What If You & Me by Roni Loren

Chapter Fifteen

Hill set his giant salad bowl on the table and took the spot across from Ramsey, who was already grinding pepper over his salad concoction. On their weekly lunch rotation, they tried to alternate the junk-food places with restaurants that were conceivably healthy like this build-your-own-salad joint. Ramsey’s dad, who’d also been a firefighter, had died of a heart attack two years ago, and it’d spooked Ramsey about his own health. It hadn’t made him stop eating french fries, but now he at least inserted some greenery in between.

Ramsey handed the pepper grinder to Hill and then started splashing hot sauce on his salad. The guy put Tabasco on everything. “So,” Ramsey said when he was done with his salad doctoring, “how’s the cookbook coming?”

Hill gave him a look as he swallowed a bite of his salad. “It’s not. I never agreed to write one.”

“Right,” Ramsey said with a sage nod. “Because you’re so busy and all, you just can’t find the time.”

“I’m not…not busy,” Hill said grumpily. “I’m rehabbing. Jogging. Strength training. Doctors’ appointments.”

“Uh-huh.” Ramsey shoveled more salad in his mouth, looking wholly unimpressed.

“I’ve been giving my neighbor cooking lessons,” he added. “And she’s teaching me about horror movies.”

Ramsey’s brows went up, and he swiped at his mouth with a napkin. “No shit? You’re still hanging out with your hot neighbor?”

Hill shrugged, aiming for nonchalant. “Yeah. Some. We got together for a movie night last week.”

Ramsey grinned wide and leaned back in his chair. “Well, goddamn, you should’ve led with that. I’m impressed—you know—with myself. My inertia pep talk totally worked. I should definitely get into motivational speaking. How to Win Friends and Occasionally Get Laid.”

Hill snorted and went back to his salad, spearing a chunk of avocado. “I said I was hanging out with her. I didn’t say I was sleeping with her.”

And even if he had been, he wouldn’t be blabbing about it. Not anyone’s business.

“Hey, man, baby steps,” Ramsey said, forking a piece of kale and eyeing it like he wasn’t sure why he was eating such a thing. “Are you into her? Or is it strictly a friends thing?”

“We’re friends,” Hill said, not meeting Ramsey’s gaze.

“Friends.” Ramsey leaned forward on his elbows, obviously trying to get more out of him. “Which doesn’t mean you’re not into her.”

Most of the time Hill appreciated that Ramsey could read him so well. It saved him having to explain himself and had been indispensable when they were fighting fires together. But times like these, he wished his friend wasn’t so damn observant. Hill took a big bite of salad.

Ramsey laughed. “Yeah, you’re into her. But, let me guess, feel too out of practice to ask her out?”

Hill swallowed his bite and took a swig of his iced tea. “More complicated than that.”

Ramsey went back to his food. “What do you mean? She with someone?”

“No.”

“Then it’s not that complicated.” He pointed his fork at Hill. “It’s that fear of getting back on the horse blocking you. I get it. You just need some practice after being out of the game so long.” He smirked. “Which is perfect because I’m about to solve your problem.”

Hill gave him a cease-and-desist look. “There is no problem, Rams.”

“Sure, sure. You’re fine. Everything’s cool. You’re totally not a hard-up, grumpy shut-in. You’re absolutely not on a one-way trip to becoming the get-off-my-lawn guy in the neighborhood.”

Hill sniffed derisively. “Get off my lawn.”

Ramsey chuckled. “See. You’re way too good at that. But listen, I’m being serious. I have something that will help. I was going to talk to you about this today anyway, but now you have even more reason to say yes.”

“No.”

Ramsey lifted his glass and frowned from behind his Diet Coke. “You don’t even know what it is.”

“I know that look,” Hill said, going back to his salad. “Last time I saw that look, we almost got arrested for public indecency.”

Ramsey lifted his hands, palms out. “I swear this is not like that. Hear me out. This is right up your alley because I know that my friend Hill is a man of the community.” He put his hand on his chest. “He is a hero who sacrificed himself to save others. He is selfless and brave and wise.”

