Waiting on the Rain by Claudia Connor

14

Ava felt something whisper between she and Luke, then more than whisper. It sparked and she felt her heart quiver. She’d felt this spark with him before, when she’d danced with him. When she’d thought he was going to kiss her. There was a fluttering in her stomach thinking about what he’d said. You weren’t wrong.

She hadn’t wanted a man to touch her, hadn’t even thought about it in so long. It was that far out of her scope of possibilities. She’d slammed that door and slammed it hard. Locked it. It bothered her that she’d consider opening it even a crack. But maybe raising the window. Maybe? Just a little? A bit of fresh air? That didn’t sound so dangerous.

“Tell me something else,” he said.

“Like what?”

“Anything. How did you know I was staring at you the other day?”

“I didn’t. I never know, not for sure. You could have been staring at the horse or your phone, then wouldn’t I have felt dumb?” She laughed softly. “When I’m on the train I don’t know if people are looking at me, making eye contact and wondering why I’m looking right through them. I don’t know if they’re watching me, looking at their phone, reading a book. Did an old man smile and I didn’t respond and made him sad? My cane’s not always visible in a crowd. I can’t wear a sign. Or I guess could,” she added with a short laugh.

“Sounds lonely.”

“It can be. There’s no shared eye roll between strangers when someone’s rude in line. There’s no, Damn, it’s cold, when I pass someone on the street. Or if there is, I’m not sure they’re talking to me. If they’re not touching me, if they don’t speak my name and address me, it’s like they’re not there.”

Luke pulled her hand over farther to hold it in both of his. “I’m touching you now.”

“I noticed.” A light breeze kissed her skin and the leaves high above her swayed with it. Her fingers itched to touch Luke’s face, to feel his cheeks against her palms. Did he shave every day or was there some scruff?

“But I’m still thinking about it,” he said. “About wanting to kiss you.”

He was looking at her now. She knew it, felt his breath on her face.

Then Luke took her face in his hands, pulled her in until his lips hovered just over hers. “Scratch that. I need to kiss you.” He cupped her cheek, whispered her name like a question.

“Okay.” She’d barely whispered the word before his lips touched hers. Herheart did that fluttery thing again and her mouth opened under his. The air was cool, Luke’s lips were warm, smooth, and firm. There was nothing hesitant about it. It was hot and hard. She gripped his shoulders and held on, not thinking of past hurts. Letting herself take this pleasure that was kissing Luke Walker.

As the kiss went from a blasting take off to leisurely cruising, she slid her fingers around his neck, up and into soft, thick hair that just reached his collar.

She felt a lovely liquid feeling flowing through her, a flying and flipping in her stomach. She heard the low groan of pleasure in his throat. Her fingers curled into the shirt over his chest as she desperately needed something to hold onto.

She must be crazy, crazy, to be here doing this, but she didn’t want to stop. She wanted more. Her heart scrambled with the sudden intensity and she couldn’t think with his hand gripping her hair in his fist. With their mouths fused, his other hand made a slow slide up her side, until his thumb brushed just under her breast.

The longer he kissed her, the longer she wanted him to. Her fingers tensed on his thigh and she let him lead her. He laid her back on the ground, followed her over to her side. He took her mouth again as his hand skimmed slowly up her thigh, slipping under the edge of her shirt.

Then his phone was ringing. They both ignored it. It continued, a ring tone that was hard and loud, breaking the magic of the moment. Reluctantly, she loosened her hold and he pulled back to answer it.

“Luke, where are you?” Hannah asked. “Is Ava with you?”

“Of course she is. Okay,” Luke said and hung up.

Ava cursed under her breath as he ended the call.

“Your brother’s there. I guess they were looking for you. Us.”

“I heard,” she said, already standing and wanting very much to crawl into a hole.

Without a word, she took his arm and he led her to Winnie. She mounted and sat waiting for Luke to do the same then gather Winnie’s lead rope.

They rode back, but she didn’t laugh this time. It felt like the magic between them had been broken. Because she wasn’t normal. She was thirty–one and her big brother was here to pick her up.

* * *

Ava had been mostlyquiet on the ride back. Lost in her own thoughts, maybe? He’d definitely been lost in his. He was in trouble. Deep trouble. The longer he’d kissed her, the dimmer all the reasons became for not getting involved. On any level. But hell, he thought, approaching the barn, he didn’t even know what level they were on.

