A Deal with the Bossy Devil by Kyra Parsi

37

For the secondtime in the span of two months, I managed to sneak up to Adrien Cloutier’s office without a single person trying to stop me. Even though I’d stomped into the building looking more than a little unhinged.

Adrien started when I barged in, his head snapping away from his monitor when his door hit the wall. His eyes flared when they landed on me, and he shot to his feet. “Ria? You’re here. Hey. Wh—uh’re you here?”

Was he having a stroke?

“I’ve been trying to reach you about your jet’s extended warranty,” I responded sweetly before slamming the blue folder onto his desk. “Why do you think?”

He cleared his throat, hands fumbling with the hem of his pants before settling awkwardly on his hips. “Funny.”

He had the audacity to sound like he meant it, too.

“What the fuck is this?” I pointed an accusatory finger at the folder.

He shrugged. “You’re the one that stormed in here with it.”

“I told you to leave me alone.”

Something unpleasant—almost regretful—flitted across his face. “Which is exactly what I did.”

“This is you leaving me alone? Recruiting my sister to trick and goad me into this Kanun firm nonsense is you leaving me alone, Adrien?”

His lips pressed into a thin line. “In my defense, she wasn’t supposed to tell you I was behind it. The school and job stuff was all supposed to be presented as her own idea.”

Like I’d have ever believed that. Like this whole thing didn’t reek of him.

His gaze flicked down my body as I stood there and glared daggers at him, seething.

“You look nice,” he said. Soft color was starting to bloom over the tips of his ears, cheeks.

That was Jamie’s fault, not mine. The coat of mascara had turned into winged liner, then blush and concealer and lip tint. And don’t even get me started on the clothes. She’d practically wrestled me into the pushup bra.

She and I needed to re-establish some of our boundaries.

“I thought I’d at least try to look nice for when they take my mugshot later,” I replied dryly.

The corners of his mouth tipped. “Mission accomplished, then. I like the dark thing you did with your eyes.”

I snapped my fingers before pointing one at him. “None of that,” I said.

“I’m just saying, they’re mesmerizing.” His shoulders relaxed a touch as he slipped his hands into the pockets of his slacks. “More so than usual, I mean.”

I’d never forgive my heart for the way it reacted to his words. To the way it hummed and hammered and sent a rush of warmth to my face as Adrien gazed into my soul.

“It’s really nice to see you,” he said.

I’d never forgive my brain for immediately thinking, Same. It’s really nice to see you, too.

I steeled my spine. Retightened my fists.

“I’m not a charity case, Adrien. You had no right to do all this behind my back.” But even as I said the words, I knew I was grasping at straws. Which was probably why they didn’t hold any of the venom I wanted them to.

“Is that a joke? You think this is charity?” He paused for a few seconds, dark eyes bouncing between mine. “It’s not charity, Sanchez. It’s fucking karma. Two members of my family stole something important from you, and all I’m trying to do now is give a sliver of it back. But you’re so stubborn and I’ve… been such an asshole over the last few weeks that I knew you’d never accept it if it came directly from me. Hence the elaborate scheme. I know I’ve been terrible to you, I just… wanted to make things right.”

He stopped again to study me and give me a chance to speak. When I remained silent, he said, “If it’s not something you still want, then that’s okay. You don’t need a college education or a law degree, Ria. You’re fucking perfect and worthy just the way you are, and I really need you to know that. But it’s yours if it’s something that you still want. And if you decide to give it a try but change your mind halfway through, it won’t matter. I already talked to Sunny. If you don’t finish, he’ll send me the bill.”

And I’d never forgive myself for getting emotional over what he was saying. For my chest squeezing the painful way it did.

I tried to resummon my anger; demanded that it come back.

“I didn’t ask you to make things right. I asked you to leave me alone,” I said. “You’re not my friend, you’re not my boyfriend, you’re just some guy I fucked. You have no right to meddle in my personal life like this.”

I regretted it as soon as the words sniped out of my mouth, but by then it was too late. I was looking right into his eyes when I said it. I saw how deep they cut.

He nodded, the corners of his mouth tipping down as his blinking slowed, became incomplete. He averted his gaze. “Just some guy you fucked,” he repeated. “That’s…”

He stopped, chin dipping in another nod, like he was finally coming to terms with something he’d been in deep denial about.

