Sleet Banshee by S.J. Tilly

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

MEGHAN

“O

hmygod this is so adorable!” Katelyn squeals.

“No, not cute. Not Adorable.” I jab my pointer finger in the air at each of them. “This is not good, you guys. This is not good at all.”

“Aww, our little girl’s all grown up and catching feelings,” Katelyn says to Izzy.

Izzy’s responding grin is so big I want to smack her. But I won’t. Because, friends.

“Catching feelings? Really?” I reply, not amused.

“Oh, come on, what’s so bad about that?” Katelyn asks.

I throw my hands up. “Everything!”

“Ah, of course. Everything. How did I not guess that?” Katelyn rolls her eyes.

“Come on, Meg - ” Izzy’s voice softens, "he's a good guy. And he clearly likes you too. I don’t see what the problem is.”

“The problem is that I don’t want to care about someone more than they care about me.” The honest admission catches me off guard. “Fucking hell.”

Katelyn reaches over the table and grabs my hand. “Meghan, you don’t know that that’s what’s happening.”

“It sure feels like it.” It’s an uncomfortable feeling, but saying it out loud helps.

“Have you talked to him about it?”

I shake my head. “No. I wouldn’t even know where to start.” I use my perky girl voice, “Hey Sebastian, I know we’ve only fooled around a couple of times, over the course of several months, but I’m pretty sure I’m falling for you. What do you think? Do you love me, too?”

“Why are you so afraid of falling in love?” Izzy asks. “If you recall, you pretty much shoved Zach down my throat.”

Heat moves across my face at her choice of phrase.

Katelyn cocks her head as she looks at me. Probably wondering why the hell I look embarrassed. I wave it off.

“Go ahead and tell her,” I sigh.

Katelyn keeps watching me as she speaks to Izzy. “Okay, so this is the CliffsNotes version. The first, and only, guy that Meghan’s ever said the dreaded L-word to was in college. He said it back, along with all the other right things. They talked about marriage and forever and all that crap. Then she found out he was cheating on her pretty much the whole time.”

Izzy’s hand goes to her mouth. “Oh, no! Are you serious?”

“And then he dropped out, after stealing my laptop and the cash I had in my wallet.” I lay the rest out.

“What a creep!” Izzy hisses.

“Pretty much,” I agree. “I know it was a long time ago. And I know that he was just a piece-of-shit assbag. And yeah, I know it’s not fair to project my baggage onto someone else. But… I don’t want to be put in that position again. When you think you’re both on the same page, only to find out that they’re reading from an entirely different book. Not to mention sticking their bookmark between a bunch of other pages. It really fucking sucks.”

Katelyn chuckles, then holds up a hand. “Sorry. You know I love a good book joke.”

Izzy gives me a sad smile. “I get it. Really, I do. But why do you seem to think that Sebastian is reading from a different book?”

“Well, for one, he’s a known player. Maybe he’s not a total slut, but in his entire hockey career I don’t think he’s been in one actual relationship.” I tick off another finger. “Two, the hot-and-cold signals he’s given me have been all over the fucking board. Three, and most importantly, he made an actual joke about the idea of me loving him.” I sit back in my chair and cross my arms. Feeling like I made a perfect argument.

They don’t look convinced.

Katelyn holds up a finger. “One, that you know of. And even if he hasn’t had a girlfriend in a while, it might just be that he hasn’t met the right person. Two, men have mood swings even worse than women do. But since you’ve reconnected, I think he’s been all hot signals. And three, men are idiots. They make jokes to get reactions. They don’t think about the negative ramifications. You can’t read too much into that one.” When I think she’s done she holds up another finger. “And four, what the hell had you blushing a minute ago? I have a feeling there’s another piece of this puzzle that you haven’t told us.”

I purse my lips.

“Oh damn!” Katelyn grins. “What happened?”

“I’m not done talking about the feelings crap yet,” I snark.

She rolls her eyes, but Izzy speaks up. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“If he sat you down and said he only wanted a casual thing. Like no strings attached, just sex and whatever, but no labels. What would you say?”

