Merciless Vows by Faith Summers
39
Aria
Pleasure shoots through me in explosive waves of rippling heat as I move against him, his throbbing cock inside me buried to the hilt.
As I bounce up and down on him, the infernal explosion is like throwing a match on gasoline. Then the aftershock of sizzling hot waves of raw ecstasy finish claiming me, taking all thought of sanity from my mind.
All I know is how amazing my body feels when it joins with this man. All I know is it no longer matters what I told myself about what I should feel.
I can no longer control what’s happening to me any more than I can control this man who has such an overwhelming effect on me.
I know why he told me to take control, and deep inside, it’s something I craved.
Control of my life and how I feel.
Control of the horrible memory from the past. Control so I have the power to force the horrors from my mind.
It’s like a jailor handing their captive the key to freedom.
He just gave me permission to claim back my body and give myself to him.
When I did, I did it willingly, even though reason and logic still told me to run away.
Pleasure streaks through me, sending shivers of heat scalding through my veins in a maddening dance of lust and need as our bodies slap together. The sound filling the room as it fills me, and it wipes my brain clean of everything.
Every inch of my body comes alive with it. A savage energy that whispers to every secret part of me, making those parts cry out his name.
That’s when I feel it, another vicious orgasm. The building shivers rise from deep in my core and tunnel through to every nerve in my body. Then shatters my soul with orgasmic bliss that makes me throw my head back and scream.
Lucca groans out his own release too and wraps his arms around me, holding me to him so we can share the sensation and come as one.
We stay just like that for few minutes, as if we’re really the lovers who do this, then I realize we are.
When we pull apart and stare back at each other, I see his soul through the windows of his eyes.
I see my Peter.
No—my Lucca. He is my Lucca. The light of his soul speaks to mine, and I feel it the same way I feel the music.
In that moment, I fall for him. The way I do in my dreams.
* * *
Sitting in Dr. Belmont’s office feels different today than the last time.
He looks different too.
It’s hard to believe that a day shy of a week has passed since I last saw him.
It’s Thursday, and I’m only here today instead of tomorrow because with the wedding being on Saturday, I thought it was better to get a few things off my chest. Better to do so now and have time to deal with it.
“You look different today,” Dr. Belmont states, observing me.
“I feel different for a number of reasons,” I reply.
“Do you feel like you’re ready to talk?”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever feel ready, Dr. Belmont. But I think I’m ready to take your advice and be strong.”
He nods. “That’s good to hear, Aria. What are we talking about today, then? Have you had more dreams?”
“Yes, but that’s not what I want to talk about today. I want to talk about the thing I’ve been avoiding. The thing that really freaks me out.”
“Okay. We can do this however you want and whatever way you want. One step at a time, or one leap at a time. Neither is bad in this situation. You have the steering wheel of whatever direction you’d like to go in.”
“Thank you. It means a lot to know that. I’ve been thinking a lot about our previous meeting, about what you said in regard to suppressed memories. You were right, and the days that followed since have proved that to me.”
He sits back and steeples his fingers. “Did you remember something more?”
“Yes. I remembered exactly what happened to me. Before my first appointment, I had a nightmare that horrified me. I didn’t think it was real. I could never imagine that such a thing could have happened to me,” I explain and try to stave off the tremor in my voice. “The more I thought about it, the more the memory came back, and I realized it was no mere dream. It was real.”
“Tell me what happened in the dream.”
This is where it gets complicated. I’m assuming Dr. Belmont is the only neutral man in this game.
While he might know Lucca, the fact that he told me everything stays with us means he isn’t supposed to be good or bad. Not for or against me, just with me.
That doesn’t mean he won’t pick a side if he needs to.
I can’t tell anyone about Pasha. My brain might be damaged, but I’m not foolish enough to raise such a flag and not expect retaliation.
At the same fucking time, that doesn’t mean I plan to let him get away with it. I just don’t know what I’m going to do yet, and I can’t keep the horrors bottled up in my mind. So, this is the only thing I can do to help myself— talk to someone who’s supposed to help me do so.
“Dr. Belmont, can I ask again about our doctor/patient confidentiality agreement? I know while we have it, it’s still difficult for me.”
