Remission by Ofelia Martinez

Chapter 25

Recounting of the Damage

“Fine. I’ll go to dinner,” I said, holding the phone to my ear. It was Friday afternoon, and I had waited until the last possible moment to agree to see him. We were on my timeline now.

“You won’t regret it. I promise,” Hector said.

“Where should I meet you?”

“I’ll pick you up.”

“Okay. Fine.”

“Will you be at your apartment, or your dad’s?”

“My place, but I live in a different apartment now.”

I sent him the new address, and all that was left was to wait for him. It might have been safer to wait for him at Dad’s, but I hadn’t exactly told Dad about my dinner with Hector yet.

Mainly, he would have to tell me what leverage the chief had had on him then. It didn’t escape me that he’d left that part of the conversation out. I hadn’t asked him about it, thinking it might be personal, but I had to know—and he’d have to tell me.

“You look great,” Hector said as he got out of his car to open the door for me. I hadn’t wanted to give him my apartment number—there was still some distrust there—so I told him I’d wait outside.

I may have overdressed in a body-hugging little black dress because he wouldn’t tell me where we were going. I decided to err on the side of caution in case we went someplace nice.

“Thank you,” I said, purposefully not commenting on his appearance, though he looked handsome as ever in slacks and a button-down burgundy shirt.

My jaw clenched when he parked in front of his house. I was surprised he still lived at the same place he had when he worked at Heartland. Had he kept the house the entire time, or was he merely lucky to rent or re-purchase the same home?

I’d have to ask him later because I was doing everything in my power not to shout at him. I didn’t wait for him to open my door; I got out of the car and started walking away from the house as I pulled out my cell to find my car service app. He was insane if he thought I was going to have dinner in there.

“Carolina!” he shouted. I heard the rapid footfalls of his jogging behind me. He grabbed my arm. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going home, Hector.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“You can’t be that stupid,” I said. “What made you think I’d have dinner with you at your house?”

“Please, just listen. This isn’t something nefarious. I brought you here because some of what I have to say, it may make you a bit mad.”

My eyes narrowed, but I didn’t press the key to call the car yet. “Mad?” I asked.

Hector nodded. “I figured you might enjoy shouting at me or perhaps throwing something. I wanted you to feel comfortable doing that if you wanted to.”

“You are not making me feel better about this dinner,” I said.

“I’m sorry. I knew you wouldn’t like a public scene. Listen, I’ve cooked, and I have nothing but dinner and your wrath planned for tonight. I promise.”

“What did you cook?” I asked, only mildly curious.

“Shrimp paella,” he said.

“I like paella.”

“I know.” He smiled, and it melted me.

I reluctantly followed him to his place because I was weak, but I kept the car app open should I change my mind.

“I made it earlier today. I’m just going to pop it in the oven for a few minutes to warm up.”

I nodded and took a glass of white wine from him. I guessed the no alcohol rule had been abolished—not that he had heavily enforced it before.

When he handed me the glass, I realized for the first time since he’d come back into my life that his wedding ring was gone. I took a sip of the wine, and it was heavenly. It was a vino verde with a mineral tone that made me think of the sea.

I took the room in. Nothing had changed in the house since I’d helped him decorate it. So he had kept the house. For a brief moment, I wondered if he had somehow remained in Kansas City under the radar but then shook it off. There was no way. He had returned to the FIHR.

“You haven’t changed anything,” I said.

“No,” he called from the kitchen. “I wouldn’t. Not unless you wanted to change something.”

I cocked my head to the side and studied him as he walked back into the living room. That was a strange thing for him to say. We both sat on the couch and set our wine glasses on the coffee table.

“Okay, Hector. I’m not getting any younger.”

“Why don’t we have dinner first? It would be a waste if you were too angry to eat, and I worked all day to make this dinner.” There was a playfulness in his eyes as he spoke, and I was finding it more and more difficult to school my face into sternness.

Hector set the dinner at the table and played Carla Morrison in the background. The soothing sound of her voice was relaxing, and the mood lifted as we ate and killed the bottle of wine. He plated the paella expertly, so it was almost a sin to devour it, but devour it, I did.

