk about their arrangements. It’s hard to even think about, but we have to. I’m on my way over.”
Carol has lost many people in her life, and the only death I’ve experienced is my father’s. Everyone comes into this world with a ticking time clock, but they should have had more time.
I sit down on the couch, not wanting to clean up before she gets here, because right now I don’t care what the house looks like. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. The house is too quiet.
She walks right into the house and her eyes are red. I can’t forget that she is grieving too and she has no one else. Tina would want me to be there for Carol, and I must. She is going to be need someone.
“This shouldn’t even be something we are having to do right now, but death is a part of living. We need to plan their funeral, son.” She comes and sits beside me, placing her hand on my back. “I know it’s hard, but we have to do this.”
Planning a funeral is the last thing I want to do. Maybe this is all a bad dream and I’ll wake up.
“What do you need me to do?” I ask.
“I can take care of the arrangements. We can use the same church and funeral home that we used for her father. I’m going to take care of everything.”
Why do I feel so helpless? I’m a man and right now I feel like a helpless child. I have no sense of direction anymore. My life revolved around my family and now I’m alone.