When I Found You by Brenda Novak

Fourteen

Despite knowing that Mack had mailed in the DNA test and they would soon have the results, the week passed quickly for Natasha. The stress of having a new job and dealing with the unfamiliar had kept her too preoccupied to be able to dwell on that. She had checked the link Mack had given her daily. But it was Friday and nothing had been posted so far. Maybe the lab was behind, or shipping had taken longer than expected...

She was about to check again—even though she’d already tried right before she left for work—when Aiyana rapped on her open door and stepped into her office. “Hey, how’s it going?”

Natasha didn’t currently have any students who were convalescing from a headache, having a wound cleansed or checking blood sugar, which had been the bulk of what she’d treated so far. Trying to grow more comfortable in her new office and situation, she’d been using the time to reorganize her supplies. “Good.”

“How was your first week?” Aiyana asked.

“It went well,” Natasha told her. “Rand Jenson’s knee seems to be healing without any infection, and he was my most serious case.”

“I’m glad to hear that. We’re lucky to have you. I hope you’re happy here.”

Natasha smiled. “Of course I am. You’re wonderful to work for. You should know that.”

“Oh, I have my detractors just like anybody else,” she said with a chuckle. “But I’m glad you’re not one of them. Any big plans for this weekend?”

Ace was supposed to pick up Lucas tonight, but she hadn’t heard from him. She’d tried calling him twice, so that she’d know whether to pack a bag—and what to tell Luke when she picked him up from day care—but Ace hadn’t responded. She hadn’t been able to reach his parents, either. She was afraid they’d written Luke off along with her. She could see them doing that. They were vengeful and would try to punish her, even if it hurt them—or Lucas. “That sort of depends on my ex,” she replied. “It’s his turn to take Luke, but I haven’t been able to get hold of him, so I’m not certain he’s coming.”

Aiyana glanced over her shoulder at where Betty May was working at her desk. “Did you get the results from that...um...test we spoke about?”

Her boss was so easy to talk to that Natasha had told her the whole situation last night, when they were the only two people left in the building before going home. She doubted Betty was listening to their conversation, but she appreciated Aiyana’s discretion, all the same. “Not yet. We’re still waiting.”

She lowered her voice. “Well, I hope your ex-husband won’t disappoint Luke, regardless. After all, he’s just a child.”

“The way Ace acts, you’d think he was just a child, too.” Natasha rolled her eyes. “I guess I sound bitter, huh? I told myself I would never be that kind of divorcée, but I’m definitely sliding in that direction.”

“Sounds like he might be giving you reason.” She smiled tolerantly. “When’s Mack coming back?”

Mack had kept in close touch. Natasha had been surprised by how often she’d heard from him. He’d texted her various things—pictures of his brothers acting goofy or a car they’d done a particularly good job of fixing. Since she’d once worked at Amos Auto Body herself and could appreciate the skill it required to be good at that type of thing, she liked seeing what they were doing. Besides the fairly frequent messages, he’d also called her almost every night. She hated how much she was starting to look forward to hearing his voice. “I don’t know. He hasn’t said. I think he’s waiting for the results before deciding what to do.”

“I see. Well, I’ll be thinking of you this weekend. And if you get lonely or want to talk, give me a call.”

“Thank you.”

Aiyana started to leave but turned back. “I’ve noticed that Roger Burns has been coming into the office quite often this week, and you seem to be the draw. Is that okay?”

Natasha didn’t know how to respond. Roger hadn’t been unfriendly. But she did prefer he leave her alone. “He knows about Maxine Green,” she said simply. “That’s usually what he wants to talk about.”

Aiyana peered more closely at her. “I can’t imagine you want to discuss that.”

“No...”

“I see. I’ll ask him to give you some space, so that you can get settled in.”

“I don’t want to put you in an uncomfortable position—”

“It won’t. I’ll be diplomatic,” she said with a wink, and Natasha let it go because she believed if anyone could say something like that nicely enough, it would be Aiyana.

“Thank you.”

Aiyana left and Natasha checked her phone before she finished reorganizing her supplies. She told herself she was hoping to hear from Ace. For Lucas’s sake, she was. But he hadn’t attempted to return her call. Neither had he responded to her messages.

