The Heartbreaker of Echo Pass by Maisey Yates

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

ITHADBEENa few days since Griffin had been up to the build site, and he’d decided to go and take stock. Had felt compelled to do so today.

For so long Griffin hadn’t thought of the house as anyone’s house in particular. At first, it had been Mel’s house.

Because it had been the place that she wanted, on the site that she wanted. But she had no part in the design of it. He had no real idea if it would’ve been something she liked. He’d known her, well enough to be able to guess, but it wasn’t like it had come directly from her. He was building it. And the fact was, she couldn’t live in it. He didn’t think of it as his house, because he couldn’t imagine getting to a space where he actually wanted to live in it. It was just something he was doing.

He stepped out of the truck, and surveyed the site. The skeletal walls, so far from completion, and as long as he did it by himself, he had a feeling it would remain pretty far from completion.

He needed a team. He needed a crew.

He couldn’t finish this by himself.

And before that hadn’t mattered, because not only had it been nobody’s house, there had been no rush because he had no idea who might live in it. In fact, in his head he had imagined it as a mausoleum. Nothing more than an empty tomb. Containing nothing, least of all life. A monument to death. Was that what he’d been building?

Well, the fact was, it was what his life had been.

A monument to death.

Certainly not a monument to love, or to the life that he’d once had.

A piss-poor tribute to the people who had once loved him more than anything on earth. The people he loved so very much still.

It was complicated. They didn’t need him to love them in the way he once had. They weren’t here for him to care for.

They were... They were safe.

And all of this that he’d done, this isolation, living up here... He’d been protecting them. Because he was still a husband. He was still a father. That love had not been removed from his body. He hadn’t lost who he was. He carried it with him.

But they were safe.

He believed that in his soul. They were cared for. They didn’t have the same needs as those who were still left on earth, living life.

He didn’t need to protect them.

But he could do a better job of sharing who they’d been. Of sharing the good that they’d done for him as a man. Because it had been a lot. Their legacy didn’t just begin at the hurt that he felt over losing them. And it shouldn’t. Their legacy was bigger than that. His wife’s existence had enriched the lives of so many, not just him. She was more than just his wife. And she was more than just his pain. And his little girl... She was more than that too. She was more than her death. She was smiles and giggles and a deep, real joy that he’d felt. That he knew existed. They had taught him that deep and beautiful things existed in the world.

Their legacy should be hope.

Their legacy should be love.

Wasn’t that a better legacy than death?

And wasn’t it up to him to carry that forward?

This house.

He had built it with his grief. He had fueled it with the sweat and tears that poured from him as he had hammered each and every nail. But somewhere along the lines, sometime in the last month or so, the tenor of the hammer hitting the nails had taken on a new sound. A new purpose.

Because he could see a life lived in that house. He could see it filled with people. Filled with love. Filled with children. He could see a future where he lived there. Not by himself in a cabin with no electricity, no water, no. He could see a future where he didn’t just survive. He could see a future where he lived.

And he wanted that future.

For the first time in so long he wanted.

And that had to matter. It did matter.

But it could only matter as much as he let it. And he had to be brave. He had to be brave, and step out and demand that life give him something more. There was fate, and he was beginning to believe in it. In the form of one petite woman who had come up the hill carrying a plate of cookies not knowing who she would meet at the top of it. A woman who had seen a sign on a bakery for rent, who had come into his life when he had needed her most.

But fate couldn’t do everything. Not for him and not for anyone. It didn’t just dish out the bad, it brought the good, but you had to be able to reach out and take it. You had to do that last bit of hiking yourself. She could have stopped when she saw the tree in the middle of the road but she didn’t. She kept on going.

And now it was up to him. It was up to him to keep on going.

It was up to him to let her know how much she mattered to him.

He still couldn’t see the future. He still didn’t have a name for all of this, but he was willing to find it.

He was willing to walk ahead until he did.

Because for the first time in a long time, the living mattered to him. And he was willing to do more work for them than he was going to do for the dead.

Because the dead didn’t need him.

Mel and Emma did not need him the way they once had.

Neither were they gone.

They were with him. In his heart. Had become a part of who he was, the air he breathed. In his actions, in his choices. In the changes that had occurred in him in the last five years.

There was something profound in that shift in thought, in feeling.

One made him the guardian of a tomb. The other made him a man.

Iris Daniels had reminded him he was a man.

A man who had some living to do.

IRISWASDETERMINEDthat her grand opening would be absolutely the best ever. Griffin had offered to come down and help, but her sisters and Sammy were with her, and she had pushed him off, feeling the need for a little bit of time with her family. At least, that’s what she told herself.