Dread was building in Hill. This kind of hand-over-heart, saccharine speech would lead to nowhere good.

“And he believes in charitable causes,” Ramsey said in his preacher voice. “And he would never ever leave his best friend hanging with two unfilled spots at a charity event he’s in charge of for the firehouse.”

“And there it is,” Hill said with a groan. “What’d you get yourself into?”

Ramsey cleared his throat and suddenly took an interest in stabbing more kale. “I may have volunteered to be in charge of this season’s charity event for burn victims. And I might have promised a firefighter bachelor auction. And I may have been blindsided when multiple guys got engaged in the last two months and are no longer available. Impatient assholes.”

Hill stared at his friend, the information slowly falling into place and clicking. “Oh, fuck no. You better not be asking what I think you are.”

“Retired firefighters are eligible to participate,” he said quickly. “And dude, you’re a hero. You’d bring in big cash. And—”

“No,” Hill said with a tone of finality. “Not happening. I am not going up there as some pity case to get people to open up their wallets.”

“Pity?” Ramsey frowned. “That’s not what it would be. You remember women used to like you, right?”

Hill didn’t answer.

“Look, man, I guarantee you’ll get bids that have nothing to do with pity. And really, it’s not even a true bachelor auction anymore. The chief put all kinds of limitations on the event because she thinks the auction tradition is in poor taste. She told us we have to come up with a new tradition next year. So you don’t even have to go out on a date with the winner. All you’d have to do is take the person to the party we have planned afterward in the same building. A little conversation, a little karaoke. All in good fun.”

Hill shook his head. “You’re bent if you think I’m going to do this.”

“I’m a genius actually,” Ramsey said, undeterred. “Beyond helping the charity, this could help with your problem with your neighbor. Hanging out with some woman at the auction who doesn’t mean anything to you can be a good practice run. Because the woman is going to know it’s just for fun and that there are no expectations. You’ll just part ways after the party.”

Hill grimaced. The thought of being onstage, his story being paraded out in front of a crowd made his stomach twist. “I will pay you what you think I’d get at the event, and you can donate it directly to the fund. I’m not up for more than that. Having to make small talk with some stranger who paid for time with me sounds like a special kind of torture.”

Ramsey pressed his lips together, clearly frustrated now. “I don’t just need the money. I need the slot filled.” He gave Hill a no-bullshit look. “This is the first time the station has trusted me with such a big event, and I know everyone is probably expecting me to screw up something because…I have a reputation. But I want this charity to have the best event possible and as many donations and press as I can drum up. That fire at that elementary school last year left a lot of kids with scars and injuries that require a lot of additional surgeries, and all those medical bills are draining their parents’ bank accounts. I want to hand all of them a big pile of money. And I’m not going to be able to do that if I don’t have a solid list of eligible firefighters and a sold-out event.”

Hill’s breath sagged out of him at the words and the honest desperation on his friend’s face. This charity did mean a lot, and families were counting on Ramsey to pull it off. Fuck. How the hell was he supposed to say no to that?

But how could he say yes to being onstage, being paraded around like a hero, being expected to be energetic and upbeat and positive at a party with some stranger when it took almost every ounce of energy he had some days just to get the hell out of bed?

He ran a hand over the back of his head, anxiety trying to take over, but then an idea came to him. One that might at least solve part of the problem. He ran the scenario in his head, trying to imagine it. Yeah. Maybe he could do that.

He’d need help, though.

Ramsey looked at him expectantly. “Come on, man.”

Hill lowered his hand to the table and sighed. “You are going to owe me so big.”

Ramsey broke into a huge smile and set his chin in his hands, fluttering his eyelashes like a starstruck cartoon character. “You’re my hero, Hill.”

“Oh, go to hell.”

Ramsey chuckled. “Auction’s next Saturday. Wear something cute.”

Hill flipped him off.

***

Andi leaned closer to her microphone and adjusted the angle of it. The door to the podcasting room at WorkAround was sealed tight, and the room as quiet as a tomb. “Gina Holiday thought the new guy in her life was too good to be true. He treated her like no other guy she’d ever met. Polite. Respectful. Good listener. David was a breath of fresh air. She thought she had finally found the one.

