The Heartbreaker of Echo Pass by Maisey Yates
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
IRISKNEWTHATshe had to leave the mountain. She’d been up there for more than twenty-four hours, and she could not spend another night. She didn’t have cell service up here, and it was inevitable that her family would be concerned. Plus, she had everything with the bakery to get back to and a whole host of other things.
It was difficult to leave, though.
“I’ll be back, with food.”
“Yeah,” Griffin said, running his hand over his hair. She had wanted to reach up and follow that same trail. Brush his hair off his forehead, let her fingertips drift down his face and linger at his beard. Instead, she just kissed him briefly, and told herself that her eyes were just stinging from allergies. Because there was a whole host of things in bloom, and that was the problem.
Why she felt strange, and her chest tightened. And her throat felt scratchy.
She started the drive down the mountain, and realized that she was shaking. She had just spent a day naked, mostly in the sun, making love with a man. And she tried to remember the woman she’d been when she drove up the mountain with that plate of cookies, unsure of what she was facing when it came to Griffin. A woman who had been so frustrated with the stagnant nature of her life, and who was looking to make some changes. And she just felt like...
That woman was silly.
Because she’d wanted changes, not knowing what it would mean. Not even having a clue that it wasn’t as simple as before and after. That it wasn’t as simple as not understanding sex and then understanding it.
She felt more mystified by the whole thing than she had when she’d started. She had known more as a virgin than she knew now. And that was a whole strange thing.
She wanted to believe that if her mother had been alive, she would have talked to her about this.
I’m sorry, Iris, Rose wanted to bake the cookies earlier, and you know how she gets. You and I will bake another time.
Sorry, Iris, I’m run off my feet. We’ll talk tomorrow.
She rubbed her chest, and it felt sore. More allergies. Probably.
When she pulled up to Hope Springs Ranch, Rose was sitting on the porch, her boots up on the rail, her arms crossed.
“Hi,” Iris said, getting out of the car, the dusky light providing a little bit of coverage for her expression.
“Well, well,” Rose said. “The prodigal has returned.”
“I’m hardly prodigal.”
“You are a little.”
“And where’s my fatted calf?”
“Can I interest you in a rather skinny chicken?”
“If you’re going to go throwing around biblical proclamations, then I expect a showing of biblical proportions.”
“I was actually waiting for Logan. But where have you been? Ryder is... Well, he is not happy.”
“I spent the night... With Griffin.”
Of all the ways that Iris had imagined her sister—so brash and full of double entendres—might react to news like that, her face crumpling and effecting a shape that suggested deep concern was not on the list.
“Are you okay?”
Iris lifted a shoulder. “Yeah. I’m... I’m good.”
Right then, Sammy came out the front door, a dish towel thrown over her shoulder. She was wearing a loose white dress, her blond hair free in the wind. Looking a bit like a guardian angel.
“There you are,” Sammy said. “When you didn’t answer your calls? Ryder got apoplectic.”
“It wasn’t my intention for him to be... Apoplectic. Or to be out of range for so long. I am sorry.”
Rose looked at her, clearly asking the question of whether or not she could share what Iris had already told her. Iris didn’t need Rose to do her dirty work.
“I spent the night with Griffin last night.”
Sammy too reacted, not with hedonistic glee, which had been more her reaction to Pansy’s proclamations, but with the same grave concern that Rose had shown.
“Are you okay?”
“Why are both of you acting like sex might have brought me irrevocable harm?”
“Because you’re...”
“It’s just that you...”
“What?” Iris asked, feeling frustrated.
“You’re very...”
“Soft,” Sammy finished.
Iris frowned. “I am not soft. You all do what I tell you to.”
“Do we?”
“Who determines what we have for dinner?”
“Fair point,” Sammy said.
“I’m fine. I’m fine, it’s just... It’s complicated. And... I don’t know. He’s not boring, that’s for sure.” And then, something dug at her, beneath her ribs, and even though she felt like what had passed between herself and Griffin was too precious to make light of, she knew what Rose would do.
“I lost track of how many times,” Iris said. “And outside too,” she added. “No khakis in sight.”
Rose looked abashed. “Really? You still have to go on about that?”
“I’m not boring. You’re just not... None of you are right about me. I’m not weak. I’m not soft. I’m not boring. I can have affairs with brooding mysterious men. On mountaintops. And sometimes I’m not going to call home. Because I’m thirty-one. I am not fourteen. Or twenty-four. So there.”
“Way to go,” Sammy said, looking genuinely impressed. “I’m very glad to hear that your first experience has been... Satisfying.”
“More than,” Iris said emphatically. “He’s a god.”
“I really would like to see this man god who deflowered you in a meadow.”
“I did not say he deflowered me in a meadow.”
That was pastoral. They had come together during a storm. But that was something that no one needed to know. All the intensity between them. Or anything about Griffin’s life. That was something he’d shared with her. It was private. Sacred.
It made her ache in a lot of weird ways just thinking about it.
