A Spinster No More by Rose Pearson
Chapter Nineteen
Anne had not expected to talk of James. She never spoke of him. Her family had barely mentioned his name since Mama’s spell of ill health. It was as if they could not bear to think of anything bad, for fear they might draw it closer. Anne had not even spoken to Mary about her beloved brother, though they had discussed so many things and had grown as close as sisters during her time in the Durand household.
Yet here she was, telling Mr. Cormick. She wanted him to know that she understood that grief could make you behave strangely, that she could easily forgive him – given the very strange position he had found himself in. It must have been quite disconcerting to see Caroline every time he turned around, and especially for her to then marry his younger brother. It was enough to make anyone act oddly.
“I am so very sorry,” he said finally. “For my behavior – and for that of those ignorant fools during your Coming Out – and that you had to suffer such a painful loss.”
“It is not easy to talk of. I don’t think I’ve spoken of him in more than five years,” Anne admitted.
“I rarely speak of her, too. Though she is always in my thoughts.” He broke free of her hands and reached for the miniature. Anne had almost forgotten that she had been holding them, but she felt the loss of them like a dagger slicing through her skin, especially as he looked on the image with such love and stroked Katherine’s cheek.
“Do you think it is ever possible to really get over someone, when you have loved so deeply?” Anne asked, curious as to what his reply might be. His answer could dash every faint hope that she had ever possessed, but she had to know.
“I do not think you ever stop loving someone, once you start,” he said, setting down the portrait and looking into Anne’s eyes deeply, as if he was searching for something only she might be able to give. “But I do believe that it is possible to let yourself love again – if you want it badly enough.”
“And do you wish to love again?” Anne whispered, holding her breath as she waited for his answer. He did not answer immediately. Anne bit at her lip nervously.
“It is already too late for me,” he said with a wry smile. Anne took a gulping breath. It wasn’t the answer she had been hoping for, but it was probably the one she had expected.
“I am sorry,” she said sadly. “I hope that one day you may change your mind.”
He laughed and reached for her hands. “I do not mean it in that way,” he said, shaking his head. “I meant that I already do love again, whether I thought it possible or not.”
“You do?” Anne asked, her heart sinking. She had not seen him becoming particularly enamored with anyone throughout the Season, though he had always seemed thick as thieves with Lady Gertrude. But of course, Lady Gertrude. She would be a perfect match for a man such as Mr. Cormick. Why had Anne not seen it sooner? All those cozy chats the two of them had shared and the snatched moments in private away from even Miss Jessup.
Yet that did not entirely make sense, either. Both had insisted that their relationship was closer to that of siblings than anything else. And that was as it had always seemed. And when he had been disconcerted, at Henry’s wedding over seeing Caroline, he had not ignored Lady Gertrude. He had danced with her and laughed with her as if nothing was different between them. No, it had been Anne, and only Anne that he had avoided. Could it possibly be that he had fallen in love with her? Such a thing seemed almost fantastical. It could not be true.
“Miss Knorr, I have struggled to understand my feelings in the past months,” he said now. “And I know that has meant that my behavior has sometimes been more than a little erratic and strange. But that was simply because I was trying to wrestle – oftentimes most unsuccessfully – with my conscience.” He paused and moved his chair closer to hers. Anne felt her breath catch once more.
“The more I saw of you,” he went on, “the more we danced, the more we spoke, the more we shared, the more my feelings for you grew. I did not want to love anyone, ever again. I had vowed not to. I would not sully Katherine’s memory by casting her aside. Yet those feelings would not be denied and I felt so terribly guilty – as if I was betraying her and the love we had shared. I simply did not know how to reconcile how I felt about you, with my love for her.”
Anne could hardly believe what she was hearing. Had he truly just said that he had feelings for her? That she was the one that he had come to care for? She didn’t dare speak. She hardly dared to breathe. Such a conversation as this one she was now sharing with Mr. Cormick had not even occurred in her wildest dreams – and he was so often in her dreams that she could hardly bear closing her eyes some nights.
“Miss Knorr, Anne – might I call you Anne?” he begged. She nodded, unable to find her voice. “I know I am not much of a man, that I still have much to learn and that there may be times when my grief at losing Katherine may sometimes still overwhelm me and make me unfit to be by your side, but I cannot imagine doing so any longer. I love you. I want you to be my wife – if you will have me?”
Anne had not ever expected to receive a proposal of marriage, much less one from a man she loved with all her heart. She wanted to say yes, she wanted to yell it, to let him know just how much she wanted exactly that – to be his bride. But she could not find her voice. Tears began to pour down her cheeks as she pinched herself, hard, to be sure she wasn’t imagining this very unusual yet perfect moment. She nodded vigorously, hoping he would understand, would know she was saying yes, over and over again.
But it seemed that he did not. He got down on one knee, took her hands in his and pleaded with his eyes as he asked her again. “Please, Anne, please tell me? Will you marry me?”
