Only a Lady Will Do by Tamara Gill
Chapter 28
Aweek after Iris had left his London home, Josh sat in the library, penning yet another letter to her, begging for her to forgive him. To come home and marry him.
He knew she would not. With the days passing by and not a word from her, a sinking, irreparable feeling had settled in his gut and would not dissipate. London and their postponed wedding was all the ton were talking about. The chatter, the sly looks, and amused glances that some of the women threw his way, was unbearable.
They all ought to be horsewhipped. Hell, he ought to be belted too for what he had done and not said to Iris. A shameful secret such as the one he kept from her was never appropriate.
It would serve him right if she should leave him and never return. Marry someone else much nobler than he. A gentleman who had not stripped her of her betrothed and then hidden that fact from her while courting her to marry.
Hell, he'd not even done that. He'd kissed her and had merely announced their betrothal. He had not asked her for her hand or queried whether she was willing to have him as her husband. Therefore, it did not surprise him that Iris did not believe a word he spoke about his feelings being genuine.
Now she would not allow him to call, every missive he had sent returned unopened. He doubted she would ever do so again. He had buggered up everything and was at a loss over how to repair the damage.
How could he win back her love? He threw down his quill, the ink splattering upon his mahogany desk, and leaned back in his chair.
The sound of the library door closing had him looking up. For a moment, hope bloomed through his chest that Iris had come to call on him, to discuss their future, but instead, his sister Alice stood in the doorway, her eyes clouded with concern.
She came over to the desk, seating herself across from him. "What have you done, Josh darling? I know it is bad, for I just ran into Iris on Bond Street, she was out with the countess, and she barely spoke a word to me. She was very subdued. Whatever has occurred between you two that she is now pulling away from us all?"
"Iris was on Bond Street?" The urge to ride down there and see if she was still present ate at him. Josh forced himself not to move. She would come to him when she was ready to talk. He would not force her, not when his life and happiness depended on her choosing him.
"She was, and although she was friendly and polite, I had a distinct feeling that she was also wary. Why are you both not already married? Mama has been vague as to the reason why you are not. I need to know so I can fix this."
Josh ran a hand through his hair. His sister Alice—always the woman determined to make other people's lives better. Her housing in Ashford for the poor proof of that. Her inability to allow justice to go unserved by those who deserved to be chastised legendary in the family. Her husband was alive today because she refused to let anything bad happen to him when others threatened him harm.
"This, dear sister, I think even you may not be able to repair. I have broken trust with Iris. I have lied to her, and she will not forgive me for it."
Alice blanched. "Tell me, brother you did not sleep with a whore at Covent Gardens or some other such locale. I will not forgive you if you have done such a cruel act."
Josh scowled. "Of course I have not. I would never treat her with so little respect." But he had, of course, treated her wrong. Had lied to her with a truth that was so much worse than a mistress could impact on her heart. "I posted the bet in the Whites betting book that her betrothed took upon himself to participate in. Redgrove was his name, and he chose Iris to accompany him on his race about Hyde Park. As you are well aware, he was killed, and Iris was maimed. I kept that truth from her of my involvement in his race, and when she found out, as hurt and as angry as she was over my conduct, she now believes I only proposed out of guilt."
Alice's eyes went wide, and for a breath or two, she did not speak. "Did you ask her to marry you because you felt blameworthy?"
"Of course not," he stated truthfully. "But how do I make Iris believe that? She will not, I fear. She is angry at me for creating the bet in the first place, but when she concluded that our engagement was a farce…" He paused, running a hand through his hair. "Her face, Alice. If devastation had a look, she wore it, and never have I wanted to kick my own ass so much in my life."
"Darling brother, you are not a bad man. You made a mistake, and so too did Redgrove. While you should not have made such a bet, Redgrove should not have had Miss Cooper with him that day." Alice stood and went over to the decanter of whisky, pouring him a glass, placing it down before him. "Your other predicament that Iris thinks you proposed out of guilt is another issue altogether, and I fear a much weightier problem."
Did he not know it. "Do you not think I understand that?" he snapped, downing his drink, the burn of the amber liquid a welcome pain for his already distressed body.
"You must make amends, and I fear it will need to be a grand gesture of some sort." She sat back down, chewing her nails in thought. "As to what, however, we shall need to think and plan."
Josh studied his sister, wondering not for the first time if she had gone a little mad. Alice was untamed and wild at heart. It would not surprise him if she, too, were a little deranged. A grand gesture indeed. He could never do such a thing. He was the Duke of Penworth. Gentlemen looked up to him. They would never do so again if he acted the lovesick fool trying to win back his betrothed.
