Joker by Andi Rhodes

Chapter Twenty-Seven

^{I’m here. I’m alive. Joker is alive. That’s all that matters.}

Riley

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

I cringe and will the noise away. My eyes are shut. Consciousness is only beginning to creep in, and I wish it wouldn’t. I want to sleep a while longer, long enough to forget what happened.

Don’t head injuries usually make you forget? All those movies of trauma victims remembering nothing… How did I get so unlucky?

I groan.

“Black Bird?”

It’s Joker’s voice. Full of emotion, full of worry.

I slowly peel my eyes open to peer at white ceiling tiles. I’m in a hospital bed, and my body feels heavy, like it’s numb. It’s probably drugs. There’s an IV in my arm and my pulse is what’s causing the beeping on the monitor.

“Hey.” Joker appears in my vision. He braces himself above me, concern etched into his expression. “How’re you feeling?”

I chuckle but wince. Joker strokes the hair back from my face, and I force a smile.

“Better than I’d expect. The drugs must be working.”

“They’re giving you morphine for the pain.” Joker stands and takes a step toward the door. “I’ll get the nurse.”

“No!”

Joker pauses and looks at me over his shoulder.

“Not yet.”

He comes back and drags a chair closer to me. He sits and places a hand on the bed, just next to my bandaged right hand and wrist. Tears fill his eyes as he stares at my hand. I look at it, but I don’t feel the same sadness as he does.

I’m here. I’m alive. Joker is alive.

That’s all that matters.

“Riley, I’m so sorry. I can’t…” He clears his throat and looks me in the eye. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I never should’ve left you alon—”

“Stop.”

He closes his mouth and I shut my eyes for a moment. I haven’t quite gained my bearings yet, but I’m becoming more alert by the minute.

I love you.

I open my eyes and gaze at the most important person in my life, the one I want to spend the rest of my days with.

“You saved me.”

“I put you in danger.”

“You saved me.”

Joker doesn’t argue again, but I can see in his eyes that he doesn’t agree with me.

I sigh. “When I drove to Oregon, I thought I was running away from a stalker, but Leah was with me the whole time. She had pictures of me in hotel rooms. She had pictures of me with you. She had so many opportunities to kill me, and if you hadn’t come into my life, she would have.”

Joker opens his mouth, but I speak before he has the chance to.

“Tonight, or, last night, I would have died if you hadn’t shown up. You saved my life. Being with you saved my life. In more ways than the physical.”

Joker arches a brow.

“Before you, I spent my life following in my father’s footsteps. He was an honorable man with an honorable life, and I can’t ever regret the passion he gave me for fighting.”

Joker glances at my broken hand, his thoughts echoing what we both already know.

“But you showed me there was more to me than boxing. You showed me a life with a family I’m envious of and a life I never knew existed. And I want it.” My eyes fill with tears and one spills onto my cheek. “I want it so badly. I wish I would’ve told you this before, but I’m telling you now. I lo—”

“Stop.”

My mouth stays open, and my heart stops for a moment. The monitor proves it with its skipped beep.

Joker leans on the bed and grabs my good hand. He squeezes it. “I want to say it first.”

I let out a breath and suck in another.

“I love you, Riley. I love you more than I ever thought possible. When I found out you were taken, I…” He swallows and takes a breath. “I thought I’d fucking die. I can’t live without you. I wouldn’t want to. And that family you’re envious of?” His lips pull into a grin. “They love you too. They’re your family as much as they’re mine.”

I smile and shed happy tears. “So does this mean you do want to live together?”

Joker laughs. “Black Bird, Damian is already having your shit packed up and sent here.”

My eyes go wide. “Damian.” I try to sit up and Joker presses a hand to my chest to lower me.

“He’s fine. He’s anxious to see you. Everyone is.” Joker glances at my hand again and stands. “The doctor needs to see you first.”

“I don’t need a doctor to tell me the bad news.”

That has Joker pausing. He looks down at me with pity in his eyes and I’d smack it away if I weren’t in this bed.

“My hand is still attached, so at least it looks like there was some hope of saving it.”

