A Daddy for Alexi by Joe Satoria
17. ALEXI
SATURDAY
We didn’t see Benny again yesterday; I hadn’t even responded to the messages he’d sent. Perhaps if I’d shown him a picture of Warren, he might have said he knew him, but then he might have also been negative.
I ran the scenario over and over through my mind. Even the one idea that Warren and Benny were together and maybe would get back together. All day, Warren asked what was on my mind. I felt emotionally purged to him, I’d told him about my family, and where I had this urge to never depend on anyone but myself, and then at the same time, I was leaning into him, cuddling him, letting him whisper ideas about the future in my ear.
“One day, I’m sure you’ll fill a house with fur babies, I would be the daddy, of course, but they’d be yours,” his words were soothing in the back of my mind, over on repeat as I smiled out to the world.
We were in the stand at the food festival again. I was once more pouring drinks out while Warren and Nick, or Gareth, maybe Jane. One of them handed out the flyers and asked for feedback.
My mind felt clear. Handing out shot glasses of non-alcoholic drinks, not even caring. My only thought was waiting for Sugar to get bigger so we could take him for walks. I also still had the cat café on my mind. That was where I wanted to be. It sounded fun to be surrounded by all those cats and kittens.
“Hi,” a voice spoke.
In a world of my own, not paying attention. “One per person,” I said on automation.
“Alexi.” The voice was behind a hooded person. The height gave them away. It was Benny. The one scenario my mind hadn’t touched was him coming to haunt me.
“What are you doing?”
“I just wanted to talk, I feel awful about yesterday,” he said. His hood up, probably so Warren didn’t see. “I’m not here to cause drama.”
“It was a lot,” I said, “I—I—I hate people shouting.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “For what it’s worth, Warren’s nice.”
A cough interrupted us. Warren appearing at Benny’s side, his arms crossed, his chest pushed out like he was Superman, or at least, he was my Superman. “Didn’t you cause enough trouble yesterday?”
“Me and Alexi are friends?” he said.
Warren shook his head. “Alexi?”
I looked from Warren to Benny. “We were friends,” I said. “I’m not sure—I’m not—not sure, if I want to be anymore.”
“Listen,” Benny said. His softer voice was much more pleasant. “We should talk, we should clear the air. I’m not here for drama. I didn’t even know about Warren. But from the way Alexi spoke about you. You’re happy, and that’s all you’ve ever told me you wanted.” He sighed, looking at Warren. “And you’ve always wanted someone who fits you. Alexi does that.”
Warren looked at me, looking for my answer. “Ok,” I said, “but I want to go to the cat café.”
“I don’t think it’s fully open yet, baby,” he said, his hand at his side. I could see him wanting to touch me. I felt it. Inside, his want to touch me was a nice feeling. “But I’ll see.”
“We’ve spoken for months online,” Benny said. “I’m glad we get to meet, but I’m not sure if this is how it was going to happen.”
It was true. I’d spoken to Benny every single day. It was the shouting, the anger in his voice that caught me. I’d spent my life-giving people chance after chance, especially my own mum, telling me from a young age about how I needed to be quiet, to hide under the bed, to colour, to play with the cat. All of that, all so she could do whatever it was she was doing.
“How’s the kitten?” Benny asked, as Warren walked off with a phone to his ear.
“He’s good, he’s always sleeping on my knee and then he like chases after my feet.” I found myself smiling, thinking about Sugar’s little beans on the bottom of his paws.
“Warren wanted a cat when we were together.”
My head shook. “Don’t—please, don’t mention you two—two—together.”
“Ok,” he said, removing his hood. “I didn’t mean to shout yesterday. I guess, when I was stood up, it hurt and then I saw you two together. I thought I’d never see him again to be honest.”
I sucked in through my nose, trying to stay calm about this. Perhaps why being in the cat café would be good. I wouldn’t feel like I was going crazy because there would be these little fluff bundles everywhere.