The second they were inside the barn, Hannah was there, taking the reins of Ava’s horse. Luke swung off of Newman and led him to the metal ring hanging on the wall outside his stall.

“Sorry,” he heard Ava say as she dismounted. “We lost track of time.”

A tall, lanky man stood in the aisle of the barn. His sandy blond hair was neatly trimmed, matching his dark dress pants and long sleeve dress shirt with tie. His brows were pinched together over pale blue eyes as he eyed his sister then Luke.

“Not her fault,” Luke said, coming up beside her. “I went the long way. Didn’t realize it was so long.”

A beat passed with the man sizing him up. Luke held out a hand. “Luke Walker.”

The man stepped up and took Luke’s offered hand. “I’m Ryan Bennet. Ava’s brother.”

“Well. Nice to meet you.”

“I didn’t expect you to be out riding,” he said to Ava. “I had thought…” He laughed to cover himself. “I guess I thought you were riding around a ring or something.”

“I usually am, but—”

“Ava knows what she’s doing,” Luke said, noting Ryan’s gaze shift to the dried leaves in Ava’s hair. The man’s expression went from slightly annoyed to highly suspicious. Luke smiled at him, then reached out nonchalantly and pulled a twig from Ava’s hair.

“Good grief.” Ava huffed. “If you two are having some kind of stare down, pissing contest, you can knock it off.”

“Just a small one,” Hannah said pleasantly. “How was the ride?”

“It was great,” Ava said with a genuine smile. “Winnie is a sweetheart. I’m sorry you got pulled away from home. We should have come back sooner.”

“She is and not a problem. It’s easy to lose track of time out there.” Hannah slid her eyes to Luke and he read the question there. Just what were you doing that you lost track of time?

“Thanks for stepping in,” Ava said, but she wasn’t looking at him.

“No problem.”

Luke watched her take her brother’s arm and walk out of the barn. One part of his brain said it was a good thing her brother had interrupted. The other part of his brain said, bullshit. Then again, he lost all sense around that woman.

* * *

Ava gotin her brother’s BMW, slammed the door, and buckled her seat belt. She didn’t speak until he had the car turned around and was climbing the hill. “I’m sorry you had to wait but please don’t treat me like a child. It’s bad enough I have to have my brother come and pick me up like I’m one of the kids Hannah works with.”

“I’m not treating you like a child,” Ryan said, pausing before he made the turn onto the main road. “I’m looking out for you. Like I should have looked out for you in New York.”

“You mean with Blake? Thanks for that. Just remind me again that a sighted person would have seen it coming.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Didn’t you?” She sighed. “Forget it.”

“Why were you riding with Luke and not Hannah? I thought she was the instructor or whatever.”

“Because we’d planned a trail then we waited out what looked like a storm coming. By the time it passed she needed to go relieve her sitter. Luke was there. He offered.”

“Mmm. And you were late because you went the long way?”

Ava drew in a long-suffering breath at her brother’s skeptical tone. “Well since I can’t see, I’m not sure which way we went, but we did stop off and talk for a bit. I’m allowed to do that, right?”

“Shit,” her brother murmured like an apology.

“It’s fine. And I am sorry, okay? I’m sorry you had to wait and I do appreciate the ride. I just wish I didn’t have to get a ride. It makes me feel like a child.”

They were both silent for a moment and she felt slightly guilty for her brother’s discomfort.

“I’m not getting involved with him, so no need to fight for my honor or anything. I won’t be here long enough to get involved with him or anyone else. Dad’s doing well,” she said, to get the conversation moving away from herself and whatever she might be thinking about having or not having with Luke. “We did his therapy this morning and he did great.”

“I heard. Mom said she didn’t think he was doing it right, or for long enough.”

“Of course she did. But you know how she is.” Ava shrugged. “She worries, especially when she’s not in control. ”

“I’m worried about Mom doing it all.”

“She’s not doing it all,” Ava said.

“For how long? Do you know yet when you’ll be going back?”

“I originally asked for eight weeks. It’s already been three. I could maybe get another four, but I can’t ask for more than that. That’d be three months and I need the paid leave to pay my rent.” Her boss knew about the consulate job she’d applied for. He’d actually given her a raving recommendation. She didn’t want to put him in a bad position by asking for too much.

