The Heartbreaker of Echo Pass by Maisey Yates

CHAPTER TEN

IRISWOKEUPcrabby and avoided her family as she got up and slipped out of the house, making the drive down to the new bakery. It was still early, the sky just barely blushing pink as the sun peeked over the mountains.

It was a beautiful morning.

Too bad she was far too vile to appreciate it.

Griffin.

She shoved his name far to the side. She didn’t need to be thinking his name.

She needed a name for the bakery. She hadn’t thought of one yet. There were puns, of course. And anything involving her name. But so far, her baked goods themselves had gone toward being named after the people in her life, rather than being anything terribly cutesy.

Except for the Mountain Climber.

Well, she might not name one even vaguely in his honor, after all. He was being difficult. Completely unreasonable.

She parked her car and got out, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment, then crossed the street and headed toward the front door of the bakery.

She pushed the door in, and the warmth greeted her. And the strangest sense of belonging. She had never felt that outside of her house. Had never felt that outside of Hope Springs. It was amazing.

The sense of belonging. Of purpose.

But her unhappiness with Griffin was like a grain of sand, agitating against the warmth in her chest. It felt rough and uncomfortable. And she hadn’t asked for it.

She tortured herself with it as she sat down behind the counter in the space. She was intent on making lists of names for the place, and finalizing an opening date. She had filed everything for permits with the county, and it was looking very straightforward. Especially since it had passed inspection only recently.

Really, she needed to get going on everything.

Instead, she sat there, thumping her pen against a piece of paper.

She saw a flash of movement out of the corner of her eye, and realized it was her sister Pansy standing there in front of the door.

Iris frowned and slid off the stool, heading toward the entry. She pushed the door open and let her sister come in. “What’re you doing here?”

“I thought you were here, and I came by to check in. I took an early shift this morning.”

“Oh. Well, so did I.”

She smiled, but knew it was a rueful smile. Considering she had come in early to avoid her family. And yet, there her sister was. She couldn’t quite seem to escape them.

“What’s wrong?”

Iris narrowed her eyes. “I didn’t say anything was wrong.”

“You look like something is wrong.”

“It’s not,” she said. “I promise.” Except she was lying, and she was a very bad liar. She didn’t have any practice with it.

“Are you nervous about the bakery?”

“No. Not at all. I’m excited about this. I... I want this. But it’s a change, and I want to focus on that. On the change. And so is moving away from Hope Springs, and I am going to do it.”

“I know you are,” Pansy said. “I really do understand, Iris.”

“I know you do. Rose doesn’t like change, and everything she needs is right there at the ranch. She... She fell in love there.”

“There’s life off of it, though. Ryder and Rose might’ve found love there, but I didn’t. I found it in an unlikely place.”

“Yeah. I know.”

“I really don’t want to pry.”

“Well, then you could not pry.”

“No,” she said, looking incredibly, falsely sad. “With great regret I’m going to. This guy that you’re working with... The landlord...”

“I think my problem is that I haven’t been in the vicinity of an attractive male that I’m not related to in...ever.”

“You’re not related to Logan,” she pointed out.

“But he’s like a brother to me.”

“Didn’t stop Rose.”

“Well, clearly he’s not like a brother to Rose.” She sighed. “He is to me.”

“So you think that you are just having some kind of testosterone overload?”

“It occurred to me. I mean, what’s wrong with me, that I go out to make a life for myself and immediately get...fixated on a very unfriendly man that I’m working with. It’s not like he’s nice,” she muttered.

“Did something happen?”

“He got mad at me yesterday.”

“He’s not dangerous, is he?” Pansy asked, and she could sense a shift in her younger sister. Her protective instincts going into overdrive. Pansy might be Iris’s younger sister, but she was also a police officer. And Iris knew that she wouldn’t hesitate to go handle a man who had gotten violent with her.

“No. Not like that at all. Just... Angry. He’s angry. And I’ve had my fill of caregiving and taking on projects.” Unease spiked in her chest, because that was close to the truth, but it wasn’t quite it. And she didn’t want to get any closer to it. “I have this bakery,” she continued. “And I think he’s beautiful. And yesterday even when he was mad I wanted to... I don’t even have the words for what I want. And I feel so horrifically frustrated by it.” Tears pricked her eyes, and she didn’t know why. It wasn’t sadness. It was a deep frustration.

