What If You & Me by Roni Loren

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Hill sat in the waiting area of the police station while Andi gave her statement down the hall. The guy Hill had accidentally-on-purpose tapped with his truck—Jake something or other—was in another part of the station getting interrogated. Hill wished he could have a few minutes alone in a room with that piece of shit. When Andi had stepped under the harsh fluorescent lights of the police station, Hill had seen for the first time that her elbows and knees were scraped up and a patch of her hair had been ripped out, her scalp matted with blood. The thought that someone had hurt Andi, had thrown her to the ground with plans to assault her or worst… Hill couldn’t even process that level of rage.

I could’ve lost her.

The realization was like being plunged into icy water. He didn’t want to imagine a world that didn’t include Andi. Though he’d only known her for a couple of months, she’d become part of the fabric of his days without him realizing it. He could clearly define the time before Andi and the time after. Even in his memories of the times before, everything seemed grayer, faded. Long days, an empty house, time stretching out before him with no idea what to do with the hours. The times after, in contrast, were painted with color—full of laughter and scary movies and cooking and tangled sheets. Mornings when he woke up and was actually excited about the day. Days when he remembered the person he used to be. Andi had been like a shot of adrenaline straight into the bloodstream of his life.

And she could’ve been taken from this world. Just like that. Because he’d pushed her away, hurt her. To protect himself. The coward’s move. He should’ve been walking her to her door tonight. Instead, she’d had to face her worst nightmare alone.

But still, even after all that, when he’d gotten to her, she hadn’t yelled at him or been angry for what he’d done. Instead, she’d knocked him flat on his proverbial ass. A talent she seemed to have.

When she’d declared she loved him—right before demanding he get his butt in the truck—his whole world had tilted under him. He’d known after their conversation earlier in the night that she was developing feelings for him, but the way she’d put it out there… I love you. You love me. Like that didn’t take a shit ton of bravery. Like they were facts that just existed. That had made something inside him click into place.

Could it be that simple?

Everything in his life had felt so complicated for so long that he always looked for layers within the layers. Why had he gone back in to save those people even after the building was declared too dangerous to go back inside? Was it because he was brave or because he didn’t care if he made it? Had Christina cheated on him because there was something wrong with him or because there was something wrong with the relationship? Had his mom left because she didn’t think Hill was worth sticking around for, or was she just so depressed that she thought everyone would be better without her?

He’d searched for answers for so long, but maybe the answers didn’t matter. The past couldn’t be changed. The future couldn’t be controlled or guaranteed. All he could do was deal with what was going on now—here, in the present. What did he want his life to look like now?

When he was with Andi, he was happy. And she seemed happy with him.

Maybe it was that simple.

Hill was broken from his train of thought when Eliza sat down next to him. She’d arrived at the station a little while ago, after Andi had called her to tell her what happened. She handed him a Snickers bar from the vending machine.

He took it even though he wasn’t hungry. “Thanks.”

“Do you think she’s going to be in there much longer?” Eliza asked, opening a package of Reese’s Cups. “I’m afraid when the adrenaline wears off, the reality of what happened tonight is going to settle in for her and she’s going to need us.”

Hill frowned. “I don’t know how much longer it will be, but Christina’s in there with her. She’ll watch out for her and let me know if Andi needs anything.”

“Christina the ex?” she asked. “That might be awkward.”

“I don’t think so. We’re on good terms now, and she already met Andi a while back. She’s the one who helped figure out that Andi had been doxed. I wouldn’t have gone to the house when I did if Chris hadn’t told me what happened.” He leaned back and sighed. “I don’t want to think about what would’ve happened if Andi had been forced to bang on neighbors’ doors for help. If the guy had caught up with her…”

“God, me neither,” Eliza said. “Though I suspect she would’ve figured something out. She’s a warrior, that one.”

He glanced over at Eliza. “One hundred percent.”

Eliza looked down at her chocolate, a little smile touching her lips. “That’s why you two make a good pair,” she said casually. “From the outside, it seems a weird match. You, the quiet, stoic type. Andi, the quirky, bubbly one. But underneath that, you’ve both experienced real trauma. The kind of stuff that distills life down to its most vital parts.” She peeked over at him. “You both know how to cut through the bullshit.”

“The bullshit?”

“Yeah.” She peeled off the brown wrapper on one of the peanut butter cups. “Everyone says life’s too short, but the two of you know it. Because you’ve each had to contemplate that yours was about to end. That matures a person real fast.”

Hill stared at her, processing the words.

She smirked and took a bite of her candy. “Andi’s like an eighty-year-old woman with a nose ring.”

He chuckled. “I don’t know about that.”

Eliza swallowed the bite, and her expression went serious. “I do. And my unofficial advice to you—because I know something happened tonight at the dance to send Andi home early—is don’t insult her by underestimating her. Andi is whimsical, but she doesn’t do anything or feel anything on a whim. She’s an overthinker. Every choice she makes is made with thought and purpose. Including the choice she made to spend time with you.”

