Not Fake for Long by Weston Parker

35

HARRISON

Dottie and I were out on the porch on Monday morning. For the first time since she was a puppy, she had her head in my lap and seemed content to stick close to my side.

I knew there was work to do around the farm, but other than going out to the barn early to tend to the horses, I couldn’t quite get myself to do much. Yesterday had been like the scene from a fucking nightmare, and every time I closed my eyes, I relived it.

Every moment from when I’d seen Ashton’s shotgun leaning against the porch until I’d been standing beside him where he lay on a metal slab played out over and over again in my head. Even though I knew it was true, I still couldn’t believe he was gone.

I kept glancing down the path and wondering when he was going to come ambling to the house wanting some coffee. When I’d walked into the barn this morning, I’d been almost convinced that I heard him grumbling to Angelo in his stall.

The big gray had looked at me with so much sadness in his eyes, it was almost like he knew his owner was gone. Nairobi had tossed his head around a little when I’d paid more attention to Angelo than to him, but he was going to have to get used to it.

From now on, he and Angelo were going to have to share my attention. That horse was the only thing in this world Ashton had truly and freely loved. He’d been damn proud of Angelo, and I would take care of him like my own now that Ashton wasn’t here to do it.

A cloud of dust near the entrance road to the farm made my heart skip. Until I realized it wasn’t Ashton. Couldn’t be and never would be again.

I closed my eyes against the onslaught of pain that kept coming every time I had that realization. When I opened them again and focused on the tiny car coming toward the house, I realized it was Keira.

My heartbeat kicked up its pace, but I didn’t quite know how I felt about her coming here this morning. On the one hand, I wanted to see her. Honestly, I just wanted her with me.

On the other hand, I still owed her an explanation and I really didn’t have it in me to brace for the possible argument that might come from it. Emotionally drained after yesterday, I was all out of fight.

For possibly the first time in my life, I didn’t feel up to facing the world. In a relatively small amount of time, she had become a big part of my world—which now meant I didn’t know if I was up to facing her.

Warily eyeing the car as it rolled to a stop, I wiped my palms on my jeans and stood up. Keira climbed out slowly, offering me a small wave as she glanced up at me on the porch.

“Hey,” she said, her voice softer and more gentle than usual. “Is it okay that I’m here?”

“That depends,” I said. “Are you here to fight with me because I lied to you or because you wanted to tell me in person that you never want to see me again?”

She managed a weak smile, shaking her head as she approached the stairs. “Neither of the above. I came to make sure you’re okay. Are you?”

I shrugged. “I will be. Shouldn’t you be at work? Nine a.m. on a Monday morning doesn’t seem like a good time for a trainee stockbroker to be on a farm two hours outside of the city she works in.”

“About that,” she said, her smile turning a little brighter as she came up the stairs. “I haven’t even had the chance to tell you yet, but I graduated out of the training program early. I’m just a stockbroker now. No more trainee in the title.”

My brows jumped up as high as they could go. “Wow. Congratulations. When did that happen?”

“Last week,” she said. “Hailey was my first call, but she was having some issues with Nick. Eventually, I just put it on the backburner. I was going to tell you at the wedding, but then that didn’t happen.”

When she stepped onto the porch, I wrapped my arms around her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Congratulations. I really wish I’d known. I’d have made sure to have some champagne on hand so we could celebrate. I’ve only got beer, though.”

“I prefer beer to champagne any day, but maybe just some coffee first?” she suggested, tilting her head back to look into my eyes. I took it as a good sign that she didn’t push me away, though.

“I’ve got some coffee too,” I said. “Want to come inside with me while I put on a fresh pot?”

“Sure,” she agreed, stepping out of the circle of my arms to lower herself down to her haunches. Dottie licked her cheek, and Keira giggled while she stroked her neck vigorously. “Hello, beautiful girl. I’ve missed you. How are you doing?”

“She’s okay,” I said on Dottie’s behalf. “Sad but okay.”

“Speaking of being sad,” she said as she pushed herself back up to standing, her gaze coming to a rest on mine. “How are you holding up? For real. I know you said you would be okay, but how are you right now?”

“Not great,” I admitted, dragging a hand through my hair as I offered her a sheepish smile. “But I suppose you already knew that.”

