When I Found You by Brenda Novak
Eleven
Mack let the engine idle as he waited for Cheyenne to get out. Dylan was no longer outside, but he must’ve heard Mack’s truck, because the door swung open again as soon as he pulled up, and Dylan filled the threshold as his wife crossed the yard. Mack had asked Cheyenne if she wanted him to come in to help break the news, but she’d declined his offer, and he understood why. This was something she needed to do herself. It was probably the most sensitive conversation they’d ever have.
He waved at Dylan, who was so intently focused on his wife that he didn’t seem to notice. In any case, there was no response.
Mack pulled away in spite of that and headed toward home, where he lived with Grady. They were the only two brothers left in the house they were raised in. They paid rent, but since there was no longer a mortgage, they used the money, by consent of all five brothers, to cover the expenses on their father’s small house. Neither Mack nor Grady wanted J.T. to live with them. J.T. preferred having his own place anyway, so that they wouldn’t “get involved in his affairs.” He didn’t like them criticizing his drug use or his laziness, but he sure didn’t mind them paying for his living. He worked part-time and earned some pocket money but considered what they gave him his due for starting Amos Auto Body in the first place, even though it hadn’t been worth much when he went to prison, and it was their hard work that’d turned it around.
That sense of entitlement was irritating after how terribly he’d let them all down, but Mack couldn’t think about that right now. He was too worried about what was happening to the man who’d raised him.
The post office came up on his right, and he turned in as he’d been planning to do all day, swung around to the parcel receptacle and rolled down his window. If he’d ever considered not having this test performed, what he’d experienced this afternoon had quashed the temptation. He had no desire for Lucas, when he was older, to come knocking on his door, hurt and angry that Mack hadn’t cared enough to be part of his life. As hard as it would be to change fathers on the kid now, Mack believed it was better to do that than let him live a lie. There’d be less rage to contend with later. Hopefully, there’d be less emotional damage, too.
He reclaimed the package he’d shoved under his seat before arriving at Dylan and Cheyenne’s, stared at the label for several seconds, then dropped it inside.
There. He’d done it. There was no turning back.
Aaron called as he was driving away. Mack considered letting it transfer to voice mail. He knew his second-oldest brother would want to talk about Kellan and wasn’t convinced it was his place to divulge what he’d learned. But Cheyenne was busy with Dylan, so she couldn’t alert him to the fact that their secret was out, and Mack thought it might be smart to prepare Aaron, in case Dylan showed up at his house. “Hello?”
“It’s me,” Aaron said.
Mack drew a deep breath. This day was beginning to feel interminable. “I know. What’s up?”
“When I called Dylan earlier, he told me Kellan might’ve spoken to you. Is that true? Do you know what’s going on?”
Aaron was asking about his son, not his nephew. And he knew that. The idea was so strange Mack could hardly wrap his mind around it, but after fourteen years, maybe Aaron was used to the weirdness. “I talked to him, yeah.”
There was a slight pause, then, “What’d he say?”
“I don’t know if I should tell you.”
“Why would it be a secret?”
Because of the ramifications. Although some part of Aaron had to be wondering if this was the day he’d always feared. How would he feel about everyone knowing that he was Kellan’s true father? How would Aaron’s son, Wyatt, and his two younger sisters react to learning that Kellan was their half brother instead of their cousin?
How much damage would this do to the family? Should they try to contain it, despite Kellan finding out?
Mack was convinced it would be smarter to continue to keep it a secret. It would certainly be better for Dylan and Cheyenne. Aaron and Presley, too. But how would they do that? Kellan knew. He could tell anyone he wanted. He could announce it to the world—and at fourteen he might not see the danger of doing exactly that.
“I’d rather let Cheyenne fill you in,” Mack said.
“Cheyenne? Why not you or Dylan?”
He was beginning to catch on. “You haven’t guessed by now?”
“I’m afraid to guess.”
Poor Aaron. Mack couldn’t help feeling sorry for him. This wasn’t going to be easy on him, either. “Kellan took a DNA test, bro.”
No response.
“Did you hear me?”
“Yeah, I heard,” he replied.
“Cheyenne’s breaking the news to Dylan right now.”
Aaron swore.
“I’m sorry,” Mack said.
“I was afraid of this,” he responded. “I told Cheyenne and Presley that it would get out eventually. Secrets always do. But it’s been so long... I thought we were in the clear.”
“This doesn’t have to change anything,” Mack said, trying to do a little damage control. “Everyone still loves each other. That’s what counts. Love, not genetics.”
“Don’t kid yourself,” Aaron said, sounding defeated. “This will change everything. Dylan will never be able to look at me the same way again. I wouldn’t be surprised if he started to hate me, even though I only did it so that he could have a kid—to give back just a little for everything he’s done for us.”
