Only a Lady Will Do by Tamara Gill
Chapter 26
Aweek later, the ducal London townhouse was filled with family for the wedding. Iris had welcomed her parents several days ago, and only yesterday Alice, Lady Arndel, arrived with her family. Victoria, Lady Melvin, and her new husband, the marquess, were due to arrive today.
Iris sat in the library with Josh, who worked behind the desk with an array of missives and ledgers open. "I shall get everything here in order, and then we shall be able to take some days away once we're married. I can take you to Dunsleigh if you like. I know I said we would not leave London, but if you wished to return to Surrey, I'm more than happy to comply with your wishes.
Iris strolled about the room, picking up numerous books, reading the spine or the first page or two before slipping it back on the shelf. "Do you think your mama will be lonely should we depart for a week or two? I do not want to leave her alone when she has been so good to me. I should think she's quite used to our company."
The duke leaned back in his chair, placing down his quill. The adoration on his features made her stomach flutter. How was it that the man before her loved her? Adored her? A fact she still struggled to comprehend now, a day before their wedding.
"My sisters will all be staying for several weeks. Alice, in particular, said now that she's back in London, she will not be returning to Surrey anytime soon. Mama will be more than happily occupied. Have you seen how many grandchildren are running about? I think my elder sisters, Isolde and Elizabeth, think this house is a drop-off center for their children to play."
Iris laughed, coming over to lean on the side of his desk. She glanced down at the papers, one letter, in particular, catching her attention. "Is that for me?" she asked, pointing to the neat, flowing script with her name addressed on the front. Someone had opened the letter, and yet, she was sure she had not seen it before.
The duke hesitated, glancing at the desk before shaking his head. "No, a misaddressed missive, that is all."
Iris was unsure what possessed her, but something urged her to see for herself if what Josh said was true. She snatched up the letter. Josh reached for it, and she moved about the other side of the desk. "I will just read it to be sure. I do not want you to have any letters delivered by lady admirers. That will never do." She scanned the contents. Her heart stopped at the words spelled out before her.
"What is this?" she demanded, holding the letter aloft, shaking it.
Josh held out his hand in an attempt to appease her. If what the letter said was true, he had little hope in making her calm.
"There is a person. I'm uncertain if it male or female who wishes to force a wedge between us. I did not want you to know about it."
She thought over his words and what they meant. "Were you there? Did you see my accident? Were you a part of it?" Her eyes pricked with tears, and she moved farther away from him when he reached for her.
How could he do this to her? How had he not told her? "Did you place a bet to race about Hyde Park and beat your time? Is that why Redgrove did what he did?"
The world spun. Josh had lied to her.
Josh fought down the urge to cast up his accounts. Iris had turned a terrible shade of gray. Her eyes, glassy, told him she was on the verge of tears. Damn it all to hell. He should have told her. Weeks ago, he should have been honest and told her all that he knew—his involvement in her accident.
But he had not, and because of her reaction now, he feared losing her.
"Iris, please sit and let me explain."
Surprisingly, she did as he asked. Josh returned to his chair, leaning on his desk and fortifying himself to do something he should have a long time ago.
Even before she had come to town, he should have traveled to Cornwall and told her how very sorry he was and that it was his fault that Redgrove had died. Begged for forgiveness regarding the injuries he had generated.
"Tell me what the letter means," she demanded, a threat of steel in her tone.
"You know that I was familiar with Redgrove before your betrothal was announced. He often came out with us, and we drank and entertained in the same social sphere." He forced his hands to stop shaking, clasping them on his desk. "I played a game with him, knowing how very eager he was to be one of us, even though we never excluded anyone from our set."
"What sort of game did you play?" Her large, blue eyes pinned him to his chair, and he felt the weight of his answer as he debated how to tell her.
"I made a bet in Whites that no one could beat my time around Hyde Park in a curricle. I did not think anyone would bother since it was only a hundred pounds."
Iris scoffed, her eyes wide. "A hundred pounds is a lot of money for some. And Dudley, while being a baron, wasn't flush with cash. Any such gentleman would take up such a bet and put themselves in danger and others. Did you think on that before you made your bet?" she spat at him.
Josh cringed, knowing he had not. "I was arrogant and foolish in my youth. Had you met me then you would not have liked me, Iris. I thought a lot of things were a lark, other than my family."
"And what of the family I was hoping to make with Dudley? Did you never think of others or what your foolish pranks could do?"
He told himself she loved him now, not Redgrove. That yes, they were in the middle of their first argument, but that did not mean all feelings could be erased by his mistake. "I did not, and I'm so sorry, Iris. I did not know what I was doing. I could not see past my own amusement."
"What happened? Tell me. I need to know," she demanded.
Josh ground his teeth, thinking back to that day. He cringed. "Word reached me that Redgrove was going to attempt the bet just before fashionable hour at the park. Along with our set, I arrived to see Redgrove already preparing to race the clock. What I had not expected was for him to have you perched beside him, utterly unaware of what he was about to do."
