Whipping Girl by L. Jacobs
Chapter 8 – Alexander - 5 years ago
Ally stares off into nothing, it’s as if her brain has checked out after my answer and I can’t fucking blame her. If the roles were reversed then blood would be flowing through the streets and I’d be burning people alive, this isn’t fair. Not for me and definitely not for her. I may have started out as an innocent in all of this but ultimately we all make our own choices, mine has been to follow orders to keep mine and Ally’s lives safe.
She doesn’t say another word as she gets off of our bed. I start to make a grab for her wrist because there is nothing I hate more than when she turns away from me but I pull back at the last second deciding that it might be good for her to have her own space for an hour or two. I expect her to go to our bathroom but she leaves instead, slamming the door behind her. Fuck! I run both hands through my hair, wanting to pull it out of my skull just to numb the pain flowing through my damn heart. I knew this day would come, I fucking knew it would but it doesn’t make this any easier. My eyes burn, wanting to release tears that I know won't come, I used them all up the first few years after I was taken, the Elites don’t cry... monsters don’t cry. I take my sorry ass to the gym instead, hoping Ally will come back by the time I am done beating the shit out of the bag.
“Aren’t you supposed to be enjoying time with your Gift?” Link asks from behind me. I would usually turn to address him but there is a red haze surrounding my vision and I’m afraid I would attack him instead of the bag that I’ve been hitting for the past hour.
“She went back to the girls’ dorm,” I answer casually, not wanting to invite questions that are none of his fucking business.
“Lovers quarrel?” He asks with amusement. I finally stop so I can turn to look at his smug face.
“No. I just wanted to get a good workout in before my debriefing.” I lie. I won’t discuss Ally with anyone, much less this asshole.
“We can’t debrief until Zeke gets back, that’s what I wanted to speak to you about, he’s a couple of hours late. Any idea why that might be?” He’s looking at me with narrowed eyes, suspicious.
“No. I left him at the hotel, he said he would see me back here.” I think briefly about telling Link about our strange conversation but dismiss it. “Maybe his flight was delayed.” I can actually see the scrutiny on his face, looking for any signs of my deceit, but he’s too stupid to realize that even if I were lying he would never know it. They taught me well.
“If that were the case, I would already know about it. No idea why he might be late?” He asks again.
“No idea.” I say with a shrug, I’m not lying technically. I honestly don’t know if he’s running late or if he’s just running. Fuck, Zeke, don’t be stupid.
“We’ll wait a couple more hours, I expect you in the debriefing room within that time.” Link’s curt tone pisses me off. I’m not a damn babysitter, I am no more responsible for Zeke’s tardiness than he is.
“I’ll be there.” I smirk just to piss him off. He gives me a condescending look of his own before turning on his heel and walking out the way he came. If I ever have the chance to burn him alive without consequences, I’ll take it.
When I get back to our room I’m expecting Ally to be there. She isn’t. I don’t know what to do, this is the first time that she has ever been angry enough at me to leave, we’ve had arguments before, she’s even hidden in the bathroom from me from time to time, but never for this long. I usually know how to handle her but I’m at a loss on this one because I know that I wronged her, it wasn’t something that I wanted, I don’t even remember all of their faces but it doesn’t matter, all that matters is that she sees this as a betrayal to her. To us. I never apologize for anything, apologies are for the weak, but a part of me wants to beg her forgiveness and demand that she talk to me. The other part is finding it extremely difficult not to walk out of here, find her, and drag her little ass back... I just might. She knows how I feel about her pulling away from me, physically or emotionally, I don’t tolerate it. My gut is burning, the red haze in my vision growing darker at the thought of her shutting me out. I told myself that I would give her a little time to process this, it couldn’t have been easy for her to hear about my physical infidelity but it won't change the fact that she is mine. She doesn’t understand what I do for a living, I’m not allowed to give her details, she thinks I’m some kind of fucking super hero or a spy that is out to save the world. She has me on a goddamn pedestal and I just torched it to the ground. How do I tell the girl that means more to me than my own life that I’m fucking other women to save hers? It would sound so fucked up to a regular person and I have tried my damnedest to keep Ally’s life as normal and innocent as I possibly could in our situation. I’m so fucking screwed. I’ll give her until after the debriefing to come back to me, if she doesn't then I will be coming for her.