“Has it occurred to you even once over the last couple of weeks that I’m an actual human being, Ria? With real feelings and all the other bullshit that comes with it?”

My throat swelled so thick that even if I did have anything else to say, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get the words out.

After what felt like an eternity, Adrien fingered the edge of the blue folder and pushed it to the side. “Okay,” he said. “Point taken. I won’t interfere anymore. Sorry.”

He could have left if there. Told me to get the fuck out of his office, the building, his life. Called security.

Instead, he decided to return the blow.

“You weren’t,” he said, his glassy gaze finding mine again. “Just so we’re also clear as to where I stand, you weren’t just some girl I fucked. I may not be your friend, and I may not be your boyfriend, but that’s only because you don’t want those things with me. Not because I don’t want them with you. It wasn’t just sex for me. I have… very real feelings for you, Ria. If it were up to me, we… things would be very different between us. But at least now there’s no confusion as to where we both stand.”

My breathing had grown increasingly shallow, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t come up with a single thing to say back. So, I just stood there and stared.

Adrien observed me for a few moments, gaze swimming over my features like he was trying to memorize them. Or maybe I was projecting.

His throat worked, and the right corner of his extremely un-mediocre mouth tilted, revealing a single dimple. But his eyes were filled with so much regret that it just made him look more sad.

“You’re staring again, Sanchez,” he whispered.

It was the crack in his stupid, thick voice that did it. I was holding it together just fine until then. But the moment he said those words, in that tone, at that volume, my soul cracked in half, and my lower lip wobbled.

Adrien’s sad little smirk died on the spot, his whole upper body tightening.

Shit. Shitshitshitshitshitshit. Get it the fuck together.

“Sanchez.”

“I’m gonna, um…” Go. The word I was trying to say was go. But then I realized that once I turned around and walked out of here, I’d never see him again, and holy shit. It hit me hard enough to steal my breath.

I’d never hear his voice again.

We’d never have another chance to bicker and banter with each other ever again. Ever.

This was it.

Adrien stood frozen on the spot, looking shellshocked. “What did I say?” he asked somewhat helplessly as my lip continued to wiggle uncontrollably.

I must have looked ridiculous to him. I felt ridiculous.

I tried to swallow back the frog lodged in the back of my throat, but it didn’t want to go anywhere. Not when my brain kept reminding it that this was the last time Adrien Cloutier would frustrate the ever-loving shit out of me.

The one time I’d needed him to know I was lying, and to call me out on it, he’d believed me instead.

I bit down punishingly on my stupid, ridiculous bottom lip as I glared at him, my deepening frown pushing out the tears welling up in my eyes.

He rounded his desk, looking increasingly distraught with every passing second. The nerve of this man.

His hands jutted forward like he was reaching for me, but then he seemed to think better of it. “I know it’s my fault, but can you just tell me what I did? Because I honestly have no idea this time,” he said.

I swiped at my cheeks, expecting my hand to come back with messy evidence of my streaking mascara, but there was none. Freaking Jamie. She’d known.

“Ria, just tell me wh—”

“Just some guy?” I asked, glaring right into his infuriatingly gorgeous eyes. “Just some guy, Adrien? Of all the lies I’ve told you, that’s the one you decide not to catch? That’s the one you let me get away with? I’m pretty sure you could see my nostril flare from the fucking moon when I said it!”

I pointed a livid finger at said moon, which was fully visible through his floor-to-ceiling windows.

Adrien’s lips peeled apart slowly, his eyes bouncing between mine.

“You are, without an iota of doubt, the mostinfuriating human being on the fucking planet, Adrien. You’ve driven me absolutely insane, you know that? Like really, truly batshit. All the signs are there.”

The tightness in his features began to ease as realization set in, a knowing smile tugging at his willing mouth. Two dimples. Uneven and lopsided as all hell.

“Oh, it’s funny to you, is it?” I asked, squaring my shoulders as he stepped closer, closer, closer. I didn’t even realize I’d moved until my back hit the wall, the tips of our shoes kissing. “You’ve got me all irritable and agitated. I’m a mess of mood swings. I can’t think clearly or about anything that isn’t directly related to you. I can’t even close my eyes for five fucking minutes without hallucinating images of your dimples. And no, they’re not dreams. I’ve had dreams, and those guys aren’t nearly as vivid.”