And so now, they were icing a mass number of pink sugar cookies, preparing them for a giveaway.

“These are adorable,” Sammy said. “And delicious.”

“Very delicious,” Rose agreed.

Pansy made for a comical picture, sitting there in her uniform, but she had to go to work as soon as they were finished and it hadn’t made any sense for her to be in her plainclothes.

“This really compromises your image,” Sammy said. “Police Chief Pansy Caldwell covered in pink frosting.”

Pansy rolled her eyes. “Everything about me already compromises my image. Police Chief Pansy basically covers it.”

“Yes, but you’re fearsome.”

“Formidable,” Rose agreed.

“I wouldn’t want to get in a fight with you,” Iris said.

“No indeed,” Pansy said. “Honestly, I don’t mind. It allows me to surprise people.”

“I like to surprise people,” Rose said cheerfully.

“With the fact that you’re a giant marshmallow, and not half as tough as you would like people to believe?” Sammy asked.

“I’m tough,” Rose said, frowning. “I could take you.”

“I never said you couldn’t,” Sammy said. She smiled brilliantly. “I’m a lover, not a fighter.”

“How nice for my brother,” Iris said.

“He would tell you different. I’m sure.”

“So where is The Handsome Man?” Rose asked. “I expected him to be here.”

“I told him that I wanted some time with you.” Everyone was staring at her. “What? I told you, it’s not like we’re living together or anything. It’s casual.”

“I have to tell you, after the whole thing with the barbecue, it does not seem casual.” Sammy spoke sagely.

“It is casual,” Iris insisted.

“Again,” Sammy said. “Doesn’t seem it.” She paused for a moment. “Ryder really liked him. He told me a little bit about... You know.”

Iris looked away. “I thought he might.”

“What?” Pansy asked.

“I told you Griffin lost his wife. But, until he decided to tell anyone the rest of it, I didn’t feel it was my place. He lost his daughter.”

“Oh,” her sisters chorused together.

“That’s exactly it. I don’t think he likes everyone to know just for that reason.”

“Well, how is anyone supposed to react? That’s terrible,” Rose said.

She felt suddenly an immense burden resting on her soul, and she didn’t want to think about why the idea of love felt quite so heavy to her. Why it felt like quite so much work.

Because it is. It’s baking and cleaning and proving. Over and over again.

And other people just get to be. And it seems like enough.

She felt guilty. Over the resentment those thoughts built up about her sisters. About the resentment it made her feel toward her mom, who wasn’t even here anymore.

Not now, Iris, I’m tired. I had to keep Rose busy all day while you were at school.

Oh, thank you so much for helping with dinner. What would I do without your help?

“Yes,” she agreed. “It’s terrible. And he needs a friend, not someone asking for a commitment and...it would be a disaster to fall in love with him. He’s not ready for it. I’m not ready... I... Look, sometimes you talk yourself into taking something because it’s better than the nothing you had. Elliott is a great example.”

Rose scoffed.

“I’m serious,” Iris said. “I was interested in Elliott because I thought it was better than nothing. I was a virgin and Griffin is great, but is it just because there’s never been anyone else? And you know he...he was alone and he was so...so sad. And right now I think I look good to him because he’s been broken for years. He needs someone to take care of him, and I’ve been doing that. But that will pass. And he won’t need my help anymore. And then I think he’d see our... You can’t build a life on that stuff.”

“You don’t know that,” Pansy said, gently.

“No, I do. I don’t want to fight,” Iris said. “And I don’t know how to say this without it coming out wrong. But I’ve done a lot of helping. And in the end you all grew up and moved on and what did I have? It’s one thing to do that with younger siblings, but I’m not doing that with a man.”

“I... I’m sorry,” Pansy said. “Do you really feel like we...we really took a lot from you didn’t we?”

“I don’t like to talk about it,” Iris said. “It’s not fair. You were kids and I wanted to take care of you, I did.”

“But you weren’t our mother,” Rose said. “You didn’t choose it.”

“No, but you’re my sisters, and I’d do it all over again. But you can see why I don’t want to get into anything like that in a relationship.”

“You don’t know that it would be like that,” Rose badgered.

“I won’t be taking the risk,” Iris said. “I have the bakery. And I have...his friendship.” She forced a smile. “And his body. Which is hot. And that’s all I want.”

Rose and Pansy exchanged a glance that said they clearly didn’t believe her.

Fine.

They didn’t have to.

