What If You & Me by Roni Loren

Chapter Nineteen

Hill wanted to pick up Andi and carry her into the bedroom like he was saving her from a fire, toss her onto the bed, strip her naked, and get back to making her gasp. But before he gave in to the instinct, he stopped himself. Even though he’d worked hard to keep his upper body strong, he couldn’t trust his balance to carry another person with his prosthesis yet. Dropping Andi on the way to the bedroom would be quite the buzzkill.

He could just imagine explaining to Ramsey how he’d ended up putting his date in the emergency room. That metaphor would be way too appropriate for the state of his sex life. So instead, he grabbed Andi’s hand and led her to his bedroom.

He switched on the overhead light by habit, but when the harsh light filled the room, his stomach clenched. He wanted to see all of Andi in full technicolor detail, but if things went well, he’d be getting naked, too. Even though Andi had assured him that she was attracted to him and his disability wasn’t an issue, anxiety and self-consciousness still crept up his spine. There was a reason Christina hadn’t slept with him after his accident, a reason she’d found someone else to go to bed with, and he couldn’t help but think the amputation had a lot to do with it. It was an unavoidable visual reminder that he wasn’t the same man he used to be.

Andi hadn’t known him before, but he didn’t want the spotlight on his disability. He didn’t want her thinking about anything but her own pleasure. Unfortunately, as he glanced around, all he saw were reminders of how he was different. His room was neat, but he hadn’t put certain things away. Like the crutches he kept by the bedside to use if he had to get up in the middle of the night. Or his running prosthesis, which was lying on the dresser. At least the wheelchair he sometimes used around the house when his muscles were aching was tucked away in the closet. Even so, he wished he could steer Andi back out and take a minute to put some things away.

“Wow,” Andi said, oblivious to the internal crisis he was having. “This is how clean you keep your room when you’re not expecting company? I thought boys’ rooms were supposed to be messy. Where are the half-empty beer cans and dirty underwear? The big bottle of lube? I feel cheated.”

Andi’s comment broke him out of his circling thoughts, startling him into a laugh. “The big bottle of lube?”

She looked over at him, amusement in her eyes, and he realized what she was doing. Somehow she’d sensed his discomfort over her seeing his personal space and was trying to distract him. This woman.

“I’m not an animal,” he said with a playfully affronted tone. “I keep the lube put away in a drawer like a gentleman.”

She laughed. “Well, aren’t you fancy.”

He walked over to the side of the bed and turned on the lamp before coming back and flipping off the overhead light. The softened lighting took the edge off some of his nerves and made Andi’s fair skin look like porcelain. He wanted to lick every bit of it.

He took her hand in his, trying to gauge how she was doing, and kissed the inside of her wrist. Her pulse jumped against his lips. When she’d told him her story in the WorkAround kitchen, he’d wanted to personally castrate the sick fuck who had used her and hurt her so badly. But he knew he couldn’t undo what she’d been through. All he could do was show her how different sex could be with someone she could trust. She’d told him it would be easier if he took control, was assertive instead of sweet, which he was one hundred percent down for. He’d always liked being bossy in bed, but he didn’t want to push her further than she wanted to go.

“Still with me?” he asked, keeping his voice low.

Andi’s gaze held his, her pupils dark in the low light, and she wet her lips. “Totally with you. Truly.”

Something tight unlocked in his shoulders at her assurance, and he leaned down to kiss her. She relaxed into the kiss, her hands splaying against his chest, and he took the opportunity to reach around her and unzip her dress. The sound of the zipper was loud in the quiet room, but it only made his cock harder. It was the sound of Andi’s trust.

When he pulled back from the kiss, he reached out and slipped her dress off her shoulders and down her arms. The light cotton fell into a cloud around her feet, leaving Andi standing there in his bedroom in a pale-pink lacy bra and nothing else.

His breath left him in a rush as he took in the sight of her. “Fuck, you’re beautiful.”

“Back at ya, neighbor.” Andi’s lips curved a little, and she reached back to unhook her bra. She let it fall away.

Her small, pert breasts made Hill’s tongue press to the roof of his mouth. He lifted his hand to cup her breast, running his thumb over her dusky nipple and loving the way she shivered at his touch.