“But she had no idea that David was simply setting the trap. He would spend the next few months expertly brainwashing her, isolating her from her friends and family, and getting her more and more tied to him and less and less tied to things and people who could help her get away. What felt like falling in love ended up being falling into the hands of a sociopath.”

Andi paused the recording and took a sip of water, her throat dry. Gina Holiday’s story was a little too close for comfort to Andi’s own story. While reading through the events of Gina’s life, instead of imagining the face of the victim, Andi was picturing her own. That innocent, wide-eyed girl who’d been high on the feelings of a teenage crush. That feeling of He likes me, he really likes me! coursing through her like a drug.

Ugh.

She hit the record button again. “I’m going to pause here in Gina’s story for a second. I just want to say to all of you who are out there listening to this, especially those of you who are still teenagers, that you should never feel…lucky that some guy or girl loves you—like they are somehow above you and, wow, are giving you a shot to be with them. You, whoever you are, are amazing and worthy of love. See the people you date as equals.” She took a breath. “This is not to blame the victim. I’ve been that girl who felt ‘special’—I’m putting air quotes around that—because some ‘cool’ guy deemed me worthy of his attention. It didn’t work out well. So this is meant to be more of a PSA on the importance of nurturing your self-esteem. Love doesn’t work if both people aren’t on even ground. We’re all human with good qualities and flaws. No one gets to be on a pedestal. Putting someone high up on one in a relationship makes it too easy for them to crush you.”

Andi’s phone screen lit silently with a text. She paused her recording and grabbed her phone.

Hill:Hey there. I know you’ve been swamped, but on the off chance that you still require food, want to get together for dinner tonight? I can make dragon noodles and bring them over.

Andi smiled at the invitation. She and Hill chatted or texted daily now but hadn’t had a chance to get together since their movie night almost two weeks ago because she’d been so busy. Hanging out with Hill would be a welcome respite from what she’d been doing, but then she glanced at the notes and papers in front of her and sighed.

Andi:Ooh, dragon noodles sound intriguing. But I’m still at WorkAround and have two hours left on my rental time for the podcast room. It’s booked solid tomorrow so I’m stuck here for a while.

Hill:Bummer on the late night. Maybe tomorrow then.

She started to type back that tomorrow sounded good, but then another idea hit her.

Andi:How would you feel about coming here? I’ll order some delivery and we could have dinner. I could give you that tour, too.

Hill:Yeah?

Andi:If you’re willing to come out this way. Dinner with you would be a nice carrot at the end of this stick. This podcast episode is wringing me out. Really sad story.

Hill::( I’m sorry. And yes, I can come to you. What time?

Andi:7:30? I’ll send you the address.

Hill:Great. See you then.

Andi texted him the address and set her phone down. She still had hours of work ahead of her and the most gruesome part of Gina’s story to get through, but suddenly, she felt ten times lighter than she had a few minutes ago.

Not only was Hill going to come out here and have dinner with her, but this also told her something she’d been wondering about in the back of her mind. He was coming here simply to hang out with her. She’d been worried after movie night that now that they’d taken semi-naked steps, it would become an expected part of their get-togethers—which may have been one reason why she’d used her busyness to turn down the last few invites—but Hill was proving that her fears were unfounded. Because they certainly weren’t going to be getting naked at WorkAround.

Andi glanced over at the spongy acoustic tiles on the soundproof walls, and unbidden images flooded her brain. Hill pushing her up against the soft wall, his mouth on her neck, his hands sliding beneath her dress, his fingers finding the edge of her panties.

A full-body flush cascaded through her, and she leaned back in her chair, her body liking the images too much.

Nope. Down, girl. Not happening.

She closed her eyes and shoved the dirty movie from her mind. She needed to keep her head together. Starved libido or not, she couldn’t afford to let her hormones fog her brain when it came to Hill. “Blinded by lust” was a saying for a reason.

They were friends.

They were going to have dinner.

That was it.

Back to work.