A Real Cowboy Always Protects by Stephanie Rowe

Chapter Sixteen

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Logan was thinking about seeing her naked. What the hell? That was so unfair. The idea made chills race down Skylar's spine.

She was so freaking attracted to him. She'd always been attracted to him, but it had been safe. He was a stranger. She was committed to being single. Nothing would ever happen from it.

But now he was a temptation that was becoming increasingly difficult to resist, even though now she knew enough to know what a bad idea it would be. For a million reasons.

"Skylar." Logan caught her wrist as she tried to duck around a corner. "Wait a sec."

She took a breath, then turned to face him. She was out of breath from running to the barn, and then continuing to run to the next barn, and then the further one. Just trying to put distance between them.

He was too fit and stubborn to be left behind.

She put her hands on her hips. "What?"

His dark brown eyes searched her face. "Talk to me."

"I am talking to you."

The corner of his mouth quirked. "You're running from me."

"I'm practicing for when Eugene shows up to kill me. I like to be prepared. I'm pretty sure that's a good plan." He was too close, so she backed up until her butt hit a horse blanket hung up on a rack behind her. Damn wall.

Logan grasped the bars of the stall on either side of her head, his gaze searching hers.

He was so close to her that she could smell that faint, delicious scent she associated with him. She wasn't sure if it was his soap or his shampoo, or simply his skin, but it didn't matter. She loved the scent. It made her feel safe and protected, like she had that day she'd met him, and he'd promised to help her if she needed it.

"Why are you running from me?"

She wrinkled her nose. "I just said—"

"I’m a trained operative. I'm pretty certain I can tell when you're lying to me." He cocked his head. "In my line of work, details can be the difference between life and death. I need to know what's going on with you."

"Besides the fact you basically admitted that you want to get me naked?"

His face went blank. "I didn't admit that."

"Oh, my God." She shoved at his chest, but he was a solid wall that didn't move. "Stop! Just stop! I'm not some stupid work assignment. Don't treat me like one! I'm me!"

His brow furrowed. "I'm not treating you like—"

"You are. You used to see me. Or at least, I felt like it. But now, it's all like 'hey, I'm a CIA operative. I can see through your lies.'" She felt like she was panicking, and she closed her eyes. "Go away."

Logan didn't move.

"I said—"

"I know what you said, but I need to protect you."

"Right. It's about protection." Dammit. She knew that. "I know that. I know. I just—" Argh. She felt like screaming. She opened her eyes and glared at him. "You know what? Forget it." She ducked under his arm. "Isn't that float with the kids around here somewhere?"

She didn't wait for him. She just started walking. She needed to get away from him. Calm down. Get her equilibrium back.

Logan fell in beside her, matching his steps with hers, letting her lead the way. "Skylar."

"I don't want to talk about it." She didn't even look at him.

Frustration shot through Logan. He had no idea what had happened to shift the mood. The naked comment? "I'm sorry I mentioned seeing you naked."

She spun toward him, her blue eyes blazing. "It's not the naked comment!"

Logan felt completely lost. "Then what is it?"

"You!" She poked him in the chest. "You and your family and your kisses!"

He stared at her. "What about them?" He wanted to understand. He was surprised how much he needed to figure out this woman standing in front of him. He'd worked so hard not to care about anyone, and even to keep his brothers at a distance, but Skylar was different.

Skylar got to him. He wasn't capable of letting this go, of ignoring her emotions, and forgetting about her stress. "Let me help, Skylar. I want to help you."

She whirled around, her hands on her hips and glared at him. "This is what I'm talking about. God, could you be more difficult?"

For a long moment, they stared at each other, and then he started to smile. A smile that started deep inside him and seemed to come alive.

Her frown deepened. "And that freaking smile. It should be illegal. Why on earth does a man who carries a gun for a living get dimples? And why are you laughing at me?"

His smile widened. "Trust me, I'm not laughing at you."

"Then what's so funny? That I'm upset?"