I mull it over. “So, in this scenario he’s basically asking me to be his fuck buddy?”

She thinks. “Yeah, I suppose.”

“Can I demand that he only fucks me? No other buddies?”

Izzy shrugs. “I guess you could add that to the equation. I’ve never been a fuck buddy, so I don’t know how that works.”

“That’s totally a thing - ” Benny calls out from behind the counter.

We all turn to look at him.

“Benny, what the shit?! Privacy much?” I give him a WTF look.

“Geez, sorry. I wasn’t trying to listen, you guys are just loud. And I thought, based off your recent question, you’d be happy to know that you can totally set rules like that with fuck buddies.” He holds his hands up and starts to back away.

“Okay, hold up, FDR. You’ve already butted your way into our conversation, so spill it,” I demand.

He smiles and tucks his thumbs under his suspenders. “I usually don’t kiss and tell…”

“Benny, so help me god, I will come back there and squeeze that nozzle of small batch organic whipped cream up your nose until it comes out your ears.” I punctuate my threat with a slap on the table.

I see him visibly swallow, but he starts talking. “Okay, so I’ve had a couple FBs.” I roll my eyes at his abbreviation. “And the rules, so to speak, have always been different. If there’s no conversation, then you treat it like a booty call - no rules, no limits. But there was this one FB that I went with for a while. We were both busy, and both recently out of relationships, so we didn’t want to date, but we liked each other. We made the agreement that we’d be casual hook up buddies, but no sleeping with other people. If it got to the point where we were interested in other people, then we’d end our arrangement.”

“Huh. Okay, thanks for sharing. Now please, stop creepin' on our girl talk.”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re welcome.” He heads to the back room.

“Alright," the girls turn back to face me. “Back to Izzy’s question,” Katelyn says - “He wants to be FBs. What do you say?”

“FB? Can we not?” I shake my head, but consider the question. “Truthfully, if he agreed that we’d only be with each other during the course of said arrangement, then I’d say yes. I like him. I like spending time with him. And the smart part of me knows that this would be a stupid idea, but the other parts of me just want to have him however I can get him. And just hearing myself say that makes me want to lobotomize myself.”

Katelyn lets out a large breath. “Honestly, I’d probably do the same thing.”

“Me, too.” Izzy says. “You can’t help who you like.”

I slump in my chair. “This is going to end badly.”

“Oh come on, you’re super lovable. And if he doesn’t think you’re absolutely fucking amazing, then he can go right to hell.” Izzy pounds her fist down, and I almost laugh at her sugary outburst.

“Plus,” Katelyn chimes in, “orgasms release endorphins and make us happy. And we like being happy. So, if nothing else, fuck buddies should be a sure-fire way to build a stockpile of happiness.”

I snort. “Well, in that case leaving a guy hard and wanting might be counterproductive.”

“Come again?” Katelyn asks.

“He sure didn’t.” I can’t help it, I start to laugh. A lot.

The girls look back and forth between me and each other.

Katelyn leans closer. “Care to share with the class? Or is this you having a nervous breakdown?”

I take a gulp of my Sweet Vigorous, then speak quickly. “I gave him a blowjobinthemuseum and we got caught.”

“Uh, what?” Izzy asks.

“Yeah, try that again at human pace.” Katelyn leans closer.

I bury my face in my hands. “He found me at the museum last night, and one thing led to another. Long story short, I went down on him in one of the exhibits.”

I spread my fingers to peek at the girls. They’re both sitting there with their mouths wide open.

I continue, “It’s normally not my thing.”

“Blow jobs, or blow jobs in public?” Katelyn smirks, clearly over her shock.

“Either, I guess. But he was being all… him. And I didn’t have a dress on.” They both start giggling. “So anyways, I was, you know. And it was actually really fucking hot. Like, I didn’t think giving could be that freaking sexy. Things were getting pretty heated, and I think he was close, but then we got interrupted.”

Their giggles have grown in volume. “Who caught you, a security guard?”

I give it a beat. “His brother.”