Holly versus Mr. Ivy by Amanda P. Jones
Chapter 28
Rhett
and suddenly Holly and I were alone in the booth at the restaurant.
After the chaos of the festival, it was like being at a rock concert and then stepping into a spa. The instrumental music playing was soft rather than loud. The temperature was pleasant, instead of freezing. The smell of garlic and tomato was rich, instead of sweet cinnamon roasted nuts. As much as I enjoyed this atmosphere, I was annoyed the Lampton Christmas festival hadn’t panned out.
It was December. We should be outside freezing our butts off with hot chocolate in our hands, watching kids dart around their parents, asking for every item they saw.
Resigned, I returned my focus on the person who mattered more than the setting. “Before caregiver Holly became a thing, what did you used to do besides read?”
She turned her head to the side to look at me. “Leave my books out of this,” she warned. I held my hands out in an innocent plea. “I’m just trying to get to know you better.”
Holly’s smile looked a little sad. “I hung out with my friends. Because of our mismatched work schedules, we’d usually only get together on Saturday mornings, but we’d shop, see movies, go out to eat, or head to the beach in the summer. But they stopped asking me to go out with them when I kept saying no to take care of my mom.”
But if we were out right now, why couldn’t Holly do that with her friends? “Because it became too much or you felt guilty you were out having fun while your mom was home sick?”
“Both, actually.”
“I get it. I just hope you can find a balance. You deserve a break before you get burned out.”
“I know.”
“Tell me about your exes.” Who had broken Holly’s heart in the past? Why had they let this amazing woman go? “Do you have a type? Did you leave them?”
She looked out the window. “My last serious relationship was in college ten years ago. I had a professor who took advantage of my mental state right after my break-up and molested me. It was really hard to learn to trust men after that.”
What?I clenched my fist. Someone assaulted Holly? What is wrong with some people? I draped an arm across her shoulders, squeezing her to my side. “I am so sorry you went through that. I’m disgusted beyond belief anyone would ever do that, but especially to you.”
Holly rubbed her nose with the back of her hand. “It was really hard to keep going to his class afterwards. That incident is a big reason why I didn’t date for years. Plus, my work schedule always makes it hard to go out or do the long-term thing. Before mom got sick, I tried, but nothing really went past a handful of dates. What about you? How many broken hearts have you left in your wake?”
My brows raised. “Why do you assume I’m the one who has broken off relationships and not the other way around?”
Holly whipped her gaze to mine, her jaw parted. “Are you seriously telling me someone broke up with you?”
Her shock was amusing. The pain from Lexi leaving me had faded. And I was in a place now where I was grateful she had left me. But her reason for breaking up with me would always haunt me. It was also why I still hadn’t told Holly about what happened the night she’d driven me home. She’d taken care of me, but that had been just one incident. What about when my depression lasted days, weeks, months?“Believe it or not, yes, my last relationship ended because she broke up with me.”
“Why?” Holly asked, incredulous.
I rubbed the side of my neck, scared to tell Holly. But if I didn’t, our relationship wouldn’t be based on the truth. Holly deserved to know exactly what she was getting by dating me. I stared at the tabletop. “The night you took me home after my uncle came to the restaurant…I had an anxiety attack that triggered my depression.”
I rubbed my water glass between my hands. “I suffer from both. Anxiety and depression.
The first time it got bad was back in high school. My parents got me on medication and made me see a counselor. Since then, I’ve managed it, for the most part. But last summer and into the fall, I couldn’t seem to do the things I needed to in order to stay on top of my symptoms.”
The emptiness and feelings of worthlessness tugged at my consciousness. “I barely managed to go to work each day and put on my usual happy smile everyone expected of me. My girlfriend at the time, Lexi, got tired of me pushing off our dates. She loved going out and didn’t understand why I couldn’t force myself to take her out. Instead of trying to help me or support me, she dumped me.” And left a permanent scar on my heart. I can’t be with someone who isn’t mentally stable. Someone who isn’t whole. Goodbye, Rhett.
“I still have really bad days,” I continued. “With Jack’s heartbreaking loss, the stress of trying to reach our goal at the restaurant, my family arguing, and everything else, it’s been difficult lately. I never meant for you to have to take me home, but I was so overwhelmed with thoughts of doubt, of not being good enough, wondering why I even cared about anything when no one cared about me, that the act of getting myself home froze me.”
