Forever by Janie Crouch

Chapter One

Seven Years Ago

Ethan - 17

Jess - 14

Ethan Bollinger had never plannedto be hitchhiking out of his hometown of Oak Creek, Wyoming.

Why would he need to? He had his own car, not to mention he knew nearly every single person in the entire town, and they knew him. He’d lived here his whole life.

But tonight, he needed to get to Reddington City without anyone knowing about it. From there, he’d be taking a bus to just outside Chicago.

This was his plan. He knew it was where he needed to go. But every step he took away from Oak Creek was painful.

He was hitchhiking because he couldn’t risk asking for a ride. If he did, it would get back to Jess. And if she found out, this was all over. He’d barely had the strength to walk away from her today when she’d had no idea he wouldn’t be coming back.

There was no way he’d be able to do it if she asked him to stay.

He’d kissed her tonight knowing it was the last time he’d be kissing her for a long time, and the thought of it had gutted him. The thought of being without Jess had cracked something deep inside.

But how could he stay? For weeks now, he’d been listening to her talk about the Vandercroft Institute Fellowship, a unique research and educational grant based in London that was offered to very few. She’d be skipping high school altogether and combining her undergrad and graduate studies, plus participating in cutting-edge biotech research.

They’d sought Jess out. Maybe it was her perfect SAT scores in the fifth grade. Maybe it was the international science symposium where she’d caught the attention of everyone in her field. But the institute had figured out what Ethan had known since he’d met her when she was four years old.

Jess was a genius and was going to change the world.

Of course, there’d been no talk of sending her off to Vandercroft alone. Cade and Peyton, Jess’s mother and father, weren’t about to let their fourteen-year-old daughter move to a different continent by herself. Jess might be a genius, but she was still only fourteen.

Cade’s profession as a country music superstar gave him a unique lifestyle. If he needed to take a few months off to hang out with his daughter in a different country, he could. And Peyton would just pack up Jess’s little sister, Ella, and bring her along. That’s what family did.

Jess had been talking about Vandercroft for weeks. They’d already flown her out to see the lab and the research she would be participating in. For the first time in her life, Jess would be working with people who were just as smart as she was and challenging her to do more.

Ethan knew enough about his little genius to know that while that was scary for her, it was exactly what she needed and ultimately what she wanted. Vandercroft was where Jess needed to go.

But a few days ago, she’d started talking about not going, staying in Oak Creek, staying with him. They’d been lying out on the bales of hay, like always, to talk. She hadn’t wanted to tell her mom and dad that she was thinking about turning the fellowship down, but she’d been willing to tell Ethan because they told each other everything.

And lying there on their favorite place, holding hands the way they always had, with her telling him that she wanted to be with him more than she ever wanted to do anything else, Ethan had known.

He had to leave.

Not because he didn’t want to be with her, but because he did. Because he wanted to spend every moment of every day with her, but he also wanted her to be everything she could be. He loved her. He couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t loved her.

He couldn’t allow her to walk away from this opportunity. It was too big. Too important. But arguing with Jess was nearly impossible if she was set against it.

She was too smart. She could find every loophole or flaw in an argument. And although she’d never been cruel or vindictive, she could find every weakness someone had and use it against them.

And she knew his particular weakness. Her. The fact that he didn’t want them to be separated by an ocean any more than she did.

Ethan had known he wouldn’t be able to out-argue her on this. She would find a way to bring him around to her way of thinking, not that it would be hard.

So he’d done the only thing he could do. This morning, he’d entered his high school’s office and withdrawn himself. He had enough credits to graduate, even without finishing this last quarter. It had meant forging his parents’ signatures, since he was only seventeen, and praying Principal Renninger wouldn’t call them to confirm.

He’d told the principal the truth: he was joining the military. That had seemed to satisfy the man. It was a logical conclusion for someone like Ethan. It had been what his dad had done. Hell, most of the Linear Tactical guys—Ethan’s extended family—were former military.

He’d spent an afternoon writing letters to Jess and his parents, letters he could write because they’d worked tirelessly to help him overcome his dyslexia and reading difficulties. The letters weren’t long, Ethan had never been long-winded, but he’d wanted them to know that he loved them. That he was making a choice that he would’ve made anyway, just a few months early.

And he’d especially wanted Jess to know that he was not saying goodbye. She was still the only one for him. But for right now, this was what needed to happen. She needed to go to London and step into her future. He would join the military like he’d planned.

By the time Jess got her letter and understood what he’d done, he’d be on the bus from Reddington City to Chicago. By the time she could do anything about it, he would already be enlisted and beyond her reach. She’d have no reason to sacrifice her future since he wasn’t going to be around.

But even knowing in his heart of hearts that this was the right thing to do, that it was the decision that meant he and Jess would be together in the long run, each step was agony. Like he was being slowly torn in half .

