A Deal with the Bossy Devil by Kyra Parsi
18
Jamie
Ariana Francesca Sanchez.
Are you fucking kidding me with this note?
“Brb like 666 days (rough estimation). Satan’s dragging me down to hell. Sorry forgot to mention last night. xx R”
First of all, “xx R” sounds porny and you know it. Second of all, it’s been 48 hours and I’ve received 0 calls, 0 texts, 0 explanation.
And wdym “forgot to mention?” We drunk watched 2 Bridget Jones movies together that night! LITERALLY NOTHING HAPPENS IN THEM. THEY JUST BABBLE BRITISHLY AT EACH OTHER FOR 90 MINUTES. YOU HAD PLENTY OF TIME .!!
And is that why you pulled out your suitcase in the middle of the second movie and started shoving those jumbo tampon boxes into it? Because I know you like to anger organize sometimes and I definitely thought that’s what that was
We got those tampons to share, btw
HELLO???
ARE YOU DEAD
No I wish. Tied up brb
What like literally or figuratively
Both
Idk what that means. How sexy are we talking?
-100/10
Are you with Adrien?
No. I’m with his mom and sister. Currently trying on a dress with way too many straps. I’m stuck
…
?????
Same.
Can you call me?
Give me 5 mins gotta untangle and excuse myself to the washroom
* * *
Jamie pickedup on the first ring. “I’m so fucking mad at you, it’s not even funny.”
“In my defense, your future husband is a loose-marbled lunatic.”
“Where are you right now?” she asked, lowering her voice to match my whisper.
“Victoria, BC,” I answered, reaching for a small leather stool tucked under the vanity. This was hands down the nicest mall bathroom I’d ever been in. “More specifically, I’m at a private department store with Adrien’s mom and sister. Did you know those were a thing? Because I didn’t.”
“What are you talking about? Why are you in BC?”
“Why are you whispering?”
“Why are you whispering?”
“Because there’s a bathroom attendant outside and I don’t want them to overhear,” I said quietly.
“Oh. Okay.” Her voice went back to normal. “Can you start from the beginning, please? I’m really confused and somewhat concerned.”
I sighed, sneaking a glance at the door. “You’re absolutely not going to believe any of this.”
There was a rustling of thick plastic on the other end, followed by a little yowl. Feed me, human, Toebeans was demanding.
“Adrien didn’t kidnap you or anything, did he?” Jamie asked.
“Technically, no. I got on the plane willingly. Although I probably wouldn’t have if I’d known why he wanted to drag me over here.”
The familiar clinks and clanks of cat food hitting metal filled my ear as I talked, and I could imagine Jamie taking a seat at the kitchen table beside Toebeans. He liked it when we watched him eat. The internet said it was a vulnerability thing. He trusted us to watch his back while he was busy munching.
I already missed the slutty little fiend.
“And what’s his reason? Why are you there?” she asked.
“He wants me to pretend to be his fiancée in front of his family.”
Silence.
And then, “What?”
“He wants me to pretend to be his fiancée in front of his family.”
“Are you fucking with me?”
“No.”
“Is he fucking with you?”
I thought about it. “Probably.”
“Wait. Do you… is there a ring and everything?”
“Yes, and it’s the size of Maguire’s biggest toe bean. Same shape, too.”
“I don’t get it. Why does he need you to pretend to be his fiancée?”
I worried the inside of my cheek. “He says it’s to get out of all the blind dates his mom’s been setting him up on.”
Jamie waited for a few seconds before nudging me forward. “You don’t sound like you believe him.”
“I don’t,” I admitted. “You know when you’ve got… like a gut feeling that you’re being lied to?”
She hummed.
“But I’m not sure if he’s actually lying or if he’s just omitting information. Also, there was a little incident last night with his sister and she’s… I swear she’s avoiding eye contact with me today. At first, I thought she knew about the Halloween incident, but I’m starting to doubt it. She’s not acting angry, just awkward. It’s weird.”
“And you’re at a department store with her now?”
“Yeah. Drunk packing for this trip was a terrible idea. If you’re missing a remote for anything in the apartment, I have it.”
Jamie chortled quietly as I double-checked the time. I’d be okay for a few more minutes but anything beyond that might prompt someone to check on me.
“Anyway. I needed to go shopping for necessities and made the mistake of mentioning it over breakfast. His mom immediately insisted on turning it into a girl’s day and wouldn’t take no for an answer. It’s supposed to be a bonding thing. I’ve never been so stressed out in my life.”
“This is so fucking weird,” Jamie said.
“I know. And instead of going to the mall, his mom dragged me to this… it’s like a private, invitation-only department store. It’s suffocatingly fancy, none of the tags have any prices on them, the personal shopper I’ve been assigned keeps following me around like he’s imprinted on me, and Julie’s been insisting on covering the whole shopping trip because she’s ‘more than happy to spoil her new daughter-in-law.’ I’m going to die of a guilt-induced heart attack.”
“Julie’s the mom?”
“Yeah, Alice is the sister. Oh, and we have spa appointments lined up after this. Massages, facials, nails, hair. And every time I try to say no, Julie acts like I’ve stabbed her in the heart. Is this what it’s like to have a mom? My back’s been sweating nonstop for two hours. I hate it here. There’s too much guilt.”
The most annoying part? I still didn’t have Adrien’s stupid number, so I couldn’t text him about how out of hand this whole thing had gotten. Julie had already sent her driver home to drop off the first massive batch of bags we’d collected.
Because the car was already full… mostly with stuff she’d bought for me.
I felt like throwing up.
“Okay, uh, wow. Anything I can do?”
“Can you tell me how to get out of here unscathed?” I pleaded desperately.
“No… this one’s tough. She obviously really wants to bond with you. I’d maybe keep the tags on all the clothes and have Adrien return them after… I don’t know, I’m assuming there’s an expiry date on this fake engagement thing?”
Okay. Yes. Yes. I’d just keep all the tags on! Problem solved! (Kind of. Not really. But it was better than nothing.)
I opened my mouth to praise Jamie’s brilliance but was interrupted by a soft knock on the door.
“Ria? You’ve been in there for a long time. Is everything okay?”
I tensed at the sound of Julie’s voice, my insides twisting. Shit. “Yes, sorry! Be out in just a second!” I called before lowering my voice again. “Jamie, I gotta go. I’ll call you later.”
“Was that her?”
“Yeah, I gotta go.”
“Promise me you’ll actually call me later.”
“Promise.”
I hung up and took three deep breaths before stepping back out to the private suite. I plastered a smile onto my face and sat down next to Alice on the couch, snatching a champagne flute off the table as Luke—my personal shopper—dragged yet another rack of dresses into the room for me to try on.
Maybe the bubbles would help drown out the guilt.