“What we talk about will be private,” he assures me.
“Thank you. It’s just that this is one of those things that I need to tell you in absolute confidence. I know Lucca’s instructions were to let him know if there was something important he needed to know. This is probably of that level. I can assure you I will tell him, just not yet. Not until I’m ready to. Can I trust you to keep this between us?”
“Yes,” he replies without hesitation, but I can see the slight edge in his eyes that suggests he’s wary about what I might tell him. “Go ahead and tell me.”
I nod. “I remembered that I was raped when I was a little girl,” I begin, and the words sound as strange as when I told Lucca. Dr. Belmont holds my gaze with sympathy filling his eyes now. “It happened over and over again by the same person.”
“Aria, I’m so sorry to hear that. I truly am.”
“Thank you. I know who it is.”
“Who? Who did that to you?”
“Someone close to Lucca,” I answer, and his expression becomes flat and tense at the same time. “And that’s why I can’t tell you who it is. Not yet.”
“Have you told him about the attack?” He gives me that look again.
“Yes. I have, but the memory of who hurt me only came to me recently. I’m already in a very vulnerable position, and I don’t want to make things worse. I just thought it would help you, help me if I talked to you. Is that okay for now?”
When he nods, I feel slightly better.
“Aria, are you in danger of this person hurting you again?”
“I don’t think so.” I’ll see Pasha at the wedding. Nothing will happen there. At least I hope not. It’s after that I’m worried about. I’m worried about seeing him at events like the party and having to act like I’m fine. I can’t do it.
“Do you think they might suspect you’re getting your memories back?”
“No, I don’t.”
“Okay. Well, listen to me well, Aria. I promise to keep this private, but I want you to consider telling Lucca. Sooner rather than later. If it’s somebody close to him, he needs to know. Can you promise me that?”
“Yes.”
I can promise, but I just don’t know when I’ll be able to tell him.
I know he cares, but I can never be sure of anything. Not when the foundation of everything between Lucca and me is revenge.
* * *
My nerves scatter when I return to the house and find Lucca in the bedroom holding my violin case. He was looking at it as if he was trying to demystify how it works. If that’s the case, he can join the club because I’m still trying to figure it out.
He’s wearing a white tank top and a pair of black slacks. His hair is also tied back into a ponytail. It’s the first time I’ve seen it like that, and like every look he has, it’s sexy and in keeping with the dark edge that’s becoming of his personality.
He looks better already, quite unlike someone who’d been shot. I can’t imagine what that must be like to live your life dodging bullets and getting hit sometimes.
Yesterday gave me a scare, and I’m still shaken from it. I heard Jon telling Marylin what happened. I heard him say they were just having coffee when a biker came by and shot up the place. Then more bikers with guns came.
It takes a few moments for Lucca to look at me. When his gaze climbs to connect with mine, a flush of heat works its way through me when I remember how he took me this morning.
I’m also on edge because of what I spoke to Dr. Belmont about.
Dr. Belmont is the only person I’ve spoken to like that since my reunion with Lucca. I can’t even tell Sienna. I can’t even tell her how I talked to Dr. Belmont because she’d get upset with me for holding back.
I don’t know how well anyone knows the Bratva in our family, but I’m sure she’d tell her parents, and if word got out about something like that, someone would do something stupid and get themselves killed.
“Hi,” I say first.
“Hello.”
“Taking up a new hobby?” I glance at the violin.
“No, just wondering when you’re going to go back to yours. Then again, this wasn’t a hobby for you.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“I want you to play this again. I want you to try.”
Every time I look at that violin, I feel disappointed in myself. “That sounds like an order, Boss.”
“Because it is. I want you to learn to play again. It’s who you are. Okay?”
I nod, appreciating his words. “Yes.”
“After the wedding, I’ll arrange for you to have lessons.”
“Thanks.”
“How was your appointment?”
“Good. It was as expected.” I raise my shoulders into a shrug.
“Did you talk to Dr. Belmont about what you remembered?” he eyes me cautiously.
“Yes.”
He straightens. “You told him everything?”
“I did.”
He reaches his hand out, beckoning me to come closer. When I do, he slips an arm around my waist and holds me.
