Sleet Banshee by S.J. Tilly

CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT

MEGHAN

“I

can’t believe this is our last Sunday brunch before you get married!” I say dramatically.

Katelyn laughs. “Getting married isn’t going to stop me from brunching with you. Of course, from now on you’ll have to greet me as Mrs. Wilder whenever I come over.”

“Oh, okay,” I roll my eyes.

With my French toast casserole baking in the oven, we take our coffee mugs over to the couch. I tease Katelyn about tying the knot, but there’s a part of me that’s worried that everything will change. I’m not sure how, since they’ve been together for over a year, and living together for months, but it just feels like it will be different.

But maybe that’s just me being jealous.

Katelyn sighs. “It is a little crazy. Friday night, I’ll become a Mrs.”

“I’m not asking this to be a dick. I just believe there should be at least one person who asks you this question before you get married. So as your best friend, tell me, are you one hundred percent sure you want to marry Jackson?”

Katelyn smiles. “Thank you. I love you.”

I smile back. “I love you, too.”

“And I’m sure. I’ve never been more sure of a decision in my life. I’ve been in love with him for so long. I think it started that first night I met him, when I fell asleep against his side watching his favorite movie. He was so sweet and funny and nice and I didn’t even know who he was. Then he made me those flashcards. Remember that?”

I laugh. “Yeah, he made those because of the whole Mother Mary incident.”

Katelyn grins. “And now she’ll be Mary-in-law.”

I hold my warm coffee cup against my chest like a security blanket. “So when did you know? Like really know that he was the one?”

“It wasn’t really any one moment, but a combination of the little things. I think I started falling hard when he kissed me at that hockey game. And not because he did it in front of so many people. It was the possession in his eyes. He was so fierce, and it made me feel so incredibly wanted. Then on our first real date, when he took me ice skating and my brother called. Jackson took the phone away from me, to go talk to him. It should’ve been rude, but it showed me he was interested in more than just a fling. If he wasn’t in as deep as I was, he wouldn’t have made such an effort with my family. It was such a simple thing, but it meant a lot. And the sex.” She drops her head against the back of the couch. “The sex was so much… more. I’d had good sex before, but the feelings I had for him amplified everything. All of that, and every other little moment, made me fall in love with him. I think I denied it to myself for a while. Worried that it might be unrequited.”

“When did you accept it as real? Your feelings for him.”

“Honestly?”

I nod.

She closes her eyes. “When I went to Jackson’s apartment, and I found his bitch ex Lacy standing there in her slutty robe.”

“Seriously?” That’s not the answer I was expecting.

“Yep. That’s when I realized just how completely in love I was. Because thinking that I had lost him, truly lost him, was worse than anything I’d ever felt before. I thought I knew what heartbreak felt like, but I had no idea. It felt like my heart was being pried from my chest. And I knew that if I didn’t love him, then it wouldn’t hurt so bad.”

“Well, fuck. That answer was more intense than I was expecting.” I stare at the coffee in my mug, watching the steam curl off the surface.

I’m not sure how long I’ve been sitting like this, but Katelyn’s hand on my knee brings me out of my daze.

She raises a brow at me. “You’re looking awfully hard at your coffee. What are you searching for?”

“Maybe once you get married, you’ll stop being so perceptive.” I scoff.

She smiles. “Doubt it. Now tell me what’s going on in that brain of yours. I’m going to take a wild guess and say it has something to do with Sebastian.”

I narrow my eyes. “You’re so annoying.”

“I know. Now spill it.”

I wave her off. “We can talk about that later. Like next week. I’m sure you want to go over wedding details.”

“Oh hell no. You’re not deflecting this. And you’ve already squared away even the tiniest of details for my wedding. I know Friday will be perfect. But what I really want to know is how my bestie is doing.”

I chew on my lip for a moment, and decide to tell her.

I tell her how we text each other every day. I tell her how we talk on the phone a couple times each week. I tell her about our goofy conversations. I tell her how I think about him all the time. About the other night with Annabelle, and all of the theories she had. I tell her about Sebastian calling, finding us a ride, then insisting I tell him when I got home. I tell her how we talked for over an hour last night after he got to his hotel room.

Then I tell her how terrified I am. That I’m almost certain I’m already deeply, madly, truly in love with Sebastian. That I don’t know what to do about it. That I’ll keep falling harder in love with him while I hope that he’s either been lying about not wanting a relationship, or that he’ll change his mind. And how entirely stupid that makes me feel. The idiot girl who’s hoping that a boy will change just for her. How fucking cliché.

Then I tell her that I can’t do it. I can’t just let myself keep on this path. I need to protect my heart and my sanity. I can’t give up entirely, not yet, but if I’m going to wait for him to want more, then I’m going to wait from a distance.