“Well, let’s set up for cookies,” Rose said brightly, changing the subject, as she seemed to sense Iris’s extreme discomfort.

They set out a little sandwich board, pink balloons and the table filled with cookies. It was the weekend, and the first seasonal summer concert of the year was being held in the outdoor amphitheater in Gold Valley. People often came from hundreds of miles away to go to the shows, and it brought a massive influx of tourism into the community. That meant that today the streets were alive with people, and they gave away so many cookies, along with cards, information on how to place birthday cake orders and myriad other things.

She had set Rose at the register inside, and they sold a fair number of goodie baskets that she put together especially for the concerts. Many cakes, and little bottles of iced coffee. And she was feeling almost giddy with the relief of it. Until Griffin showed up, and the feeling of intensity overtook her.

She thought about everything she just said to her sisters. About feeling like it was too much. Like he was too much. And she realized she was caught in the middle of a somewhat unsolvable problem. Because her new life was inextricably linked to him whether she wanted it to be or not. Because no matter that she had made bold proclamations about the fact that this wasn’t permanent by design, she found that she...

She wanted him around. She wanted him to be there.

It was difficult to imagine this without him, and that was sobering.

“This is amazing,” he said. And then he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her, in full view of everybody.

“Thank you,” she said, her cheeks heating. Rose was inside, but Sammy and Pansy were there, looking on.

“Is there anything I can help with?”

She was about to say no, but then another wave of people came and Griffin immediately set to work charming them and handing cookies out. And she couldn’t deny that he was a pretty great asset when it came to female customers particularly. Today, he had on a tight black T-shirt and his cowboy hat, and he was looking...

Well, he was looking pretty perfect.

When all was said and done, her sisters offered to help with cleanup, and she was about to decline, when they started furiously working anyway.

And that left the five of them all doing things together, with Griffin talking to them effortlessly, as if he’d known them for years.

“We’ll get out of your hair,” Sammy said.

“You really don’t have to.”

“I think we do,” Rose said. “Anyway. Logan was cooking dinner tonight, and I really hate to squander a good opportunity to be waited on hand and foot.”

“Ryder might heat up a frozen pizza. But honestly, I wouldn’t eat his cooking if he offered.”

“Yeah, that sounds like Ryder.”

“He means well,” Sammy said. “And is very accomplished in other rooms.”

“Gross,” Rose and Iris said together.

“Goodbye, Griffin,” Sammy said. “It was nice to get to see you again.”

“You too.”

And that left just the two of them, standing there in the empty bakery, again.

“You know, the concert just started,” he said. “You want to walk up to the top of the hill over there and see if we can hear some of it?”

“I... Sure.”

They had a couple of concert baskets left over, and she grabbed them and the two of them walked out of the shop. She locked the door behind them, and Griffin took the boxes from her, and then grabbed hold of her hand.

Her heart squeezed tight as he walked her down the sidewalk, their fingers laced together in the way that she had sort of hoped he might do just a week ago when they’d gone to the Gold Valley Saloon.

Had that only been a week ago? It was so difficult to imagine her life before this. Before him.

And that made her heart stutter just a little bit.

They walked away from the main street, up the hill that went toward the amphitheater and then off a little path that led to a grassy hill. The sky was purple, the air hanging warm and low around them. She could smell the grass, the crickets, the smell coming up from the food trucks at the venue. And the music from an old country duo filtered through that summer air, adding to the magic.

“I don’t know why I never do this,” she said. “It’s really nice.”

“It’s easy to take for granted the things you have around you. The things in your hometown.”

“I suppose so.”

He opened up the first box, and took out a cake and offered it to her. She took it gladly.

“There have been all kinds of things I took for granted in my life,” he said. “It occurred to me that you may not know this. I feel like you lost the assurance that things would be all right very young.”

She nodded slowly, chewing the cake thoughtfully. “Yes. I did. I never assume anything. I never just assumed...”

“I did. My whole life. My parents had money, and I assumed that I would go to school. My father was successful in business, so I assumed that I would be. I was surrounded by people who made successes of themselves, and as a result it seemed pretty damn easy. I always assumed that a wife and kids would be out there somewhere. And when I met the woman that I wanted to marry, all those choices seemed easy. Love felt like something pretty easily won. We planned on having a daughter, and we did. And that all just seemed like how it was supposed to be. Until everything wasn’t. Until I found myself in a position that’s not natural any way you look at it. Until I was forced to bury my wife. Until I had to bury my child. And that was when I realized... Every good thing in life is a minor miracle. If not a major one. You can’t just assume that you’ll have anything. Or keep it. Not really.”

