What If You & Me by Roni Loren

Chapter Eighteen

Andi’s heartbeat quickened as she turned off her car’s ignition. Hill had parked on his side of their duplex, having left WorkAround a few minutes ahead of her, and by the time she pulled into her driveway, he was leaning against the side of his car, arms crossed casually but expression intent. He lifted a hand in silent greeting. He looked so tall, broad, and confident in the golden light shining from the porch, and her body gave a kick of appreciation. That guy was the friend she now had permission to touch. How the hell had she landed here? She’d somehow hit the friends-with-benefits lottery. Now she had to find the guts to cash in that ticket.

They’d had a great dinner in the WorkAround kitchen and had laughed their way through the video despite the somber conversation beforehand. Hill had given her approval to post a video, but she had no idea if she’d even have enough usable material to share with her followers. At this point, she didn’t care if she had a single shareable minute. She and Hill had cooked together, joked around, and she’d manage to make a delicious bowl of spicy pasta with his guidance. It’d been like an exorcism, chasing the demons out of the room with a relentless commitment to having a good time.

But now they were back home, and she was going to have to face one of her biggest fears—taking this to the next level. She knew without a doubt that Hill would end the night right now if she asked him to. If she told him she wasn’t ready for anything tonight, he’d walk into his side of the duplex. But she didn’t want to tell him to do that. After the playful kissing and touching they’d done in the kitchen tonight, she was aching for more of that connection, that feeling of normalcy with a guy. She wanted to touch him without fear, wanted to be touched without panicking.

Her nerves were pushing at the edge of her brain, an army always on call, but she refused to let them take over this time. If panic showed up to the party, she’d deal with it when it came. Right now, she wasn’t going to overthink this. You’re okay. You’re safe.

Hill headed over to her and pulled open her car door, ever the gentleman. Or maybe he was afraid she’d never get out on her own—a distinct possibility if she let her panic take over. Andi smiled, grabbed her purse, and took his hand as she climbed out. “Why, thank you, kind sir.”

He gave a little bow and shut her car door. “My pleasure. You okay?”

“Yep,” she said a little too brightly. She glanced toward the front porch, reality rushing in and making her hesitate, the weight of this decision heavy on her. “I’d offer you a glass of wine, but I’m all out. I might have beer. Or hard liquor. I’m not sure. But—”

He squeezed her hand, gently cutting her off. “You’re nervous.”

She cringed. “That obvious?”

He gave her a pointed look. “It’s okay, you know. To change your mind.”

She swallowed past the lump in her throat, frustration welling. “Ugh. I don’t want to change my mind. That’s not what this is. It’s just…old habits die hard. I’m getting in my head about it. I trust you, and still, my mind wants to overthink every little thing. I mean, look at you.” She flicked her hand toward him. “Who wouldn’t want to have sex with you?”

Hill laughed. “Lots of people, I’m sure, but I’m real glad you’re not one of them.”

She tipped her head back. “I’m sorry I’m being weird.”

“Hey.” He tugged her closer, tucking her hand against his chest. “I love your weird. No apologies needed for that, but maybe I can help with the overthinking.”

She lifted her head and eyed him. “How?”

He reached down with his free hand and pulled her phone out of the front pocket of her purse. He handed it to her. “Call your friend. The one who knows about our situation and your past. Tell her you’re with me and that you’re spending the night at my place. Send her a photo of me. Cover all your bases.”

Andi wet her lips. She knew doing all of that was unnecessary. She really did trust Hill, but the fact that he didn’t mind that she went over the top with her safety measures made her breathe a little easier. She took her phone from him, snapped a photo, and then texted it to Eliza. Once it had gone through, she hit the button to call her friend.

Eliza answered almost immediately. “Hey, girl.” A pause. “Whoa. Who’s the dude?”

“Hey, Eliza,” Andi said, staying close to Hill. “That’s my neighbor, Hill Dawson.”

“Oh, wait, the neighbor?” she said with delight. “Damn, you’ve got good taste. Hot werewolf, indeed.”

Hill smiled, and Andi realized he could hear every word. Her cheeks heated. “I’m going to be staying at his place tonight, next door to mine. He wanted me to let you know so that I feel better, having a friend know where I am and who I’m with.”

“Hewanted you to call me?” she asked. “I’m impressed. You feel good about this?”

Andi let out a breath. “I do.”

“Hallelujah, praise Jesus,” Eliza said. “Give him the phone.”

“Wait, what?” Andi asked.

“You heard me,” Eliza said impatiently. “Come on, I promise I’ll be nice. Let me talk to him.”

Hill had heard all of that because he lifted his hand. She reluctantly handed him the phone.

Hill stepped back a little. “Hello.”

Andi couldn’t hear at the increased distance, and she frowned because Eliza was apparently going to say more than hi.

Hill nodded. “I understand… Yep…of course.” Then he laughed, his gaze darting to Andi. “I promise. Happily.”