Mack eased off the gas. He didn’t want to arrive at the house and have Grady confront him when he was still on the phone with Aaron. “It must’ve been hard all these years, watching Kellan grow up, knowing you were his father.”
“No. It’s been surprisingly easy.”
Taken aback by his answer, Mack turned off the music that had already been playing so low it was barely audible. “How?”
“It felt good to think I was able to give Dylan something for a change. And he didn’t know about it, so he didn’t have to feel grateful to me. I’ve considered it the best gift I’ve ever given to anyone. Until now.”
“You’ve never regretted it?” Mack said. “Even for a minute? You’ve never looked at Kellan and wished you could tell him the truth?”
“No. It’s been too rewarding to see the happiness he’s brought Dylan. Dylan has loved being a dad now that he’s not fighting such a huge battle every day just to scrape by, like he had to do with us. Dylan adores that kid.”
Mack had never expected Aaron to be the one to make such a sacrifice. For all he denied the difficulty of it, Mack couldn’t believe there weren’t times when he felt a twinge of regret. Kellan was large and athletic, with a good chance at a football scholarship. He was also smart, handsome, gregarious and well-liked. So was Wyatt, Aaron’s oldest, but a child would be a difficult thing to give someone else, especially in a situation like this one, where Aaron had a front-row seat to watching Kellan grow up, and no one else, except Cheyenne and Presley, knew the truth. When Mack saw it from that perspective, he had to agree that it was a beautiful gift, and he felt terrible to think the happiness it’d brought Dylan was going to be destroyed. Genetics shouldn’t matter—not when there was so much love involved. “He loves him even more than he loved us.”
“And I don’t want that to be taken away from either one of them,” Aaron said.
“Dylan could never stop loving him. But the truth will be hard on him. He might get angry and show up at your house. Who knows? We’ve been through a lot as a family, but this is a first.”
“It’d be a mistake to let everyone else know,” Aaron said.
“I agree.”
“I’m driving over to make sure this doesn’t get out of hand. I should talk to Dylan. Maybe I can help convince him that our intentions were good.”
Mack could see his house just down the street and pulled over to give himself another moment on the phone. “Maybe you should approach Kellan first. Tell him you’d like to explain what happened and why. See if you can’t get him to calm down. If you can manage that, it’ll go a long way toward helping Dylan get through this.”
“I’d be happy to, except he won’t take my calls,” he said, clearly exasperated. “You’re the only one he’ll speak to.”
“Then text him. And give Dyl a chance to absorb what’s happened before you confront him and Cheyenne. That would be smart, too.” Dylan and Aaron’s interactions—at least, in the past—had been so volatile. Mack thought they could both use some time to let their emotions settle, so that they didn’t revert to the rocky relationship they’d had in the past.
“Okay.”
“Let me know how it goes.”
“Mack?”
“Yes?”
“If we hadn’t done what we did, Cheyenne would never have been able to have a child of her own. She could’ve been artificially inseminated with a stranger’s sperm, but then Kellan wouldn’t have been related to Dylan at all. After the sacrifices he made to raise us, Chey, Presley and I wanted him to see part of himself in his child. I guess that sounds crazy now, but it made sense at the time.”
“I understand. It was a case of what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.”
“Yes.” Aaron sighed heavily. “Except now he knows.”
Dylan stared at the floor. What he was hearing didn’t seem as though it could be real. Had he fallen into some sort of alternate universe? He’d spent fourteen years thinking that Kellan was his son. Kellan had spent every moment since he was born believing the same thing.
“Dyl?”
He could hear the tears in his wife’s voice. She’d been crying since before she even told him. He’d never seen her so upset. But he couldn’t react, couldn’t comfort her as he normally would, couldn’t move.
She knelt down beside him. “Dyl, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I didn’t want you to have to know.”
She’d said Aaron, his brother, had fathered their son. He thought back, trying to remember what his relationship with that particular brother had been like when Cheyenne got pregnant. Aaron had always been so full of resentment. Had he agreed to do what he’d done as a way to hurt Dylan? To get back at him for the things Dylan had had to do to carry the family through those lean years when he was the only thing standing between his siblings and foster care?
No. He couldn’t believe that. He and Aaron had had their run-ins. But as difficult as their relationship had been, Aaron would never purposely hurt him. Not in this way. If he was angry, it was obvious. He didn’t sneak around. Cheyenne wouldn’t try to hurt him, either. So why did it feel as though they’d just ripped his heart out of his chest?
Or...maybe that wasn’t fair. Maybe they weren’t responsible for the pain—only the shock. The pain came from the reality of the situation. He couldn’t have given Cheyenne a baby without some help. And Cheyenne had made it so that he hadn’t even had to ask or acknowledge that fact.