Adrien brushed a strand of hair away from my face with a delicate swipe of his fingers.

“That sounds… inconvenient,” he mused, sounding positively delighted by my suffering.

“It’s horrible,” I corrected him. “And the hallucinations don’t stop there, either.”

“Oh?”

“Colors, Adrien. All of them,” I tried explaining. “Like their vividness, you know?”

To my genuine surprise, he said, “I do.”

“And food tastes different. But it’s not the actual food, it’s me. I mean it’s your fault, but it’s me.”

He cupped my cheek, tilting my face up as he scanned my features. “But you’ve been eating though, right?” he asked as his thumb traced the dip under my cheekbone.

It wasn’t a relevant question, so I moved on. “Those are all signs of losing one’s mind, according to the internet. All of them.”

Adrien’s brows furrowed, the amusement leaving his face. His cheek was healed completely, but that mark on his left brow was probably going to scar.

I hoped Josh’s whole face would scar.

“Have you not been eating, Ria?”

I shifted on my feet. “Define eating.”

“What did you have for dinner?” he asked.

“Alba brought Indian takeout with her when she came to spill the beans.”

He cocked his head. “Did you actually have any before storming out?”

“I had some naan.”

“Breakfast? Lunch?”

“I woke up late,” I said.

His jaw ticked. “And I drive you insane. I’m the infuriating one.”

“Yes,” I agreed. Finally! We were on the same page about something.

His hair tickled my cheek when he hung his head, sighing like I’d put the weight of the world on his chest. “All right, let’s go.”

“Where?” I asked as he threaded our fingers together and began guiding me out of his office. “I’m not done yelling at you about your involvement in my deteriorating levels of sanity.”

“You can yell at me in the car while I force-feed you fries.”

“Oh,” I said. And then, “All right.”

It wasn’t the worst idea he’d ever had.

* * *

I yelled at Adrien in his car as he force-fed me the fries I’d been promised, with a side of steak tartare, and the most incredible roasted scallops I’d ever had. I yelled at him some more when we got to the top of that one hill with the breathtaking view of the city, where he wouldn’t let go of my hand no matter how much I didn’t complain.

Until, eventually, I didn’t have anything more to yell at him about. No matter how hard I tried to think up new excuses.

Which meant the night was over, and I needed to get out of his car. Now.

We’d been sitting in front of my apartment building for sixteen silent minutes, watching the dashboard clock tick its way past midnight. Adrien was still holding my hand, his thumb still brushing gentle strokes over my skin. But his grip was kept just loose enough for me to slide out of it without resistance. He made no indication that he wanted me out of his car, but he’d unlocked the doors as soon as we’d parked.

The ball was in my court, but I was too scared to do what I wanted with it.

“I should go now,” I eventually muttered, making zero moves to follow through with the declaration.

“If that’s what you want,” Adrien responded.

I chewed my bottom lip. “What do you want?” I tried.

He caught my gaze. “To spend more time with you. A chance to make things right, earn your forgiveness, your trust.”

Just like that. He said it so easily, no hesitation, no fear. He just… told me exactly what he wanted.

I glanced down at our joint hands. “Are you going to leave me alone after this?”

Translation: If I walk away, is this the last time I’m ever going to see you?

He considered me for a long moment. Then he said, “You’ve told me that’s what you want. I have to start respecting boundaries at some point.”

My heart sank.

Tell him that’s not what you really want. Say it! He just needs to hear it once.

“Okay,” I muttered instead.

Silence.

He let go of my hand.

Remember how Robert said to not be an idiot? Because you’re being an idiot.

“I’ll be here if you change your mind,” Adrien said, eyes moving back to the road in front of him.

I slipped out of his car without another word, hurried into the building, and ran up the stairs with my fists swinging stiffly at my sides, refusing to turn back around.

This was fine. In fact, it was for the best.

Is it? You keep thinking it’s for the best, but why? What’s the reason?

I ignored the voice of doubt and focused on keeping as quiet as possible when I entered the dark apartment. It was a worknight, so Jamie was already asleep, and I didn’t want to—

No. Answer me, Ria. Why is not being with him for the best?

