When I Found You by Brenda Novak

Sixteen

Natasha could hear Mack talking to Dylan, even though she was upstairs in Lucas’s room, scraping the flowery wallpaper from the old plaster walls. Luke had gone down with Mack. He followed his new hero everywhere. But they’d both been helping her before Mack’s phone rang—if you could call what Lucas was doing “helping.” When Mack had suggested they spend the rest of the weekend fixing up the place, she’d suspected he was doing it to keep her mind off Ace and his parents. That was nice of him, but she couldn’t imagine he’d want to spend his time off doing physical labor, so she’d tried to talk him out of it. She’d told him she could manage it alone, or they could do it next time he was in the area. He was the one who’d insisted. He’d even contacted the landlord to get the approval.

Finished with the small area she’d been working on, she grabbed the spray bottle at her feet so that she could squirt the next section with stripping solution. She was tired and wanted a break, but she needed to give the solution time to soak through the paper and dissolve the glue underneath.

“Is Kellan doing okay?” she heard Mack ask as she put the bottle back down and sank onto the plastic they’d used to cover the floor to rest. They’d pushed all the furniture into the center of the room, so she only had a four-foot swath, but it was enough.

“That’s good...” he went on. “How’s Cheyenne dealing with everything?... Any more word from the Rinehardts?” He laughed. “I bet. I’d feel the same... But did they agree to keep their mouths shut since that’s what’s in Kellan’s best interest?... That’s good, at least... No, I haven’t talked to him recently. Have you?... That’s all he said?... Aaron’s so funny. That sounds like him... What?... No, Grady has no idea. Neither does Rod... I’m not going to tell them, and I highly doubt Aaron will ever say anything, either. If he’s kept the secret this long, I’m sure you can trust him... I think things can just go on as they’ve always been, unless Kellan decides to open his mouth... Oh, I’m glad he feels that way... Okay. I hope that’s the case... On Tuesday, unless you need me sooner... All right... Natasha? She’s great. So’s Lucas. She’s upstairs, but he’s right here. Want to talk to him?... Hang on.”

Natasha was lying on her back, staring up at the ceiling, as she heard Lucas get on the phone with Dylan. “I’m working,” he announced. “Yeah. I’m a big boy now. I play basketball. And soccer. And baseball. Like Mack. You can?... You want to come over and play with my new basketball hoop?... Okay! You can sleep in my room... No, Mack doesn’t sleep there. He sleeps with Mommy.”

Natasha had let her eyes drift closed as she listened. But as soon as she heard her son say that, she sat up and clamped both hands over her mouth. Lucas had just told Dylan that she and Mack were sleeping together?

Mack took the phone immediately and said what had to have been an awkward goodbye while she held her breath, waiting to see what he’d do next.

“I sleep with Mommy?” he echoed, presumably questioning Lucas.

“Don’t you?” her son said, sounding uncertain and completely clueless as to why that would be the wrong thing to say.

Mack laughed. “God, I can’t get away with anything.”

“Did I do something wrong?” Lucas asked.

“No. Don’t worry,” he replied and made Lucas squeal in delight just before Natasha heard them coming up the stairs.

When Mack appeared in the doorway, he had to duck to get into the room because he had Lucas on his shoulders.

She got to her feet and navigated around the furniture. “What’d Dylan have to say?”

“Are you asking the reason he called?” He cocked an eyebrow at her. “Or do you want to know how he reacted to what Luke just told him?”

“Both.”

“So you heard that.”

“Yeah.”

“Dylan was returning my call. I wanted to make sure all was well with Kellan now that he’s been home for a day or two.”

Luke saw his basketball on the floor and wanted to get down, so Mack set him on the floor and he took his basketball and ran into the hall to throw it down the stairs.

“And? Is it?” Natasha asked.

“Sounds like it.”

“How’d he react to what Lucas said?”

They could hear Lucas hurrying down the stairs to retrieve his ball. Mack hitched a thumb in his direction. “That kid catches a lot more than we give him credit for. You know that? He’s smart, like his mother.” He grinned. “But it doesn’t really matter. If he’s mine, Dylan and my other brothers are bound to find out we’ve been together at least once, right?”

“So it wasn’t too awkward?”

“I didn’t say that,” he said with a laugh.

“How’d Dylan react?”

“He didn’t. Not yet.”

“Meaning...”

“He’ll say something eventually.”

“What do you expect that to be?”

“A warning to be careful with your heart, since he cares about you, too.”

“That’s ridiculous!”

“What’s ridiculous?”

She scowled at him. “You don’t have to be careful with my heart. I’m not a child anymore. I can take care of myself. Besides, I know the difference between sex and love.” There was no way she wanted Mack to feel trapped even if they did share a child, wouldn’t marry him, even if he offered. She’d been through enough, wasn’t about to spend the rest of her life wondering if he would’ve made a different decision had Lucas belonged to Ace.