Why had he never questioned how they got Kellan? Although he hadn’t realized it back then, he knew now that he couldn’t have children. After Kellan was born, they’d tried for years with no results. But Cheyenne claimed she was happy with just the one child—that it was fine—and he’d believed her and the doctor when they’d told him that Kellan must’ve been a miracle baby.
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Dylan drew a steadying breath. He doubted the doctor would lie just to preserve his feelings, which meant even the doctor didn’t know how Cheyenne had conceived. Although Cheyenne had just explained it to him, he’d only been able to comprehend a few words here and there. Aaron and Cheyenne hadn’t slept together—it had been nothing sordid like that. He’d caught that much, and he believed it without question. But that didn’t change the fact that he wasn’t Kellan’s father.
“Please, Dyl,” she said. “I’d do anything to stop the pain this is causing you.”
Anything.She’d already gone to pretty great lengths to preserve his feelings. Should he be grateful?
If she hadn’t done what she’d done, they wouldn’t have had Kellan.
“I love you,” she whispered fervently. “So does Kellan. That will never change. No matter what. You’re such a good man. You could never lose either one of us. I hope you know that.”
It felt like he was awfully close to losing Kellan right now. The poor kid had to be as shocked and confused as he was. No wonder he’d run away!
He managed to cover her hand with his. But that was the most he could do. Then he stood so that he could get his keys.
“Where’re you going?” she asked, sounding scared as she followed him into the kitchen.
“Out,” he replied simply.
“Where?”
“For a drive.” He gestured to stop her from coming any closer. “I just... I need some time, Chey. Give me a chance to work through this.”
She covered her mouth and choked back a sob as he stalked past her, but she didn’t cling to him. “I understand,” she managed to say between hiccups from crying. “I love you.”
“Right. I got that,” he said and walked out.
Mack had just made himself a burger for dinner when he texted Cheyenne to see how things were going with Dylan. He didn’t know if she’d have the chance to see his message. If she was still talking to Dylan, she wouldn’t be paying any attention to her phone, but he was worried, and he knew Aaron was, too. Because Kellan hadn’t reacted to Aaron’s text, Aaron didn’t know what to do—whether to finish driving over, so he could try to talk to Dylan, or wait until he received some word from Cheyenne.
Mack guessed Aaron was probably going to turn around when his phone rang again.
Cheyenne.
“Mack?” she said as soon as he answered.
“Yeah. Did you get my message? How’s it going?”
“Not too good.” She broke down but managed to continue, “Dylan walked out a few minutes ago.”
Mack gripped his phone that much tighter. “Walked out?”
“He said he needed some time.”
“Where’d he go?”
“I don’t know.” She sounded drained. No doubt she was after such an emotional day.
“How upset was he?”
“That’s hard to say. He didn’t really react, just listened to me tell him what happened. Then he stood up and got his keys. I’m guessing he’s more hurt than angry, which is killing me. I can’t stand to think I did this to him.” She sniffed. “But I was trying to protect him. Barring a medical emergency, I believed he’d never have to know.”
“You couldn’t have seen this coming,” he said. “For what it’s worth, Aaron still believes you made the right choice.”
“How?” she gasped.
“No way could Kellan have been as much Dylan’s son as he has been—and still is—if Dylan knew from the beginning that Aaron was the one who’d fathered him.”
She sniffed again. “Aaron said that?”
“He did.”
“Thank God. I thought he might hate me, too.”
“Dylan could never hate you, Chey,” Mack said. “So...you haven’t heard from Aaron?”
“He sent a text saying he was almost to town.”
Apparently, he hadn’t turned around. “What about Presley?”
“She called to say it would all be okay. I just wish I could believe her.”
“She’s right,” Mack said. “It’s just going to take some time to wade through this and sort it all out.”
“I hope you’re right. Listen, if...if you hear from Dylan, will you let me know?”
“I will.” Where had Dylan gone? Mack finished his meal so that he could go drive around town and, hopefully, find his big brother. He wanted to make sure he was okay. But as soon as he grabbed his keys, he received a text that let him know exactly where Dylan was.
I’m out front, it read. Do you have a minute?
Dylan waited for Mack to get in and put on his seat belt before driving away. He didn’t speak immediately, and neither did Mack. Mack was waiting to give his brother a chance to sort out his thoughts and say what he needed to say.
“Does Grady know about Kellan?” Dylan asked, breaking the silence, but not until after they’d reached the middle of town.
“No,” Mack replied. “I didn’t think it would be wise to tell him. In my opinion, the less people who know, the better.”
“How many people does that encompass?”
“You, Cheyenne and Kellan, of course. And Aaron and Presley.”
“That’s it? You haven’t told anyone else?”
“No. I have spoken to Aaron, however.”