You are a lovesick fool trying to win back your betrothed.
"I will not be partaking in a grand gesture."
"No?" Alice queried. "So you're willing to lose her, let her marry another? I do not think so," she said, wagging her finger at him. "Why has the wedding been postponed but not called off? I'm curious what the delay of that decision meant."
Heat rose on his cheeks, and his sister raised her brows. "Brother, tell me you have not taken liberties that you should not have. Is Iris enceinte?"'
He groaned, downing his drink. "We do not know. She said her courses were due this week. I have not heard the outcome of this as yet." He glanced at his sister. "And you are one to criticize me over my dealings with Iris. You were not an angel when Lord Arndel moved in next door to Dunsleigh."
She shrugged, throwing him a bored look. "It is lucky then, is it not, that I'm now Lady Arndel and no harm was done. If you have compromised Iris, and she does throw you to the curb and marries another, what will happen if her husband finds out she has given you liberties you did not deserve? If he decides to punish her for her past, she will be ousted from society and sent packing to live in the country. It would be best if you fixed everything that you have wrought on the girl, and soon. Before it is too late."
He lifted the many letters written and returned. "I have been trying. She will not hear a word about anything."
"Then you must make her listen. She is yours, brother. You must make her remember the truth. That you have made a mistake but want to make amends. That you want her for who she is, not what you have done to her." Alice stood, placing her hands on her hips. "Now get off your chair and onto a horse and go win back my future sister-in-law. We have a wedding to hold."
Determination shot through his blood at his sister's words. "You are right. I shall demand to see her, make her believe me."
"Very good," his sister said, gesturing for the door. "No time like the present."
No time indeed.
Josh called at the Countess Buttersworth's London home within an hour of his conversation with Alice, only to be told the ladies were not at home and that they were not expected to return for several hours. Josh waited across the street, parked under a large oak tree, but the family did not return as stated by the butler.
They were due to attend the Davies ball this evening. An event no one dared miss, not even his family, and he hoped as he rapped his cane on the roof of the carriage to return home that Iris too would be there.
He wanted to see her. That he had not held her in his arms for seven days was more than he could bear. He loved her. She needed to believe that if nothing else.
Iris sat in the carriage on the way to the Davies ball, her stomach churning, but not from the fear of seeing Josh, but the agonizing realization that her courses were not far away now and would begin within a day or two.
The cramping and bloating she gained just before her monthly bleeding was always the same, and there was no reason why her body would react any different now, even though she was no longer a maid.
She would be safe enough tonight, but from tomorrow she would remain close to home. It was safer that way, for her courses had always been less than pleasant.
She would have to tell Josh, of course, that she was not carrying his child. The truth would free her from any obligation to marry him. He could do as he wished from tonight onward. Please himself without concern.
She inwardly cursed her bruised, angry heart and hurtful thoughts upon a man who would never treat her with such disrespect.
But he had treated you so, you silly fool.
The carriage rolled to a halt, and her mama and grandmother paid their respects to the hostesses before they entered the ballroom. Iris counted the chandeliers that ran down the center of the room, eight in total. Gold leaf glittered on every surface and paintings that hung about the room. The silk floral wallpaper made the room one of richness and abundance.
The guests they passed tittered and whispered, and Iris raised her chin, refusing to cower at their gossip. She had done nothing wrong. Not really. As far as they were aware, the wedding was still going ahead, merely delayed at this stage. She may have relocated to her grandmother's home, but there was nothing wrong with that.
She stood with her family, looking about and hoping there would be a chair nearby, but there was not. In fact, the ball did not look to have any available in the room at all.
Iris steeled herself for an evening that would result in her leg aching for days afterward.
"The duke is here, my dear," her mama whispered.
Iris's attention snapped to the ballroom doors, her heart doing a little flip in her chest at the sight of Josh. How utterly, devastatingly handsome he was this evening in his superfine coat and silk knee-high breeches.
He was perfection, and she physically hurt at the thought of losing him, of him marrying another in the years or months ahead stopped her heart dead. But that was for the best. She was not pregnant, and she would not be anyone's pity wife. He said that he loved her, but did he? Or was that too just a means to make himself feel better?
He certainly had kept the knowledge of his dealings with Redgrove a secret, so she knew him to be capable of anything to save himself from confrontation. It was only left to be seen what he would say and do tonight to save himself with her.
Or end their union forever.