“My turn,” she said, her fingers taking hold of the bottom edge of his T-shirt.

He lifted his arms and let her pull off his shirt. Cool air touched his overheated skin, and he watched her expression change as she took in the view. One of the things he liked so much about Andi was that she didn’t play it cool. She didn’t employ a poker face. She wore her feelings proudly, and right now, that look said she wanted him. That look made him forget to be self-conscious about the scars on his chest.

“I’ve had dirty dreams about you that started like this.” Andi tossed his T-shirt onto the floor and stepped fully into his space. “Ever since you opened your door that day without your shirt on.”

Her breasts pressed against his bare skin, and the feel of that silky feminine softness nearly did him in. He cupped her ass, fitting her against his erection. “Yeah? What happens next?”

Her fingers found the waistband of his jeans, making a little space between their bodies, and she unfastened the button. The zipper came down next and she tucked her hand inside his boxer briefs, the velvet touch of her hand wrapping around his cock making him shudder with need.

“You take off the rest of these clothes and show me how to make you feel good,” she said, sounding a little breathless. “You got to taste me. Seems only fair I get afforded the same opportunity.”

Show me. Taste me.He closed his eyes, a roll of hell yes moving through him. When he opened his eyes again, she was watching him, waiting. Part of him wanted to be the nice guy, tell her she didn’t need to do anything for him, having her in his bed was enough. But the way Andi was looking at him told him what he needed to know. She wouldn’t be asking if she didn’t want to try it. She wasn’t offering this as a favor. She said she wanted to torture him back. He wasn’t going to stop her.

He slipped her hand out of his pants and walked backward toward the foot of the bed. “I can do that.”

He sat on the edge and pulled off his shoes and socks. When he shifted to take off his jeans, it took an inner pep talk before he could go for it. But after a few seconds of mental gymnastics, he bit the bullet and pulled his jeans and underwear down his thighs and off, exposing the insistent state of his cock but also revealing his residual limb and prosthesis.

He looked up, bracing himself for Andi’s reaction. Her gaze tracked over him, gliding along his abdomen, lingering on his erection, and then continuing downward where his lower leg transitioned from flesh to mechanical device. Her attention glided back up to his face, her eyes unreadable, and she lowered herself to her knees. She braced her hands on his thighs and leaned in to kiss him. The kiss was long and deep, and he lost himself in it for a moment, his hand going to the back of her neck.

When she pulled back, she met his gaze. “I know this is hard for you, but you’re luscious. Every bit of you. I would pin your photo on my wall and draw hearts on it.”

He glanced away. “Andi, you don’t need to—”

“No, I want you to really hear me.” She slid her fingertips over the scars on his abdomen, tracing the raised skin there. “When I look at you, I see strength and bravery.” Her hand tracked lower, wrapping around his cock and making him forget everything else for a second. “I see a man.” Her hand moved down to his thigh, making its way over the sock that protected his limb below his knee to where his prosthesis connected. “I see a superhero who risked his own life to help others. Who literally gave up part of his body for it.” She braced her hands back on his thighs. “And I think you’re sexy as fuck.”

He released a breath and cupped her face. “Thank you.”

Her mouth tipped up at one corner. “You may want to hold that thanks for later. I’m about to do more than compliment you.” She glanced down pointedly and then back up to him, heat in her eyes. “Show me what you like.”

His stomach muscles flexed in anticipation as Andi lowered her head, hovering above his cock. He didn’t want to blink, afraid to miss one second of this beautiful woman giving him pleasure. “It’s hard to mess this up. Touch me wherever you want,” he said, his voice a croak in his throat. “While you use your mouth. Don’t do anything you’re not into.”

She gripped the base of his cock with her hand, her breath hot on the damp head, and smiled. “That, I can guarantee you.”

The words were exactly what he needed to hear. He got off knowing his partner was enjoying herself, that she wanted to be doing what she was doing because it gave her pleasure, too. He damn sure had enjoyed going down on her.

Hill watched as Andi’s lips closed over the head of his cock, the warmth of her mouth and tongue nearly making him cry out. It’d been so long. So. Long. Since a woman had touched him like this, tasted him, and the fact that it was Andi made it all the more intense. Her trust in him was the ultimate aphrodisiac. He threaded his hands in her hair, the soft red strands cascading over his knuckles, and he watched her.