She was, however, inordinately happy to find another text from Mack.

Any word from the asshole you divorced?

She’d told him last night that she hadn’t heard from Ace since the whole journal debacle. None. I think he means to stand me up. I’m not sure what to tell Luke.

Tell him that I’m coming tonight, and I’ve got the surprise I promised him. ;)

You’re coming back to Silver Springs? Does that mean the results are up?

Her stomach tightened. Had she missed them?

Not yet. The lab is back East, and it’s so late now I’m thinking they won’t post anything until Monday. But it’s okay if I come anyway, isn’t it?

“Say no,” she told herself. “Put him off somehow.” But she couldn’t do that, not after all he’d done for her—and how excited Luke would be to see him. If Ace was going to let her son down, a visit from Mack would certainly help take away the sting. Luke hadn’t stopped talking about Mack all week.

Of course,she wrote. But I thought you were working today. When would you leave?

As soon as I get off. It’s only a six-hour drive. If I leave at five, I’ll get there at eleven.

Won’t you be too tired?

I’ll be fine.

What was the rush? Why wasn’t he waiting until tomorrow? Did he have to be back on Monday? How long will you be staying?

A few days. I need to find a good location for an Amos Auto Body shop since I wasn’t able to do that before. Now that Kellan’s home and all is well here, I might as well start putting out some feelers.

He was still thinking of going through with that? She was afraid he was making decisions based on the assumption that Lucas was his.

But she was excited anyway; she couldn’t help it.

I’ll make up the couch.

Great. See you soon.

When Mack arrived, he found the porch light on. He hadn’t been able to get away from Whiskey Creek as soon as he’d planned—it’d taken longer than he thought to finish up a few items at work so that he wouldn’t have to rush back. That meant it was after one when he finally pulled into the drive.

When he’d texted Natasha to let her know that he was going to be late, she’d said she’d leave the door unlocked for him, but he hadn’t been willing to let her take that risk. He’d insisted she hide a key instead—a decision he regretted since he was having trouble finding it. By the time he discovered which rock she’d put it under, she must’ve heard him prowling around the place, because she let him in.

“Sorry to wake you,” he whispered as he hefted his duffel bag over his shoulder and slipped through the opening.

“It’s okay,” she said. “I hadn’t dropped off yet.”

“Not tired?”

“I was just...too caught up in my thoughts.”

“Any word from Ace?”

She sighed. “No. He didn’t come. Can you believe it? Poor Lucas.”

“What a jerk,” he muttered.

As she shut the door, she accidentally brushed against him, coming close enough that he could smell the womanly scent he’d always associated with her, and he felt his body react. That he was tired and had spent much of the drive dwelling on how exciting it had been to touch her in the bath undermined his resolve. It didn’t help that she’d answered the door in a tank top, without a bra, and in what he assumed were a pair of pajama shorts but could easily have been underwear. When he put down his duffel bag to embrace her, and she slipped into his arms to give him a customary welcome hug, his hands went around her waist to hold her against him instead of letting her go.

“All I’ve been able to think about is you in that damn bathtub,” he admitted, his mouth next to her ear. “And that night during Victorian Days in Whiskey Creek.”

She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t pull away, either.

He kissed her neck—once, twice, three times, working his way up. She still didn’t step away, and he allowed himself to press his lips to her temple as he slid his hands under her shirt to touch the smooth, warm skin of her back.

“I—I have your bed ready,” she said, but the last thing he wanted to do was let go of her and sleep on the couch.

“Natasha?”

Her eyes seemed troubled, torn when she tilted her head back to meet his gaze. “What?”

He watched her face as he slowly brought his hand around to cup her breast, saw her lips part when he moved his thumb over her nipple. “I want to make love to you.”

She didn’t say anything.

“If you don’t want that, you need to tell me now, because—” he closed his eyes “—I can’t seem to stop on my own.” He’d been thinking about her too much, talking to her too much, missing her too badly this week—so badly that he’d come back as soon as he could.

“It’s just sex, right?” she whispered. “You sleep with plenty of other women. Besides, it’s nothing we haven’t done before.”

