Hard Facts by Penny Clarke

30

Grayson

Igot the acceptance.

“—like it if you just tried it.”

“I don’t want to try it.”

Staring at my laptop screen, I read the email twice over. All the words register. They make sense.

“Theo, Nana Mason’s sweet potato casserole recipe is as close as you’ll ever get to tasting heaven.”

“Marshmallows, Nat. I cannot think of any food more calorically useless than marshmallows.”

I read over it a third time. Waiting.

Static hums in my mind, until I notice the quiet’s not just in my head. I glance up. Morris and Natalie watch me from their spots on the couch, both wearing concerned expressions.

“What?” I ask.

“This is usually where you chime in,” Natalie wiggles a finger between her and Morris.

Morris grins. “Did you know marshmallows…”

“If you wanted marshmallows, you’re shit out of luck,” Kennedy carries two steaming mugs in each hand. She sets all four carefully on the coffee table, and behind her, Spencer walks into the living room with two more. “You guys don’t have any. I checked.”

“Because they’re awful,” Morris mumbles.

Natalie smacks his arm before taking the hot chocolate the redhead gives her and blowing on its surface. Spencer passes me a coffee, and it scalds my mouth when I sip too soon.

As my friends gather in our living room—chatting about Thanksgiving meal staples and the upcoming game, whether or not Morris is sure his knee’s really ready for him to play again so soon—I read that email again.

It’s official. I got my spot in the Prescott internship. Everything I worked towards. I did it.

Yet, that feeling still doesn’t come. That swell of pride, of accomplishment, it doesn’t come.

Instead, I feel this gnarled tangle in my gut. A gnawing sensation, eating me from the inside out, whenever I think about the internship. About that meeting with Nolan Prescott.

I feel it every time Summer tells me that she loves me.

Is this what it’s like to keep such terrible secrets? How long had Summer suffered through a similar feeling? Is that why she finally opened up to me, that night on the hood of my car? Because I don’t see how any rational person could bear it. I feel like there is nothing inside me anymore.

Nothing, until Summer tells me what’s in her heart.

I was going to break it off. That night. End our arrangement, part ways with her for good.

Then she blew me away with that. Those words. That beautiful, open, honest, heartfelt look on her face. No one had ever looked at me like that.

Selfishly, I choose to keep her for myself.

But with every time she tells me, every times she utters those words, I feel that persistent, biting ache. Working its way out.

I need to tell her.

“All right,” Kennedy announces, leaning on the arm of Spencer’s chair. “Who volunteers to go upstairs and get Levi and Rylie?”

As though sensing us talking about them—right as Morris, Spencer, and I all say not it, and Natalie jumps to her feet—there comes a loud thump from the ceiling above our heads.

“That’s new,” I mutter. Though they have a tendency to pop up in the most unexpected places, Rylie and Levi can at least control their volume. Or any disturbing noises.

But the thumping continues. Grows louder, with raising voices and the sound of Levi slamming open his door and yelling in a tone completely devoid of any joking, “Grayson. Outside.”

I sit up as he charges down the stairs, still fully clothed. When he sees me sitting, he throws a finger at the door and shouts, “Now!”

We all hear it then. The unmistakable dissonance of breaking glass.

I’m on my feet in an instant. Out the door in the next. And—

Summer. On top of my car. Tears, makeup, running down her face. Crying out. Unintelligible howls of rage. Ramming a large black cylinder, over and over, into the wreckage of my battered windshield.

And what—Fuck—Oh fuck—

She knows.

She has to know.

“Summer.”

Blonde curls fly every which way when she spots me. Her lips curl into a smile that’s not a smile at all. “Grayson Rowe. Just in time. We need to review the terms of our contract.”

She bashes that long object into an unbroken section of windshield. Glass flies in pieces around her feet. Bare. They’re completely bare. And there’s glass and she’s—

“Make it believable.” She holds up a finger. “That was the first. Had a rough start, but ultimately, we did a commendable job of it, don’t you think?”

She lifts the object. High over her head. Brings it down in a hard swing on the same spot.

“Summer, come down—” I take a step forward and realize, too late, that I’m not wearing shoes, either.

“No kissing. Well. We really fucked that one up together, didn’t we? Literally.”

She hits more glass, and I see that object now—and fuck—and shit, I’m going to hurl.

It’s a telescope. A fucking telescope.

And I just know it was meant for me.

Rolling her shoulders, she brushes hair out her face. Inhales a deep, ragged breath.