When Mack didn’t respond, she turned to see him watching her. “What’s going on between us?” he asked. “Is it just sex?”

“That’s right.” She’d chased him for so long, she wasn’t going to do it anymore. She’d be a fool to fall into that same old trap of wanting something she wasn’t going to get. In his defense, losing his mother the way he did, and his father, had made him careful who he loved. It was possible he couldn’t love her, or anyone else, because of his own fear of loss. So it was stupid to set them both up for more disappointment. She had her education, her career and her son. That was more than enough. She was going to rebuild her life such that she wasn’t begging for anyone’s love or attention.

“Friends with benefits—who might share a son,” he said.

“We might share a son, but Luke and I don’t come as a package deal,” she clarified. “You’re free to continue on as you’ve always been, regardless of what the DNA test says. It doesn’t matter to me anymore.”

The levity fled his face. “That sounds an awful lot like I don’t matter to you anymore.”

She thought of how desperately she’d loved him when they’d been living under the same roof. Back then she’d firmly believed he felt something, too. But now that she was an adult, she could see that she must’ve seemed like a mere child to him. And then, after Victorian Days, he’d shied away from the intensity, the commitment—and the stigma. “Not in that way. I’ll always care about you, of course. I’m grateful for—”

“All that I’ve done,” he broke in. “I know. You’ve told me that many times.”

“It’s true. But what I felt back then, when...when we first met, that’s gone. And I’m sure you’re glad. It must’ve been embarrassing and annoying with your brothers teasing you all the time,” she said with a laugh.

He didn’t speak right away. When he did, he said, “I didn’t mind.”

“Well, either way, you don’t have to worry about that anymore, because it’s all behind us.”

“Okay,” he said but acted so distant for the rest of the day that he barely spoke to her. He certainly didn’t touch her.

After they finished stripping the rest of the wallpaper in Luke’s room, cleaned up the mess so that Luke would still be able to sleep in there and had pizza for dinner, they were both exhausted. But she thought Mack might visit her bed. After all, she’d let him know, in no uncertain terms, that there were no strings attached. That had to be welcome news to a confirmed bachelor like him.

But after he read several books to Lucas and finally got him to sleep, he didn’t cross the hall. He went downstairs to the couch.

Mack had been expecting to hear something from Dylan. He knew his brother wouldn’t let what Lucas had disclosed slide. As the oldest in the family, he felt too responsible for Natasha. So Mack wasn’t surprised to see a text from Dylan come in just after eleven.

Is it true about you and Tash?

Mack sighed as he read those words. Did he deny it?

No. He’d never lied to Dylan before. He wasn’t going to start now. Yes.

Yes? No explanation? Can you call me so that we can talk about this?

I can’t talk—not while I’m here.

You realize Natasha’s fresh on the heels of a rough divorce.

I do.

And? Do you think sleeping with her is smart? She’s been through a lot. I don’t want to see her get hurt again.

I’m not going to hurt her.

How do you know? She’s always had a thing for you. And I haven’t seen you in ONE serious relationship.

That doesn’t mean there won’t be a first.Natasha had been the only woman who could ever really threaten his heart. Apparently, his brothers hadn’t caught on as much as he’d thought. Or they’d just forgotten what it was really like in the old days.

Don’t get involved with Natasha, Mack. Not right now. Give her some time to get over her losses.

That was probably good advice, but there were extenuating circumstances his brother didn’t know about.This isn’t the first time we’ve been together, Dyl.

His brother’s answer came right away: Please don’t tell me that sort of thing was going on when she was living at our place!

You mean when she was underage? Thanks for giving me absolutely no credit.

If I remember right, she was nineteen by the time she graduated. That’s old enough.

She was still too young for me, and I knew it. Plus, the circumstances. You know what I mean. I didn’t touch her back then.

When have you been together long enough since?

During Victorian Days seven years ago.

Mack could hear Natasha getting ready for bed upstairs, remembered her talking about keeping their relationship strictly physical. But he knew she wasn’t built that way. What she’d witnessed growing up, what she’d lived through, had instilled a strong desire to be everything her mother was not. He believed it was that drive that had propelled her—a girl with no prospects—all the way through med school.

He felt his phone buzz: But Lucas is almost seven. Wasn’t she married?

He decided to keep his answer simple. No. She’d been dating Ace for a couple of months, but they weren’t exclusive when we ran into each other at the celebration.

So do you care about her?

Of course.

But not the way we care about her.

How was he supposed to answer that question? He’d always love the girl he knew, but he was just getting to know the woman she’d become. It’s been years since she lived with us.