"No." He took her hand and rubbed his thumb over her palm. "I'm smiling because I care that you're upset."

She didn't pull away. "That doesn't make sense."

"I've spent my life turning off my emotions," he said, continuing to draw circles on her palm. "It was the only way to survive my childhood. It was hell, and I wasn't interested in drowning in it."

Empathy flickered in her eyes. "Logan, I'm sorry—"

He touched his finger to her lips to silence her. "No need to be sorry. My life made me strong. I'm damn proud of the fact that I don't feel much these days. It makes me successful at my job. It makes it easy to do what I need to do. It makes it easy to put distance between myself and my past. To keep away from my brothers."

Skylar cocked her head, listening to him now. "So, you're numb emotionally?"

"Yep."

"And that's good."

"Isn't it?"

Pain flickered in her eyes, pain that he wanted to know more about. "I guess it can be," she said.

"I consider it good." He took her other hand, rubbing circles gently on both her palms. "But the one thing I could never figure out is why I felt better after I saw you. Why the darkness seemed to leave me for a little bit. I felt less numb, but in a good way. Like my head became clearer. Quieter. Brighter, even."

She said nothing, but her gaze searched his.

"It's because you make me care about something deeply enough that I can't shut it down. That's what makes me feel alive. Caring. It sounds simple, but I just figured it out, right now." He grinned. "I care about why you're upset. I need to know. And that feels good."

She narrowed her eyes. "Dammit." She pulled her hands free and started to walk away again.

Logan caught her wrist. "Why are you so upset, Skylar? I want to know."

Skylar didn't turn around, but he saw her look down at his fingers around her arm. Finally, she looked back over her shoulder at him. "You," she said softly. "This. You. All of it."

Emotion was thick in her voice, settling deep in his gut. "Okay," he said, as gently as he could. "Which part is the worst?"

She still didn't turn around, but she met his gaze. "You."

"What about me?" He didn't like being the cause of her stress. In the line of executing his job, he was the cause of many, many people's stress, and he always shrugged it off. It didn't matter. It couldn’t matter.

But Skylar? It made him feel like shit.

She finally turned to face him. Her hands were on her hips, her chin raised. "It's not your fault," she said. "It's my fault. Don't worry about—"

"I'm worrying about it. I'll keep worrying about it, and that's going to distract me from keeping you safe." That was total bullshit. He couldn’t allow anything to distract him from keeping her safe. He was aware of every sound around them. Every shadow. He'd checked every footprint on the way to the barn. He was in hyper-alert mode. But he was going to keep obsessing about her well-being until he got some answers. So he needed the answers. Now.

"I don't want—"

"Come. Let's walk." He put his arm around her shoulders. For a split second, she leaned into him, and then she pulled away. He decided to focus on the fact she'd leaned into him instinctively. "The indoor ring is back this way."

They passed by a few stalls with horses, but many were still empty. He was amazed at how big the stables were now. His brothers had invested so much money in the place. It was incredible what the barn had become.

"My ex-husband had an affair for three years before I found out," Skylar said suddenly.

Logan jerked his gaze to Skylar, but she wasn't looking at him. She was staring blankly down the aisle as they walked. "I'm sorry—"

She held up her hand to silence him. "I don't talk about this, so I'm saying it once, and we're not talking about it again. He doesn't get the right to affect my emotions anymore. I deserve more than that."

"You sure do."

She still didn't look at Logan. "He was taking her as his date to spouse events at his work. To dinner parties with our friends. He told them all terrible stories about me, and they all told him he was doing the right thing by stepping out on me. They all told him what a good guy he was for continuing to stay married to me and support me financially despite what an albatross I was."

Logan swore under his breath. "Your friends knew?"

"Yep. I would run into them at the store, and they'd smile and be nice. I had no idea." Her voice was brisk, cool, edged with emotion she had reined in with ruthless focus. "Then one day, I had a meeting with a potential client for my firm." Her voice got stronger, and Logan could feel the sheer willpower it was taking to hold off the emotions.