“I took care of you. You and Rose and everyone else. I did the best I could. But I... I didn’t really have anyone to take care of me. And it isn’t that Ryder didn’t do his best, he did. But I think he considered me in his boat. It’s okay. I’m not... Upset about it. But there was no one there to talk to me about dating, or sex, or anything like that. And the idea of caring for someone that way just scared me anyway so I kind of shut it off. I didn’t want to go to bars and hook up. Because I couldn’t imagine giving that much of myself to someone I would never see again. I still can’t imagine it, but I don’t want... I don’t want to care about someone that much. But I want him. And I don’t know what it means. I don’t know what to do with it.”

“Well,” Pansy said after a long moment. “I know that I didn’t do the caretaking. But I understand... I understand feeling like you missed something. Something big. West infuriated and frustrated me, but not half as much as what he made me feel. I don’t have the same reasons as you, Iris, but I wanted to be the chief of police. And being a police officer at all in a small town, knowing you might have to pull over some guy that you hooked up with... I was never into that. It just sounded like too much work. Like too big of a risk. So I kept it all locked down until I met West. And I didn’t intend to fall in love with him, I just did. Just because that happened to me doesn’t mean it will happen to you.”

“What are you suggesting?”

“I’m suggesting that you’re in a season where you’re trying to change. And you’re doing things for yourself. And you’re going to have your very own apartment. And if you want a man, maybe you should see where it goes?”

“But I...”

“Why haven’t you been with anyone?” Pansy looked at her intently, her sister’s bright eyes glittering. “Is it because you don’t want to? Is it because it doesn’t feel right to you to be with someone you’re not going to marry? If that’s the case, then don’t do it. But if it’s just because you’re afraid, if you’re holding yourself back...”

“I am,” Iris said. “I am.”

And she wouldn’t have been able to admit that only a few days ago. But what Griffin had said to her about her strength was resonating inside of her. She was strong, and she had built strong walls to protect herself.

She had done what she felt was necessary to survive. Had chosen to put other people ahead of herself because she didn’t want to contend with what it might mean to put her own self out there. To let herself want something. But she was doing it now. With the bakery. Why not with him too?

“What do I do if he doesn’t want me?”

“I... I mean, do you think he wants you?”

“I don’t know,” Iris said, spreading her hands. “I really don’t. I don’t have any idea about the finer points of this kind of thing. Or the...blunter points even.”

“I guess it’s like opening a bakery. Or becoming chief of police. There are no guarantees. But you kinda have to try, or you aren’t going to know. Nobody can tell you it’s going to work. Nobody can tell you that you won’t be disappointed.”

Iris nodded slowly. “It was so easy to complain my life was boring while I wasn’t doing anything about it. Boring is safe.” Stupidly, tears welled up in her eyes again. “I got mad at Rose for pushing me toward a man that I thought was boring. I was upset that all of you had moved on. And I kind of saw myself as poor and left behind. But I’m afraid. I’m afraid of wanting more. I’m afraid of getting more. And the easiest thing to do is to put everyone and everything in front of yourself.”

“I’m not unfamiliar. It’s pretty easy to put a cause like chief of police in front of grief. A tribute to Dad instead of actually dealing with how I feel about losing him. I feel you.”

“I guess I should be grateful that I’m not alone?”

“I guess. I understand feeling like you want to protect yourself from going through any more than you already have. Believe me. I don’t think anyone understands more than... Well, the rest of us.”

“But you have to spend a lot of time hiding in order to do that, don’t you?”

“Definitely,” she said.

“So what do you suggest?”

“You’re going for what you want. So, go for what you want.”

“But what if I don’t know exactly what I want?”

“Then you make a mistake.”

“But you didn’t actually make a mistake. And I feel like you’re awfully comfortable talking about me making one.”

“I might have,” Pansy said. “And whatever else happened with me and West, I did make some mistakes. And so did he.”

Iris stared down at her blank pad. The one that still didn’t have a single name for the bakery written on it. It’s true. She was trying to not make mistakes. She was trying to be certain before she even tested anything out.

And so she started writing. Lots of names. Stupid ones. Flowers and puns and personal things.

While she wrote, Pansy gave her a hug, and said goodbye. And Iris kept on thinking. She stood up from her stool and walked into the kitchen. And without thinking, started to make sugar cookies. Because sugar cookies were the perfect blank canvas sort of treat.

And it would help her think. Mostly because she could do this entire recipe without paying attention at all.

