Lessons in Sin by Pam Godwin

CHAPTER 33

MAGNUS

Hiking with Tinsley in the mountains became one of the greatest pleasures of my life.

The hours we spent on the trails weren’t about the destination. That time together was about bonding and learning and appreciating each other. It was about arguing and laughing and kissing.

I’d come to know her in depth at school, in the classroom, in the church. But seeing her among the evergreens and chasing her through the snow, I gained new perspectives.

Nature gave her a deep sense of wonder, like a salve for her mind, a place to rest her thoughts. She didn’t belong in the city. She wasn’t happy in a mansion. I couldn’t even picture her in a classroom anymore.

This was her home, amid the mountains, rivers, beavers, opossums, bats, and falcons. This was where she belonged, and I was right here with her, absorbing the land, welcoming it into my lungs, knitting her to my soul.

Our footfalls became our heartbeats, the trees our cocoon. Here, safe in our private world, we formed a ride-or-die connection that thrived in the forbidden. It was raw. It was dangerous. It was our comfort. We floated in a sense of wakeful dreaming.

I spent two weeks with her in the mountains, and for the first time in my life, I felt no inner battle. No regrets. She was the greatest blessing heaven could’ve given me, and I wouldn’t misuse or squander this gift. I would cherish her and protect her at all costs.

“Uh-oh.” She lay on her side in the bed, facing me. “I see brooding eyes.”

Neither of us wore a stitch of clothing, yet the only parts of us that touched were our gazes.

“My thoughts are pure joy,” I murmured.

“You know what’s pure joy? My silk pillowcase. Since your face is pressed to that cotton abomination, it’s no wonder you look so darkly menacing and grouchy.”

She said this while snuggling into her shiny ivory pillowcase, which was absurdly juxtaposed with my plaid flannel sheets. She was the only person I knew who would bring a fancy pillow covering to a cabin in the mountains.

It was also one of the few high-maintenance things about her. She didn’t wear makeup or paint her nails or fuss over her hair. But she was rather protective of her pricey undergarments. Whenever I ripped one, she turned feral.

She was a contradiction of her upbringing. A spoiled rich girl with integrity and a beautiful mind that she could put to use in a million different ways. I knew, whatever she decided to do in life, she would use that brilliant brain to make the world a better place.

I just needed to keep her safe until I figured out how to deal with her mother and Tucker Kensington.

“We need to discuss our return to school.” The words felt like sand in my mouth.

“Don’t be a buzzkill.” Her expression shuttered. “We have three days.”

“School resumes in three days. I need to go back tomorrow. I’ll send a car for you the day after. We need to stagger our arrivals to avoid suspicion.”

“No.” Sadness leaked into her voice. Then harder, firmer. “No.”

“Listen to me carefully.” I reached for her face, my fingers sliding into her hair. “We’re going to take every precaution possible. No more sneaking around.”

“What?” She clutched my wrist against her neck. “What does that mean?”

“It means that once we leave this cabin, we must return to a professional relationship.”

“That’s ridiculous. We never had a professional fucking relationship. What are you even talking about?”

She was right, of course. I didn’t know how we would maintain distance while spending every minute together in the classroom. But I refused to fuck this up. It was her and me against the world, and we would win. End of story.

“I’m your guardian. I’ll stay with you. I’ll keep you. I’ll fucking roar for you. If anyone fucks with you, I’ll be their nightmare. I’ll burn down the goddamn world for you. But I can’t do that if I get caught.” My chest buckled beneath the gravity of my decision. “No sex. No touching. No risks.”

“For how long?”

“Until you graduate.”

As if the words slapped her, she reared back, flinching with pain in her eyes. “That’s five months!”

Hiking the trails with her had become one of my greatest pleasures, but it didn’t light a candle to the feel of her body—gripping, clenching, sucking, pulling—as I sank inside her.

When I’d taken her virginity in the church, I’d never come so hard in my life. But it was like that every time with her. We fucked like rabbits. My dick was chafed. Welts, bruises, and hickeys covered her flesh. I wanted my marks branded on her permanently as a declaration to all that she was mine.

But there could be no declarations. No public claiming. No one could know.

“When you’re in the residence hall, undressing or taking a shower, you can’t let anyone see these.” I ran a finger over the bites on her tits. “Until they fade, keep them covered. They’ll raise questions.”

“I don’t care.” Air expelled from her nose with little heat. She knew I was right. “Dammit, Magnus. We can be careful, just like before. Lock the doors and—”

“No.”

“It’s never going to work. You’ve lost your fucking mind. The very first time you put me on my hands and knees to scrub your damn floors—”

“I won’t. No more punishments. If you misbehave, I’ll put you in detention with another teacher.”

“Bullshit.” Her hand fisted on the bed between us.

“Try me, Tinsley. See what happens.”

Her jaw stiffened, and she looked away.