"I soon found out, though, did I not?"
He took a calming breath, rolling his shoulders. "I started over to you, but Redgrove took off before I could stop him. He lost control of his set and the carriage on the first corner." The recall of the crunching, sickening sounds of horses rolling with a carriage attached. The sight of Iris flying onto the hardened grounds of the park, of Redgrove hitting a tree, would never dissipate from his memory. It would haunt him until the day he died, just as the look of utter devastation that Iris now had upon her visage would too.
"I cannot tell you how sorry I am. I know no words will ever be enough."
She stood, pacing before his desk. She nibbled on a fingernail, the tears falling unheeded down her cheeks. "You killed Redgrove." She turned and faced him. "Had you not made your stupid damn bet, none of this would have happened. He would be alive today. I would not suffer from my injury. I would not limp when the weather turns chilly. I would not be laughed at for the scar that marred my face. How could you?" she yelled, her hands fisted at her sides as if she were halting herself from striking him. "For months, I suffered. Do you know that after the bone in my leg healed, I was given permission to walk, only for it to fracture a second time when I tried? I hide my pain well. I have lived with it long enough to do so, but this… This is a pain I cannot bear." She strode to the window, and he stood, going to her.
She rounded on him, holding up one finger. "Do not touch me, Your Grace. It is not safe for you to do so right at this moment."
Fuck!His mind scrambled how to make this right. How to fix what he could not change. The past had happened. There was no turning back the clock, no matter how much he wished he could.
He would do anything to make her life different from what it was now. To give her back Redgrove if she wanted, everything, but he could not. Not even a duke had that much power.
"I made a mistake, Iris. I did not know what occurred would happen. I did not know Redgrove would take you on his ride about the park."
"So it is his fault now?"
"No," he went on, not wishing to blame anyone.
"You wrote the bet as a little lark against him. You knew he would take it. That he had me beside him, I grant you was an error, but all of this could be laid at your feet. You wrote the bet." She shook her head, unable to fathom what she had been told. "Templedon hinted that there was more to the accident than I knew, but I never guessed his vague statements would lead to this. How do you live with yourself? How could you court me knowing what you had done to me?"
"I love you. That is why I want to marry you, Iris."
"Oh my God." Her face blanched. "The kiss. Everything between us. You bastard," she sobbed, taking a deep breath to calm herself. "You helped me out of guilt. You felt sorry for me, and that's why you've been so accommodating."
"Iris, that is untrue." Panic assailed him, and he felt along with saw her slipping out of his hold, pulling away from him.
"You pitied me and felt guilty over having a hand in my accident and sustained injuries." She shook her head, clearly bewildered. "I cannot marry you. I will not marry a man who only declares to love me because he feels obligated to save me from a spinsterhood that he had a hand in creating." She wiped at the tears streaming down her cheeks. Josh stood at the desk, completely unsure as to what to do. He would not lose her. No matter what she believed.
"I love you. I have never loved anyone the way I love you," he said, going toward her, only to be turned away yet again. "You are everything to me, and tomorrow we will marry, if only because you could now be carrying my child. But you will marry me, and I will earn your forgiveness. I will make amends for my crime against you and Redgrove. God damn it, Iris, know that I never thought that you would be hurt the way you were. I did not know such a foolish lark would kill Redgrove."
"But we were, weren't we?" She shook her head. "Is that all you care about? That I could be carrying your child? I find out today that you had a hand in the accident that killed my betrothed and then that you kissed me out of pity. You may state otherwise, but it is clear to me as the sky outside that what I say is the truth. My mother may be the daughter of an earl, but I have no dowry or connections to the nobility side of my family. I come to this marriage with nothing but a respectable name. Not that it is so respectable any longer since I have acted without consideration or appropriateness while in town. I'm scarred, have a limp that impedes me when the weather turns cold, and I could not be further from a diamond of the first water, what you wanted for a wife. Do not try to fool me into believing that you kissed me out of anything other than pity. You did not. Nor will I marry you tomorrow. I shall be returning home posthaste where I hope to never set eyes on you again."
Josh stormed after her when she made a break for the door, slamming it shut. "You will marry me, Iris. I never kissed you out of charity."
She made a scoffing sound, refusing to look at him. He ground his teeth. "At least wait and see if you're pregnant first before you cry off. I will not allow my son or daughter to be a bastard."
She did look at him then, and he read the hope seeping out of her blue eyes. Damn it. Now she would think he did not want to marry after all, which could not be further from the truth. He merely needed time. Time to win back her love and trust.
"I will wait until my courses are due, and then we shall see. Until then, I shall ask my mama to rent a house elsewhere in London. I think it is only right that I leave here."
Josh ran a hand through his hair, fear clutching at his gut that he was losing her. It would be harder for him to repair the damage the truth had wrought with her out of the house. But he would. He would win her love and fix this misunderstanding. And he would marry Iris.
The only duchess who would do for him.