“What’d he have to say?” Dylan’s jaw was tight, his words clipped.
“He’s upset.”
“He’s upset?” Dylan echoed.
“Yeah. He never wanted it to come to this. Said it ruins the best gift he’s ever given you. Nothing has made him happier than watching you with Kellan, Dyl, knowing how much you love him. To think he was able to be part of that, well, he said it felt pretty damn good.”
When Dylan didn’t respond, Mack knew those words had hit him hard. If that hadn’t been clear, the single tear rolling down his cheek would’ve made it obvious. Had Dylan assumed his younger brother would be glad the truth was finally out? That he’d be gloating?
“Dyl, you know how much pride Aaron has. It was hard for him to let you take over and be in charge when we were younger. He resented you and challenged you at every turn. Made what you were trying to do that much harder. But you never gave up on him, never let him go into the system, and you could have. Now that he’s older, he realizes what a Herculean effort taking over for Dad really was and how much he owes you—how much we all do. I guess he felt making it possible for you to have Kellan was one way he could repay you for some of that.”
No response.
“Aaron didn’t say this part,” Mack continued, “but I believe it allowed him to feel more like your equal. I think that’s why you two started getting along so much better about that time. Part of it was basic maturity. You were both settling down. But part of it was knowing he could love you enough to give you something that would mean everything to you.”
Dylan didn’t speak. He was too busy trying to blink back tears.
“Don’t blow up your marriage, or your relationship with Kellan or Aaron, because of this,” Mack said. “I know it must’ve come as a blow. I can’t say it was fair that they didn’t tell you. But I can’t say they were wrong, either.”
Dylan gaped at him. “You don’t think they were wrong?”
“No, not really. In my book, it was a judgment call. Some people think a lie is a lie is a lie—and every lie is bad. Maybe to those people life is black or white. But that’s far too simplistic a view for me. I see too many shades of gray for that to adequately reflect reality. Cheyenne did what she did because it was the only way to make having a child free and easy for you. Does that make sense? And I’m not talking about doctor bills. She didn’t want you to feel the disappointment of being unable to give her a child, not after everything you’d already been through. Aaron didn’t want that, either. And he was trying to arrange it so that you wouldn’t feel indebted to him for stepping up to make it happen. He certainly didn’t want to make things awkward, to have to worry about you watching him more closely than the rest of us for fear he might try to assume a different role with Kellan than that of uncle. They did it for so many reasons, Dyl. But the biggest was love. Everything else fits under that umbrella.”
He watched Dylan’s throat work as he struggled to swallow.
“Isn’t that what matters most?” Mack asked. “Not what they did but why they did it? From what I’ve seen, Aaron hasn’t treated Kellan any differently than Rod’s kids. He wanted you to have Kellan. He still does. Kellan’s actual DNA means nothing, but even if it did, you’re closely related to him—because of Cheyenne and Aaron.”
The silence stretched once again. Eventually, Dylan cleared his throat. “So what am I supposed to tell Kellan?”
Mack stared out the window. They’d left Whiskey Creek and were on Highway 49, which passed through so many of the historic mining communities of the gold rush almost two centuries ago. If they continued, they’d run into another small town very similar to the one where they’d both been born and raised. “I think you tell him exactly what happened and why. What other choice do you have?”
Dylan cleared his throat again. “And if he still won’t come home? What if he asks to go live with Aaron?”
That was a terrible thought. But Kellan was just a child. And he was hurt himself. He could make the situation worse without even realizing what he was doing. “I hope he won’t do that, Dyl. I hope he knows what he has in you. We did. Most of the time, anyway. But even if he doesn’t, Aaron would never allow it. You’re Kellan’s father. It might not seem like it now, but Kellan will get over this—and the better you take it, the better he’ll take it. Treat it like it’s no big deal. That you love him, regardless, and that’s what’s important. Because it is.”
Dylan drove without speaking for several minutes. Then he said, “Life is crazy. You know that?”
“Yeah, I know,” Mack said. “It can be tough. But you’re tough, too. You may be older than the MMA fighter who pulled us all through the darkest time of our lives—” he grinned “—but I don’t think you’ve gone soft quite yet.”
Dylan arched a challenging eyebrow at him, and Mack chuckled. “There you go,” he said.
“Just wait until you have a child of your own,” Dylan grumbled.
Knowing he might already have a son, Mack glanced away. “Yeah, well, when I do, I hope I’m half the dad you are.”
“You’re kidding, right?” Dylan said. “I made so many freaking mistakes with you guys. I was barely eighteen. I had no idea what I was doing.”
“Every dad makes mistakes. You came through for us. You were immovable in your love and loyalty. That was what we needed most. And that’s what Kellan needs right now.”
Dylan reached over and squeezed his shoulder. “Thanks, man.”