“I haven’t spoken about it because I don’t want to upset you. Have you remembered anything more, Aria?” He searches my eyes.
“No,” I lie, and I think he knows I’m lying.
“You don’t remember anything else?”
“No.”
“What did Dr. Belmont say?”
“He’s going to work with me to help me remember and deal with it.”
“I want to speak to your father about it.”
My pulse skitters. “No, don’t do that. I don’t want you to do anything like that yet.”
“Why the hell not? Aria, someone is responsible for not taking care of you properly. If we had a little girl, there’s no way in hell I’d allow anyone near her, whether I trusted them or not.”
I gaze at him, and I wonder if he realizes what he just said. Us having a little girl—children.
I can almost imagine it, and a part of me wants the vision.
I lower and press my lips to his, momentarily stunning him.
“What was that for?”
“Nothing. Please don’t talk to him yet. Not yet, but soon.”
He sighs, presses his lips together, and bows his head. “Okay, but soon. It has to be soon.”
“I just need a few appointments with Dr. Belmont, and I think I’ll feel stronger.” What I’m seeking is time to think.
“Alright. I have to talk to you about some important stuff. Come, let’s sit outside.”
“What kind of important stuff?”
“You’ll see. Come on.” He stands, sets the violin down, then walks with ease toward the sliding door leading out to the terrace.
I follow him, and when I fall in step, he places his hand to the small of my back and guides me out to the bench where I usually sit with Sienna.
He leads me to sit where the roses have just bloomed, and then he stares at me.
“What? What did I do now?”
“You’re beautiful.”
“Am I?”
“I’ll assure you of my thoughts when I strip you down naked and lay you down right here in the roses. Then I’ll fuck you until you can’t walk.” It sounds like a promise.
“Is that what you brought me out here to tell me?”
“I wish it were.” He pulls out a business card from his pocket and hands it to me.
I take it and look it over. The background has a shiny white surface and an address on it. It’s a house somewhere in Idaho.
“What is this?”
“It’s the address of my safehouse.”
My eyes narrow to slits. “Safehouse. What’s going on?”
“If anything happens to me, that’s where you’re to go. Everything you will need in this life will be there.”
My hands go limp, falling to my thigh like they aren’t connected to me. I just about manage to hold on to the card. I don’t take my eyes off him, though. I can’t.
This is because of yesterday.
“Take my car and head straight there,” he adds. “Granted, it will be an exceptionally long drive, but driving has always been safest for me. It’s the best way to stay hidden. Anything else runs the risk of being found quicker.”
“Lucca, what’s going on?”
“Printsessa, something is always going on. Yesterday was an eye-opener. So, it would be foolish of me not to do this and prepare you. That card is for your eyes only. You are not to show it to anyone at all, and you are not to tell anybody anything.” He takes a deep breath. “Your father pointed out the other day that I dragged you into this mess. What he forgot to tell you was you were always in this mess. I’m just not going to leave you alone without protection if something does happen. So that’s where I want you to go. You aren’t to go back to your father. It’s not going to be safe for you to be anywhere near him, especially after we get married.”
My heartbeat slows right down like one of those engines that have lost power.
“It sounds like something will be happening to him.” I can’t keep the ache out of my voice. “Is something going to happen to him next week, Lucca?”
“Printsessa, do not ask me questions about things you already know the answers to.”
“Are you going to do it?” Tears spill over my eyelids.
“Your father is not who you think he is. I’ve always been upfront about that with you.”
“I know, I’m aware of that, but he’s still my father.”
He holds my gaze, and I feel prompted to ask for the truth again. I think I’m more entitled to know now more than ever.
“He killed someone you cared about, didn’t he?” I just come right out and ask the question.
“He’s killed many.”
I can’t believe we’re talking about the same man. What can I even say? There is no defense.
“Better to know what you’re up against than to fly blind.” He gives my hands a gentle squeeze. “Do not waste your love on merciless devils who kill, Aria De Marchi. They don’t know how to love.”
He stands, and I watch him, watch him walk away from me, and I hear his words ringing through my mind.
Merciless devils who kill.
He was talking about himself too.
His caution is too late, though.
