Waiting on the Rain by Claudia Connor

30

When they were finally breathing evenly, he took her into his side and held her against him. “We should get off the floor.”

“We should. In a minute.”

“Yeah. In a minute,” he said, happy where he was.

She traced her finger over his shoulder, down his bicep. “Do you have any tattoos?”

Luke rose up slightly and looked down at her. “What do you know about tattoos?”

She smiled. “I’ve read about them. So do you?”

He brought her hand to the inside of his arm, sliding it along length of his forearm. “I have one here.”

“What is it?”

“Just words. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.”

She traced her finger along his skin as he read.

“What about the rest? I will fear no evil?”

“Would you believe they ran out of ink?”

“Hmm.”

She continued touching him, not challenging him on the ink, not pressing him on the why. She never looked at him like he was broken and he was coming to realize she wouldn’t think of him as broken or weak even if he did tell her. That he hadn’t wanted the rest of the verse because he had feared evil.

“Are all the memories bad?”

“No. Not all.” He took her hand and put it to his cheek so she would know it. Her thumb moved the slightest bit to brush over his bottom lip. And it seemed like Gary was right. Because here he was talking to Ava, saying things he’d never said to anyone and feeling lighter.

He drew her hand higher, held one finger to a spot where his forehead met his hairline. “There’s the scar from that clothing rack I ran into. It’s just there, above my hairline.”

Ava felt for it, found it and traced her finger over it. About an inch long, barely there. His skin was warm under her hand, warm and smooth and she moved her fingers over his face, felt the sandpaper of a day’s growth on his jaw and around his mouth. “Do you have any others?”

“A few.” He guided her hand to his shoulder. “One there. A bullet. Just a graze. Another on my leg. Nothing too bad.”

“I’m glad.”

“I do trust you, Luke,” she said after a long moment. “In a way I never thought I would trust again. You’re good and honorable and kind. You are,” she said when he tried to interrupt.

“You care about your family, you care enough to bury a kitten and search for the others. But…I was lost for a while. Really lost. I couldn’t find my footing, my happiness. I felt robbed somehow, and misled. He made me uncertain of myself, that was the worst part. But little by little, I got it back. I don’t want to lose it again.”

She said the words so softly it nearly broke his heart. And at the same time he felt a strike of jealously that she’d felt so strongly for another man. “No. I wouldn’t want you to lose it. Wouldn’t want you to lose anything.” He pressed his lips to her shoulder, gathered her in.

“I don’t want what happened before to happen again and at the same time I don’t want my past to dictate my future.”

“Then don’t let it.”

“It’s not that easy,” she said.

He knew it wouldn’t help to make promises. To tell her he’d never hurt her. It actually shocked him that he was so sure he wouldn’t.

Luke’s heart broke with the pain and anguish in her voice. He wanted to beat the man he knew had hurt her but at the same time knew if he hadn’t that she wouldn’t be here with him now.

“I was with someone for five years and he walked away like I was nothing, like none of it meant anything. And you expect me to believe this is different in five weeks?”

“I do. In five weeks. Five days. Five minutes. But I don’t think it would matter if it was five years or fifty if you’ve decided every man is just like him.”

“I don’t think you’re like him. But I’m afraid. Afraid I’ll take the chance, that I’ll reach out and take hold and you’ll be there. And then one day, you’ll be there wanting to leave but not leaving exactly because of who you are. And I won’t even see it. I won’t even know. I’ll never know if I’d been able to see his face if I would have known he didn’t love me anymore.”

“Would it have changed things if you’d seen it?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe it’s impossible to trust, to really know, if you can’t see a person’s eyes.”

If someone had asked him a week ago, a month ago, if he wanted someone to trust him, to depend on him, he’d have said no. Hell, no. But now…

“He actually said that,” she said. “That there was a different kind of connection looking into someone’s eyes and having them look back at you.”

“And you believed him?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Well believe me, Ava, when I tell you he was wrong.” He moved over her, settled between her legs. “I’m looking at you, right at your eyes, and I’m feeling everything. All.”

He kissed her, taking his time, loving her, wondering how he could make her believe he’d never hurt her? And more, how could he convince her she had more power to hurt him?

* * *

Ava wokehours later to an empty bed and the steady sound of sand paper sliding over wood. She got up and made her way toward the sound— the bathroom. She stopped in the doorway. “Hey. I fell asleep.”

The sanding stopped. “I noticed. Sorry, I didn’t think this would wake up.”

“I don’t think it did. I just woke up. What are you working on?” She took a step to move farther in.

“Hang on. I’ve got stuff everywhere.”

She waited for him to move it then walked in and leaned back against the sink. “What are you working on?”

“Ah. Sanding the baseboard trim before I put a final coat of clear coat on it.”

“Such a perfectionist. Can I help?”

“That’s very sexy night wear you have on.” Luke looked at the sleeves of his T-shirt hanging well below her elbows, the bottom edge to the middle of her thighs. The neck was so big and stretched out it hung off one shoulder.

“Is it? It’s soft.” She pulled the V-neck up to her nose and sniffed. “It smells like you. Can I help or not?”

He stood and moved to her. “I’m not really in the mood to work anymore.”

“No?”

“No.” He took her face in his. “You’re so beautiful.” When she said nothing, he ran his thumbs over her cheeks, slid his fingers in her hair. “You really have no idea, do you?”

“No. And it wouldn’t mean much if I did since I have nothing to compare it to.”

He continued stroking her. Her hair, her face. Down her arms. “Your eyebrows are like these delicate little feathers,” he said, coming back to her face. “Your eyes are so blue, the exact shade of a summer sky. Your cheeks are like cream then they get these splashes of pink when you get embarrassed.” He brushed his lips over her cheek. “When we make love.”

He continued, tracing a finger lightly down her nose. “Cute little nose. Rosy lips that I can’t look at without wanting to kiss. They move a little when you’re counting steps. It drives me crazy.”

“You’re very observant.”

“Not much I haven’t noticed about you.” He leaned in, nuzzled her neck, then made a slow, lazy path to her breast. “But I’m up for more study.”

With one of her hands still caught in his, he brushed a strand of hair back from her shoulder. The touch led to a kiss and the kiss to her leading him back to bed where they made slow love and after, he slept until morning.

When he woke, Ava was beside him. Her hair lay wild, half off her pillow, over her shoulder.Something had happened to him the night before. Something much more than sex. He craved her like no other woman. He knew that with a certainty that shocked him. Something had clicked into place when he hadn’t been looking for it. Hadn’t even wanted it. But here she was and he wasn’t sure he could ever go back.

Yet the look he’d seen on her face when they’d talked in the car, all that heartbreak and distress so plain to see in the slant of her brows and downturned lips, it made him wonder if he would have a choice.