The Dark of You by S.M. Shade

Chapter Thirteen

It feels strange having Reeve in the car with me on the drive back from my childhood home. I’m used to him walking with me or showing up at my house, not hanging out on a road trip, but I love it.

After my experience today, I feel wrung out, but in a good way. Exhausted, but lighter. I’ll never go back to that house—or probably that town— ever again. It’s time to leave it behind.

It’s late when we get back to my place. “You need some sleep,” Reeve says.

“Are you leaving?”

“No.” The grin that pops onto my face couldn’t be prevented if I wanted to.

After the dust and grime of the abandoned house, there’s no way I’m climbing into bed without a shower, but I make it a quick one. When I emerge, Reeve waits for me. Stretched out on one side of the bed, with an arm tucked behind his head, and the covers draped across his hips, he’s the sexiest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.

“Stop, you need to get some sleep.” His expression tries for stern but falls short when the twitch of his lips give away his amusement.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t have to.”

His arm cradles me, and he rubs my back when I climb in bed to cuddle up with him. “Thanks for coming today.”

“You needed me.”

No matter how crazy all this is, in his head, it’s that simple. He’s not wrong. “Yes, I need you.” Safe and warm, I drift off. With him by my side, no nightmares dare to touch me.

Waking in the morning with him curled around me is the best feeling. There’s nothing I plan to do today. No hurry to get up. There are plenty of things I should be doing, like setting up my new laptop and trying to write, but I shove that disturbing thought away.

My phone buzzes with a call from Thea. Without waking Reeve, I extricate myself from his embrace, grab the phone, and take it into the kitchen.

“Hey girl.”

“Are you still in bed, you lazy ass?” she asks.

“Just got up. You’ll have to talk to me while I make coffee.” And some breakfast. Dinner never even occurred to me last night, and I’m starving. Waffles and bacon sound good. Reeve will probably be awake by the time it’s done. He rarely sleeps later than me.

“Okay,” Thea says, her voice full of excitement. “I called because I have big news.” Before I can ask what it is, she blurts, “Paul asked me to marry him! I’m engaged!”

The eggs in my hand nearly get dropped on the floor. Thea has had her share of relationships and heartbreaks, but she’s never been married or engaged. My gut response is that they barely know each other, but I shove that judgmental thought away. Look at my current “relationship.”

“Thea!” I exclaim. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, bitch!”

“Congratulations! How did he propose?”

While I mix up some waffle batter and put bacon on the griddle, she goes on to explain the whole thing, how he surprised her at home by getting on one knee. “He didn’t want to do it in public where I’d feel pressured.”

Maybe this will work out for her. He certainly thinks of her feelings more than any other man she’s been with. “That’s really sweet. I’m so happy for you.”

“We want to stay engaged for a while, since we haven’t been together all that long. You know, live together for a year or so before we start planning a wedding. That being said, I’m already shopping for a dress.”

“That’s smart, giving yourself plenty of time.” I move a waffle to a plate, then fill the waffle iron with batter again.

Her laughter sounds almost musical. She’s so happy. “Believe me, I thought of you and your cautious ways with men when I made that decision. I knew you’d approve.”

Yeah, cautious. That’s me. Reeve lounges in the doorway when I turn around. “I absolutely approve,” I tell her. “Paul seems like a great guy, Thea, really. I couldn’t be happier for you.”

“Thank you!”

Reeve runs his gaze over me, and I swear I can feel it on my skin.

“Oh, before I let you go, good call on not hooking up with Dax.”

“That was never an option,” I clarify, my eyes locked on Reeve’s. “But what did he do?” He seemed like a sweet guy, but I’ve learned that doesn’t always mean much.

“He ghosted Paul. We haven’t heard from him since we got back from your place. Paul has gone by his house and he’s never there. He won’t answer his phone. I guess they had a disagreement about an upcoming gig, but he didn’t expect him to just disappear, you know?”

Fear trickles into me, and Reeve’s gaze has never felt so scrutinizing. He can’t hear what she’s saying, but my expression never hides much. “Did he…Do you think he’s okay? Are you worried something may have happened to him?”

“Nah, Paul said he’s probably just mad and doesn’t want to talk to him. They have a rehearsal tonight, and he’s betting he’ll show for that when he’s done sulking.”

Unless my psycho stalker stabbed him.

My knees have turned to water, and the smell of burnt bacon begins to fill the air. “Darcy? You there?” Thea asks.

“Yeah, sorry. I burnt my bacon. I’m going to have to call you back.”

“No problem. Get your food. I’ll talk to you later.”

No, I’m overreacting. Just because Reeve acted jealous when Dax was here doesn’t mean he’d do something that terrible. So, it’s just a coincidence that he showed up that night covered in blood with wounds on his hands?

Oh god. I don’t know what to think.

The bacon smokes enough to set off the detector. At least it gives me a few moments to focus on something and get my thoughts straight. Reeve staring me down from the doorway has my heart in my throat while I fling open the back door to vent some smoke, and fan the detector until it stops squealing. Silence hangs thick and heavy.

“Darcy.”

Ignoring him, I toss the burnt food into the garbage. I’m not hungry anymore.

“Darcy, look at me.”

Not a bit of me wants to comply. It’s not fear of him, but fear that he’ll say he did it. All of this will come to an end. Dax was an innocent guy who did nothing wrong. If he hurt him… It takes all my strength to look him in the eye.

“Ask.”

“What?”

He approaches one slow step at a time. “Ask the question that’s writhing on your tongue.”