He was pretty sure she was trying to minimize what they were feeling, make it as casual as possible. But he was too caught up to focus on subtleties. “Is that a yes?” he asked, so hungry for the taste of her that he pressed his lips to hers before she could even answer. He figured if she was going to refuse, she wouldn’t allow him to kiss her, or she wouldn’t respond to his kiss. But she made no attempt to stop him, and she definitely participated.

She accepted his tongue at the perfect moment, and he groaned as she offered him hers.

Then it was like Victorian Days all over again. Intense and immediate. She pulled off his shirt, and they nearly knocked over a chair on their way to the bedroom.

She locked the door so that Lucas couldn’t walk in on them before helping him pull off his jeans.

“I’ve never wanted anyone so badly,” he admitted when her hand closed around him.

She looked up, her gaze challenging, but she didn’t say anything. He told himself that that was okay; her touch was enough. This time, he hadn’t been drinking, but she made him so drunk on desire he couldn’t think of anything but pressing inside her.

Once he’d finished stripping off her clothes, he turned her toward the window so that he could study her bare body in the moonlight. He recognized the size and shape of her breasts, the smooth plane of her belly, the flare of her hips. He’d already memorized every detail. This, like the incident in the tub, was just a chance to become reacquainted with the image he’d carried in his head for so long, the same one he’d recalled thousands of times.

Lowering his head, he took her nipple in his mouth. It’d been over seven years since he’d last done this. The pent-up desire from years of denial, both before and after that incident, made him feel like the character in Chocolat who gave up chocolate for Lent but finally couldn’t bear it any longer, broke down and ate everything in the chocolate shop.

She gasped as his tongue moved over her and began to tremble, which made him rock-hard.

“You’re so beautiful, Tash,” he said. “Tell me you want to feel me inside you.” He’d thought the fact that she wasn’t saying anything wouldn’t bother him, but her silence was becoming noticeable. It was so different from last time. Then she’d told him he was the only man she’d ever loved, served her heart up on a platter. And what bothered him now was that he’d hurt her so badly afterward she wasn’t going to give him even the slightest access to her heart. “I want to hear you say it,” he added.

“No,” she said.

He hadn’t expected her to refuse. And it surprised him that she sounded so resolute.

He lifted his head. “Do you want me to stop?”

Her throat worked as she swallowed. “That’s up to you.”

He could tell she was enjoying herself. So what was going on? “Tash?” He felt his eyebrows jerk together. “What do you mean? Is this okay?”

“Of course,” she replied. “I obviously want it, too.”

He lowered his voice as he let his forehead rest against hers. “But you won’t say you want me.”

“No.”

“Fine.” He nipped at her neck and bit her hard enough that it would probably leave a mark. But, for some strange reason, he wanted to leave a mark, something he could see in the morning to remind him of this night. “I’ll make you say it.”

“I won’t do it,” she insisted.

“We’ll see about that.” Lifting her in his arms, he put her on the bed. “You say you don’t need a man? That you prefer a sex toy?” He settled himself between her knees and started to kiss his way down her stomach. “We’ll see if a sex toy can do this.”

Natasha grabbed handfuls of the bedding on either side of her so that she wouldn’t fist her hands in Mack’s hair, the way she wanted to. She’d never had a man do what he was doing, not in quite the same way, and the pleasure was so intense she couldn’t help writhing beneath him. She was addicted to him. Everything he did seemed to be better than anyone else.

But right when she was on the cusp of what promised to be the greatest climax of her life, he stopped and lifted his head. “Do you want more?” he asked.

He thought he had her. She was so close—of course she would want more. But she refused to tell him what he wanted to hear, wouldn’t give in, even now.

“Come on,” he said when she just glared at him. He attempted a grin. “All you have to do is make it a little more personal.”

Squeezing her eyes closed so she would no longer see his handsome face, she shook her head.

“Why not?”he asked.

She could understand his surprise. This wasn’t how things had gone last time. She’d told him anything he’d wanted to hear and probably a lot more. But she couldn’t do that again. She could no longer be that open, that trusting, that vulnerable. She had to remove the power he held over her, at last, so that she could take control of her own heart and life and come out victorious for a change. “You can stop...if you want,” she managed to say above the pounding of her heart.

