Knitted Hearts by Amber Kelly

Sonia

“Ihave no idea where he is,” I tell Elle over the line. “I called out to Stoney Ridge, and he left hours ago. He’s not picking up his cell or home phone. Do you think I should be worried?”

“No, it’s probably nothing. Truett could have asked him to give him a ride somewhere, or he could have bumped into Marvin on the drive, and he needed a hand.”

I know she’s right, but why wouldn’t he pick up his phone and let me know?

“It’s just odd.”

“I know, but men can be odd sometimes. Trust me. Just wait for him to arrive and then call me when you guys are on your way.”

“Okay. I’ll call you soon.”

I click off the line and recheck my messages just to confirm he hasn’t called.

I look down at George and Sue, who have been patiently waiting to be fed and walked. I was going to hold off until we made it to Elle’s to give them their dinner, but I know they are starving.

“Okay, okay, enough with the sad eyes. Mom will feed you guys.”

They follow me into the kitchen, and I empty a food pouch for each of them into separate bowls and set them down. They pounce on their meals like they haven’t eaten for days.

“Always ravenous,” I say as I scratch both their heads.

Then, I give them clean water and leave them to it while I go back to the living room to pace and silently freak out.

By the time I hear a tap on my door, I’m in full-blown panic mode.

I run down the steps with the pups on my heels and throw the door open.

Foster is standing there, looking like he just left the ranch and he lost his best friend on the way here.

I launch myself at him as relief floods my limbs. He catches me and wraps his arms so tight around me that it’s like he’s the one who has been sitting at home for hours, thinking I was dead in a ditch somewhere.

I let him hold me until I can no longer breathe, and I push at his chest. He brings his eyes to mine and asks if he can kiss me.

It’s an odd request. He has never asked for permission to kiss me.

“You’re scaring me. What happened?” I ask.

“Just let me kiss you, and I’ll tell you everything.”

“Why?”

“Because it might be the last time you let me kiss you.”

Confused and petrified, I grab the back of his head and bring his lips to mine. I kiss him with everything I have. I kiss him to reassure him that whatever is going on, we will handle it together. I kiss him like it could be the last kiss we ever share.

He lifts me off my feet, kicks the door shut behind him and walks us up the steps to my apartment without breaking the kiss. When we make it to my couch, he disengages, lets me go and takes a step back.

“Sit down, baby.”

I do as he said, and I wait as he takes the puppies and puts them in the bathroom, closing the door.

“I’m guessing we aren’t going to Elle’s?”

He shakes his head.

Then, he opens his mouth and shatters my world.

I sit on the couch, holding George to my chest.

A baby.

The phone rings for the third time in the last ten minutes.

I know it’s Elle without looking. I texted her earlier that we weren’t coming. I gave her no explanation. No follow-up. I knew that wouldn’t fly, but I just don’t have the strength to tell my friends that I’m here once again. After I promised myself I’d never let my heart get ground to dust like before.

George keeps raising her head and licking away my tears. She never lets me hold her like this anymore. When she first came home with me, we cuddled all the time. Now, she’s too curious and independent to be held, but tonight, she knows somehow that her soft fur and her sweet puppy breath are all that is holding me together.

Foster is going to be a father in February. His ex-wife—correction: his wife—is pregnant with their child.

I run my hand over George’s head.

“I should have listened to that voice that told me the only relationship I needed was a baby dog.”

She brings her big brown eyes to mine, and she tilts her head like she understands me.

“I’m sorry you lost your brother. I bet you’re going to wonder where he went. That’s my fault. I shouldn’t have let you get so attached.”

I start to cry again.

“It’s going to be hard, I know, but we’re tough girls. We can do hard things. And we are not the kind of girls that would be responsible for keeping a family apart. No, we are not. We’re just fine by ourselves. Aren’t we?”

She stands in my lap and starts wagging her tail and barking her agreement.

“Damn straight we are.”

No more. I’m truly done with love.