“I guessed,” she said, following me into the kitchen. “Is there anything I can help you with? Arrangements to be made?”

“Not really,” I said. “We’re going to have a small service for him at the church in town. He’s going to be buried with his wife in the cemetery near the church. Mariana and I found his wishes in a folder in his desk last night.”

She blew out a breath. “That sounds rough. It must’ve been very difficult to go through his things.”

“Luckily, Mariana had an inkling of where to look,” I said. “She helped him clean his place from time to time. She remembered him saying something about the folder once.”

“How is she? And the rest of the people here? Everyone must be devastated.”

I shrugged. “Pretty much. Ashton’s been here with them for a long time. I only met them just before I bought this place, but they’ve all been here for years.”

“You two seemed pretty close, though,” she said cautiously. “I’m not trying to pry. If you don’t want to talk about it, you can just tell me.”

After switching on the coffeemaker and rinsing out the pot before clipping it back in place, I leaned against the counter and faced her. “We were close. He was pretty much the only friend I had. You know who I am now. You probably also know that I keep a low profile. If you’re not one of those guys who wants to go out on the town and party it up every night, it’s difficult to meet people when you’re in my position.”

“You never know what people really want from you, huh?” Her brown eyes shone with sincerity as she kept her gaze on mine. “For what it’s worth, I don’t want you for your money.”

“Do you still want me at all?” I asked, cutting right to the chase. I wasn’t up for a fight, but I also didn’t want to stand around here harboring false hope. It wasn’t really my style.

She glanced from one of my eyes to the other. “I do, but I’m going to need you to talk to me when you’re ready. It doesn’t have to be today, but I want that explanation you promised.”

“I can give it to you right now,” I said, turning toward the coffeemaker when the pot was ready. “It’s not very complicated or elaborate.”

“Are you sure you’re up for it?” she asked quietly. “I really didn’t come here for that. We don’t have to talk about it today.”

“No, we do.” I released a long breath while fixing our coffee, then carried both mugs outside after motioning for her to precede me. “I’d rather do it today. Like I said, it’s really not complicated. It wasn’t intentional at first, and I should’ve just set the record straight before you even left that first weekend.”

When we reached the porch, I handed her mug over once she was seated, then took the seat next to hers and turned to face her. All of her attention was on me, though Dottie was nudging her arm and making it clear that she wanted some of it.

“Okay, then,” she said, letting her free hand go to Dottie’s head to scratch it. “I’m listening but again, there’s no pressure on doing this today.”

“When you and Hailey got here that weekend, you assumed Ashton owned the place,” I stated it as fact because that was what it was. Keira nodded, her eyes getting that faraway look that said she was thinking back to that day. “You weren’t the first people to make that assumption, but I never corrected any of the others either. At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter who the owner is.”

Understanding dawned in her eyes, though she chewed on the inside of her cheek. “I suppose I can see how that could be true and why it doesn’t really matter. All that matters is that the clients are taken care of, right?”

“Exactly.” Inhaling through my nostrils, I motioned toward the main house. “By the time I got to know you a little, the assumption had already been made. I liked you from the get-go, and the longer I left it, the more scared I was that telling you would mean I would lose you.”

“But you were going to tell me at the wedding,” she said. “You weren’t scared you would lose me then?”

“I wasn’t scared. I was terrified.” I let a dry chuckle. “Fuck, I still am terrified but I was never going to let it drag on forever or until I got caught out. I just wanted to wait until the wedding because I really did also mean it when I said I wanted to help you out with your mom.”

Before she could say anything, I added, “I’m sorry for not being upfront with you from the beginning. I should’ve been. It was a shitty thing to have done and I take full responsibility for it.”

She was quiet for a beat. “Are you lying about anything else?”

“No.” I looked her right in the eyes. “Everything I’ve told you is true. I’m just not a farmhand or riding instructor full time and I neglected to mention the extent of my business interests in the city. That’s it.”

Sitting back in her chair to take in the view, she reached over and took my hand. “In that case, you’re not going to lose me, Harrison. Not now and, depending on how things go and what we both want, maybe not ever.”

I grinned for the first time since Saturday. “That’s the best news I’ve heard all day. Now, are you going to tell me why a newly minted, fully fledged stockbroker is on a farm on a Monday morning instead of being at work?”