When he didn’t respond, she opened her eyes and thought she saw some real disappointment on his face. But she knew he couldn’t care that much. So she remained resolute and prepared herself, in case he pulled away.

Fortunately, he didn’t. With a curse that suggested he couldn’t stop even if he wanted to, he put on a condom and pressed inside her, and the pressure and friction of just a few thrusts was all it took to throw her over the edge. She gasped as her body began to spasm, and he surprised her again by pausing to kiss her forehead and each cheek throughout the climax.

“God, you’re stubborn,” he complained as he began to move again, but she just closed her eyes and tried to pretend he was someone else, anyone else, so that she wouldn’t feel the tenderness that threatened to pry her fingers off the precipice of emotional safety to which she clung.

This was just physical, a mutual use, she reminded herself. She’d needed the release. It’d been a long time since she’d had sex with anyone, even Ace. But it didn’t matter how good it felt. It was ultimately meaningless, even with Mack. He’d already proved that he looked at sex that way. She wasn’t going to be the stupid fool her mother was by believing the way to a man’s heart was through a strong climax no matter how many times her partner proved that his affection didn’t last longer than it took to have one.

When he finished and she felt his body tense as he came, she couldn’t help tightening her embrace, if only slightly. That she’d shared this intimate experience with him was somehow meaningful in spite of all her self-talk. He’d always meant the world to her. He probably always would. She just couldn’t allow herself to think about it too much.

“Are you okay?” he asked as he rolled off.

“I’m fine.” She wanted to reach out and pull him close to her, to hold him while they fell asleep, but she resisted the urge.

That would be crossing the line.

Mack woke up three hours later. Natasha was still sleeping, so he wasn’t sure what had disturbed him until he heard someone in the bathroom.

Lucas was up.

Because he felt terrible that Ace had disappointed the kid, he slipped out of bed, pulled on his jeans and crept out of the bedroom so he wouldn’t bother Natasha.

Sure enough, the light was on in the bathroom.

He rapped lightly on the door, which stood halfway open, and poked his head in.

“Mack!” Lucas cried, seeing him in the mirror.

Mack put a finger to his lips. “Shh. Your mom’s sleeping,” he said, but as soon as Lucas was finished, he swept the kid into his arms.

“I’m so glad you’re here! Did you bring me something?” he asked.

“I did.”

His eyes went wide. “What is it?”

“Do you want to see it now?”

He nodded vigorously.

“Okay, but it’s still nighttime. Will you go back to bed afterward, if I show you?”

He nodded again, and Mack carried him down to the living room. “Wait right here,” he said before going out to get the box from his truck.

“It’s so big!” Lucas exclaimed as Mack carried it in. “What is it?”

Mack set it down so that Luke could see the picture on the front. “It’s your own basketball hoop—and it’s for indoors, so you can have it in your room.”

“Yay! I don’t have one of those!” He rushed over to take a closer look. “Will you get it out for me?”

“In the morning. I’ll set it up for you, and we can play with it.”

“Thanks, Mack!” he said and hugged Mack’s leg.

“Sure thing, buddy.” Mack lifted him up, and Lucas put his arms around Mack’s neck instead.

They stood like that for several seconds with Mack holding him and rubbing his back. He was feeling... He hated to put a name to the emotions that were going through him. So he ultimately refused to think about it and carried the kid back to his room.

“Will you lie down with me for a few minutes?” Lucas asked when Mack tucked him in.

Mack smoothed his dark curly hair off his forehead. “Sure.”

As Mack lay next to him, Lucas showed him that he could spell some simple words. He did some math, too—addition or subtraction problems Mack gave him—before he finally drifted off to sleep, at which point Mack let himself out of the room.

Mack knew he should go to the couch to spend the rest of the night. Natasha had made it up for him. But the thought of her naked in bed was too much of a temptation.

After he let himself back into her room and peeled off his jeans, he climbed under the covers and drew her body up against his.

“What are you doing awake?” she murmured sleepily.

“Lucas got up.”

“He okay?”

“Yeah. Don’t worry. I got him back to bed.” He kissed her, thinking that would be it, but she not only returned the kiss, she rolled to face him, and the next thing he knew, he was inside her again and her legs were locked around his hips.