Out of Character by Annabeth Albert

Chapter Thirty-Six

Milo

“I knew you’d come.” I didn’t look up as Jasper plopped himself down on the paver closest to where I was sitting. And I had, had known even as I shut the shop door that he’d follow. Honestly, I was surprised it had taken him this long. Perhaps more surprising was that I’d wanted him to come and had been actively missing him since about three minutes into my cold trek here. I hadn’t been lying. I had needed the walk to clear my head, sort through the muddle of emotions that had arisen during our argument. But now he was here, and I wasn’t upset to see him.

“I’m always going to come.” Like me, Jasper kept his voice down. “Even though you don’t want me—”

“I want you. I can want space and still want you to chase after me. I’m a fickle guy.”

“Not fickle. Complicated.” Even now he was loyal to me.

“How’d you guess I’d be here?” I gestured at his parents’ yard. I’d been taking a chance that they hadn’t installed motion-sensitive flood lights or something, but I’d been sitting here awhile now and no alarms had sounded and the house had stayed dark and quiet.

“Maybe I know you.” Jasper raised an eyebrow at me. Dawn was still a way off, but there was a dim alley light close by, casting long shadows over us and glinting off his hair and eyes.

“You do.” I sighed, because I was still working out how I felt about that. It was entirely possible that he knew me better than anyone else. “Did you come here to stop me?”

Jasper was silent for a long second, joining me in staring at my car. He knew. I knew. There was no point in either of us playing stupid. It was my one thing of value, the end-of-game card I’d been holding all along, and maybe we’d both known how this would play out.

“I was. I was going to come and try to talk you out of whatever plan you’ve got. But not now.”

“No?” I turned more toward him. He looked older, somehow, in the night air. Taller, back straight, gaze locked on the car, not on me. “What changed?”

“I found your sketchbook.”

“Oh.” It said something that I only realized in that instant that I had left my backpack behind.

“I brought it and your bag. And yes, I know it was a huge invasion of privacy to look, and this is probably where I should start by begging forgiveness—”

“You don’t have to beg. I made mistakes tonight too,” I admitted. It didn’t bug me that he’d seen my sketches as much as make me wary of his reaction. “And I was working up the nerve to show you the whole thing for a while now. I was worried it might scare you away.”

“Never.” He scooted closer, touched my arm. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily. Or scaring me away with your gorgeous drawings. They’re amazing. You’re amazing.”

“Thanks.” My skin heated even in the chilly air. “But how did my drawings change your mind about stopping me?”

“I saw myself. I saw you. And I realized that I wasn’t doing the best job of listening. I’ve been doing a lot of telling. Telling you to get a new place to live. Telling you that I’d play George. Telling you to come clean with Bruno.”

“You meant well.” I returned the favor and patted his shoulder. Touching him felt good. Necessary even. I settled an arm around him. “And a lot of it was good advice.”

“But I wasn’t asking you what you want and why, and actually paying attention to your answers. Really listening. Like you always do.”

“I do?”

“You hear even the stuff I don’t say. I joked about how I know you, but you know me. I could see it in each sketch. And it made me want to do a better job of seeing you. Hearing you.”

“Wow.” I’d done my own thinking during our time apart that evening, but he might have outdone me in the profound realization department. My neck relaxed, a tension I hadn’t even known I’d been holding ebbing away. “Thank you.”

“So this is me, asking. Not telling. Not trying to solve the problem. What are you going to do?”

“I think you already know.” I pointed at the car.

“You’re going to sell it?” Jasper put deliberate emphasis on the word sell, a question, not a statement.

“It’s the right thing to do. And you made me see that.” I pulled him closer, both because of the cold and because his nearness made it easier to make these big confessions.

“I did?”

“When you said that I didn’t have to handle things myself, I realized the opposite. I need to handle this. I spent weeks running from the real solution. And not simply the owning up to Bruno part—you’re not wrong there either—but I have the way to make this right.”

“But it’s your dad’s legacy. You said that yourself. It’s the one thing you can’t part with.” Jasper bit his lip like he was trying hard not to be too argumentative.

“And maybe it’s the one thing I should,” I countered. I’d been round and round on this point in my own head, but saying it aloud actually helped me to feel more definite about the idea. Mom liked to go on about how people like Dad and Nona were guardian angels now. And I’d never bought that, especially in the case of Dad who could have done a lot more protecting when he was alive. I was done elevating him to a pedestal he didn’t deserve. However, if he were watching over me, was it so terrible to use the car to ensure my future?

“If I sell, I might get enough to replace the cards and to help make finding a new place to live easier. Maybe even have something left over to take a few art classes. I can make my dreams come true, at least some of them.”

“You can make your dreams come true even without the car, but I get what you’re saying.” Jasper exhaled, his breath warm against my neck. “I hate to think of you parting with it though. Your dad wanted you to have it.”

“And I did. I kept it even when I probably should have sold it to repay Bruno after the accident. I kept it even when I was scared to drive it. But like you said the other day, I’m not fourteen anymore. I can’t live my life by what he would have wanted for me. He wouldn’t have wanted any of this.” I did a broad, sweeping gesture encompassing myself.

