Not Fake for Long by Weston Parker

31

HARRISON

Sundays were always a good day to try to get some work done at my office. There was never a lot of people around and those that were tended to keep their heads down so they could get home as soon as possible.

After I’d left the wedding last night, I’d gone back to my brownstone and tried to get some sleep. It hadn’t gone well.

With only Dottie as company, I’d asked the dog for her advice. When she hadn’t had any, I’d given up on sleep and had spent the night getting caught up on some admin instead. Eventually, I’d fallen asleep on the couch in the early hours of the morning and had gotten maybe three hours before I’d woken up again.

Too restless to stay at home, I’d decided to come in to the office. I had no idea what I was going to do, but I knew I could always lose myself in work. I just had to get stuck into whatever I had waiting for me to do next week.

Agatha had made neat piles of paperwork on my desk, and I knew there was a schedule in my inbox for the week. If I got a head start today, I might even be able to leave early for the farm next weekend. Spend a couple more days there. That was always good.

I sat down behind my desk after taking off my jacket. Showering and putting on a suit had taken up some more of my time this morning, so even though I knew it was unlikely I’d see anyone around today, at least I looked the part.

The truth was that I felt like shit. Ashton had warned me that the lie would come back to bite me in the ass, but I hadn’t realized it would bite so deep.

While I’d been completely prepared to grovel last night, she hadn’t given me the chance. She’d shut me down hard, and I had no choice but to respect her wishes.

If I pushed, I’d been too afraid that I’d push her away for good. So I’d left. Just like she’d wanted me to.

I recognized that she needed space to think. To process everything she’d learned. I’d just have preferred her to have had my explanation while she processed it all.

God only knew what was going through her head today. The look on her face when all the pieces had clicked into place had been horrifying. All the blood had drained from her cheeks and there had been this dullness in her eyes that would haunt me for the rest of time.

It was like she’d folded in on herself right there in front of me, her shoulders caving and her chin lowering. Seeing it happen would’ve been bad enough even if I hadn’t been the one responsible for it.

I pulled the first of the pile of folders closer and opened the one on top while waiting for my computer to start up, but I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what I was looking at. In some distant back corner of my mind, I knew exactly what it was, but I couldn’t focus on it enough to bring it to the fore.

No matter what I tried, I couldn’t really seem to focus on anything other than Keira. Images from the day before kept playing out behind my eyes and I couldn’t seem to stop them. I relived everything.

The moment she’d opened her door in that robe, what it had felt like when she kissed me, and what she’d looked like on top of me. I saw her in that golden dress when she came out of her bedroom and her smile when she walked up to me after the ceremony.

My brain kept torturing me by conjuring up other images of her when it was done with the wedding. I remembered seeing her for the first time and all the talks we’d had while riding. I thought about how she’d thrown down that challenge only seconds after getting on a horse for the first time and how, when she laughed, it felt like there was something inside me lighting up.

It was ridiculous, considering I’d only met the girl a couple of weeks ago, but it seemed she’d gotten even deeper under my skin than even I’d realized before. This was more than just some infatuation with a pretty girl I enjoyed spending time with and was fucking addicted to making her come.

I didn’t know what it was really, but I did know that losing it sucked. While I had no intention of giving up on her, I also didn’t know if she’d ever forgive me. Regardless of how much I begged, groveled, and pleaded, I’d seen the way she looked at me before she’d walked away.

It had been entirely different from the way she’d looked at me just minutes before. Entirely different from the way she’d ever looked at me. It was like a switch had been flipped, and it’d taken every ounce of trust she’d had in me away.

Fuck. I should’ve just told her when I had the chance.

As soon as I’d seen Bernard Hilton walking up to us, I’d known the shit was about to strike the fan. I just hadn’t known that Keira’s mother would be there to make it even worse.

On the other hand, I’d seen her starting to piece things together even before Moira had joined us. Her mother had simply spelled out everything I was sure she’d already been starting to realize.

Keira was a stockbroker, for God’s sake. She knew exactly who Harrison Hynes and the Hynes Group were. Knew exactly what the implications were of me being said Harrison Hynes.

Blowing out a frustrated breath, I scrubbed my hands over my face and rolled my head back to dart a glare at the ceiling. I’d poured so much of my life into the Hynes Group, but I was losing my drive to keep doing it.

If running a billion-dollar multi-national company couldn’t take my mind off one girl, then obviously my head wasn’t in the game anymore. There had been a time when I walked into this office on a Monday morning only to emerge again on Wednesday.

That definitely wasn’t the case anymore. As I turned to face the wall of windows overlooking the city, I realized that I didn’t even like being in here anymore. I felt caged. Locked up. Locked in.

The only place I really wanted to be right then was on the farm. With Keira.

Since having her there with me wasn’t an option, I tried again to get into my work. Shaking the mouse to wake my computer up, I logged into my profile and focused on my schedule for the week.

It took me a few hours, but eventually, I’d made enough of a head start that it wouldn’t be a problem if I didn’t come in tomorrow. Fuck putting off going out to the farm until the weekend. I needed to clear my head before I’d do anyone much good anyway, and that was the only place I could really do it.

Decisively pushing back my chair, I stood up and made a pile of all the files I’d managed to get through. After dropping them on Agatha’s desk, I left her a note that I wouldn’t be in on Monday and that I’d let her know when I could be reached.

It probably wouldn’t be as soon as it needed to be, but there was a lot I needed to think about. Not the least of which was why it suddenly felt like the walls of this building were closing in on me.

When I walked back into my office, I shut down my computer and gathered my things, but I walked over to the windows instead of leaving immediately. It was a nice day outside. The sky was blue, there were only a few clouds floating high above, and when I’d come into the office, there had been a light breeze which was just enough to keep it from being stiflingly hot.

Why would anyone want to be cooped up in a glass box all day when they could be out there?

Not even I had the answer to that question, and yet, I was the one who’d opted to be cooped up in the glass box on a day when I didn’t technically need to be.

Is this really where I want to spend the rest of my days until I’m at retirement age?I just didn’t know. It used to be, but I also used to enjoy this work.

Building the Hynes Group had been my sole focus, my priority and the only objective I’d wanted to achieve.

Somewhere along the line, that had all changed. Maybe it was because it had grown into a much larger, much more successful company than I’d ever imagined, but I didn’t think that was it. My heart just wasn’t in it anymore.

Being surrounded by so many people on a daily basis was suffocating me. While it didn’t make me anxious or anything like that, I really didn’t like it. I’d put in more hours to get to this point than most people had put into work by the time they turned fifty, so it was possible I’d simply burned myself out.

With all the time I’d been spending on the farm recently, it wasn’t likely that it could just be a simple case of burn out. But even when I was there, I never completely switched off. My head was constantly in two places at once, and I was over it.

I still had to make things right with Keira, but that wasn’t going to happen today. If I hadn’t heard from her in a day or two, I’d call her. For now, I’d give her the space she needed to figure things out while I took the time and space I needed to do the same.

As I spun around and left my office, I had a feeling that this was the last time I wanted to leave it. I didn’t know if that was a viable option yet, but it could be. And just knowing that it could be was enough.

The rest, I’d figure out later—with a beer in hand, wide open spaces around me, and possibly with Ashton sitting next to me. Mind made up, I closed the door behind me and headed down to my truck.

All I had to do was pick up Dottie, and then I could hopefully put the nightmare this weekend had been behind me. Even if it was just for a few hours.