He said goodbye and then handed the phone back to Andi. Andi put it to her ear. “What the hell did you say?”

She could almost hear Eliza grinning over the phone. “Hot damn. Even his voice is sexy. You have fun, girlie.”

Before Andi could respond, Eliza ended the call. Andi groaned and slipped the phone back into her purse. Hill was still smiling.

“What’s with the look?” She put a fist on her hip. “What did she say?”

“Not much,” he said with a little shrug. “Just that if I hurt one hair on your head, she’d personally cut my balls off and use them for Christmas ornaments.”

Andi’s eyes widened. “Oh my God.”

“And that I better give you the best sex of your life and not be some selfish asshole in bed because her friend, Andi, is a goddess who deserves to be worshipped.”

Andi put her hand over her eyes, mortified. “I love her, but I’m going to kill her.”

Hill grabbed her wrist and tugged her hand down gently, his gaze twinkling with amusement. “Don’t be mad. I happen to agree with her. I promised I’d give it my all.”

Andi let him pull her into an embrace. “My nerves have now shifted into mortification. I sound like a charity project. ‘Please sleep with my poor friend. She needs all the help she can get.’ Someone should make signs: Orgasms for Andi. Please Donate.”

“Stop.” His hand slid down to her waist and squeezed. “You are not a charity project.” His voice was quiet and deep when he spoke again. “You’re a fucking fantasy, Andi. My fantasy. I’ve wanted you since that first night you opened your door wearing your Wonder Woman pajamas.” The words sent a ripple of heat through her. “And I know this is scary for you, but maybe it will help you to know it’s scary for me, too.” He touched his forehead to hers. “I haven’t been with anyone since my accident. The thought of you seeing me naked, without my prosthesis…”

She lifted her head to look at him, surprised. “You don’t have to be afraid of that. I think you’re gorgeous.”

There was vulnerability in his eyes. “Thank you, but that doesn’t mean the fear’s not there.”

She nodded, understanding that better than anyone. She pushed up on her toes and brushed her mouth against his, suddenly less afraid. “Ready to go inside?”

“I am,” he said, holding her gaze. “Are you?”

“I’m ready,” she said, quiet firmness in her voice. “Stop me from overthinking this.”

A little smile touched his lips. “I can do that.”

He took her hand and led her to his door. Her heart was pounding as he unlocked it and let them inside. But the minute he shut the door behind them, he turned to her, pinning her with a look of resolve that had her breath catching. “I’m going to do what you asked—what you told me earlier that you’d prefer—but know that the minute you say stop or slow down, I’m going to listen. Every time.”

What she’d asked.For him to take charge. For him not to treat her like Evan had. Her mouth was dry, so she nodded.

“And all those sweet things you don’t want to hear?” he said, bracing a hand on the door next to her and leaning close. “I’m going to keep them to myself after this. But know upfront that I think you’re beautiful and smart and I feel honored that you’re trusting me.”

She closed her eyes and a shiver went through her. “Thank you.”

“Now,” he said, pressing a kiss to the tender spot behind her ear and slipping his hand beneath the hem of her dress, his thumb tracing over her outer thigh. “I’m going to keep my promise to your good friend Eliza. You stay just like this for me, neighbor.”

She opened her eyes at the softly spoken command and found Hill’s gaze sparking with heat. He dipped his head to kiss her, his mouth meeting hers with tender urgency. His tongue teased against hers as his hand traced along her bare thigh up to her hip, sending tingling awareness through her and coaxing her out of her head and into her skin. Her fingers gripped his left bicep, the muscles thick and unyielding. Lord, the arms on this guy. She wanted to rub herself on him like a cat.

But the idea burned up in a flash of heat as soon as Hill’s other hand tracked to the top edge of her panties. Oh, God. Before she had time to contemplate the gravity of what was happening, Hill had broken away from their kiss and was dragging the lacy fabric downward. She could stop him. She knew she could. But she found herself complying instead. She slipped off her sandals, a tremor working through her, and he pulled her panties down and off, tossing them to the side. Her gaze zeroed in on the little puddle of lacy fabric that was now five feet away.

Cool air drifted over her heated skin as Hill traced his hand upward from the soft part of her knee and along her inner thigh. Her body prickled with awareness and anticipation, a sheen of sweat dampening her skin. Hill kept his attention on her face when he moved his hand higher and higher and then finally brushed his fingers over the tender skin of her labia. A full-body shudder of need went through her, and she sucked in a deep breath.

He watched her like she was the most interesting movie ever made, desire flaring in his eyes as he stroked her and found her slick and needy from his touch. He groaned under his breath, the strained sound sending pleasure through Andi, and he eased his finger inside her, thick and callused and hot.

She gasped, the delicious friction making her feet arch with an electric sensation that shot down her legs. Her body clamped around him like a fist.

“God, you feel so good, Andi,” he said, his voice full of grit as he guided another finger inside her, stretching her a little and providing a toe-curling fullness. “So fucking sexy.”