Exactly. So how the hell is it moving that fast?

Because of their history. He’d never had to fight his desire for any woman quite as hard as he’d had to fight his desire for Natasha. Which was why he was relieved that he’d managed to do the right thing back then. At least when he’d screwed up she’d been much older.

And now...it was a relief to finally give in, to enjoy everything he’d denied himself. But was it more than that?

He scratched his head, blew out a sigh and quit trying to keep what was going on a damn secret. Dyl, Lucas might be mine.

WTF???? Are you kidding?

No. He was born nine months after Natasha and I were together.

And you’ve never said anything?

I wasn’t sure, and I didn’t want to cause problems in her marriage. But I’ll find out soon. I took a paternity test last week.

When will you get the results?

Any day now.

Does Natasha’s ex-husband know about this?

He does.

Why would you tell him before you have the results?

It’s a long story.

He must be pissed.

He is.

So if Lucas is yours, are you going to assume the role of his father?

Of course. Why would I let anyone else take my place?

What about Ace?

It’s sticky, I admit. But we’ll figure it out. First we have to get the results. Then we’ll take it from there.

And I thought *I* was caught up in some drama.

You were, no question. How’s that going?

A lot better. It’s taken some reassurance, but Kellan seems to be moving on as if it’s no big deal. It’s helped that Aaron hasn’t contacted him since he came home. He’s left it all to me, and I think that’s made Kellan realize that nothing is going to change. I’m still his dad and Aaron is still just his uncle.

I’m glad.

So now you might have a son.

Looks that way.

And he’s Natasha’s.

Yeah.

Wow. Life can get complicated. Will you see him on weekends or what?

I’m trying not to get too far ahead of myself.

You must’ve thought about it.

I’ll do whatever I have to do to see him.

Is that why you’re suddenly getting serious about opening an Amos Auto Body in LA?

It’s certainly a consideration.

Will you be relieved if he’s not your son?

No, I’ll be disappointed,he wrote and was surprised to realize just how much.

The next day, they decided to drive to the beach. They had to wait for the walls to dry in Lucas’s bedroom before they could paint, anyway. And although Natasha wanted to peel the wallpaper from the master, too, she preferred to finish one room before moving on to the next. She figured she’d do that herself, after Mack was gone. If she was going to be single for the rest of her life, she had to get used to being self-reliant.

Besides, she wanted Mack to have some fun during his time off. She knew how hard he worked when he was at home.

She made a picnic to take with them while he taught Lucas how to shoot a basketball. Then they got in their swimsuits, packed some sunblock and sand toys in addition to the food and set out for San Buenaventura State Beach, about twenty minutes away.

It was a hot day, one in which everything and everyone seemed to be moving sluggishly, and the horizon shimmered with heat waves.

Diving into the sea was refreshing. They played in the surf with Lucas for almost two hours before dropping onto their towels to watch him dig in the sand.

Hoping her skin would get a little color—she’d been indoors so much while going through school and starting her practice—Natasha covered her face with her beach hat while allowing the sun to dry her off and chase away the chill of the water. She didn’t mean to fall asleep but quickly grew drowsy. She’d been up so many nights since everything had gone wrong at her medical practice. With someone she trusted as much as Mack there to help keep an eye on Lucas, this felt like the first time she’d been able to truly relax in a long while.

She woke up to Mack putting sunblock on her. “You’re getting roasted,” he explained.

The heat was making her brain sluggish, too. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to drift off completely. Is Lucas okay?”

“He’s fine. He can’t go anywhere even if he wanted to. I’ve buried him in the sand.”

“Look, Mommy,” Lucas cried. “I can’t move!”

She leaned up on an elbow and shaded her eyes. Lucas’s head was the only part of him sticking out of the sand, but she could tell Mack hadn’t buried him deep. He could get free if he really wanted to. “Did Mack do that? I might have to get him back for you.”

A devilish glint entered Mack’s eyes. “How do you propose to do that?”

She grinned. “I have my ways.”

He nudged her to get her to roll over. When she did, his large hands spread lotion on her neck, shoulders, lower back and legs, pausing almost imperceptibly as he pushed the cream up under the edge of her bikini bottoms. She knew he was trying to keep her from getting burned, but his touch made her catch her breath.

She could tell he wasn’t unaffected himself.

“I’m getting the impression you regret sleeping on the couch last night,” she joked.

He gave her a dirty look as she rolled back over to face him. “Really? You’re going to make fun of me? Because I made that sacrifice for you.”

She laughed. “For me!”

He tossed the bottle of sunblock on the towel as he sat down again. “Yes. I’m trying to protect our relationship.”

She watched Lucas wiggle and break through the sand before chasing a seagull about ten feet away. “Oh, is that what you’ve been doing.”