He silently slipped his hand around hers, half-expecting her to pull away. But she didn't. She gripped his hand like her very soul depended on it. "What happened?" he asked.

"She walked into my office, sat down, and then announced she was tired of my husband refusing to marry her because he had to take care of me. She told me to stop pretending I didn't know about her and to just let him go." Skylar finally looked at Logan. "It was like getting hit in the face with a cement block."

"I bet it was." He could see the pain in her eyes, but more than that, he could see her absolute determination not to give them the power to take her down. Fuck, he admired her. "What did you do?"

"I let him go."

He laughed softly. "That's my girl."

She stopped walking and turned to face him. "He's an ass. I get it. I don't want him back, obviously. But the thing is that I completely trusted him. I worked long hours, and I never thought he'd be using that time to cheat on me. I trusted my friends. I trusted his colleagues. I trusted him. They were all lying to me. They all believed I deserved it. The level of betrayal was beyond words."

Logan finally understood. He knew the source of the pain in those blue eyes the day he'd met her. He understood why she kept herself at a distance. He understood why he'd always sensed such a core of strength deep within her. "I can arrange for them to disappear."

She stared at him, then burst out laughing. "You could, couldn’t you?"

He grinned. "I could, actually, yeah." God, she was beautiful. Able to laugh even when she was reliving hell. "Want me to?"

"No. I'm good." She took a breath. "Here's the thing. I'm fine, right? I have a great career. I have plenty of money. I'm good." She met his gaze. "Except I don't believe I will ever trust again. Not a man. Not a friend. Not anyone."

Logan couldn't imagine feeling like that. He might keep his distance with his brothers, but he always, always trusted them. He'd trust them with the little things, the big things, and everything in between, which is the reason he'd brought Skylar home to them when her life was at risk.

She took a breath. "I find myself wanting to trust you, Logan."

His pulse quickened. What a statement, coming from her. He was honored. "You can trust me. I'll keep you safe."

"I know, but that's not what I'm talking about." She paused, then held up her hand with the ring on it. "I want to trust you with my heart, Logan. My heart is starting to believe in you, in your beautiful family. My heart wants to open to you, and I can't do that." She whispered the last words. "You're going back into your hiding place when this is over. Guns. Death. Violence. You'll be taking your family with you, away from me. All this—" She gestured expansively to the ranch. "It'll be gone, and my heart will…" She paused. "I can't do that," she whispered.

He was stunned by her admission. Stunned. "I'm not like your ex," he said. "My loyalty is forever. I swear it. If I give it, you can stake your life on it."

"That's the thing. You're not going to give it to me," she said. "Not your heart. Your heart is with your job." She sighed. "I might want to trust you, but the truth is that even if we got together, I'd be one of those bitchy, jealous, insecure women that would drive you away. If you're out of my sight for a month on one of your missions, I'll accuse you of cheating on me. I won't be able to trust you, and that would destroy what little chance we had. It won't even matter if you're cheating or not. I'll probably believe that you are." She tapped her chest, over her heart. "This is broken now, Logan—"

He caught her hand. "It's not."

"It is—"

"It's not." He searched her gaze. "My father beat the shit out of all of us when we were kids. My brothers and I have seven different mothers. It was hell beyond what I can afford to revisit long enough to tell you about it. We were all fucked up beyond words. The shadows remain, but we're all doing all right. You can get past it if you want to. You can."

"Maybe I don't want to. Maybe it's safer to be alone. Like you. You've chosen to be alone, and you actually have people you trust and love." She met his gaze. "We're not different, Logan, except that I'm in danger of falling for you. Hard."

He felt like he'd been gut-punched. "You're falling for me?"

"Don't say it like that's a good thing—"

A loud crash suddenly echoed through the barn, followed by the sound of children screaming.

Logan was running before the first shrieks had faded from the air, his gun in one hand, and Skylar's hand in his other.