A retina scan allows me entry to the debriefing room, it’s completely sound proof and swept for bugs regularly, nothing comes in or out of this room without Link’s knowledge or approval. All eyes are on me as I close the doors behind me, I calmly walk toward the only available chair and take my seat, meeting all of their eyes with my impassive stare. I have no reason to be nervous but there is an energy surrounding the room that makes me uneasy, my guard is up, my mask firmly in place. Ready. I chance a split second glance at Ivan, he always tries to give me a tell when he’s able, I watch as he flares his nostrils slightly, this might be problematic.
“Tell us what happened last night,” Link starts. I meet his gaze as I give a detailed report, only leaving out the part about the flyer and mine and Zeke’s personal conversation, it wasn’t prudent to the contract, we did our job efficiently and without issue. “Zeke didn't tell you anything that might have made you suspicious about his... desertion?”
“I wasn’t made aware of any desertion. Last I had heard was that he was running late,” I state factually without actually answering his question. Link smirks at me like he thinks I’m trying to be funny, I’m not. I wasn’t aware that he hadn’t come back until I had entered this room.
“I’m making you aware as of now. Zeke did not make it back to The Guard. As of right now he is considered a traitor to our organization. Candace tells us that he has behaved erratically for the last few weeks, he even refused to see her on his last down time. This puts up a lot of red flags as you would probably imagine, no one else has refused their time with their Gifts… other than you this afternoon that is.” I almost laugh, I want to, but I know it would be a bad thing at this moment. Refuse time with Ally? Jesus, I would handcuff us together for eternity if I could, the thought has actually crossed my mind.
“I have never refused even a minute with my Gift.” I never say her name in front of these people unless I have to, they are not worthy. “I also would not put a lot of stock in what Candace has said, she’s a bitch and she would burn everyone around her if it saved her own ass.” I speak bluntly. Link chuckles quietly at my statement, looking at his hands before he looks back at me.
“The Guard is contracting you to go find Zeke.” He informs me. My stomach drops, I know what his next words are before he even says them. “You are assigned to eliminate the traitor, he poses a great risk to our Organization.” His smile is nothing short of evil, my face might not be showing signs of emotion but my hands are clenched into fists before I can stop it, Link notices. I have never killed anyone that I was loyal to, they have always just been faces from pictures in a file. He’s doing this on purpose. Why? Why does he want me to fail so fucking badly?
“Are we sure that he’s a traitor?” I ask evenly.
“First you refuse time with your Gift, then you question us?” He tasks. “I’m starting to question your loyalty, Alex.” My nostrils flair at his insinuation. Fucking dick.
“He and Candace’s connection didn’t work, I think he may have felt a bit lost. I could find him and try to talk some sense into him.” I defend. I can’t full out refuse without repercussions but maybe I can change their minds.
“That’s not our problem. If the connection didn’t work then there was something wrong with him to start with, something we may have missed. He has to be eliminated. You leave tomorrow.” Link says with finality.
“No.” The word is out of my mouth before I can stop it. I had no idea that I would stand up for Zeke until this moment, we’re partners but we’ve never been close. All I know is that I don’t want to kill him, it doesn't feel right.
“No?” Link shakes his head in astonishment, a sick smile forming on his face that I have never seen before, he looks excited. Almost jovial. Fear is an emotion that I have been numb to for as long as I can remember, until now. “I’m calling you into question, Alex. I think you know where Zeke is, I now also believe that you may wish to escape as well. Is this true?”
“No.” There is no hesitation because it’s fucking true.
“Why would you question our authority? Why would you refuse time with your Gift?”
“I don’t believe that he would just leave.” Lie. “I didn’t refuse time with my Gift, it just worked out that way.”
“Did Zeke say anything that made you think that he might try to abandon The Guard?”
“No.” Lie. I feel like I should have known better, I felt like something was wrong with him and I should have followed my gut, I should have fucking talked to him. Something.
We go back and forth, question after question and answer after answer until the entire room is heavy with animosity and exhaustion. I’ve never been on the end of scrutiny before, I’ve done everything that they have ever asked of me right down to the letter, this kind of questioning just seems like a bullshit excuse for Link to be able to put me back in conditioning.