I rubbed my forehead. “There’s this black cloud that blankets my brain like fog. It’s hard to see through it and find the truth versus the lies my brain wants me to believe. Instead, I go numb and do everything I can to stay that way because it dulls the pain and roaring misbeliefs in my mind.” I stared at the ice floating in my glass. “Anyway, if you decide my mental health is too much to take on and you don’t want to date me, I’ll understand. It’s a lot to handle.”
I didn’t dare look at Holly to see what expression she wore. If she pitied me, I couldn’t take it.
“Rhett.” Holly’s tone, full of compassion, made me raise my gaze to her.
Her features were soft, caring. “I’m sorry Lexi left you when you needed her. That you didn’t have someone to rely on during your darkest moment. The mistake was hers. And a huge one, at that. Everyone, to some degree, struggles with mental health. Just because you have that illness, it doesn’t mean that’s who you are.” Holly’s smile was teasing, bordering on flirty. “But I have to say, I’m glad she broke up with you, because now you’re mine.”
My pulse skyrocketed like NASA had shot a space shuttle into my heart and through my arteries. Here we were on our first date, and Holly was claiming me? This should terrify me. Send me into a panic attack.
But it didn’t.
It made me smile like I’d won a game-winning touchdown.
“Yours, huh?” I asked, wanting to be sure Holly truly was ready to make a declaration like that so soon.
She leaned toward me, her eyes locked on mine, making sure I felt the words she spoke next. “I don’t do things halfway, Everett Ivy. If I’m risking my job, my very livelihood for you, you’d better believe I’m all in. Are you?”
Her saying my full name sent a ripple of pleasure through my core. This declaration should feel too soon or make me question Holly’s sanity a little bit. But the woman across from me, the one I’d gotten to know over the past two and a half months, evoked nothing but pure joy from me. That she still wanted me after I’d told her my biggest struggle made me fall for her even more. It was too soon for love, but one small nudge would get me planting my flag and claiming land in the “I love Holly” zone. “I’m all in, sweetheart.” And I meant it. I would do everything to protect Holly. To keep her from losing her job, to push her to be the best version of herself. To love her, grumpy side and all.
Pulling into Holly’s driveway, my heart raced like we’d been chased by cops. The rest of our meal, we spoke about places we wanted to travel in our lives, what college was like, favorite vacations we’d been on, and local spots we loved. Being with Holly was easy. She got riled up quickly, and I loved teasing her.
“This part feels weird since we’re going to see each other at work in an hour,” Holly said.
I quirked a brow, my lips pulling up into a smirk. “Are you saying you want to skip the porch scene? Because I was quite looking forward to it.” I undid her seatbelt for her.
Her cheeks turned pink. “I didn’t say that.”
“Good.” I hopped out of my truck, going around to Holly’s side.
When I opened her door, there was no hesitation on her part. She swung her legs around the seat and leaped right at me. Her enthusiastic jump was more than I’d expected. Her head smacked my chin, forcing me to stagger backward. Scrambling to keep her from falling, I clumsily clutched onto her, but her slippery coat made finding purchase difficult. Twisting, grasping, unable to grab on, Holly and I tumbled in a heap to the ground.
“Oof,” I grunted, as Holly landed half on top of me.
“Sorry,” she squeaked.
“Are you okay?” Taking stock of how I’d landed, I determined nothing but my face hurt, where Holly had hit it with her own.
Holly’s head popped up, cheeks red as raspberries, eyes shiny. She scrambled off me. “I’m just going to head that way.” She pointed a gauze-wrapped hand to the house.
“If you wanted to kiss me so badly, we could’ve made it happen in the truck.” This attack was a bit much.
She let out a strangled laugh.
I stood, brushing the snow from my coat. Closing the passenger door of my truck, I followed a silent Holly to the porch.
“We should probably say goodbye inside in case someone drives by.” Lampton wasn’t a tiny town, but it also wasn’t that big of a city either. Any of Holly’s neighbors might know Uncle Anthony.
Holly pointed to the door. “But my mom’s inside.”
I tilted my head back and groaned. “Definitely should have stayed in the truck longer.”
