Forever by Janie Crouch

Chapter Four

Eight Years Ago

Ethan - 16

Jess - 13

“I’m ready,Ethan. I’m ready for you to kiss me.”

This would have been much more exciting if it were Ethan standing here in her arms, rather than Jess holding a mango.

She’d wanted to practice and the internet had said to take a soft fruit, like a mango or a plum, and cut out a small hole the size of a mouth. That way, she could get an understanding of what Ethan’s lips would feel like pressed up against hers when he finally kissed her.

What his tongue would feel like.

She wanted the first kiss with Ethan to be perfect. She needed to practice so she wouldn’t seem like such a newbie. Ethan would be great at kissing, but Ethan was great at everything. She didn’t want him to kiss her and be disappointed because she didn’t know what she was doing.

Plus, she liked research. Liked learning. Liked trial and error and precise methodology. So this mango was about to become her independent variable.

She brought the sweet fruit up to her lips. It was soft. Ethan’s lips would be soft too. She moved her mouth around to get used to the feel, and then slowly slipped her tongue into the hole she’d cut out in the mango. She pressed her face more firmly against it—wanting to experience it so she would know what to expect.

“Oh, Ethan,” she said, pushing her mouth more firmly against the fruit.

“What in the hell is going on?”

Jess dropped the mango from her face and spun, mortified at the sound of her father’s voice behind her.

“I—” She didn’t know what to say that could possibly make this less embarrassing. “I—”

“What were you doing to that poor fruit?” her father asked.

“Cade—” Jess’s mother held out a hand to stop Dad from talking. Ethan stood next to them, holding little Ella’s hand, staring at Jess.

Jess wanted to melt into the ground. Ethan had witnessed her making out with a piece of fruit too.

The mango fell from her limp hand onto the ground, and Jess turned and ran. She heard everyone calling after her, but she didn’t stop.

She wanted to die. She had never been so embarrassed in her entire life. She ran all the way up to her bedroom and locked the door, but she couldn’t stay here. Mom and Dad would be knocking any second.

She ran over to her window, yanked it open, and climbed out onto a branch of the red maple tree outside it like she had dozens of times before. She clambered down and ran for the barn, then behind it. She wiped tears of mortification from her eyes as she climbed up a stack of hay bales.

How could she have gotten caught doing something so stupid? Mom, Dad, and Ella weren’t supposed to get home for another hour. They must have seen Ethan in town and brought him over.

And the fact that Ethan had seen her doing that . . . she wanted to die. She would never be able to face any of them again, especially Ethan.

She rolled onto her side and clutched her stomach. Normally, she loved lying out on the hay bales and watching the Wyoming sky, but not today.

“Room for one more up there?”

She wrapped her arms more tightly around herself at the sound of Ethan’s voice. “Go away. I can’t talk about this.”

“Come on, Jess. It’s me. We can talk about anything. Are you really that embarrassed that you were mangling a mango?”

He was getting closer, climbing up the bales. She didn’t have the heart to turn him away. She would never have the heart to turn Ethan away. But she couldn’t face him either. She rolled so her back was to him.

“You know I wasn’t just eating the mango. Don’t act like you don’t know that.”

“Then let’s talk about what you were doing with the mango. There’s nothing you and I can’t talk about.”

She squeezed her eyes shut. He was right. There had never been anything the two of them hadn’t talked about.

He’d been the one she’d called last year, panicking when her first period had started at school and she’d needed to get home to change clothes. He’d ditched his high school classes and driven her.

She could tell Ethan anything. She sat up and glanced at him.

“I was kissing the mango.”

He didn’t laugh at her admission. He just sat there, his body language mimicking hers, his arms wrapped around his knees.

“Research?” he asked.

She looked over at him, surprised. “How did you know?”

Now he chuckled. “Jess, it’s you. You’re always doing some sort of experiment. If you were kissing a piece of fruit, it was either to find out which was softest or sweetest or something.”

“It was to practice kissing,” she said. “I read in an article that if you were nervous about kissing, you could practice with a piece of fruit, and that would give you an idea of what someone’s lips and tongue would feel like.”

“Oh.” Now he seemed a little more surprised.

“I wanted our first kiss to be perfect.”

He ran a hand through his thick, dark hair. “Our first kiss will be perfect. I know it. Every kiss we have will be perfect. There’s no hurry. We have forever.”

Jess slammed her fist down on the hay. “Everybody else my age has already kissed somebody. Simone Wheeler was talking about making out with Jonah Littleman behind the tennis courts the other day, and they don’t really like each other! People kiss all the time in the hallway at school even though it’s not allowed. I’m the only one who hasn’t kissed anyone, and I’ve had a boyfriend for the longest time.”

“Jess—” He reached a hand out, but she jerked back.

“I know, I know, you’re perfect, and you’ll wait until I’m forty years old and we’re married before you kiss me for the first time. I’m not a kid anymore, Ethan! I’m thirteen, and I love you, and I want my first kiss to be with—”

She broke off as his hands cupped her cheeks and pulled her close, his mouth falling on hers.

This was so much better than a mango.

It was everything she’d always dreamed her first kiss with Ethan would be. His lips were firm, but gentle, just a little bit hesitant. His tongue, when it brushed against hers, was so much sweeter than any fruit could ever be.

Perfect.