“You know you could find something around here.”

“Right. A lot of diplomatic translators needed around here? Please don’t start.”

“It wouldn’t have to be diplomatic. Hospitals need translators. The District Attorney’s office, and… other places.”

“You sound like Mom. Please don’t give her any more ideas.”

“Fine. Is it so bad I miss my little sis?”

“Yeah, right. If I lived here you wouldn’t have time for me and you know it.”

“Not true, but okay. I don’t want to fight with you. It’s too sad when I always win.”

“In your dreams.”

They were silent a while. She thought he might bring up the baby Connie had mentioned, and debated if she should.

“I’ve been worried about you,” he finally said.

“Why?”

“Why? Because he hurt you. That’s why.”

“It was a long time ago.”

“It was a year ago,” she said.

“He hurt you, Ava, and I’m just saying… be careful.”

“I am careful.” So careful I don’t plan on letting anyone close enough to hurt me like that again.

Which is why the way she felt when Luke kissed her terrified her.

“I also heard about Italy,” her brother commented.

“Great.”

“Mom’s in a royal tizzy.”

“Mom’s in a royal tizzy when the market doesn’t have her preferred brand of yogurt.”

“True.”

She spent the rest of the drive thinking about Italy. She hated to think of it as a fresh start, because that would imply that she needed one. She didn’t. But a change was good, especially one as exciting as Italy.

Exciting changes.

Luke.

She sighed. What would have happened if her brother hadn’t interrupted? As nonchalantly as she could, she ran her right hand into her hair, searching for leaves. She could still feel his mouth on hers, the weight of his body.

Instead of obsessing over a kiss in the woods, and with a man who felt and smelled and kissed like Luke Walker, she spent the rest of the drive feeling frustrated over the need to be carted around everywhere. She’d much prefer contacting Uber or another riding service than relying on someone else and their schedule.

It was exactly like she’d told Luke, it made her feel small, less than. There’d been a time not so long ago her husband, her best friend, had made her feel like that more than anyone.

It was that day, the day Blake hadn’t picked her up that she’d known it was over. Or she should’ve known.

She’d told Blake she could take the bus, or a cab, but he’d insisted.

“No way,” Blake had said. “No bus. I’ll pick you up.”

He’d been all about driving since the surgery, even in the city where it was a nightmare. Or so he said.

She waited on the sidewalk, Blake was already late and she felt a little turn in her stomach as her bus pulled away. The nearest metro was eight blocks away which is why she’d offered to take a cab. Or the bus that had just pulled away. But Blake had texted twice that he was on his way.

By the time he finally got there she was an ice cube. A pissed off ice cube.

She got in, slamming the door of his new car.

“Sorry,” he said. “So much traffic you wouldn’t believe it.” She could tell by his tone he was smiling. Never having the option to drive before, driving in traffic was fun for him.

“I could have been home by now. If you say you’re going to pick me up, do it. I could have gotten a cab thirty minutes ago.”

“Are you saying you’d rather be in a cab?”

She huffed frustrated and let her head fall back. It’d been a long day. “I’d rather be home.”

“I knew this was gonna happen,” he said clearly annoyed. “I knew eventually you were going to get upset about it or, I don’t want to say jealous, but—”

“Are you kidding me? I’m not jealous that you can see, Blake. I’m happy for you. I’ve been nothing but happy for you this whole time.” Why was he trying to pick a fight when he should be apologizing? But it seemed all they did now was fight and make up.

“Everything’s different now,” he said softly.

“Really? Why is it different? Because you can see and I can’t?”

“Yes, Ava! Yes, it’s different! I’m sorry but it is. I can’t be responsible for you.”

“What? I have never once asked you to be responsible for me. Ever. You offered to pick me up. I waited for you. If you can’t come or you don’t want to come, then don’t offer. I’ll take the train or a cab or the bus like I always have.”

“Okay,” he’d said with a heavy sigh. “Okay, you’re right. I’m sorry.”

But deep down she knew that wasn’t the problem. That wasn’t the reason. The truth was, he could see now and he could see that he didn’t want to be with her anymore. It took him two more excruciating months to admit it.