Only a Lady Will Do by Tamara Gill
Chapter 30
Iris did not know what to do. The memory of Josh's crushed visage at the Davies ball the evening before made her stomach drop to the floor. She had been cold and aloof, uncaring and curter than she had ever been with anyone in her life.
He deserved her wrath, she knew. To be told such a hurtful truth was not something that a person could simply get over in a day. It would take her time to digest what she now knew of her betrothed. His actions during her first Season and the outcome of those actions. But more hurtful than anything had been the horrible thought that he wanted her only out of compassion. Another way to soothe his troubled conscience.
She would not have it. She would not marry anyone under those circumstances.
Her mother and grandmother were in the upstairs parlor, an abundance of sewing around them. Her father had relocated to the library, and Iris sat in the morning room alone, looking out onto her grandmother's London home gardens. Whatever would she do? Last evening she had told the duke that their union was at an end, but was it?
Could she find forgiveness for him if given the time to understand, if she ever could understand such an untruth? The actions he had made, the outcome they had caused.
But he was so very sorry, and no one who made a bet ever wished for anyone to be injured by it. The duke would not have expected Redgrove to die during the farce that day.
The matter relating to herself was more troublesome. He had been so adamant that his wife would be a diamond of the first water, perfect in every way, that to offer to her could not be borne out of genuine feelings.
It simply could not be. His guilt had to have been a factor. She was certain of it.
But could she trust him again? Forgive him that sin also?
Iris frowned down at the cup of tea in her hand, uncertain she could.
A knock sounded on the door, startling her before the butler announced Lady Arndel was here, wanting to know if she were at home.
Iris accepted her visit, and within a minute, Josh's sister strode into the room, her long, dark locks bouncing about her shoulders. Iris had heard the woman was a little hoyden before she married, and she could believe that very well from the mischief that seemed to ooze off her in spades.
"Miss Cooper," Lady Arndel said, bussing her cheeks in welcome as if they were already sisters-in-law. Iris would have liked to have been a part of Josh's family, to gain Josh's sisters as her own extended family was a boon to an only child.
She supposed if she were to leave town, bring to an end to their understanding, she would no longer have such a gift. Another blow and too many that she had suffered this week.
"How lovely to see you again. We have missed you at home, and I thought I would call on you today and see how well you are faring."
She was not faring well. Life had lost a little of its luster, a little of its shine, and at this time, she could not see it ever coming back again. Still, she lied. "I am well, thank you. I would have called, but under the circumstances, I did not think it was best." Iris gestured to the settee. "Please sit. I have fresh tea if you would like a cup."
Lady Arndel poured her own before Iris had a chance to do so then settled back in her chair. "That is what I wanted to discuss with you. My call is not merely for entertainment value. I have been charged to speak with you and see what you plan to do."
Iris wondered how much Josh had told his family, not only about their troubles but the reason behind them. "I assumed His Grace had explained his dealings with Redgrove."
Alice sipped her tea but nodded. "We have discussed it, and I understand that it is something very difficult to understand and take in. I know I would not accept such truth if I were in your position, but I'm also the sister of the man who loves you, and I could not come here today without trying one last time to change your mind."
The situation was not ideal. She had gone over what she could remember of the day of her accident, which was very little. But one thing she had been debating and dissecting, again and again, was that Dudley had chosen to take her in the carriage with him. In all her anger at the duke, the distrust that rose its ugly head at hearing the fact, she had not mulled over Dudley's involvement in her accident.
Why had he chosen to take her on the race around Hyde Park? Why had the silly man attempted the stupid bet during a busy time at the park where children, families, and couples strolled and took in the air?
"I have not been without conflict, Lady Arndel. This past week has been the worst of my life, and I did not think anything would be worse than waking up with a fractured leg, a scarred, stitched temple, and a dead fiancé, but here I am. My heart was not broken this time; it was shattered."
"The duke would take back the day he wrote that bet in the book at Whites if he could, but he cannot. I'm hoping you will find it in your heart to forgive him. He is miserable without you, Miss Cooper. Your fear that he asked for your hand out of guilt and not love is not founded. I know my little brother, and I have never seen him so gutted over anything in his life. And I have known him all of mine."