“Yes, oh yes,” she forced herself to whisper. He beamed and reached up to wipe the tears from her cheeks as he pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. Anne had never felt so alive, so vibrantly and completely alive as she did in that moment.
The sound of the door opening behind them did not alert them to Lady Mary emerging out into the gardens, to look for Anne. They were too lost in each other, right up until Mary moved closer and cleared her throat loudly. Anne giggled a little as they broke apart from their kiss. “I suppose we have no choice now, or there will be another scandal linked to your family name.”
Mary gave her a blank look, but Mr. Cormick laughed loudly. “And we must not have that,” he said. He turned to his hostess. “Lady Mary, I am so glad you have joined us. Miss Knorr finds herself in need of a chaperone, as I have just asked for her hand in marriage – and I do not think I can be trusted to keep my hands and lips to myself if we are not accompanied at all times.”
Mary thankfully laughed, rather than being scandalized by his words. “Dearest Anne, I am so happy for you both,” she said embracing Anne warmly, then kissing Mr. Cormick’s cheek chastely. “And of course, I shall be delighted to act as a chaperone for you, as you did so beautifully for me. And with that in mind, I think it best if we all retire back inside. We are going to roll up the carpet in the library and dance. I know Anne will wish to join us.”
Mr. Cormick escorted the two young women inside. “I think I had better tell my mother, before we mention this to anyone else – and I will travel with you to Devon, after the baptism, to ask for your father’s permission,” he assured Anne.
“There is no need, Mr. Cormick,” Anne said bluntly, stopping them both in the corridor. She knew her father would say yes, as long as she was happy with the match. But she still felt that she needed to point out the one fact about her status they had not discussed, ever. “I shall write to him tomorrow and will tell him our intentions. There is no dowry to be arranged, and no inheritance you will gain so there is little that will need to be discussed. Is that a problem for you?”
Mr. Cormick simply smiled. “I have more than enough for that not to matter, my darling. And you really should call me Everton, don’t you think?” With that, he pressed a chaste kiss to the top of her head and disappeared in search of his mother.
Anne pressed her fingers to her lips and smiled. Mary hugged her tightly. “I am so very happy for you,” Mary said. “I know it is sometimes hard to believe, but this tiny little enclave of Society truly does not care for your past, or your inheritance. They may have to fight to get others to see it doesn’t matter, from time to time, but every one of them knows that love is more important than money and status ever could be.”
“It easy for them to feel that way, they all have both,” Anne noted. “But I know you are right. None of them care for the so-called rules of etiquette – though they pay them lip-service when they must.”
“I am so glad that you will be marrying Everton. Their estate in Hertfordshire is a day’s carriage ride from here. We can visit one another often.”
“I should like that, though I do hope that he will take me to their family hunting lodge in Scotland for our wedding tour. I so long to see the mountains there. I am told they are quite spectacular.”
“I am sure he will be delighted to indulge you with something so easy for him to arrange,” Mary said linking her arm with Anne’s as they made their way along the corridor and into the library, where Lady Sophie and Lady Charlotte had already rolled back the rugs and had started organizing everyone into pairs ready for the first reel. Anne was delighted to have been partnered with Everton, though he was nowhere to be seen.
“Should we wait?” Lady Sophie said as Mrs. Watts took a seat at the pianoforte and began to play a lively tune.
“No, you go on ahead, “Anne said with a smile. “We have all the time in the world to join in when he returns.”
Lady Sophie gave her a peculiar look, but quickly turned back to her husband and curtseyed deeply to him, as Mary did the same to Lord William and Lady Charlotte did to Captain Watts. The men then all bowed deeply, and the dance began. The reel was a little lop-sided as the square was missing a fourth couple, but nobody minded that. Anne clapped in time to the music, along with Mr. Watts, the Duke of Compton and Mr. Durand who had stopped talking business for a few moments at least.
The reel was almost done when Everton and his mother returned to the room. Mrs. Cormick was smiling, and she hurried straight to Anne’s side and embraced her warmly. “Welcome to the family,” she whispered, as Everton tapped on his glass to draw attention to himself and then directed a servant to hand out glasses of champagne to everyone present. Mrs. Watts stopped playing the pianoforte and the dancers turned to face him.
“I have great pleasure in announcing that I have just asked Miss Anne Knorr for her hand in marriage, and I am delighted to say that she has said yes,” he said beaming from ear to ear.
Suddenly, Anne was surrounded by people, all hugging her and offering their congratulations. She had never felt so content, so accepted, so loved anywhere – other than back amongst her own family in Tulilly. Mrs. Cormick tapped on her glass, bringing the exuberant celebrations to a brief halt. “I cannot tell you how happy this news will make not just Everton and his bride, but every member of our family. Everyone here knows just how much his father and I worried for him, when he lost Katherine, but we are so very glad he has found Miss Knorr, to love and to love him.” She raised her glass in a toast, which everyone joined in with enthusiastically and with genuine affection for them both. Anne struggled to swallow her champagne as she tried her best to hold back tears of joy.