“One of us has to,” he grumbled.

“Who says?”

He scowled at her. “What do you mean?”

She took the sunblock and got up on her knees to put some on his back. “We’re both adults. Now that we’ve set some ground rules, I figure it’s no big deal if we make love whenever we want.”

“You’re not worried about where that could lead?”

Once she was finished rubbing in the sunblock, she gripped his broad shoulders and leaned around to kiss him. She wanted to go on kissing him. That was definitely a warning sign. But she chose to ignore it. Maybe she was being reckless, but her life had been so difficult lately. Surely she could grab this little bit of happiness and enjoy Mack while he was around. “Not really. The way I see it, we could have the best of both worlds.”

He’d returned her kiss, but she could tell he was wary of this new direction. “All the fun, none of the commitment,” he said.

“Exactly. Lucas already told Dylan that we’re sleeping together. So we don’t have to worry about your brothers finding out.”

His gaze moved down the length of her. He seemed tempted—but something was holding him back.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. “Are you afraid this offer is too good to be true?”

“I’m afraid we’ll wind up enemies. That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“How? As long as we’re up-front, honest and kind, we should be fine. We truly care about each other. We can protect that.”

“Those are just words, Tash. A sexual relationship always comes with risks.”

“But we’ve slept together before.”

“Not regularly. You’ve seen how Ace is behaving.”

“Ace and I were married.”

“Doesn’t matter. He’s hurt and he’s jealous. That’s how people act when they feel those things.”

“You would never behave like that.”

“And yet none of the women I’ve slept with in the past are part of my life now. That tells you something, doesn’t it? Those kinds of relationships are hard to maintain. They either go somewhere—or they fizzle out. Someone always gets hurt.”

“Well, we know it won’t be you,” she said with a laugh.

“That’s the problem,” he said. “I definitely don’t want it to be you.”

She knew he was protective of her. He’d proved that time and again. But was he being completely honest with himself? There’d been times when she could swear he’d wanted more from her, too. The way he made love to her was too intense for there not to be some level of emotion.

Maybe she wasn’t the only one running scared.

She got up and started unloading the basket, so they could eat. “Fine. If you’re not interested, there are other men out there.” With that, she gave such a bright smile to two guys who were striding past that one bumped into the other as he did a double take.

“Be careful, Natasha,” Mack growled.

Seeing Mack, and the dark scowl on his face, they hurried on, but she’d made her point.

“What?”she said, widening her eyes in mock innocence.

He glowered at her. “You’re playing with fire.”

Lucas was exhausted after spending most of the day at the beach. He was taking a nap, so the house was quiet, except for the shower. Mack could hear the water running, but he was trying to ignore it.

He’d decided not to let his relationship with Natasha get out of control. That was why he’d slept on the couch last night. They still had so much to consider. The DNA test that had yet to reveal Lucas’s biological father. Whether Mack would be able to find the right place to open an Amos Auto Body location and move closer. How, if they started seeing each other, they’d break the news to their families. Mack had told Dylan, but he knew Dylan wouldn’t say anything to anyone else, and when the others eventually found out, they wouldn’t be happy about this coming back up. They’d seen him go from woman to woman for so long they’d be too worried about how it would end, because this would affect someone they knew and loved, too.

For the first time ever, he’d be breaking code—going against what everyone felt was best for the family.

Then there was everything Natasha had experienced the past couple of years. He didn’t think getting together was a risk they should take right now. She was so hurt and angry. When she talked about their attraction being only physical, there were moments when he believed she wouldn’t think twice about hurting him in return—no matter how many times he apologized for the past.

But the sound of that shower, knowing she was in there naked, was driving him mad. The tension between them had been so palpable on the ride home that they’d barely spoken. After the way she’d challenged him on the beach—not to mention seeing her in that bikini all day—he could scarcely think of anything except getting his hands on her again. It didn’t help that his mind kept returning to that moment when she’d leaned around and kissed him as though it didn’t matter who saw, even Lucas. Because of the way they’d met, he’d always felt as though he had to keep his desire for her a secret. It was something he had to control, something he had to deny, something he’d always felt a little ashamed of, since he knew it wasn’t a good thing for either one of them—at least, it hadn’t been in the past. So to be that open, to kiss right on the beach in front of other people, was a heady experience. It made him feel as though she belonged to him after all—something he’d always felt deep down anyway.

So was he really going to miss this?

No.

When he opened the bathroom door, he wasn’t sure she could hear him above the water. But she definitely knew he was there when he slid the curtain back. From the second she saw him, she watched him warily as the water continued to run down her body in rivulets.

“Are you still trying to decide whether you want to be in here?” she asked.

“No,” he said and stepped in with her, clothes and all.