“Where is Ryder? I need to talk to him.”
“Wait a minute,” Sammy said. “I have to... Did you use a condom?”
“Sammy,” Iris said. “I do not need you to give me a safe sex lecture.”
“Look, I know you’re an adult and everything, but I just feel like... As the person with more experience...”
“You mean as the person who slept with my brother without protection and ended up accidentally pregnant with his baby?”
“Fine. Speaking to you as a supremely fallen woman.”
“No,” she admitted. “But I’m on the pill. For... You know. Stuff.”
“Iris, you have to be careful about STDs and things.”
“He is fine,” she said.
“Sex gods on top of mountains can’t be trusted.”
“He hasn’t been with anyone for a long time.” She clenched the back of her teeth together. “He’s been through a lot.”
“How much?”
Pain stirred in her chest. “He lost his wife.” That was as far as she would go.
“Oh,” Sammy and Rose said at the same time.
Rose’s expression turned cautious. “That sounds like kind of a project.”
“You’re with someone who experienced the exact same loss as you,” Iris said. “Both of you are projects.”
“That’s different,” Rose said. “Logan and I don’t have to explain anything to each other. We just know. I mean it’s a shared thing. Not an extra thing.”
“Well, it doesn’t matter. I’m not going to have a relationship with Griffin.” It felt more like they were clinging to each other while they got through a particularly difficult time in their lives. He was... Maybe trying to come out of something. Finally taking steps to live in a way he hadn’t in a long time. And really, she was doing the same. They had both been stuck. And sleeping together had given them a chance to be in a new space. To try something different. To try to be healed.
Not fully. The wounds that Griffin had would never fully heal, she was sure of that. Just as she would be forever marked by her parents’ deaths. By the regrets that she had surrounding them. There was no getting past it. Rose and Sammy were looking at her with concern, because they assumed that she would be expecting something else.
“Don’t go thinking that I believe this is my happy ending,” Iris said. “I don’t think that. He had his. And his wounds are pretty clear. More than that, he... Look, actually it’s me. I’m beginning some things. I’m not looking for an ending. Not to anything. Because you’re right, Rose, he’s a lot. And I like the guy. I like him a lot. But that doesn’t mean I want to take on his issues when I’m just kind of sorting out mine. I have a bakery to run.”
That wasn’t strictly...it. But her feelings on it were way too complicated to go into. It was too much ancient history and baggage and she just didn’t want to go there.
“Buns not buns?” Sammy asked.
“You just used the same word twice,” Iris said.
“Yeah. But I meant buns and buns.”
“I know what you meant. It still doesn’t work.”
“Buns and buns,” Rose said. “Why don’t you have both? I mean, like you said, you know what you want. Why not enjoy him?”
“He’s a man, not a carnival ride,” Sammy said. “Unfortunately, I find men are more complicated.”
Rose shrugged. “Doesn’t mean they aren’t fun.”
“Sure.”
“Okay. I am not conducting this affair by consensus. So that means you always have to deal with whatever I decide to do.”
“Unfair,” Rose said.
“You were very secretive about your own situation,” Iris said.
“Because. Because Sammy is a turncoat. And therein lies a problem. She’s going to tell Ryder that you had sex.”
Iris looked over at Sammy. Sammy look chagrined. “I cannot lie to my husband.”
“That complicates our friendship,” Iris said.
“I know. I’m sorry. I mean, I’m not going to walk in there and say that you had sex. But that has more to do with my concern for his blood pressure than it does for you. The thing is, I don’t think he actually wants to know your business. He doesn’t care what you do. But he does care that you’re safe. And he was worried. So if he asks...”
“I’m going to talk to him. I’m going to not say the word sex to him.”
Iris walked up the stairs, and stomped into the house, where she was greeted by overly enthusiastic dogs. “You’re menaces,” she said, but she petted them on the heads before sending them outside. And there was Ryder. She could see him through the kitchen doorway, sitting at the table.
“Hi,” she said.
He turned sharply, his expression fierce. “Where the hell have you been?”
“Out of cell range?”
“Right. Obviously. Except, you also could have been dead in a ditch.”
“You’re not my dad, quit doing an impersonation of him.”
“Someone has to.”
Suddenly, she just felt sad. Sad and overwhelmed, because there were all these tragedies, and she couldn’t seem to escape them. Her own. Griffin’s. Ryder couldn’t either. It was why he was acting this way, because he hadn’t known the whereabouts of his adult sister for a day.
Granted, some of that was that it was out of character. Out of routine. And of course that mattered. Of course that made a difference.
But still. She just felt sad. For all of them.
“Well, I’m here. I’m not dead in a ditch. Nothing’s wrong. But I do need to talk to you.”
“What do you need to talk to me about?”
“I’m moving out. Officially. I’m going to be living in the apartment above the bakery. I didn’t know if Rose mentioned it to you, or Pansy. But I did already talk to them a little bit about it.”
“You don’t have to move out,” he said.