“The Hungry Raccoon,” she said to herself as she got the dough into the mixing bowl. “The Place That Has All of the Baked Goods.” She had a distinct memory then. Of Pansy being small and stealing cookies out of the cookie jar. And she paused. “The Cookie Jar. The Cookie Jar.” The name filled her with warmth. It felt good. It reminded her of better days. Of when they’d been children and things had felt simple. Of her mother making cookies and putting them in that little jar at the back of the counter. It was long gone, that jar.

Even as far back as she could remember, the mouse on it had a broken ear. But she had still been cute, with a pink dress and white apron. And of course, she always held cookies so that made her all the more compelling.

The Cookie Jar.

There. She could make choices. She could decide things. Things like the name of her business.

Things like whether or not she wanted a man.

Griffin Chance.

The idea of trying to...seduce him seemed ridiculous. Mostly because she didn’t think of herself as seductive in any way.

But she also hadn’t imagined a few months ago that she would do something like this. That she would jump into starting her own business, into moving in to the apartment above the bakery. The way that she’d fought for this was unlike anything she’d ever fought for in her life. For herself, anyway.

She was proud of it. So why not go a step further? And if he rejected her... It didn’t matter.

She ignored the slight pain in her chest at the thought. She finished the sugar cookie dough, and put it in one of the large fridges, to be rolled out later.

She felt somewhat resolved. It seemed a bit ridiculous to think that she might seduce a man she hadn’t even kissed. But that was the thing. She wasn’t a child. And she had left things far too long. So as it stood, it was all a little absurd. She couldn’t imagine that a man like Griffin would merely want to be the subject of her first kiss. He would of course assume that there would be more. And she did want more. She imagined the problem with waiting until her age to have sex for the first time was that kind of put you on an accelerated track once you did start.

When you were sixteen, there was a whole lot of fumbling and uncertainty—as she was led to believe, anyway—and fear that parents might catch you, concerns over teenage pregnancy...

Iris winced.

Well, pregnancy wasn’t really a concern. She’d been on the pill for a while just for cramps, so that was covered.

But there was a matter of condoms, which she knew was responsible, pregnancy not being a fear aside.

Though, that would require a trip into Tolowa. She was not buying prophylactics here. No. There was no way.

The very idea made her wish she was dead.

That was it. She was just at the age where she could be pragmatic about these kinds of things. She should celebrate that. It was a gift, really.

That she didn’t have to romanticize. That she didn’t have to turn it into something bigger than it was.

She wasn’t going to fall in love. She couldn’t. Wanting more would mean needing more, trying to earn more, and she couldn’t face that. But that was another gift of age. She knew enough to know that sex didn’t mean love.

But...she didn’t think she’d have been silly enough to think it did even when she was younger.

She couldn’t seduce him in his cabin. And it was entirely possible she wouldn’t be able to seduce him while he was mad at her. So that was another issue altogether.

She walked slowly up the stairs to the apartment, and looked around the vacant space. It was really almost move-in ready. She would need to bring bedding, and things like that, but otherwise...

She walked over to the kitchen sink, and turned on the water, and a spray shot up from behind the faucet. Like a sign from heaven.

Well, that was maybe not a very good way to think about it. Perhaps she couldn’t attribute that sort of thing to heaven. But either way, someone had helped her out. Because there she had it. The perfect excuse to ask him to come down here.

You don’t think he’ll just hire someone else?

She thought back to the work he was doing on that house he clearly didn’t want her to see.

No. She didn’t think that he would just hire someone else to do it. He would want to do it himself, because he was that kind of man. The kind of very stubborn man who liked to do physical things on his own, and would never see any point in paying someone to do it. He might have a business manager, but Iris had a sense that that was different.

At least, she hoped it was.

For all the little she knew about men, she did have her brother, her cousins and Logan. And they were that kind of hardheaded man.

First things first, she had to get the place a bit more habitable. But since he clearly didn’t want her coming up to the cabin in the meantime, that seemed fair enough. And maybe in the end, she could outlast him. He’d come down here to get food, because she would be too busy to go up for the next couple of days.

As seduction plans went, it wasn’t a bad one.

If you couldn’t lead with experience and skills, you might as well lead with excellent cooking.

She may not know all the places to touch a man, but she knew how to make mashed potatoes.

And in the grand scheme of things, that was pretty good.

She was committed to working with what she had.