Holly grinned. “Let’s just be super quiet and stay in the entryway. My mom won’t hear us,” she whispered.
Sneaking around, hiding our affection, was fun. It added another element to our relationship. Like we were playing a life-sized version of sardines, except Holly and I were hiding together, and I prayed no one ever found us.
Like teenagers slipping in past curfew, I carefully opened the front door. We tiptoed inside to the formal living room, where we’d put up the Christmas tree the other night. The colored lights were on, flashing in alternating patterns.
Removing my coat and gloves, I dropped them into a gold and pink-striped armchair.
“Help, please?” Holly motioned to her coat.
“You know, a man could get used to undressing you.” I stepped as close as possible to Holly while still giving myself room to get her coat off. Tension and heat boiled between us like a raging flow of lava. I took the opportunity to trail my hands across her shoulders and down her arms as I helped her out of her down jacket. I loved the softness of her body in contrast to the sharpness of her personality.
Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, I pulled her into my side as we stared at the tree. I kept my voice low. “What is it about trees that is so mesmerizing?” I asked.
“I was just wondering that about you,” Holly stated.
Was she, now?“What did you conclude?”
She bumped my side with her hip. “Are you asking for a list?”
I shrugged like it was no big deal for Holly to say why she liked me. “A list, a novel? Whatever the length, I will graciously listen to your reasons. Just let me know if I need hot chocolate to settle in for the reading.”
“Your ego isn’t on there,” she deadpanned.
I chuckled. “Are you sure? Maybe Mrs. Claus had better check her list twice.”
She leaned back, staring up at me. “Maybe Mr. Claus better quit talking while he’s ahead and kiss me already.”
“So demanding,” I teased.
“You’re used to it.”
I absolutely was. Repositioning myself, we now stood facing one another. I bent down, staring into the beautiful, bright blue eyes of the woman who had given me the courage to try to love again. Trailing my fingers down her cheek, I savored this moment. How Holly’s skin felt, smooth and soft. How her big, round eyes stayed locked on mine. The silkiness of her hair as I tucked a strand behind her ear. Most of all? The pounding in my ears and the heat swirling in my stomach as I held the most precious gift I’d ever received in my hands.
“Kiss me,” she begged.
My stomach tightened in anticipation. I yanked Holly closer until our bodies connected. One of my hands wrapped around her waist and the other held the side of her neck as my mouth found hers. Electricity sparked through my nerve endings as my lips languidly brushed against Holly’s. Once. Twice. Three times. My heart, receiving the shock of energy, surged with heat, pumping wildly.
Holly’s sweet lips were soft and full. She tasted like cocoa butter and spearmint. I pressed more firmly against her mouth, needing to explore more. I wanted her lips to be as familiar to me as my own. Holly slanted her lips, parting slightly, giving me better access to taste, tease, and devour.
Holly’s arms squeezed around my waist as she drew me tighter into her. Kissing her was like experiencing Christmas morning as a child for the very first time. Excitement, love, joy, comfort, hope, anticipation—they all fought for space.
As I was about to deepen the kiss, Holly pulled back, resting her forehead against my chest.
Hey!“I was just getting started,” I complained.
Dragging in deep breaths, she said, “My heart’s about to explode. I need a minute.”
My body probably needed a cooldown itself, but I was willing to push it off for a while—a long while. “But we can do it again?”
She looked up at me. “Have I created a monster?”
If a monster meant someone who craved the feeling of this woman kissing me every second of every day, then yes. One hundred and ten percent yes. “I believe so. And you have no one to blame but yourself.”
Her chest wasn’t rising and falling as fast. Hopefully, that meant we could get back to kissing soon.
“How do you figure?” she asked.
“Sweetheart, your kisses are the best I’ve ever had the pleasure of experiencing, and we barely got started.”
Holly picked her head up, bending it back to meet my gaze. Smiling coyly, she fluttered her lashes. “Is that so?”
Bending my knees, I wrapped my arms around her waist and picked her up. Her head was level with mine. “How much time until you need to get ready for work?”
“I can spare a few minutes. Besides, my hands are out of commission. If I’m late, I doubt anyone will care since I won’t be cooking. You’re the one who needs to worry.”
Walking backward, I sank onto the couch, settling Holly into my lap. “I’m only worried about this.” I captured her lips once more.