The Heartbreaker of Echo Pass by Maisey Yates

CHAPTER NINE

SHEHADDECIDEDon a few things before she had come up today. Not just his cookie, not just that she might share a little bit about herself and her life, but that she was going to make sure he had a fresh meal.

And so, she had outfitted herself with everything she needed to make a good camp dinner. She was going to make burgers. And she might even stay for dinner.

What exactly are you doing?

She pushed that thought to the side. She was being nice. She had briquettes and a lighter, and she was determined that she would get a perfect sphere on the hamburgers. She had cut up lettuce and tomatoes, and had pickles and mustard and mayonnaise. Barbecue sauce. Lots of cheese. Basically everything required to make a good burger. She was grilling onions and put the buns on the grill as well to add a little something.

Usually, it was her brother who did the grilling, but there wasn’t a whole lot of cooking that she wasn’t more than competent at.

And while she worked on dinner, she thought about the exchange they’d had earlier. About the way he seemed to fight allowing himself to enjoy anything.

About the way he had looked at her.

Like he was trying to see something beneath her skin.

It had made her feel hot all over, and like her clothes were particularly itchy.

She liked him.

Which made her feel stupid and juvenile. But it was more than just a crush like she’d had in high school. It was deeper, and came with some feelings that were decidedly adult. Ones that she couldn’t quite untangle, because she...

She knew how sex worked. She wasn’t young. She knew basically all there was to know. But that was just theoretical.

And in terms of what she actually wanted... Well, she didn’t quite know all that.

She felt perplexed. By the deep attraction that was building on her end. And a bit embarrassed. She had never felt anything like this in her life. And she wondered if he could see it. Wondered if it was somehow written across her forehead. And how humiliating, because it wasn’t just like having fluttery feelings for someone. Like thinking she might want to hold a guy’s hand. This was fraught and deep.

She wanted to touch her mouth to his.

And how the hell did you have that conversation with a man anyway? Not that she wanted to kiss him, but that she wanted to kiss him, and had in fact never been kissed before.

Maybe that was the real reason she’d been drawn to Elliott. Because if there was one nice thing she could say about a guy that bland, it was that at least gaining some experience with him might have felt a little bit low stakes. Regardless of the fact that even he probably had more sexual experience than she did—because the rock next to the charcoal grill had more sexual experience than she did—she would have felt like they were somehow still on more equal footing.

She knew that she wasn’t on equal footing with Griffin. Whatever his experience was. That was beside the point.

He was hard and intense, like a man carved from stone. He would be...

He was brisk and demanding. And she somehow had the strong sense that he would be that way in all areas of life.

And she didn’t even know how she had that sense. Was it wisdom? Female wisdom that she just sort of had because on an instinctual level she knew how things could be between a man and a woman?

Or was she just making things up? Because it was too unsettling to have such a big void of knowledge and she wanted to pretend that there was something she could know?

She couldn’t say.

So she angrily worked at grilling burgers.

She tried not to think about him telling her explicitly that she wasn’t to ask about him.

His past.

It made her chest hurt. Because there was something. She knew it.

Maybe that was what drew her to him.

That certainty that on some level she could understand him. She was certain of that. She didn’t quite know how. But maybe deep sadness and loss called out to like wounds. She didn’t know.

She didn’t know a whole lot.

But wasn’t that the point? She hadn’t pushed herself in that kind of situation before. She had been quite easy on herself these last few years. And this was where she... Well, it was where she pushed herself, she supposed.

Grilling burgers and pondering sexual attraction. She sighed heavily.

She had just wanted to open a bakery.

In the beginning.

Now things were complicated.

She finished, and waited. She had been at the house all day. Had run back into town to get some supplies, to get the grill and come back, and she hadn’t seen him at all.

She wondered where he went. Because his truck was here, so he couldn’t have left, and he had indicated that he didn’t often leave the mountain anyway. So what was he working on?

He had the horses, maybe he had even more of a ranch than he let on. It was possible, she supposed. But he hadn’t been over there where she had found the horses, so he was somewhere else, that was for sure. There was another path. One that led in the opposite direction to the one that she had taken the other day. Somebody had to go and get him for dinner.

She ignored the disquiet that flared through her when she took the burgers off the grill, and decided to go and look for him rather than continue to wait.

Because something in her knew that he probably didn’t want to be found. But he hadn’t wanted to be found in the first place, and he was happy enough about it now. And he did like food.

She had noticed that.

She wouldn’t go so far as to say that it soothed the savage beast. He never seemed all that soothed. But he was slightly more...manageable when there was food on offer.

So she took a deep breath and headed down that path, looking around as she did. It really was beautiful up here. She could see why he liked it. Or... Did he like it? He had never really said. He had made it clear that he preferred isolation to the company of strangers. Or anyone. That didn’t mean that he liked it.

She continued walking until she heard the sound of a hammer hitting metal. And then, she came around the curve of the path, and saw the beginnings of the house. At least, that’s what she assumed it was. A foundation and some skeletal wood. And Griffin, shirtless, hammering away. She couldn’t take her eyes off of him. Everything about him was beautiful. His entire body finally honed. As he hammered, the muscles in his shoulders shifted and bunched, his abs, his chest...