My lips rolled as I tore my clothes off and fumbled into a baggy sleep tee and sweat shorts.

Is it because you know he’ll make you happy? And you don’t think you deserve it?

I scrunched my hair into a floppy bun on my way to the bathroom.

Is it because everything Alba said is true?

Cold water splashed against my face, neck. I scrubbed.

You think you deserve to suffer for the rest of your life because of what happened to Dad, so you’re just going to keep punishing yourself for it?

You don’t pursue your passions because you don’t think you deserve happiness.

You hold yourself back because you don’t think you deserve success.

You don’t date because you don’t think you’re worthy of love.

I shoved a toothbrush into my mouth, squeezing my eyes shut as I willed the voice in my head to shut up.

And how do you think Dad would feel if he knew? That you blamed yourself. That you didn’t think you deserved love and happiness?

I spat.

You’d be breaking his heart. He’d be devastated, Ria.

I crawled into bed, shut my stinging eyes as tightly as I possibly could… and immediately reopened them, frowning. Something crinkled when my cheek hit the pillow, and again when I lifted my head.

I sat up, brought the pillow to my lap, and carefully reached under the freshly laundered case to pull out… the photobooth strips. Picture after picture of Adrien in his ridiculous blue alien getup, arms snaked around me as I play fought against his incoming kisses.

There was a folded sticky note attached to the back of one of the strips, and my gut tugged when I snapped the bedside lamp on and peeled it open.

I wish you could see these pictures through my eyes.

It’s so obvious.

Please don’t be an idiot.

My heart squeezed with starved pangs as I stared down at the two strips, running my fingers along their edges the same way I had a thousand times over the last ten days. I had every detail of every frame memorized down to each tiny blue smudge on Adrien’s white shirt. So how was it that my pulse kept skipping like I was looking at them for the first time? As if there was something new in them that I was experiencing?

It’s so obvious.

Please don’t be an idiot.

Robert had said the same thing at the airport, and I was starting to think that maybe it wasn’t a coincidence. Maybe they were able to see something with an outsider’s clarity that I wasn’t privy to.

I reached for my phone, navigated to my blocked numbers list with unsteady fingers, and removed the most recent number. It took another fourteen minutes for me to gather the courage to take a picture of the strips, and another three to press Send. But I finally did it.

My stomach flipped when the outgoing message status switched from Delivered to Read almost right away, and I held my breath, counting each excruciatingly long second until a blue heart emoji popped up on the screen. I exhaled, a rush of giddy relief making my heart tremble as I smiled down at the blue heart.

Then came the picture. Adrien’s copies of the photobooth prints, bent at their white middle break to accommodate the fold of his wallet.

My grin widened as I tried to come up with something witty to type back. But then I noticed the gear stick in the corner, right beside his leg.

I blinked, checking the time. He’d dropped me off like forty minutes ago, which meant he should have been home by now. Unless he was stuck in some sort of weird midnight traffic jam? It wasn’t likely, but why else would he still be in his car—

“I’ll be here if you change your mind.”

My mouth popped open.

No way…

I scrambled to my window, hurled it open, but couldn’t bend out far enough to see around the corner without risking a three-story fall to a broken neck.

There was no way he was still here, and it was very on-brand for my recent descent into madness to read that much into what he’d said. But still… it wouldn’t hurt to check. Just to make extra extra sure that he wasn’t waiting out on the street for me like one of those cheesy (but amazing) 90’s romcom dudes.

I quietly snuck back downstairs, threw the building door open, and sure enough, just as I’d predicted—

…

Holy shit, Adrien Cloutier was waiting out on the street for me like one of those cheesy (but amazing) 90’s romcom dudes. But so much better. Because it was Adrien.

He was standing outside his car now, leaned against the passenger side door, staring expectantly at his phone as his other hand fumbled nervously with his belt.

Until he heard me burst out of the building.

I couldn’t tell which one of us was more surprised to see the other, but the initial shock lasted for about two clumsy heartbeats, and then we were both moving, mouths grinning, hands reaching.

“Knew it,” he breathed a second before my arms looped around his neck, my lips crushed against his, and I stopped being an idiot.

Finally.

Finally.