“I know I don’t have to. I love being here. In that I love being with you. And Sammy. And Astrid. But you all have lives, and I don’t.”
“This is a life, Iris. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I’m not ashamed. I’m not. But I am ready. To figure out what else there is for me. And I don’t think that’s unfair.”
“Of course it’s not.”
“I’m just trying to figure things out. You know. My life.”
“Of course.”
“And that is going to include being out of cell phone range sometimes,” she said slowly.
“You met someone, I take it.”
She nodded. “I might have.”
“Your boss? Landlord? Whatever he is.”
“Griffin,” she said. “And... I guess. But I wouldn’t think of him primarily in that way.”
“Just tell me you’re being careful.” Which could mean a host of things, but he was choosing his wording very carefully, and so was she.
“You’re not going to have to give me away any time soon if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“That doesn’t worry me. If that’s what you want, I would love to do that. If it’s not what you want, then I won’t do it. Whatever you want to do.”
“I know that. I know that I always have your support.”
She stood there and stared at him, the brother who’d also been a father figure. Who she’d partnered with to try and keep the whole family sane when they had endured such an unimaginable loss. Their relationship would always be so heavy. There was no way around it. They’d been through too much. They would always care an awful lot about what the other was going through. Again, inevitable. They had just been through so damn much.
She sat down at the table across from him, suddenly feeling very small. “How long did it take you to figure out what you wanted to do with your life?”
“Until about a year ago,” he said.
She laughed. “Well, that’s not very comforting.”
“It’s true, though. Things came together when I married Sammy. Started coaching the football team again. Just brought some things back in my life that I had decided I didn’t get to have.”
“Because you threw everything into taking care of us.”
“Yes. But I know you did that too. And it’s going to take you a while, to sort through everything. And if this isn’t it, it’s going to come along. You don’t need to feel pressure to know exactly what you want.”
“I don’t, actually. I just kind of want to know that everything’s going to be okay. Because this is all a lot of big changes for me, and I feel a little bit overwhelmed by it. Because I forgot what it was like to have dreams. And when I finally did again, I got a little bit more than I bargained for. I’m trying to plan ahead, but I don’t know how to plan any of this.”
“Focus on the bakery,” he said. “I’m damn proud of you. It’s going to be amazing.”
“Thank you.”
“You all did good,” Ryder said. “And you have no idea how much that means. Because I was sad when Mom and Dad died. And I worried a hell of a lot for myself. But I just... Parents worry for their kids. Parents who are adults when they’re raising them. And I was just so conscious that I was nothing more than a kid trying to make sure you all did okay. Trying to make sure you got to the other side safely. You’re also much more amazing than I could’ve guessed you would be. And my life is a hell of a lot better that I thought it would be. And there’s been stuff. You know, like dealing with my relationship with Sammy. Logan and Rose...”
“Were you really mad when they got together?”
He shook his head. “No. I was mad when Logan nearly ruined it. They love each other. That’s so obvious.”
“It is,” she said. “You both make it look easy.”
Ryder laughed. “Not easy. I don’t know if you remember me growling around here like a bear when Sammy and I were trying to sort out what the hell our lives were going to look like. When we were trying to sort out how to be together. And Logan nearly ruined everything with Rose. It’s not easy.”
“Well, all the more reason for me to avoid it.”
“Good luck to you.”
She laughed, feeling hollow. “Thank you. I might need help moving.”
“Oh. Is that really what this whole conversation is about? Let’s have a heart-to-heart, can I borrow your truck?”
“Kind of.” She smiled, unrepentant. And he smiled right back.
“I suppose I can help you with that.”
“Very appreciated, big brother.”
“No problem, little sister.”
And she looked at him, and felt more like an equal than she ever had before. Like another person who had a life, and a future ahead of them, even if she didn’t know what it was. But he didn’t seem quite so much more older than her. She smiled. “The bakery is going to open next week.”
“Really?”
“I mean, I’m being kind of optimistic. I have to make sure all of my permits come through, but I’m expecting the last one in a couple of days.”
“That’s fantastic. Are you going to have a grand opening event?”
“I thought that I might. The weekend after opening. I’ll do a little soft open, see what people are liking best, and tailor it all to go with the big party.”
“Well, you know we’ll all be there. And we’ll help in any way we can. Because that’s what Danielses do.”
“Damn straight,” Iris said.
She stood and turned, preparing to leave the room. “Iris,” Ryder said.
“Yes?”
“If you’re going to go out of cell range for more than twenty-four hours, next time can you give me a heads-up?”
“Can’t I just hang a tie on the door?”
“You’re moving,” he said. “So... I guess actually I probably won’t know.”
“Yeah. Things change.”
“They surely do.”
And after having been through many changes in her life that were bad. That had signaled a change in things that she couldn’t fix, or even comprehend. This kind of change seemed good. Life moving forward as it was supposed to.
“Better late than never,” she whispered as she walked up the stairs to her bedroom for what she thought might be the last time.