Iris swiped at a tear that rolled down her cheek. She fumbled for her handkerchief. "I have come to understand that it was not the duke's fault for my accident. Yes, he did place the bet in Whites, and although I suppose a small allocation of blame will always weigh on his shoulders, my late betrothed Redgrove chose to attempt the bet, and with me along with him." Iris sighed, tired of it all. Tired of her injuries, of her anxiety over what people thought of her and her scars. Tired of not believing that even with all that came up against her, tried to tear her down and maim her both physically and mentally, that she was not worthy of love.
She was worthy of love, and she needed to believe Josh when he told her he loved her. Not out of guilt, but because he loves every part of her. Of who and what she is.
Lady Arndel reached out and patted her hand. "No matter how it came about that you were sponsored by my mama. No matter how you came to be thrown into the same orbit as my brother, know this, for it is true. He has fallen in love with you, Miss Cooper. Nothing in your past or his matters if you love him in return."
Lady Arndel sat back, placing down her teacup and busying herself, pouring another cup. "My husband was married before me and had a child, a daughter before I married him. He was also in a lot of strife due to the cousin he inherited the title from being in debt. My husband stole from me, was the Surrey Bandit, not that you heard that from me, you understand." Lady Alice pinned her with a look that declared she was never to speak of it again. "I saved him, of course, from himself, and those who threatened him and our new family together. You see, Iris, if you will allow me to call you that."
Iris nodded, riveted and not willing to disavow her.
"He held my carriage up at gunpoint, stole jewels, and accosted me, but his honesty, his determination to make amends soothed my injured heart, and I found myself in love with the man before I even knew it was happening. If I can find forgiveness and have the happiest life one could imagine with a man, I know to the very core of my soul that you can too. That if you choose to forgive, you will find peace and love, and passion and every good thing that you deserve."
Iris could not hold back the tears, and she dabbed at her cheeks, willing her heart to calm, her stomach to settle over Lady Arndel's words. "I had no idea that the Surrey Bandit attacked you. I do remember reading of him. I never imagined…"
"That is was Callum?" Lady Arndel chuckled. "I was attracted to the fellow, even as he accosted me. It led me to wonder who he was, and his horse was magnificent. I was not overly surprised when I found out it was our titled neighbor, and then I had to make him pay."
Iris was quite captivated with the story and would ask about it further at another time. "I'm to attend Robinson's masked ball this evening. Do you know if Josh will be there? I did receive a missive this morning from your mama, and it stated that His Grace was traveling outside of London today to attend business."
"Yes, he's looking at purchasing some land, I believe. He thinks it will be a good investment or some such," Alice said with a disinterested wave. "I know he will be in attendance this evening, for he hopes to see you. You are traveling back to Cornwall tomorrow."
"Yes, that is what is planned." But Iris was no longer so certain of her decision. She would always mourn Dudley, but he had chosen to attempt the bet and have her along with him for the ride. A silly mistake he could never take back. Josh, too, had played a part, but it was cruel of her to blame him entirely. It was not his fault.
Iris thought over Alice's words that the duke adored and loved her, not out of guilt but because he loved her for who and what she was. Could she believe that? Could she trust that his affection was from an emotional and physical attraction and not because of what she had gone through, what had become of her due to the bet?
"I will speak with His Grace this evening. I will discuss our future with him. While I do not know what I shall do, I promise I shall give him one last opportunity to say what he must."
Alice smiled, placing down her tea and coming over to her. Iris stood and found herself in a tight embrace. "You are worthy of love, Miss Cooper, as we all are. He loves you, and you will see this evening how much my proud, duke of a brother does. I shall see you this evening." Lady Arndel kissed Iris's cheeks and then flounced out of the room, as quickly and as determinedly as she had stepped into it.
Iris slumped down onto the settee, thinking of Lady Arndel's last words. What did they mean? If anything at all. Her mind cleared a little for the first time in a week before she stood and started for her room. She wanted to look her best this evening, her last in London or perhaps if fate had a different plan for her, the start of many more.