Hill released a breath, the words resonating. He had insulted Andi. He’d told her she didn’t know what she didn’t know. When the truth was, he was the one who didn’t know shit about relationships. He’d never had one last. “I told her I was falling for her and then broke things off.”

Eliza’s brows arched. “Wow. That’s a dick move, bro.”

“I’m aware,” he said grimly. “I thought I was doing it for her own good.”

She snorted. “Oh, that’s our favorite thing. When men do things for our own good. Super fun. I’m sure Andi loved that.”

He groaned and tossed the candy bar onto the seat next to him. “I screwed everything up.”

Eliza laughed and patted his knee. “Oh, honey, that’s obvious. If you don’t do something about it, she’s definitely going to murder you in a book.”

He gave her a droll look. “You must be a really encouraging therapist.”

“I’m the best,” she said, popping the second half of her peanut butter cup in her mouth and clearly not taking offense.

“Hold up. There is candy and no one brought me any?”

Hill’s attention snapped to the left to find Andi standing there with her hands on her hips. He reached out for the Snickers bar and handed it to her. “Courtesy of Eliza.”

Andi took the candy bar and smiled. “Thanks.”

Eliza was on her feet and headed to Andi, wrapping her in a hug before Andi could open the candy. “Oh my God, hey.”

Andi kept her eyes on Hill as she hugged Eliza back. “Hey, girl. Thanks for coming.”

Eliza leaned back, tears in her eyes, her gaze scanning her friend. “Are you okay? For real, for real?”

Andi nodded and reached out to squeeze Eliza’s hand. “I’m okay. I’m going to have to do some creative hairstyling for a little while to cover my newly acquired bald patch, but other than that and a few scrapes, I’m good.”

Hill watched them. Eliza checking her friend over. Andi reassuring her and smiling like she hadn’t just been through an assault. He could see every little scrape, every war wound, even though someone had helped her clean up a little. He wanted to soothe each spot, take her in his arms, make her feel safe.

Safe.

A feeling was filling him, slow and steady, making everything swell inside his chest. He’d told Andi he didn’t want to be her safe choice, but now he realized how wrong he’d been looking at it. Feeling safe with someone was part of what made love love.

He wanted to be that person she could be with without worry, the person she could let all her guards down and be herself with. She had become that person for him. She got him talking when he was prone to quiet. She made him laugh when his depression tried to smother him. She was the one who had gotten him cooking again, giving him back something that had always made him happy. She saw him and loved him, and tonight, she’d shown that she wasn’t going to let him off the hook so easily. The tools he’d used to push other people away since his accident—and maybe for his whole life—weren’t going to work on her.

She was going to be his final girl.

The thought rang through him as loud as church bells.

There was knowing you felt things about a person. But this was more than that. This was…confidence. Confidence in the future. Confidence in himself. Something he hadn’t tasted in a long time. He had a lot of work to do still, but he was going to do it.

Andi was a warrior.

Well, so was he.

He stood so quickly that he knocked the chair back against the wall. Andi and Eliza turned to him, both with questioning looks on their faces.

“Hill?” Andi asked. “Everything okay?”

He had no idea what his expression must be saying. He probably looked like a lunatic. There were too many feelings and words trying to come out at once. “I’m in love with you.”

Andi stared, and Eliza grinned, taking a step back and giving them space.

“I know this isn’t the right place or probably the right time,” he rambled on, phones ringing in the background, police officers walking by. He stepped closer and took her hands in his. “And I know I’ve screwed this all up. I know I said all the wrong things earlier. I got scared. I’m still scared—fucking terrified, actually.”

Andi’s expression softened.

“But I’ve been sitting here and looking at you and thinking about the last couple of months… And I know it’s quick and I know I have a lot to work on but…I don’t want you to go off and look for other guys. I don’t want to be practice. I want to be the guy. I am the guy.”

Andi blinked, her eyes glittering with tears. “Yeah?”

He let out a breath, getting the words out feeling like an exorcism. “Yeah.”

She squeezed his hands. “I already knew that you were. I just wasn’t sure you were ever going to figure it out.” She put her hands on his jaw, her teary gaze holding his. “I love you too, you hardheaded man. I’m glad you finally got a clue.”

He laughed softly and then dipped his head, touching his forehead to hers. “You’ve completely ruined my life plan to be a grumpy hermit. I would’ve been so good at it.”

“Sorry not sorry,” Andi said, a smile in her voice. “You ruined my plan to be an eccentric horror writer who lives alone in a creepy mansion.”

“You’ll always be eccentric, neighbor.”

“Thank God.” She lifted her head, meeting his gaze and letting her hands lower to his shoulders. “So are we doing this?”

He cupped her jaw and brushed his thumb over her lips. “Yes. How about every day for the rest of our lives?”

Tears spilled over, her smile like sunshine. “Deal.”

Light suffused through him, brightening all the dark corners that had gathered inside him over the years. This one. This one. This one.

“I’m going to kiss you now,” he warned. “I don’t care who’s watching.”

“I’m going to let you.”

With that, he lowered his head and kissed her, finally knowing it wouldn’t be the last. This was only the beginning.

In their movie, there would always be another sequel.