Out of Character by Annabeth Albert

Chapter Thirty-One

Jasper

Milo was in a funk. And I couldn’t blame him. He’d come out to his friends, who weren’t really ever true friends, but they’d been a part of his life for almost a decade, and he’d lost his place to live all in one grand gesture. Which had been unbearably sweet. And scary. The moment when he’d reached for my hand was something I’d remember forever. My inner fourteen-year-old had waited years for him to stand in front of me like that, to stand up, not only for me but also himself. I’d wanted to cheer him on, even if my adult self understood that the real-world consequences sucked. So I got why he was brooding. I simply wished I had a way to make it better.

“Is that everything?” I asked as I closed a box of clothes.

“Yeah. Thanks.” He’d grudgingly let me handle packing up the closet with the boxes we’d picked up at my mom’s. She did so much online shopping that it had been easy to raid the stack awaiting recycling in the garage. And it hadn’t taken many boxes at all to pack up Milo’s tiny, bleak room at Luther and James’s apartment. Nothing on the walls, not even any of his amazing drawings. A bed and dresser he didn’t own. No signs of the Milo I’d come to know so well over the past few weeks. Even his art supplies and sketchbooks were a meager stack that he’d kept stored under his bed. We’d mainly packed in silence, and the quiet continued as we carried the last boxes down the single flight of stairs.

Milo didn’t spare a last glance for the place as he tossed a key on the kitchen counter, not that I blamed him. There was nothing homelike about this place. I wanted so much better for him.

“Are you sure your mom is cool with me parking there?” he asked when we reached our cars. A loaded-down classic car in the huge parking lot at school would be a major theft magnet, so when we’d grabbed the boxes, I’d asked Mom if Milo could park behind the garage, out of view from the street and curious passersby.

“Yes. I didn’t even have to tell her the whole story—”

“Might as well.” Sighing, Milo unlocked his car. “Everyone is going to know soon enough. Luther can’t keep his mouth shut.”

“As well I know.” I spared a glance around the deserted parking lot before patting his shoulder. “It should still be your choice who and how much you tell.”

“Ideally.” He pursed his mouth, looking off into the distance. Sad Milo always tugged at my heartstrings, but this version was something different and way harder to read.

“Hey. Are you mad at me? I didn’t make—”

“No.” Milo rubbed my arm as he steered me toward my car. “I know you didn’t. You didn’t make me come out to them. It was the right thing to do. But sometimes doing the right thing sucks donkey balls.”

“That bad?” I tried to get him to laugh by making a silly face, but all he had was the ghost of a smile.

“Yeah. Let’s get out of here.”

Later, after his car and belongings were safely stored at my house with a minimum of Mom interactions, we split a cheap pizza on the floor of my dorm room. Even with a lax RA and all, Milo wasn’t going to be able to stay with me indefinitely and that knowledge hung between us, a ticking clock warning that we needed a new plan for him. And not surprisingly, he barely picked at his food. I’d ordered plain cheese and plain breadsticks, trying to go easy on his stomach, but he only played with his crust and shredded a breadstick.

“Not hungry? Stomach still upset?” I asked. I’d thought about grabbing some soup for him at Mom’s, but he’d asked for pizza and I didn’t want him accusing me of coddling him. Even if I kind of wanted to. I liked taking care of him.

“A little. Sorry.”

“Quit saying ‘sorry.’” I put the food away in my mini-fridge and retrieved a clear soda for him. “Do you want a movie or other distraction? I was going to do more card searching after cosplay, but—”

“That. Let’s do that. I need some good news.” Milo leaned forward as I brought out my laptop and set it between us on the bed. I called up all my bookmarked card-searching sites. A spare five grand might nab us something, but now more than ever, Milo needed a bargain. He deflated further with each lead that didn’t pan out.

“The universe hates me,” he groaned. “I want this one thing to go my way, put the whole mess behind me.”

“I know.” I stroked his back. We were alone in my room so I could touch him as much as I wanted, but he was still stiff and tense under my hand. “We’ll find something. Do you want me to call Professor Tuttle? He might have a lead.”

“Nah. No sense in bothering him. We’ll see them Saturday, right?” Earlier in the week, Professor Tuttle had messaged about a game after I worked on Saturday and specifically told me to bring Milo along. Milo had readily agreed, but now seemed less than certain. “If I’m still invited…”

“Of course you are. In fact, if you tell them what happened—”

Frowning, Milo pulled away from me. “Didn’t you say it was up to me who I tell? I don’t want anyone’s pity. I can sort this out on my own.”

“People like helping—”

“Not everyone. And not all help is free.” His tone was ominous, like he was echoing his father and his strict grandmother along with some painful past lessons. I understood, but I also didn’t reach for him again. I didn’t want to make things worse, so I only nodded.

“Sorry.” He gave me a fast pat on the knee. “I’m being a pain.”

“You’re allowed a bad mood.”

“Yeah, but I shouldn’t be taking it out on you.” He rested his head on my shoulder, and I hugged him close, wishing there were more I could do. “How about that movie? You can study and I’ll try to tell my brain to shut up.”

“It’s a nice brain.” I kissed his forehead.

“Not as nice as yours.” His crooked smile was his first real one in hours and the kiss he gave me was that much sweeter for the wait.

In theory, what happened next was him watching a movie on my tablet while I got out my notes for my senior seminar. But in reality, I set my notes aside and played with his hair and stroked his shoulders while he used me as a backrest. Every so often he’d remind me to study, and I’d try, but I kept getting distracted by how much I wanted to help him. As the final credits rolled on the movie neither of us had paid that much attention to, Milo yawned big and leaned further into me.

“Tired?”

“Yeah. Head is still buzzing though.” He groaned and rubbed at his thoroughly messed-up hair.

“Tired but wired sucks.” I dropped a kiss on the back of his neck while I snaked a hand down his torso. “I know one thing that might help…”

“Sorry.” He stilled my hand and reversed our positions so that he was cuddled behind me, face buried in my hair. “Not right now.”

“Okay. It’s all good.” It was a challenge to sound as accepting and accommodating as I wanted to while Milo was squeezing me so tightly that I had to keep from squawking.

“Oops. I’m squashing you.” He arranged us in a marginally more comfortable position, but the bed certainly seemed a lot smaller when we weren’t all tangled up in each other on it. “Do you want me to take the floor bed?”

“Not unless that what’s you want.” I snuggled into him, trying to give off platonic vibes, which was difficult with him right there, smelling so good, but I truly was fine exactly like this. I loved being near him however I could get him.

“No. I just want to lie here like this.” He held me close, gentler now, breathing like he was doing a meditation class.

“Does that help?” Now I was the one yawning, but I wanted to stay awake if he needed to talk. And maybe also to memorize this moment that felt both achingly sweet and infinitely fragile.

“Holding you always helps.” He kissed my temple. I’d meant the breathing, but I wasn’t going to turn down the compliment. However, somehow I also didn’t believe I was doing enough to assist him through this crisis. I was good for more than being a human body pillow. And for all my ability to scheme and plan my way out of tight situations, I couldn’t help Milo if he wouldn’t let me.