“No!” Hector said in disbelief when I briefed him on Dr. Keach’s fate.

“Yes. It was one of the best days of my life. Okay, I won’t give him that much importance, but easily one of the top twenty.”

“I wish I could have been there.”

“Me too. I tried to stay away from him, so I didn’t actually know what was happening until it was over.”

“Still, that must have been a relief.”

“It was, though, by the end of his tenure at the hospital, things were already a lot better for me. The new chief is a woman, and I think she recognized his misogyny for what it was.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if Dr. Stuart also knew about his misbehavior but looked the other way. Your new chief must not have been willing to put up with it for money.”

“You know, I’m a little surprised at all these accusations you’re making against Dr. Stuart.”

“How so?”

“He wasn’t the best boss, sure, but back then, before he screwed me over, I really thought he was a good man. A good doctor. I respected him for many years.”

“And even after he did what he did to you, you feel this way?”

I shifted in my seat. “No. I guess it’s easier to believe after that.”

“Some people are really good at acting, Carolina.”

“Like you?” My eyes narrowed.

“No, baby. I’d never put up a false front with you.”

My guard came down, and I blinked at him. Had I heard him right? Had he just called me baby? I must have heard him wrong. I shook my head, but his eyes held mine. “All right, Hector. We’ve had dinner. Will you please stop wasting my time? Tell me whatever it is you have to say.”

“Would you at least tell me if you liked dinner?” he asked.

“It was okay.” I crossed my arms over my chest and smirked.

Hector chuckled. “Oh, I think it was more than okay.”

“No. That’s your ego talking.”

He chuckled again. “Okay.” He stood and started picking up the dishes. I recognized he was trying to keep his hands busy to have this difficult conversation. I did the same thing when I was nervous. I stood and started clearing the table with him, but not before kicking off my heels.

“I know my mother might have mentioned Andrea when she was here.”

I tried not to show any anger on my face. Did he not know Andrea had written to me? “Your wife? What does she have to do with anything?”

“Everything,” Hector said. “When I joined Heartland Metro, we had been separated for several years already. That entire time, I had refused to give her a divorce. I knew it was over, and that we’d never get what we had back, but I was stubborn.”

“I believe it,” I said, fully recognizing his stubbornness. So far, everything Andrea had written was matching up with Hector’s account of events.

“What you need to understand is that I came to Heartland only for you. At first, it was for your work. I was excited about medicine for the first in a long time when I heard about this young doctor who was inspired by my work, pushing the envelope of what was possible.”

I smiled at the sight of his excitement, but I wasn’t connecting the dots yet. He continued.

“Then I met you, and Carolina, everything changed. You have to believe that. I was suddenly less concerned about the perfect life and the perfect marriage I had drawn up for myself. Suddenly, giving Andrea a divorce didn’t seem like the worst defeat of my life.”

“But you didn’t go through with it,” I said.

“Actually, I did,” he said, wincing a little at the words.

“What?” I asked through gritted teeth.

“I signed that first year I was at Heartland Metro. Within a year, it was finalized.”

“What?” I hissed again. I couldn’t form full sentences at that moment.

“I was divorced soon after I met you, Carolina. I was hoping we could have—”

“But you never said anything,” I interrupted him. “You always wore the wedding ring.”

“The divorce was finalized in that two-year period when you wouldn’t talk with me.”

“And after that, when things were better between us?”

“I couldn’t bear to do it. The rumors had taken their toll and had just started to dissipate. I would have been damned before I let them affect your career any further than they already had. So I kept it to myself and kept wearing the ring, letting everyone believe I was still married.”

“Hector, you should have told me,” I said forlornly. “Back then, I wanted . . . more,” I said.

“I know, baby. You weren’t very good at hiding your feelings. Neither was I. Why do you think the rumors caught fire like that?”

“I always blamed Keach.”

“Sure. He ignited the rumors, but the blaze was all us. Even when it was clear we weren’t on speaking terms, some still wondered if we’d actually had an affair that had ended badly.”

“Don’t remind me,” I said.

“I wouldn’t have believed us either.”

