Waiting on the Rain by Claudia Connor

29

Fighting for calm, Ava closed her eyes, slowly shook her head. “He had no right to tell you that.”

“Maybe not. What I’m wondering is why you didn’t tell me.”

“Why would I?”

“Why would you? Seriously?”

“Seriously.” Ava sucked in a breath and turned so she wasn’t facing him anymore. She pressed a hand to her stomach. “It didn’t work out. Why does it matter?”

“Why? Because it’s a part of who you are? Because we’re sleeping together? Because I care about you? There’s a few,” he shot. “Take your pick.”

Ava wasn’t being fair and she knew it. But damn it, she hadn’t wanted him to know and right at this minute she welcomed the anger, the indignation.

“Did he tell you why? That Blake was blind and after he got his sight back he decided he didn’t want to be with me anymore? Because I was too much trouble? Did Ryan tell you that he didn’t want to be married to a blind person?”

When Luke didn’t answer, she went on, turning to him, a smile trembling on her lips. “I’m sure you’ve heard the expression ‘love is blind,’ well, turns out it’s true.”

“Why are you making a joke about it?”

“It was a joke! I was a joke because I never saw it coming. Is that what you want to know?” She waved her hand like she could wave it away. “It was over a year ago, and really, it was over long before the papers were signed.” She reached for the door handle.

“Is it? Is it over? I think you owe me that much, because if you’re still hung up on him, if that’s why you need a change and Italy and—”

“What? No! No.” She let go of the door handle and turned back to him. “That’s not it. That’s…” She closed her eyes, pressed her fingers against them. “I didn’t want to air my dirty laundry.”

“Sounds like it was his dirty laundry, not yours.”

“I guess it seemed like he got mine dirty by association. You know what they say. It’s not just one person. It takes two.”

“I don’t believe that. What if I married serial killer? Would that be half my fault?”

She stared across the truck. “Well, that was a weird place to go.”

“Sorry. I just watched the Ted Bundy thing and it happens. And for the record, those women could see, and they didn’t see it. And even though you didn’t ask, I’m forty–two and I’ve managed to slip around, avoid and evade any serious sort of relationship with a woman. I figured I always would. You’re making me rethink.”

“Luke.” Ava shook her head because she honestly didn’t know what to do with this man and how he made her feel.

“Just tell me why,” he said more gently.

“Because the man I thought loved me decided I was too disabled to spend his life with. Or maybe it was just that as soon as he could see me, he…” She raised her hand, let it fall. It still hurt, Ava thought, just to say it. Not because it was Blake, but it hurt, not being wanted.

“You don’t really believe that,” Luke said, touching her cheek. “Not the disabled crap or the other. You’re too damn smart for that, Ava.”

“I don’t have to believe it,” she lifted her face toward his. “I just have to remember.”

“Oh, baby.” He drew her hand to his lips. “Come on. Let’s go inside.”

“No. We should finish it. Just because I don’t have feelings for him anymore doesn’t mean I can forget it. It doesn’t mean I just forget the hurt. And I’m not looking to feel that again, I’m really not.”

“Well,” he said, still holding her hand. “That’s a problem because I know I’m falling in love with you.”

“You… Don’t—Don’t say that. You can’t.”

“I can and I am. And I can see that shocks you which tells me I need to work on my communication skills. It also maybe makes you want to run which makes me wonder why you’d be so opposed to hearing that.”

Her heart was poundingin her throat and she wanted to run. To just get out of this truck and run from the pain his words could bring somewhere down the road. She tried to pull her hand away but he didn’t let her go.

She shook her head. Wanted to say, please don’t make me fall in love with you. “You don’t. If you’re thinking about a future with me, you’d be asking for a lifetime of frustration and trust me, it would get old. The novelty wears off.”

“Did you just refer to yourself as a fucking novelty? You could give me and yourself more credit than that.”

She hadn’t expected the anger. Or the hurt she heard under it, and shook her head again. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Ava, your ex obviously had a problem. And it was his problem, not yours. But I don’t care about him. I care about you. I see you.”

“But I don’t see you,” she said. “And maybe that’s the problem, will always be my problem. Because how can I trust, really trust if I can’t see?”

“I don’t know, Ava. I don’t know.” His thumb rubbed over the back of her hand. “But for someone who’s brave enough to step off, literally, into the unknown every single day, I think you’ll figure it out.”

“And if I don’t? I don’t know if I can have sex with you, sleep with you, and then go back to New York like it was nothing. I don’t think I’m the fling type. And see?” she said before he could respond. “Even now I don’t know if you’re smiling or frowning, if you’re frantically looking for an exit, trying to think of a way to untangle yourself. I can’t see if your face shocked or amused.”

“I’m not shocked,” he said, taking one of her hands and laying it on his cheek, just over the edge of his lips. He took her other hand and held it to his chest just over his heart. “I’m not amused. And I don’t know that I’d categorize this as a fling. A fling implies you can take it or leave it and that’s not how I feel when it comes to you.” He guided her fingers over his lips, turned her hand and pressed a kiss there. “You can feel this, trust this.”