Joker nods. “They performed surgery on it shortly after you got here. You shattered three of your knuckles and broke ten other bones. It’ll take a while to heal, but the doc is optimistic you’ll have full function in it again. There’s nerve damage and you’ll have a hell of a time with the metal screws in the winter, but you’ll be able to do routine everyday things. But, Riley…” His head lowers.

“I won’t be able to box.”

He nods and I close my eyes. I knew as much, and yet hearing the words spoken still hurts.

But it’ll be okay. I’m building a new life, a new me. In a way, I’ve already chosen it over boxing.

And I would do it again.

“Will I be able to hold on to your waist on the back of the Harley?,” I ask.

I open my eyes to see Joker looking at me with confusion in his eyes. He nods.

I smile. “Then I’ll be okay.”

He sighs in relief and puts his hand on my knee. He squeezes before taking off toward the door. “I’m going to get the doctor.”

“Joker?” I call before he can open the door to the room.

He turns and raises a brow.

“I love you.”

His lips pull into a smile. Happy. Genuine. It’s beautiful enough, I try to imbed it into my memory while shoveling the last twenty-four hours of my memory out.

Joker gets the doctor, and he goes over everything with me that I already know. I’ve got a broken nose, a badly bruised face, a concussion, and a mangled hand.

I’m okay.

Joker’s okay.

Everyone is okay.

Well, almost everyone.

The doctor leaves and I frown as Joker tells me about Cheryl. I can’t say I’m sorry she’s dead. She was a virus to her son and one he’s finally healing from. But I’m sorry for the pain Joker has been put through.

“Are you going to have her cremated?” I ask when he’s finished.

He shrugs. “I figured I’d leave it up to the coroner's office. So yeah, that’s probably what they’ll do.”

“Could you get her ashes?”

He narrows his eyes. “Probably… why?”

“Get them.” I smile and run my fingers over his palm. “You already have the perfect place to spread them.”

Recognition flickers in his eyes. “The cliff.”

I nod. “Maybe it’ll bring some closure.”

Joker takes a solemn breath and brings my hand to his lips. He kisses each of my knuckles. “This is why I love you.” He looks at me and slowly lowers my hand. “I’ll only do it on one condition though.”

“What’s that?”

“You go with me.”

I smile and nod. “Okay. I can do that.”

The door opens and both of our heads snap that way. Charlie and Widow are the first through, followed by Fender, Greaser, Curly, Squirrel, Damian, Trainwreck, and Piston. There’s no way this many people are allowed in here.

Charlie comes to my bedside without a word and hugs me. Tears are in her eyes. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“Me too,” I say with amusement to lighten the mood.

The room is cramped with everyone, and they shuffle through like they’re making their way through a packed nightclub. By the time they’re all done telling me they’re happy I’m alive, my headache returns and exhaustion begins to settle in for the night.

Joker notices.

“I think that’s enough for today,” he tells Fender. “Tell the others they’ll see her tomorrow. Riley’s doc says she’ll be discharged in the morning if there are no complications.”

“Others?” I ask.

Fender turns to me and smiles. “The rest of the club is downstairs and spilling out into the parking lot.” He chuckles. “The staff is pissed.”

I laugh and wish I could cry at the same time.

“Welcome to the family, Riley.” He places a hand on my arm and then ushers the others out, them saying goodbye as they’re practically shooed from the room.

“See?” Joker says, white teeth gleaming at me. “Told you you’re family.”

I rest my head on the pillow and smile.

I fucking hate hospitals and my headache is killing me. I lost everything I had with no hope of getting it back. In a way, I even lost my identity.

And yet, I’m still exactly where I want to be.

Joker plants a kiss to my forehead and pulls the covers up to my shoulders. “Get some sleep, Black Bird. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Promise?” I ask.

I open my eyes enough to meet Joker’s. There’s a seriousness swirling in them that lets me know he means what he’s about to say.

“I promise. Then and every morning you wake up for the rest of your life. I’ll be here.”

I close my eyes and allow myself to give in to the exhaustion. Before I fall asleep, I push the words out one more time.

“I love you.”