“I guess that’s true.”

“And I also thought... I was sure... I was sure that losing that meant I was never going to have anything like it ever again. That was just done for me. Just like I assumed that I’d have it, I assumed that having it once meant... That was it.”

“Of course.” His words made her chest get tight.

“I was wrong, though,” he said, his words steady and sure. “And it’s sort of a miracle, the biggest one I can think of, to realize that I can have these feelings. And it doesn’t feel like having them again, it feels like something completely different.”

“Griffin...”

“No, listen to me. It feels like something entirely different to be able to care again when you didn’t assume that you could. To be able to care about the world again when you were absolutely certain that you couldn’t. To be able to think ahead to a time where I want to share my life with other people. That I might be able to have a new future. Not just have my wife back. Not just have my daughter back.”

He took a sharp breath. “This whole idea of moving forward... It’s painful as hell. And I don’t know what it means. I feel disloyal. To be honest with you, I don’t feel perfectly healed, perfectly put together. I feel a little more broken, in fact, than I did the day before. Like making a change rebroke a bone that had healed...badly and now I have to heal a different way. But I care for you. A whole lot. You are something all your own, Iris Daniels, and I’m captivated by you.”

She didn’t know what to say to that. She felt overwhelmed, tears filling her eyes, she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know what she wanted to say.

She didn’t know what she wanted to feel.

“Griffin...”

“You don’t need to say anything. I’m not asking for anything. I’m not sure what I’m offering either. I’m a little bit messed up, and just trying to deal with all this in the most honest way possible. I don’t want to go back to the mountain. I want to stay with you. For now, I want to stay with you.”

“I see.”

“Do you?”

She blinked, her chest feeling sore. “I don’t know, I... What about Mel?”

“Mel is gone,” he said.

She nodded. “Yes. You love her, though. She was your wife. I’m...not.”

He nodded slowly. “I’ll always love her.”

“You should.”

“She was my first love. But she isn’t here now.” His voice was rough and heavy with regret and it hurt. And it was foolish to feel hurt by it.

But she envied that woman, which was the least fair thing. Mel wasn’t here anymore. But she knew the man he’d been. The one she’d seen bits and pieces of when he smiled with her family.

He’d put a suit on for her and married her.

You weren’t supposed to do this...

She wasn’t doing this. She wasn’t.

It was just she cared so much, but she knew this wasn’t forever. She was okay with that.

“I need you.”

That word fed something inside of her. That word suddenly grounded her to the spot. She looked at him, at his beautiful, lined face. At the brokenness she saw there.

He’d said he didn’t have it all figured out, but that he wanted her. And she could help. She could do something for him. Fix him. Be what he needed. For the time he needed it.

But she realized when she’d seen him today that she couldn’t quite imagine a situation where she’d be happy without Griffin in her life. Couldn’t pretend that she was going to walk away from it unscathed. Why shouldn’t she take what he was offering? A chance to be together. A chance for her to help him heal, just like they’d been talking about before. But maybe this would be a little bit longer. With him around a little more.

As long as she knew what it was, it would be okay, wouldn’t it?

She’d given her sisters such a convincing story earlier but when she looked at him it burned, and...and she wouldn’t get confused. If she was happy helping, it was okay that it wasn’t love.

He loved his wife. He’d loved her first.

Iris would love her bakery and care for him.

It was okay.

“I want to be with you,” she said.

“Good,” he responded.

“What does that look like?”

“I suspect we’ll figure it out as we go. Though, still, your place is a bit more practical than mine.”

“Yes.”

“You won’t send me away at night again?”

“No,” she said. That scared her. Because it was compromising any distance she might have from him. And some distance had been comforting. A facade that maybe this wasn’t half so serious as it was becoming.

“I don’t really have much to bring down. Except some food from the ice chest.”

“You might as well leave it. If you’re going to be working on the house.”

“Yeah. True enough.” He shook his head. “I didn’t want to ask you to work through this with me.”

“I don’t mind. Griffin, whatever you need, I can be there for you. I can... I can take care of you. I can.” And if it all felt really similar to another time, to another moment, and it made her feel a little bit afraid, she didn’t let it sink in. Didn’t let it show.

She got out the little bottle of iced coffee and took a sip. And then she just sat with him, in silence, everything he’d said echoing in her.

That he had feelings for her. That he wanted to continue.

One thing she knew for sure, she wanted him in her life. And she was willing to do whatever work she needed to keep him there.