“And if I can’t?” Her lips trembled. So did her heart. “Because if I’m honest Luke, I don’t know if I can or if I even want to.”

“Ava,” Luke started.

“I don’t want to want you,” Ava said, cutting off whatever he might say. “I don’t want to need you. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah. It does. But how about we work on the want to for now?” He leaned in, kissed each cheek, then her lips. “And we tackle the rest later?”

Ava started to say something else but Luke was kissing her, drawing her in inch by inch. Even with the console between them, maybe because of it, she suddenly just wanted to be closer. Wanted to lean on him, be comforted. Once again Luke had taken it. She hadn’t exactly thrown it out there, the news of her ex, but he’d handled. More than handled it.

He thought he was in love with her? She shivered at the idea of ever believing in that again. And she wouldn’t dwell on it. She couldn’t dwell on anything with Luke’s mouth making love to hers, his hands sliding up and into her hair.

He held the back of her head with one hand, deepened the kiss, and something inside her opened and she didn’t have the strength to stop it. His scent filled her, swamped her and pulled her under as his lips cruised along her throat while his fingers traveled seductively over her breast.

“Let’s go inside,” he said.

“Let’s.”

“It’s dark,” Luke said, as he carried her across the cabin back to his bed. “Just the smallest bit of moonlight.”

It was something he’d started doing, describing what he saw, what he didn’t see. His mouth hovered a breath from hers. “I can see the outline of you, a hint of shadows.”

Luke laid her on his bed and came over her. Before she could reach for him, he snaked his quick and clever hand up and under her lightweight sweater.

“Mmm. Are these the moves you were telling me about?”

“Some of them. But I’ve got new moves just for you.” He leaned in, brushed his lips over hers, retreated, then brushed again.

“You don’t need to see for this, Ava,” he said, lifting his head. “You don’t need to see me. Just feel me. Feel me touching you.”

No. She didn’t need to see for this. She was feeling everything. The hot smooth skin of shoulders, his back. The man and the muscle. How was she supposed to form a coherent thought when this man, vibrating with strength, gently ran his rough hands over every inch of her body? While he touched, kissed, and stroked, all the while telling her what he saw and all the ways he wanted to touch her.

It was a slow, skillful seduction and different than others kisses they’d shared. This kiss was knowing what was coming. Knowing what he did to her body, what he could make her feel. Knowing what their joining would be. It aroused her as much as it scared her. But little by little, the arousal overtook everything else. Her need to get closer, to touch him, to feel him inside her.

“Get it off,” she demanded and frantically tugged at his shirt.

He stripped it over his head and she sighed as her hands raced over him. His shoulders, his back. All that power and strength. Just for her. At least for now, it was just for her.

Laughing, they struggled to get off each of their jeans. Tugging, bumping hips and hands, and eventually going over the edge to land with a thump on the floor.

“Ouch,” he said, landing under her and rapping his elbow on the night stand in the process.

“Thank goodness for the rug.”

“Yeah. Not feeling so thankful for the table here.”

“Aww. Poor, baby.” She nibbled at his throat, glided her hands down his chest, his abs. She stroked his erection still caught under the fabric of his jeans and smiled when he groaned.

As if she weighed nothing, he lifted her up, flipped their positions so that he was on top. He wouldn’t rush, Luke thought. Not this time. Tapping into whatever patience he’d developed, all the skill he possessed, he would use both tonight. He would take it slow until they both lost themselves in each other.

“I wish I could see you,” she whispered into the dark. “Not to see what you look like, but I wish I could see your eyes looking at me.”

“You see me, Ava. Maybe more than anyone else ever has.” Luke stroked her skin, shoulders to thighs. “This is me looking at you. You can feel that.”

He lingered over every dip and curve, filled himself with her taste. Used his lips, his hands, driving her mad. Her breath hitched and her eyes closed when he tugged, then slid her underwear down and away.

He was mad for her, for Ava, as he came over her, took her mouth in a long, greedy kiss. There was a shocking flash of heat as their bodies joined. Like a fiery arrow, it shot right through him. Her arms came around him and she arched up to meet him, locking their bodies even more tightly together, making them one. And then there was no slowing down.

Slick with sweat, they moved, flesh slapping flesh until he felt her tighten around him. He filled his hands with her breast, moved his body in time with hers, fitting himself to her like a key in a lock. Yes, she saw him, he thought. And when he slid inside, when their bodies were joined, he saw himself too. He made love to her slowly then fast. Both were perfect. Both were more than he’d ever had before. More than he’d ever felt before.

He hadn’t known, really known, what he’d been looking for when he came here. Peace maybe. Resolution with the family. But looking at Ava sleeping beside him he knew whatever it was he’d been looking for he’d found it in her. And more than anything, he wanted to be the man she needed.

The flash of his own orgasm was so staggering he rode on the high thinking he might not survive it and in the moment didn’t care. It snagged the air right from his throat and he collapsed, unable to move, and lay with his face buried in Ava’s hair.