That was pretty damned accurate.

A vehicle came up behind him, slowing down, and he stuck his thumb out in the air. It probably wasn’t the safest thing to hitchhike anywhere, but he’d take his chances. When he turned to face the vehicle that had slowed down behind him, he let out a curse.

“Damn it.” He should’ve recognized the sound of Dad’s ancient Jeep ten miles back.

His dad had one arm slung over the steering wheel as he stopped next to Ethan and turned to look at him. “You need a ride?”

Ethan walked over and leaned on the Jeep door. “Depends. Are you going to take me back home?”

“Is home where you want to be?” Finn asked.

Yes. “I have to leave, Dad. I’m enlisting.”

“I heard. I’ll give you a ride to Reddington City.”

He got in the Jeep. “How did you find out?”

Finn pulled back onto the road. “Principal Renninger. I ran into him at the gas station. Dude was chastising me for not encouraging you to finish high school. Said just because I ran off at seventeen to enlist didn’t mean I should encourage you to do the same.”

Ethan leaned his head back against the headrest. His dad had had this old Jeep his whole life. “I can’t stay. If I stay, Jess will stay. She won’t take that fellowship in London. College isn’t for me, you know that. I knew I was going to enlist after graduation. This just upped the timetable a little.”

Finn smiled over at him. “College was never for me either.”

He’d known his dad would understand his desire to join the military. His dad wasn’t going to be happy about Ethan’s ultimate choice, but Finn Bollinger understood the desire to serve one’s country.

“What does Jess think about this idea?” Finn asked.

Ethan rolled his eyes. “I’m here in one piece, aren’t I? I may not be as smart as she is, but I’m smart enough to know that telling her about this plan ahead of time would have been a disaster.”

“She’s going to be pissed.”

“I know, but ultimately it’s the right thing to do. I love her enough to step out of her way. Not forever, but for right now.”

“Well hell, son, it’s hard to argue with that. Jess gets a lot of credit for how incredible she is. I don’t think you get nearly as much as you deserve for how incredible you are.”

“This isn’t about being incredible. This is about loving her.” It was that simple.

It was easy to put Jess’s best interests at the forefront because he loved her. And also because he knew that her best interests were his best interests also.

Finn shook his head. “You’re seventeen. You’re making decisions like someone twice your age. Smart decisions, unselfish decisions. Jess may be the genius, but you’re the greatest kid we’ve all ever known. When I think of you when I first got you, that little boy who wouldn’t talk, the things that might’ve been done to you . . .”

Ethan reached over and touched his dad’s arm. He knew Finn blamed himself for the things that had happened before he’d known about his son before he’d been able to get custody. Ethan’s biological mother had been an addict before she’d died, and the abuse in his first three years had been significant.

But Finn had spent every single moment since the day he’d taken custody of Ethan showing him what true love meant and teaching him how to grow stronger than past demons.

“Everything I learned, I learned from you. You and Mom have been my example of how to be strong and how to love, and in Mom’s case, how to fight dirty when needed.” Charlie was his mother in every way but biological. “I’m okay. Look at me, Dad. I’m okay.”

Finn glanced over and nodded, smiling. “You’re a hell of a lot more than okay, and I’m glad Charlie taught you how to fight dirty. Speaking of”—he grabbed a set of folded papers that were sitting on the dash and handed them to Ethan—“your mom said not to start off your military career illegally. We signed your underage enlistment paper.”

Ethan grinned. “Thank you. And thank you for understanding.”

“So, you going to catch a bus in Reddington City? Where are you heading? Fort Benning, Fort Jackson?”

Ethan’s eyebrow rose. “Did you not read the papers that you signed?”

“No, I just signed where Charlie told me to.”

Ethan chuckled. This was going to be fun. He might be walking to Reddington City after all. “No, I’m headed for Recruit Training Command, Great Lakes.”

Finn’s head looked like it was going to spin all the way off. “RTC? You’re joining the fucking Navy? I take back every good thing I’ve ever said about you. Fucking Navy. No wonder your mother told me to just shut up and sign. I never would have agreed to this ridiculous . . .”

Ethan smiled and looked out the window as his dad continued his diatribe for the next five miles.

But the important thing was, he kept driving. Finn Bollinger didn’t like that his son was not joining the army and going into the Special Forces like he had, but he kept driving Ethan where he needed to go.

And when they arrived at the Reddington City bus depot, Finn shook Ethan’s hand before pulling him in for a hug.

“Fucking Navy,” he whispered in Ethan’s ear. “My son is going to be a squid.”

“It’s what I want, Dad. My path isn’t yours.”

Finn hugged him tighter. “I’ve always known that. You be safe.”

“I’m going to be more than safe, Dad. I’m going to be a Navy SEAL.”