“You give yourself a lot of credit.”

“Come on. We’ve wanted each other for almost a decade. Since that first day in the conference room, I needed to know who you were. I couldn’t imagine you were the doctor I had come here for. I can’t tell you what it felt like, knowing it was you.”

“Speak for yourself. I haven’t said I’ve wanted you for years.”

Hector chuckled. “Tell yourself what you want, baby. I know what I see in your eyes—what I’ve seen since the first day we met.”

“What’s that?”

Hector moved toward me, his chest puffed like a predator. I took a step back until I couldn’t move any further against the kitchen island behind me. He caged me in with both his hands on either side of me, pressed firmly to the countertop.

“Desire, Carolina.” Letting his grip off the countertop, he cupped my face in his hands, lifting my face to meet his. “I see it right there, in your eyes right now.”

I dropped my gaze from him and let out a breath. He wasn’t wrong, but damn him for knowing. The slight buzz from the wine electrified the sensation of his hands on my skin, and I had zero willpower to break free.

Hector grabbed me by the waist and lifted me to sit on the countertop. My eyes widened with the surprise of the movement, but then my legs parted, making room for him to press his body against mine. The air crackled around us.

He ran his fingers through my hair and cupped the back of my head, holding me in place. “Hector,” I moaned his name. My breath was coming in choppy, and I didn’t have the power in my limbs to push him away. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to anymore.

“Tell me. Tell me you didn’t want me then, and tell me you don’t want me now. Set me straight, Carolina. This is your chance. Tell me I imagined it all.”

My eyes met his because I was no chicken-shit. I could see from behind the light stubble that his jaw was clenched as he waited for my answer. “I can’t,” I said with a challenging gaze. “It wouldn’t be true.” His eyes roamed my face looking for sincerity in it, finding an invitation instead.

His other arm was now around my waist, pulling me flush against him. He let go of my body and brought his hand back up, this time finding my lips. With his thumb, he rubbed my bottom lip, swiping from one side to the other, while my hands pressed against his hard chest.

“I’ve wanted to touch you like this for so long.” His voice was deeper and now suddenly raspy. When he spoke, my skin broke into goosebumps, and my legs wrapped around his waist without my command, pulling him closer.

When his lips finally made contact with mine, the last nine years fell away. Every reason we had for not being together was gone. My hatred, even, had mellowed to a low flicker in the distance.

It was a gentle kiss—at first. He explored my mouth with restraint and grazed my teeth tentatively with the tip of his tongue. The smell of his musk mingled with the crisp taste of the wine still on our lips, and a moan escaped me. The hand he had cupping the back of my head bunched into a fist in response to the sound, sending a prickling sensation through my scalp. But the pain mixed with pleasure, and I could not voice a protest. I didn’t want to.

My eyes flew open when I felt the length of him hardening through the layers of clothing. His slacks, my pantyhose, and underwear separated me from what my body needed.

I tightened the muscles of my legs to grip him even closer to me if that were possible. I needed to feel all of him. He pulled me away by the hair still in his fist, and he chuckled. The void I felt at his mouth no longer on mine was unbearable. The need for him was unmatched by anything I had felt for anyone, ever—by a longshot.

“My eager little Carolina,” he said in a breathy voice. “We have plenty of time. Let me enjoy this.”

Hector’s grip pulled my hair, forcing my head back and exposing my neck to him. I grabbed on to his broad shoulders for balance. He kissed my jaw, then trailed kisses down my neck.

“I love you,” he whispered, and my every muscle turned to stone. My hands dropped away from him and found the counter. My legs unraveled from him, retreating from his body and finding their way back to mine.

“What did you say?”

“I love you. I’ve loved for a long time.”

My face twisted at his words, and I pushed him away. He let go of my hair so he could look at my face, which was now serious. He groaned with frustration, but he stepped back and away from me.

“You were talking about desire, Hector. Desire and love are two very different things.”

“You must have known,” he countered, now looking angry.

“No. You didn’t love me. Someone who loves someone doesn’t put them through what you have put me through.”