And she was mesmerized. By absolutely everything about him.

And as if he could feel her eyes on him, he suddenly looked up, and his expression shifted. And when it did, it was to one of absolute, unquestionable fury.

He pulled the hammer back one more time, then tossed it onto the ground. “What are you doing here?”

“I... I came to get you for dinner.”

“I didn’t give you permission to go exploring, did I?”

“I didn’t know I needed permission. I’m kind of in all your stuff cleaning, anyway.”

“Well, I didn’t tell you that you could come here. And I don’t want you here.”

It was like her fantasy had been a delicate paper lantern, and he’d grabbed it in his fists and buckled it. Extinguished the light.

His anger was painful, and she hadn’t expected that. That it would hurt to be on the receiving end of his displeasure, but it did.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

He was so angry. She could feel it coming off of him in waves. And she could see that he wasn’t entirely reasonable. This was about something else. And she couldn’t quite figure out what. Because she didn’t know anything about him, and he refused to tell her. Because whatever she thought was happening with him, it wasn’t. That much was clear. Because he had forbidden her from asking anything about his past, and she had been sitting there... She was such an idiot.

She was an idiot, and she felt unnerved, with this large, angry man barreling toward her. He stopped, still with a healthy amount of space between them, but she could feel deep, unchecked emotion coming from him.

“Just stick to the cabin, Iris. Stick to what you do. This is my stuff. My business.”

“It’s a building,” she said. “I don’t magically have insight into you that you don’t want me to have because I saw it. You can calm down.”

“Just... I didn’t ask for you to come up here in the first place,” he said. “I didn’t ask for you to bring cookies. I didn’t ask for you to cook me dinner.”

“Well, I did,” she said, taking a step toward him. Anger spiked through her veins.

She didn’t often let herself get angry. She didn’t let herself get angry because it was often pointless. Because what was there to say half the time when life wasn’t fair? When the people around her weren’t fair. Nothing. There was nothing but coping, and she was damn good at that. She was good at putting her head down, good at telling herself that she liked quiet life. That she was fine with the way things were. But she wasn’t fine with this. For the first time in her life she had met a man who interested her in a deep and terrifying way, and he was...infuriating and unknowable.

He was creating desires inside of her that she wasn’t even sure she’d known were there. At least not this strong. And he was... He was pushing her away. And it enraged her that she even had that thought. That she wanted to be something other than away from him. That she felt entitled to anything from him at all. Because he hadn’t opened her chest up and put those feelings inside of her. Because he hadn’t asked for her to feel this connection to him that she did. But she still blamed him.

And this pain that was rioting through her chest felt like his fault too.

Was this what being a teenager was like for most people?

It wasn’t like she didn’t know what it was like to have crushes. It was just...she’d never been able to afford to have her emotions be unchecked. She’d always had to be levelheaded.

Always.

And he made her feel... Not that.

“I cook for you because I’m being nice,” she said, taking a step toward him. “I’m not sure if you know what that looks like. Or what that means.”

“Iris...”

“No. I made you hamburgers. And you...” She moved even closer still, and she could smell him. Musk and man and spicy skin.

His sweat.

It should disgust her. But it didn’t. Instead, it made her want to draw closer. Made her want to... She didn’t even know. She didn’t even have the words for the things that he made her want, and it wasn’t fair.

She suddenly felt desperately, horribly lost.

She’d never had anyone to ask about all this.

About sex and wanting and what you did when a man’s sweat was more attractive than it was repelling.

She’d been the mother figure.

She’d been the one that was supposed to know everything, but she didn’t know anything.

Not about this.

And suddenly, he shifted, and it brought him just that much closer. So close that a whisper separated them. So close that a breath might have closed the distance between their mouths. Heat prickled over her skin, made her skin feel too tight for her body. Her heart thundered, out of control, and she could barely breathe.

Would he kiss her? Was that what was happening?

Would he actually...

She felt weak with it. Terrified. Brave. She wanted to take that additional step. Wanted to close the distance between them. And she also wanted to weep because she didn’t know how.

“I need you to do your job. And that’s it.”

She could feel his heat. His mouth was so close she would only have to incline her head to touch her lips to his. She felt dizzy. Giddy.

“Griffin,” she said softly.

Then he took a step back from her, leaving her feeling cold. Bereft.

“Just go, Iris.”

“I made you hamburgers.”

“Take them home. Take yourself on home.”

She didn’t have the words to argue. Didn’t know how she even would.

So she did what he asked. She stepped back, and then she turned around on the trail and headed to the cabin. She looked around at the food she prepared. She had half a mind to push it onto the ground. Because what was the point of trying to do anything nice for him? What was the point of any of this? Of feeling like she should do anything for him? Of feeling anything at all?

Was she just pathetic? Pathetic and so desperate for a man that she’d attached herself to the first one she had any proximity to who wasn’t related to her?