Fine. “Did you hurt Dax? The guy who visited with my friends?”

His gaze never leaves mine. “No.”

“He’s missing. You showed up bloody. You stabbed someone. I know you did.”

My back hits the counter when I retreat a step as he comes toward me. A frown appears on his face, and he stops. “I never touched him.”

I’ve never wanted to believe something so badly in my life, but my logical mind isn’t having it. It’s too big of a coincidence. “Who did you touch?” Maybe if I know that, I won’t have such doubt.

“Someone who deserved it.” Not only is there no denial, but no remorse lives in his voice. He stares at me. “You don’t believe me.”

“I don’t know what to believe.”

He steps up so close, I can feel his body heat. “I don’t punish people who don’t deserve it. I wouldn’t hurt your friend.” His fingers brush my face as he pushes a lock of hair away from my eye. “I can’t promise the same for anyone who hurts you. You should know that now. I’ll always protect you.”

He plants a searing kiss on my lips, then walks away. Maybe I should call out to him, tell him I believe him, ask him to come back, but I don’t. I let him walk away and the fear I feel is in equal parts. What if he never comes back? What if he does?

He wouldn’t hurt me, I’m confident of that, but if he has something to do with Dax, then no one else is safe. His promise that he only punishes people who deserve it isn’t reassuring. What qualifies as deserving it in his mind?

My head aches. A haze of smoke still hangs in the kitchen over the half made breakfast. The day went bad so fast. All I want to do is crawl back into bed, but the couch will do. The heaviness that settles over me is familiar, but feels more devastating after the break I’ve had from it. Because of him. Because of the joy he gave me, the life he reminded me could exist, but having that at the detriment or danger of people around me isn’t an option. My next thought is a disturbing one. What if there were no people around me?

Isn’t that what I aimed for when I came to live here anyway? Solitude, an escape from a world that only seems determined to get worse? God, just the idea that I’m willing to cut off the only friend I have, the only person who cares about me to keep a relationship with someone who may murder innocent people. I’m not that far gone, am I?

No. I’m not.

The churning thoughts in my head need to stop, or I’m going to drive myself crazy. The TV can be a good distraction. I turn on the news since I’m not in the headspace to follow any sort of narrative right now. Another mistake.

While I lie on the couch, the news anchor drones on about a mass shooting, a town being poisoned by the drinking water, the bombing of a school in the Middle East, a new law that will drop thousands of children from school lunch programs. They’ve saved what they consider the good news puff piece until the end. It’s about a classroom of kids who raised enough money for their classmate to get the wheelchair he needs.

All I can think of is Reeve’s statement that we’re all animals underneath. Society is just a veneer we’ve painted over our brutality. Wipe it away and we’re savages. Even animals take care of their own. It seems an insulting comparison to them.

Why care for morality in a world where right and wrong don’t matter? Could I let it go?

The sight of Senator Miller’s face popping on the screen makes me pay attention. He’s won re-election again. That’s not a surprise, but the next shot of him is taken at the local veteran’s home here in town. It makes my stomach clench to know he’s so close, even after all these years. He’s doing a statewide tour of veteran facilities in an attempt to show how much he cares. How do they fall for it? How do people not see through that oily, fake smile?

Many times over the years, I’ve considered reporting what he tried to do to me, but watching what the others in power get away with, I knew it wouldn’t matter. The bottom line is that they can do what they want. I’d just be seen as the crazy woman looking for attention or lying to boost book sales.

Most of my day is spent on the couch, wallowing in negative thoughts until I get a text from Thea.

Thea: Hey, do you think it’s trashy not to wear a white wedding dress? Because I found a blue one that’s beautiful.

Me: I think it’s your wedding and you should wear what you love.

Thea sends me a picture of her in the dress, standing in front of a dressing room mirror. It’s perfect for her.

Me: You look gorgeous in that! It’s perfect.

Thea: Yes! Fuck tradition. I’m getting it! Have to run to meet Paul and Dax. Call you later.

Wait.

Me: Dax? You said he was missing?

Thea: Yeah, dumbass was visiting his parents out of state and lost his phone. Showed back up a couple of hours ago.

Relief and guilt visit in equal measures. Reeve was telling the truth.

It’s times like these I hate that I can’t call him or go to his place to apologize. It’s when it stands out how strange this relationship really is. How have I developed such intense feelings for someone I know next to nothing about? Someone I’m also unsure of enough to instantly suspect may have hurt or killed an innocent person.

I’m tired of overthinking everything when it comes to him. He hides so much of who he is, but don’t I do the same? It’s how I’ve lived my entire adult life. There’s a lot I may never know about him, but I know this. He’s been there every time I’ve needed him. He’s never gotten angry at me, even when I accused him of something terrible he didn’t do. It’s better treatment than what I’ve had from any man in the past.

Weighed down with regret, I go to bed, and lie awake in the dark. Every tiny sound fills me with hope that slowly fades when Reeve doesn’t step into my room. What if he doesn’t come back? Tears leak down my face at the thought that those deep green eyes may never look into mine again. That I won’t feel his arms around me when things get hard. How would I get through the nights without knowing he’s out there, watching me? What do I have without him?

“I’m sorry,” I sob into the empty room. “I should’ve believed you. Please come back.” All the things he’s told me play in my head, a constant torture.

You’ve always been mine.

You need me, I’m here.

I’ll always bleed for you.

Wherever you are, I am.

I can’t believe I suspected him of hurting Dax. He’s secretive and strange, but he’s not a monster. I’ve met enough monsters to know the difference.