“Great,” Warren said with a chuckle as he came back. “They’re open for selected guests, but my friend there has said we can stop by now.” He glanced to Benny. “You have about twenty minutes, then we’ve got to stop by the flat.”
My eyes lit up at the thought of going back to see Sugar. “Who’s going to—” I looked around, seeing both Gareth and Jane appearing beside Nick handing out letters.
Warren met me by the small slip curtain exit. “You want one of those strawberry milkshakes again?” he asked.
They were delicious. I nodded, feeling at his hand take hold of mine. It was warm and soft. “Please.”
I was quickly reminded of Benny as he appeared at my side. “I always love visiting Manchester,” he said. “Do you like it here?”
“Yeah, it’s nicer than where I grew up, small town filled with—” my tongue caught on my teeth. Warren squeezed at my hand. “I’m ok.”
We walked in mostly quiet, Benny asking questions and Warren not responding, each time his hand growing a little more comfortably firm around my hand.
Pink Paws was quiet, mostly, except for one table. The woman who spoke to me last time approached with a large smile.
“Thanks again,” Warren said as we took seats at a table.
“It’s no bother, we had a booking system for the soft open, and someone cancelled,” she said. “I’m Marcella, the owner. My brother, Grant does the marketing.”
“Yeah, we went to university together,” Warren said. “Is he around?”
At my side, I grabbed Warren’s hand. He was looking for a reason to leave. I knew it.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said to me, as if he was listening to my thoughts.
“So, what can I get you?” she asked. “The kitten pen is free, but make sure the door is locked.”
My eyes, I could feel them growing. I wanted to go into the pen. Warren’s hand tugged at mine. “You can have a strawberry milkshake in there,” he said. He knew I was trying to leave now. “He’ll have a strawberry milkshake. I’ll take a coffee, strong.”
She looked at Benny. “I’ll just have a—chocolate milkshake?”
“Sure,” she said, “I’ll be right back.”
Warren eyed Benny, his hand on mine, squeezing at it slightly.
“I apologise,” Benny said, “I don’t want to bring old things to the surface, but I apologise for leaving you like that, and I think it worked out for the best.”
“I came to peace with that a while ago,” he said. I knew it was a lie. People at peace didn’t shout like that, but it wasn’t my place to say anything. He was just trying to protect himself as well as he protected me. “I didn’t want you coming between us. This is all new between us. The last thing I want is for you to come between.”
“That’s not what I’m here for,” he said, “I really was the worst, and I’m happy you’re both happy.”
I stayed quiet; it was already uncomfortable in the air between the two of them. They didn’t need the added discomfort of what I was feeling to break that. I didn’t want to either. I felt strange to say anything. I wasn’t the one with a history. I only knew Benny through the forum, and even then, I barely really knew him. He was always so outright and sexual there, but here, he looked resigned and sad.
“I’ve been trying to find someone who completes me the way I know you two do,” he said.
The couple at the table near us were too busy making eyes at each other, sucking down their one milkshake with shared straws as a cat climbed the table between them. That could’ve been me and Warren. But instead, there were no cats around us, almost like they could feel history at the table.
“I won’t stop him being friends with you,” Warren said. He lifted my hand to the table, stroking at the back of my hand with his thumb. “But I don’t think we’ll be friends. You took things too far, at first, it was cute, missing money, missing things, but those were replaceable,” he said. Tuning in, he hadn’t actually told me what happened. “But what I won’t get back is my friend who you slept with, or the time I wasted on you.”
Resigned back to the silence of my mind, looking for anything visual to take my mind off everything.
“Ok,” Benny said. “I did that, and I’m sorry, but I’m a different person now.”
“If it’s ok with Alexi, once we’ve finished our drinks, we’re going to leave, and I don’t want to see you again,” he said calmly. His voice controlled. “Stay friends, but don’t visit, don’t do anything that will poison his mind. Ok?”
Benny nodded. “I understand.”
“Can I play with the kittens now?” I asked, breaking the tense breath I’d been holding back in my throat.
Warren placed his hand behind my neck, pulling my head closer. He missed my forehead. “For five minutes.”