She was taking her time, sucking him slowly, using the tip of her tongue to tease the crown, driving him out of his mind, and just when he’d get on the edge of orgasm and his grip on her hair would tighten, she’d back off. She pulled away briefly, sending him a wicked look, and then she dipped down and ran her tongue along his balls.

“Fuck,” he groaned, his belly dipping as he tried to maintain control. “I’m not sure you needed instruction. You’re going to kill me.”

She laughed softly and peeked up at him. “I don’t have a lot of experience with this, but I read a lot of dirty books. A single girl can’t survive by vibrator alone.”

He smiled. “God bless dirty books.”

“Amen. Hallelujah,” she said right before taking him into her mouth again and making his eyes roll back in his head.

He couldn’t hold himself up anymore. He fell back onto his elbows and closed his eyes, the wet heat of Andi’s mouth putting him into some trancelike state. But when she cupped his balls and took him deep to the back of her throat, he nearly levitated off the bed. He reached out, cradling her face, and easing back. “On the bed, Andi.”

She sat back on her calves, lips slick and eyes a little dazed. He liked that look, like she was blissed out, too. He reached for her, helping her to her feet. Goddamn she looked like a fantasy—hair mussed, beautifully naked, skin flushed. How the hell had he gotten so lucky? The sweet, funny woman who’d baked him brownies, the one he’d try to scare off with rudeness, had just given him the blow job of his life and now was going to be in his bed.

He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve this moment, but he wasn’t going to question the universe and his good fortune right now.

He stood, pulling Andi against him and kissing her, their bodies pressed together skin to skin, and then he guided her down on the bed. She stretched out against his pillows, her hair fanning out, and her gaze tracked over him with hungry heat. He sat on the edge of the bed and reached down to remove his prosthesis. He didn’t want anything in the way with Andi.

He made quick work of it, leaving the sock on that covered his residual limb, and set his prosthesis next to the bed. He pulled open the bedside table’s drawer, grabbed a condom, checked the expiration date, and set it on top of the comforter. When he turned his body back toward Andi, she was watching him, biting her lower lip. He reached out and brushed her hair away from her face. “Still with me?”

She gave him a soft smile. “You better not leave me hanging this time.”

He laughed. “Promise.”

***

Andi’s skin was burning up. She was so turned on, she was afraid spontaneous human combustion might actually be a thing, but seeing the condom also made this feel very real. She was going to sleep with Hill, have sex with her neighbor.

Yes, they were only friends. No, this was nothing serious. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t a monumental thing for her. The last time she’d tried to have sex with someone, she’d panicked the minute the guy had rolled on the condom. Flashbacks had hit her hard and fast, yanking her into the past and killing every ounce of sexual interest she’d had.

This felt different than that time. She felt safe with Hill. Present in a way she hadn’t before.

Hill shifted closer. She could feel him watching her, gauging her mood. Honesty. She needed to be honest. She reached out and squeezed his bicep. “I’m getting in my head.”

He nodded, expression serious. “Need to stop?”

“No. I want this. I just…” She didn’t know how to articulate it.

He scooted closer and put his hand on her hip. He traced a finger right above her pubic bone, making her inner muscles clench. “How about this? You let me make you feel good. If you want to stop after that, the lube you suspect I have will make an appearance, and I’ll take care of myself with my hand. There is no pressure to have sex tonight.”

The thought of him stroking himself next to her wasn’t exactly a deterrent. That sounded hella hot, but she also ached for the full experience, feeling him inside her, getting past this hurdle. She didn’t want to back out. But she also knew that sometimes her anxiety won despite her best intentions. This would give her an out. The fact that Hill intuitively knew how to give her an option that wouldn’t make the night feel like a failure if she had to tap the brakes made her want to kiss him again.

“That sounds perfect,” she said, putting her hand over his and guiding it lower, dragging his fingertips over the hot, wet part of her.

Hill smiled that sinful smile of his and shifted into position. He braced his arms on each side of her and climbed between her legs. “Put your legs over my shoulders.”