“I’ve been thinking about this long and hard. I’ve had some time to get used to the idea.” I caressed the delicate edges of her face, bringing her gaze back to mine. “It won’t be easy. It’s going to be five months of pure torture.”

After going without sex for nine years, a few months should be nothing. But it wasn’t nothing. I’d had a taste of her. More than a taste. Depriving myself was going to be endless, excruciating hell.

“It won’t be five months.” She leaned up on an elbow and smacked my hand away. “You and I end here. Tonight. You made a decision not to touch me at school. Fine. But you don’t get me after that. Have you forgotten my future has already been written, sold, and signed?” Anger impassioned her voice. “When you leave here tomorrow, you’re leaving me for good.”

I would never leave her. She belonged to me for always and in all ways. But she didn’t need to be convinced of that right now. Not yet. First, I needed to get us through the remainder of the school year without a disaster. Perhaps her anger would help us maintain that required distance.

Once she was graduated and I had a solution for the Kensington-Constantine merger, I would make her understand how committed, possessive, and very fucking serious I was when it came to her.

I’d inflicted a lot of cruelty and endured a lifetime of loneliness to get here. I wanted her too badly to risk losing her.

The next five months were temporary.

“Trust me.” I grabbed her curvy little hip and yanked her against me. “Do as I say, and I’ll take care of everything.”

“Are you going to fuck me goodbye? Is that what this is?” She bared her teeth and pushed away.

“No, Tinsley. I’m going to show you how much I’m going to burn for you until I have you again.” I hauled her back and captured her mouth.

She fought me, but I didn’t care. This was our last night, and if we didn’t spend it joined together in every humanly way, she would regret it. We both would.

So I kissed her and put my hand between her legs and convinced her body to accept me. If she truly objected, she would have made it abundantly clear, probably with her fists. But despite her anger and dread, she didn’t want to lose this precious time.

Within seconds, she fell upon me in a fury of claws and kisses. I devoured her desperation, longing, and dread as it exploded from her and into me. Without words, her lips confessed her fear about our impending separation. And in that kiss, I assured her I would be with her, watching over her, even when I couldn’t physically show her.

I’d never made love to a woman, but there was no other way to do this with Tinsley. I consumed her, idolized her, paid homage to all her perfections, and committed every heavenly sensation to memory.

With each stroke of my cock and sweep of my tongue, we spiraled from anger to devotion, from recklessness to delirium. We fucked until neither of us could move.

Hours later, I lay in a sheen of sweat, staring at the ceiling in the dark. She slept beside me, peaceful at the moment, but she’d fallen asleep angry.

Had the circumstances been different, I wouldn’t have allowed her to go to bed mad. But there was no resolution for her grief. I would not compromise on this. If her family discovered what I was doing with their daughter, they would try to kill me.

I didn’t want to deal with a henchman. I only wanted to focus on her. And my mind was already swimming with solutions for her future.

Carefully, I slipped out of bed without waking her, grabbed my phone, and shut the door on my way out.

In the kitchen, I poured a shot of whiskey and dialed my best friend.

“It’s late,” Crisanto said in greeting.

“Too late for a confession?”

“Hm.” Rustling sounded over the phone. “Sounds serious.”

“It’s the most serious confession I’ll ever give.”

“I’m listening.”

I confessed everything. But it wasn’t an Act of Contrition. I wasn’t sorry. I was deeply unrepentant and unashamed of every second I’d spent with Tinsley.

He already knew how I’d felt about her leading up to the holiday break. So when I told him she’d returned to the school and I’d taken her to the cabin, he gave no reaction. He’d probably been expecting this call for a while.

I told him our relationship had become sexual but not in the way I’d been with other women.

“You don’t mistreat her?” he asked.

“No. I don’t even have the urge. I adore her too much.”

“That’s…new.”

“Yeah. All of this is new.”

I explained the nature of our relationship while leaving out some of the details. He didn’t need to know I fucked her face in the confessional and took her virginity in the church.

“Does her family suspect anything?” he asked.

“She’s been in contact with her brothers almost daily. They call constantly, checking on her. She’s convinced them she’s enjoying a quiet holiday with a few friends she made at school.”

“If they discover—”

“They won’t. I’m heading back to the school tomorrow and am discontinuing my relationship with her.”

“Can I be honest with you?”

“Always.”

“God has forgiven you for the things you’ve done. You don’t need to continue this cycle of self-punishment.” He paused, breathing in and out. “You’re not meant to be a priest, Magnus. It was never your calling.”

My heart thudded as his words sank in. The thought had always hung around in my head, but hearing it from his mouth made it more real.

“Do you love her?” Uncertainty laced his voice.

He didn’t believe I was capable of romantic love. And why would he? I was the king of pain and heartbreak.

Until her.

Pure heart, beautiful mind, bright soul. I loved her. How could I not? She was so very easy to love.

“Yeah. I love her with everything that I am.”