“He didn’t know what he was missing.” Jasper gave me a soft kiss on the cheek, but I turned in to him so that our mouths met, more comfort than sizzle, but so very necessary right then.

“Thank you.” I hugged him against me. “I mean that. Thank you. And you do see me. You see all the parts he didn’t. And I’m done trying to hide the real me. The truth is that he wasn’t a very good dad—”

Jasper was quick to cut me off. “He wasn’t terr—”

“Yeah, he kinda was.” I appreciated him trying to be tactful, but I was done with dancing around the facts. “It’s okay. We can say it now. He was narrow-minded and mean. And yeah we built that car together and not all my memories are bad, but that’s okay. I’ll keep the good times. Now I’m going to use what he left me to have the life I want—need, even if it’s not one he would have agreed with.”

“Okay.” Jasper nodded like he’d finished a page of equations and was happy with the solution, even if it wasn’t the one he’d wanted. “So you’ll sell it then?”

“Yup.” As I said it aloud, a weight rolled off me, like leaving all my winter gear behind to enjoy spring and summer. I was free.

“You were so sure that I’d object that you couldn’t tell me the plan back at the store?” There was no mistaking the hurt in Jasper’s voice, and I didn’t blame him. Walking away had been a dick move on my part.

“That and I thought I wanted to be alone to do this. Solve everything on my own, and then come to you with it all fixed. Be more worthy of you. But then my leg started to ache on the walk here—”

“Oh crap.” Jasper flipped from justifiably annoyed at me to worried. “Do you need—”

“It’s fine.” I waved off his concern. “And then this car passed me, full of rowdy teenagers. A soda can landed right near my feet.”

“I should have—”

“I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I’m the one who left. My point is that I was cold and my leg hurt and these kids were laughing at me out the window. And then I thought, ‘What the hell am I doing here?’ Because if I was trying to make a point about how I could do it all on my own, I was doing a shit job at it.”

“Wanting to be self-sufficient isn’t a bad goal. I get that desire. I do.” Jasper was so earnest, I very nearly had to kiss him again, but I wasn’t done yet.

“Thanks. But what I realized in that moment was that I was acting exactly like my dad would have. Angry. Storming off alone. Insisting on no help.”

“Oh, Milo.”

“But maybe there’s a better way. Maybe I don’t have to do it entirely on my own.” I exhaled hard, because this was tricky, the balance between being needy and being resourceful, between being a loner and being independent, and between being stubborn and being smart. Even now I wasn’t sure I had it right.

“You don’t have to do it all. But I don’t think you’re in the wrong for wanting to. And I was trying to take over a bit. I get why you needed me to back off.” Jasper’s expression was as earnest as I had seen it as he held my gaze. “You’re not your dad. You’re never going to be your dad. You’re a way better person and always have been.”

“Maybe not always.” Unable to keep looking at him, I studied my scuffed shoe.

“No, I mean it.” Jasper tilted my chin up with his fingers. “Unlike him, you’ve owned up to your mistakes.”

“I’m trying.” I met his determined gaze, wanting to convey how much it meant that he believed in me.

“You’re doing a good job.”

“Thanks.” That did it. I had to give him another kiss, this one more lingering. “And maybe it’s okay to admit when I need help.”

“And when you don’t. It needs to be your plan.”

“Yeah.” I nodded.

“So tell me what the plan is and how I can help. I want to help.” Jasper squeezed my arm.

“I figured I’d wait until morning, then take the car to my dad’s friend, the one storing Bruno’s car, find out what a fair price would be, hope I don’t get screwed—”

“Is this the part where I can offer help?” Jasper was practically bouncing next to me, a sure sign that he’d had a big idea.

“You can offer to help.”

“I might not be a car guy, but I am an expert at pricing rare items and at research. I can make sure you’re getting a good deal. If you want, I mean.”

“I want.” I kissed his temple. “I do want your help, and I want you.”

That little speech earned me another kiss from him. The paver was cold under my butt and the air still nippy, but things were heating up right where they counted. In Jasper’s parents’ yard. In the middle of the night. Oops. I pulled away, breathing hard, and he laughed.

“And we can cross-check my research with Professor Tuttle tonight. He knows classic cars. If that’s okay.”

“It’s okay. What I realized is I don’t have to do it all on my own and neither do you.”

“Assemble the team!” Jasper pumped a fist upward like his invisible cape might carry him skyward.

“Shh.” I was laughing too hard to do a good job quieting him. “Dork.”

“You—”

“Love you. Yeah. I just might.” I went ahead and said it because maybe he needed to hear it. And maybe I needed to say it. “And yes, assemble the team. The dynamic duo rides at dawn.”

“Maybe not dawn.” He yawned wide. “How about first some sleep, then we save the world?”

“Deal.” I still didn’t have all the answers and neither did he. I had no idea how things were going to turn out—the car, the cards, Bruno, my living situation—all of it. But I knew I had Jasper, and that was what truly mattered.