“Alright, Alexander. I didn’t want to have to do this…but we need to make absolutely sure you’re telling us the truth.” The twinkle in Link’s eye has my blood running cold, I’m on my feet before I even know what’s happening, five handlers tackle me to my chair, tying me down and gagging me as my life is dragged into the room.
“NO!” I yell behind the gag, fighting my bonds. “I’ll do it! I’ll find him! Don’t fucking touch her!” My muffled voice goes unnoticed by everyone but Ally, she’s kicking and screaming for me as her black scrub top is removed, showing off her small bra encased chest to the entire room. My vision goes blood red as I struggle to free myself from my bonds, I keep my focus on Ally, hoping that I can somehow transfer the pain that she is about to feel into myself, I would take it all a million times over if I could save her from this. They force her struggling body face first into the Saint Andrews cross that they keep in the room for this purpose only, strapping her arms and legs into place so she can hardly move.
I feel my restraints cutting into my wrists and ankles as I try to break free, warm blood starts to trickle down to my fingertips but I barely notice through my fear of what is about to happen to her. I can’t stop this, I’ve never felt so powerless in my life and she’s about to pay for it. My blood boils beneath my skin, my anger becoming a living thing as I watch the men around me do nothing to stop this, I watch as Ivan winces slightly in my peripheral, Peter licks his lower lip in anticipation, John looks uncomfortable but resigned to watch as the little girl is strung up. This isn’t right, I haven't even had a chance to explain anything to her, she doesn’t know what the fuck is happening. I plead and beg them behind my gag to whip me instead, to hurt me, kill me, that I’ll do anything. I go unanswered.
“Alexander!” She screams, tearing me to shreds. I’ve fucking failed her. She’s facing away from me so I can’t even give her the comfort of knowing I’m feeling her pain times a thousand as the first crack sounds in the room, the whip snapping against the skin of her back so harshly that blood starts pooling on her pale skin immediately, I fucking feel it as if it had sliced into me as well.
I hear every scream, every sob, every whoosh of the whip and every slice of her delicate, porcelain skin. My mind tries to shut down, wanting to protect itself from what is happening to her, it’s what I’m trained to do when I’m tortured, but I want to feel this with her, I want to feel it for her. I don’t want her to be alone in this. I never wanted or intended her to feel this pain, any pain, and it’s because of me that she’s here. I’ve been cocky. I never thought I could fail at anything, as long as I was the best, I thought there would be no reason to fear anything.. I was wrong.
I’ve allowed this to happen because I have been following their orders like a goddamn puppy, like The Guards own personal lap dog... but you can’t teach a dog to kill then expect it not to bite. I had forgotten what they had really made me. A monster. They don’t know what they’ve just done, what they have just unleashed upon themselves. I’m going to rip them all apart and make them pay, every sound that she makes is another mark against them, another debt that I’ll collect from their flesh.
Sweat runs down my face, my breathing is so labored that I’m on the verge of hyperventilating while I watch her blood run in rivulets down her delicate back, even as it breaks me apart I don’t let my eyes leave her. I’m not going to let a second of her suffering be in vain, I’m going to use it to fuel me like gasoline thrown into the raging fire.
Ally’s body finally goes slack, hanging from her bonds like a sacrificial angel. All I want to do is pick her up and hold her against me but I’m thankful for the small mercy that her body provided by passing out, giving her reprieve from the pain.
“Stop.” Link orders.
I finally allow the numbness to settle over me, not wanting to give away my true intent until I have a plan. I look through the room of men, recognizing but not necessarily caring about any of them other than memorizing each one of their faces so I don’t get it wrong. When I come to Ivan’s I see his concern and sadness even through the mask, he didn’t help her though, none of them did.
“Do you have anything to add or should I have John go and get the smelling salts?” My gag is removed so I can answer.
“I’ll do it.” I answer without hesitation, knowing he would use the salts if I paused. “I’d like a few days with her before I leave.”
“I’ll grant you two days with her, she’ll need you here while she heals. I hope this is a lesson to you, Alex. Your Gift shouldn’t have had to suffer because of your mistakes.” Link says smugly. I want to rip him apart but I simply nod in agreement.