“Someone who loves someone,” he said, his teeth gritted, “will do anything, even if it means staying away for nearly a decade, before hurting them.”

“What are you talking about?” I jumped off the counter and straightened my dress.

“Carolina, do you think I could have kept you, knowing that either way things played out, I would be hurting you?”

“Hurting me?” I shook my head. None of his words were making sense. “What are you talking about?”

“I was in a classic no-win situation. If we had been weak at the conference hotel that night, the rumors would have been true, and they would have ruined your career.”

“But we weren’t. We didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Like that mattered? Look at what happened anyway.”

“Hector, that wasn’t your fault.”

“Yes, it was!” His voice raised a little. “And what if we had done things right? What if after my divorce came through, we had gotten together? What then? The hospital would have had a problem with it because I was your boss. But maybe I tried to solve the problem for you and left Heartland. Maybe I found another hospital so we could stay together—”

That was a beautiful possibility lost. “What would have been wrong with that?”

“Let’s play this out. Do you think you would have the career you have now if everyone believed you slept your way to the top?”

I wanted to slap him. I wanted to slap him so much my palm tickled with the anticipation of contact, but I forced it to remain at my side. “I wouldn’t have done that,” I hissed.

“No. But that’s what they would have all believed. But if we had gone further?”

“What do you mean?”

“What if I had proposed, because I wanted to Carolina, I wanted to propose to you back then. I was going to at our celebration dinner, but it never happened.”

“You were going to propose?” I spoke gently, eerily gently, because the anger was swelling up in waves, and my breath kept getting caught in them.

“Yes. I was. But then I talked to the chief, and he opened my eyes. And he wasn’t wrong, Carolina. What do you think would have happened if I had gotten my stupid happily-ever-after?”

“Well, I guess we will never know, will we?” I started to look for my shoes. I had to get out of there but couldn’t remember where I’d kicked them off. Hector followed me around as I looked for them.

“Don’t be obtuse. Dr. Stuart didn’t point out anything I didn’t already know, but I wanted to pretend I didn’t. And you knew it too.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about, but this conversation is over.”

“No, it isn’t. Listen to me. If you had done me that honor and said yes, the honeymoon period would have ended so soon.”

“Great to know you had so little confidence in the possibility of us—”

“That’s not what I mean, and you know it. Carolina, would you be happy right now, if all your career you wondered if you achieved what you have achieved because you earned it, or because your husband was Hector Medina?”

I turned to face him again. “That’s what stopped you?”

“Mostly.” He cupped the back of his neck. He seemed calmer now, but sadder too. “The other part of it was Stuart’s leverage.”

“Yes, Hector, please tell me, what did he have over your head that was so important?”

“You.”

“Me?”

“Yes. He was ready to sink your career if I didn’t keep my name on the paper—and he could have done it too. That’s why I had to wait to correct the authorship on our paper. I had to wait for him to be gone. I couldn’t do that to you. And I couldn’t stay and continue to have him use you like a pawn. I just couldn’t, Carolina. I had to remove myself from the picture. I needed you to know that anything you achieved was because of you—and in spite of me. I didn’t want anyone to ever think it was because of me.”

“So, you decided.”

“Don’t you see? Everything I have done has been for you. I went to Heartland Metro for you, and I had to leave to protect you. I’ve stayed away for the same reason. Everything is always for you. You are my life, baby.” He moved closer to me, his eyes softer, trying to appease me.

“No.” I shook my head. “You chose. We lost nine years we could’ve had—”

“Let’s not lose any more—”

“No. Not when you decide. You will never call the shots for me again, do you hear me?” I was shouting at him now, and I did my best to keep the tears pricking my eyes from escaping down my cheeks.

He looked at me like I had slapped him, even though I had the grace to resist. “You stole nine years from me and didn’t have the decency to tell me. How could you do it?”

“I did it for you.”

I found my shoes and put them on then made my way toward the door. Hector hadn’t noticed when I had called the car, and I got the notification that it was waiting outside.

“Don’t walk out on me, Carolina. We aren’t over—not like this.”

“Everything has been up to you, Hector. It’s time to realize you are not my keeper,” I said and walked out of his house.