You know that isn’t true.

She wanted to howl in frustration.

Instead, she slowly collected the food, and then took it into his house. Putting the carefully sliced vegetables and the hamburger patties inside the icebox. She sealed the desserts and made sure that they were properly stored. She didn’t know why. She knew less than nothing at the moment, it seemed.

But... No one was up here to take care of him. And he clearly didn’t want her to. He would probably rather she had a huge tantrum and kicked the grill over. Would probably rather she took the food home for herself.

She wouldn’t let him do that. She would leave it for him, regardless of his behavior. She would take care of him, regardless of his behavior.

Because that’s just what you do? Take care of everyone else?

She didn’t really think she could win. With herself or with him. So she left, driving back down to town full of frustration, but most of all, sadness.

Because this was supposed to be some kind of big emancipation. And somehow, she felt younger and more confused than she ever had in her life.

GRIFFINKNEWHE’Dcrossed the line. She hadn’t asked to be treated like that. And she didn’t deserve it. She’d cooked for him. Made him dinner. And he knew what the hell his problem was, but that didn’t give him any excuse.

It was just that... He’d seen her standing there, and he’d wanted to go to her. He’d seen the way that she was looking at him. Really looking at him. And what he’d wanted to do was go to her and wrap his arms around her. Had wanted to pull her up against his chest. Had wanted to taste her mouth, rather than lecturing her.

Hell.

He felt like an ass, and somewhere beyond redemption.

Redemptionwas a strange word. One that didn’t quite fit with his life. With where he was. With what he needed.

And that was how he found himself sitting on his cell phone rock knowing that he needed to call his sister. He’d avoided her for too long.

It was perverse, and he knew it. He wasn’t calling her because he missed her. He was calling her because he wanted a reminder. Of who he was and why he was here.

It wasn’t that he didn’t miss his sister. It was just that he... He didn’t really have a sense of what missing a person was anymore. It was just with him, all the time. Part of who he was. So, he couldn’t separate out missing her more than he could missing anyone else.

“What the hell, Griffin?”

“Nice to hear your voice too, Mallory.”

“Well, you know, I spent a good amount of the last few weeks thinking you might actually have killed yourself up there on that mountain.”

He didn’t say anything.

“I didn’t mean...” She stumbled over her words. “I meant, you know you could have an accident. How would I know? How would you get help?”

“I’m fine,” he said.

She breathed heavily into the phone. “Yeah. So fine. What is your plan?”

“I’m building the house.”

“Griffin...”

“What?”

“I don’t think she would want you up there building the house by yourself. I get what you think you’re doing, but...”

“You don’t know what she would’ve wanted. And you know what, it’s not about what she would have wanted. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know what else to do, and I’m here. You don’t have to worry about anything happening to me. I’m alive.”

He bit back everything he wanted to say in addition to that. It wasn’t... Worth much of anything. Because he’d said it all. He’d thought it all.

He could have all the questions in the world about why he couldn’t swap places. About why it hadn’t been him. About why it had happened at all. It didn’t change anything. It never did.

“I wouldn’t do anything to... It would be disrespectful.”

“Come home.”

“It’s not home for me,” he said.

“Enjoying small town life so much?”

He looked around at the wilderness. She wouldn’t be able to believe what he’d traded in. What he had here, and how different it was to what he’d left behind.

She wouldn’t believe what it was really like up here.

“Yeah,” he said, finally. “It’s quaint.”

“What should I tell Mom and Dad?”

“Tell them I’m...fishing.”

There was a brief pause. “Are you?”

“I could.”

“What do you do? Just tell me that you’re not drinking too much and...”

“I’m definitely drinking too much. But I’ve got horses up here with me. I ride.”

This pause felt painful, he wasn’t sure why. “You talk to other people?”

He cleared his throat. “It just so happens I’ve got a woman cooking for me.”

“A woman.”

“She works for me,” he said. “That’s all.”

“All right,” she said. “Just... Don’t go that long without calling me again.”

“All right,” he echoed. “I promise.”

“You’re just going to go now, aren’t you?”

“I think that would be best.”

“Goodbye, Griffin.”

And as he walked back down to the cabin, he realized the phone call with his sister hadn’t really helped anything. The only thing it had served to do was highlight the fact that he was caught between two things. A life that didn’t exist anymore, and one he didn’t want.

And then there were Iris Daniels’s greenish eyes, and the way she had looked at his body.

And for the first time, what he really wanted was to pretend that there was no old Griffin Chance. That his life had begun here on this mountaintop. Because if it had, he would be free to grab her, kiss her, answer all the questions he’d seen on her face.

He growled, throwing open the door of the cabin, and then going to the refrigerator. Whatever he’d said to her, he was hungry.

And when he looked in the icebox, he saw all of the burger fixings carefully wrapped up and placed there.

There was a lot of food in that fridge. Thanks to Iris.

Food that reminded him he could be hungry.

Damn Iris Daniels for reminding him about hunger.

For reminding him he was human.

For reminding him he was a man.