She reached out blindly, gripping his wide shoulders to keep her balance. She suddenly worried her knees wouldn’t make it through this.

Hill leaned down and kissed her again, his fingers pumping slowly inside her in a rhythm that had her hips rocking along with it. His tongue stroked against hers in the same pattern, slow, deep, taking his time. He tasted like the sweet, spicy dinner they’d had and a whole lot of promise. She couldn’t get enough. The fear that had haunted her earlier had been chased into the shadows by Hill’s touch. All she could think about now was how amazing he was making her feel, how much she wanted all of him stretched out over her, pushing inside her, skin to skin, the full experience.

The scent of her own arousal drifted around them, and she moaned softly into his kiss, his fingers like magic. He broke away from her mouth, his eyes hooded, and then just when she thought he was going to come back for another kiss, he lowered himself to his knees, his fingers still working her.

“Hill,” she whispered, not sure what she was telling or asking him.

He looked up at her, face half-lit in the lamplight, and with his free hand gathered the fabric of her dress in his hand. “Hold up your dress, gorgeous. I want to see what this is doing to you.”

Oh. God.

She took the skirt of her dress in her hand and watched as he braced himself on the knee of his uninjured leg. Then he was gazing right at the place where he was touching her, his breath tickling her sensitive skin. He circled his thumb on her clit, his fingers still inside her, and she thought she was going to lose it right there, but then he shifted forward, moved his thumb away, and put his mouth on her.

Some unintelligible sound slipped from her throat at the feel of his hot tongue and soft lips. Her body lit on fire with a new cascade of sensations. His beard brushing against her tender skin. The ends of his hair tickling her thighs. She tried to process it all, wanting to remember every moment, but then his tongue circled her clit and he rocked his fingers into her, obliterating all chance of organizing her thoughts. Pleasure shot through her veins like a drug, her nails digging into his shoulders and her head tipping back against the door, rattling it. She worried she might scale the damn thing like Spider-Man. Because somehow it was too much sensation to manage all at once. Her body didn’t know how to deal with it. This was so much different than her own hand or her vibrator.

But before she realized what she was doing, she’d draped her leg over his shoulder, silently begging for more. Too much, yet she still wanted more.

“Fuck, Andi,” Hill said after a few minutes of using his tongue to drive her wild, his panting breaths a cool caress against her overheated skin. “I could spend all night right here, hearing those needy sounds you’re making. I know you’re on the edge of coming, but I’m enjoying this too much to rush.” He kissed her inner thigh. “You taste so fucking good.”

She groaned, and she could almost feel him grinning at the torture he was meting out. “Hill…”

“Yes?” He dragged his tongue along her crease, making her fingers ball into a fist.

“Please.”

“Tell me what you want,” he said, slowly pumping his fingers inside her.

“I need to come,” she gasped, barely resisting the urge to grab his hair and guide his mouth back to the place she needed it.

She waited, expecting him to give her the orgasm now that she’d asked, but instead, he slipped his fingers out, guided her leg off his shoulder, and stood. “I know you do.”

Her lips parted, his movements not making sense in her brain. “What are you doing?”

Hill gave her a roguish smirk and brushed his thumb over her bottom lip, letting her taste herself. “You’re going to get what you want…eventually. But after an orgasm is when the fear rushed in last time. So this time, we’re not going to let the fear get its way.” He slipped his arms around her, letting her dress fall back into place, and pulled her against him. His erection pressed against her belly, hard and thick.

“Wanting to come has a way of blocking out almost all other thoughts. That’s why sex gets so many people into trouble.” He slid his hand down to her ass, gripping her gently. “I want you so out of your mind with need that nothing else has room. No space for overthinking or worrying. So all you’re thinking about is pleasure and fun and feeling good. Then, when I fuck you,” he said with utter masculine confidence, “it will be because you begged me to, not because you’re trying to white-knuckle your way through fear.”

Her heartbeat was pounding in her chest and between her legs, but the words were weaving through her with erotic promise. As much as she wanted relief from the tension he’d built within her, what he was suggesting sounded way better. Sex without fear. Sex with a quiet mind. Sex with Hill.

“Sounds tortuous,” she said.

“It does, doesn’t it?” His smile was playfully wicked. “You game?”

She laughed and slid her hands up his chest, finding that his heart was beating quickly, too. Only then did she remember that it’d been years for him. She wasn’t the only one dealing with demons and an empty bed. “I’m game under one condition.”

He cocked his head. “And what’s that?”

She slid her hand down and pressed her palm against the hard length in his pants. Her inner muscles clenched at the thought that he might be inside her sometime soon, filling her, making her feel good. “I get to torture you back.”

Desire sparked in his eyes, and his cock flexed against her palm. “Game on, neighbor.”

“Game on.” She rubbed her hand along his erection, loving the groan he made, and she kissed him. “Show me your bedroom, Hill.”