She did as she was told and watched as he lowered himself down and dragged his tongue over her aching flesh. Every feminine cell in her body clenched, and desire flooded her anew, a squeaking sound escaping her throat. He smiled up at her with smug confidence as he tucked two fingers inside of her. It was a smile that said I got this. A smile that said fuck you to her anxiety. A smile that said they were going to win the battle tonight.

Hill went back to work, laving and sucking and teasing her clit, and rubbing that sensitive spot inside her, bringing her to the edge of orgasm again in minutes.

“Oh, God.” Her heels dug into his back and her fingers gripped his comforter. “Hill, I’m gonna—”

This time he didn’t back off, though. He doubled down. Her head tipped back, and her back curved as she rocked against his mouth, the pleasure seizing her and forcing her body to move without her permission. Then every ounce of tension that had been building exploded into a million bits of light behind her eyes and she cried out, loud enough that she startled herself with the sound of it.

Holy shit. Holy shit.

Hill didn’t stop, and the orgasm climbed higher, higher than she realized it could go, making her babble nonsense and squirm on the bed. She slapped her hand against the mattress not sure if she was asking for mercy or for more. She gasped Hill’s name.

His hand gripped the back of her thigh as he lifted his head. “Tell me what you want, Andi,” he said, breathless and urgent. “I need to hear it.”

She was out of breath, panting, her body still quaking with aftershocks, but she still wanted more. She wanted Hill. “Use the condom,” she managed to get out. “Please. Now.”

The bed bounced as he moved. “Are you sure? You want this. I need to hear you say that.”

She opened her eyes, her vision clearing in the low lamplight. She found him braced on one hand and knee, condom between his fingers, his cheeks flushed. She licked her lips. “I want you.”

Relief crossed his face, and he tore open the condom. He rolled it on. “Get on your side, gorgeous,” he said, stretching out next to her. “It will be easier this way.”

She did as she was told and soon he was behind her, spooning her. He guided her top leg to bend at the knee, opening her body to him, and the head of his cock nudged her. Hill slid his hand between her legs, stroking her clit, sending sparks through her again, and then he eased inside. The feel of him stretching her was both foreign and delicious. She wasn’t a virgin and knew her way around a sex toy, but this wasn’t silicon. Hill’s cock was thick and hard and hot, filling her in a way that made all her inner muscles clench and squeeze tight.

“Fuck, Andi,” Hill groaned against her ear, his fingers still working her as he slowly pumped inside her. “You feel like a dream.”

“Please don’t let this be a dream,” she murmured.

He pressed his lips against the curve of her neck and fucked her slow and deep, ramping up her body again. “You’re going to come again for me.”

She didn’t think that was possible after the blinding orgasm she’d had. When she was alone, she was a one-and-done girl. But the confidence in his voice had a shiver of pleasure shooting straight downward, and her inner muscles twitched again.

Hill picked up the pace, his heart beating against her back, and he stroked her with expert fingers as he rocked his hips against her. Her breath quickened, tension building fast and low. The mattress squeaked beneath them.

“Put your hand between your legs,” he whispered. “Feel what I’m feeling.”

She listened without thinking and found his fingers, slick with her own arousal, moving over her clit. He took her hand and pressed her own fingers against herself. His cock slid against her fingertips as he fucked her, and the images that conjured in her brain sent her over. She cried out, her orgasm striking like lightning.

He groaned against her, a grinding, primal sound, and he pumped into her harder and faster, their bodies now sticky with sweat. She gasped, the feel of it all stealing her breath, and just as another wave of pleasure rolled through her, his body tensed against her and he cried out. His shout reverberated through the room, and she ate up the sound, his obvious pleasure filling her with pure feminine satisfaction.

They’d done it. They’d won. At least for tonight. Their demons were stuck out on the porch without an invitation to the party. Andi wanted to throw a goddamn ticker-tape parade.

Fuck you, Evan Longdale. Look what I found.

A few minutes later, when she and Hill were both quietly panting, their hearts still racing, Hill pressed his face into her hair. “Tell me you’re okay, Andi.”

She closed her eyes, a smile stretching her lips, and she snuggled back against him. “I’m very, very okay.”

She could feel his body relax in relief. “Me too.”

The simple admission that he’d been fighting something too made her heart squeeze, made something altogether not neighborly move through her. She shook the feeling away.

Careful there, Lockley.