“But you, Gray. You broke the last term. All on your own.” She points one end of the telescope at me. The glass eyepiece. Also in pieces. “What part of don’t.fucking.tell. do you not understand?”

When she swings the telescope up again, she teeters. Foot slips. Scatters tiny glass shards across the hood. But she rights herself and brings it down in a firm hit.

“Summer, just get fucking down from there,” I shout, my hands pulling at my hair.

Because she’s going to get hurt, even more than she’s already hurting and it will be all my fault and fuck this is how she felt with all these fucking secrets and what the fuck did I do why the fuck did I let myself think that was the right thing to do—

“Gray,” and it’s Morris, butting in, coming to the rescue, and fuck I don’t need him here for this.

Summer swivels that telescope to my roommate. “This is because of him. Isn’t it, Rowe? You fucking told my asshole of a father. All because I slept with him.”

There’s a sudden, hitched breath.

Natalie.

They’re all there. My friends. Watching from the porch. All with the same serious concern on their faces.

And Natalie, on the grass behind Morris, looking from him to Summer with an unreadable look on her face. Arms crossed over her chest to brace against the cold.

When I turn back to Summer, I wait for her to tell more secrets. The other things Morris is keeping from Natalie.

But her eyes dip to Natalie’s bracelets.

She throws the telescope on the car hood, where it rolls straight to the ground with a dull thunk. Taking care of her feet, she hops down, and I breathe a giant sigh of relief.

Until Summer stands in front of Morris. Gives a slow clap. “Congratulations, you win the bet. We’re breaking up. Didn’t even make it to finals. Here’s a sorry state of a vehicle, just waiting to be repaired.” She holds up a finger. “But wait. Gray should probably tell you. He has more than enough money to fix it himself—”

“Summer,” my voice breaks.

That stalls her. Her eyes find mine. That pewter gaze, once so open, so loving. Hardened against me. Forever. I’ve lost her. She’s gone. Summer’s leaving. Leaving me.

“Because I’ve been paying him,” she announces, those hard eyes on mine. “To tutor me. We were never actually dating. It was all. Just. Fake.”

Natalie steps up beside Morris. But as she opens her mouth, Summer snaps, “Don’t worry, I’m leaving.”

With that, she scoops up a pair of heels from the grass, but doesn’t put them on. And as she passes me, she says, “I’ll pay for the car. Just needed to collect my damages first.”

She walks away on a breeze of roses, and fuck, I’ll—I’ll never smell that scent again. I’ll never—She’s leaving.

Morris steps toward me, but I whirl away. Run after Summer. When I spin her around, there are more tears on her cheeks. Gone is her fierce, explosive fury. Any trace of the fuse that set her off. All that’s left is the aftermath. The raw, open truth of how much I hurt her.

I’m struck. Struck so hard, every word I’d been about to say dies on my lips. Nothing I say can heal that pain.

“Was any of it real for you?” Her voice croaks on a sob. “Any part? Because it was real for me. All of it. I fell in love with you, Gray. And you used me. For a stupid fucking internship.”

Except it’s not. And I choke out, “I need that internship. I told you all the reasons why I need it. And it’s so easy, so fucking easy for you to tell me I could have had anything else. But, fuck, Summer, I come from nothing. I have nothing. I don’t have a single fucking thing other than what’s in my head—”

“You had me!” she screams. Tears fall freely as she bows her head and cries into one hand. On a sob, she whispers, “And you should’ve known… I would’ve given you everything.”

Without one last look, she leaves.

Summer leaves.

Just like I knew she would.

I set my hands on my knees, breathing deeply. Seeing moisture on my glasses and wondering how it got there. Squeezing my eyes shut and wiping at my face. Glasses fall to the ground and everything’s blurred and Summer’s gone and fuck—

Morris rests his hand on my back. “Gray, it’s going to be—”

I push him off. Natalie’s blurred form comes forward, but I wave her off. Pivot back to my car. Squinting. Finding that black tube. That fucking telescope. I grab it. In both hands.

And I smash it into the passenger window.

Over and over and over. Until the glass gives way, bursting into the seat below. Off goes the mirror. The back seat window. A cratered dent in the door. Natalie’s distant voice. Theo, what do we do? Each impact echoes the one thought in my head. Summer left me. Summer left me. Summer left me.

Until the telescope, under such furious pressure, splinters into bits.

I toss its remains aside. Sink against the door. Glass crunches under my jeans. Natalie’s bracelets clink as she wraps her arms around me. Morris kneels on my other side, pressing my glasses into my hands. And as they offer their quiet comfort, I bury my head in my hands.