Voyeur by Candace Wondrak

Chapter Fifteen – Zoey

 

 

Everyone could tell I didn’t want to be fucked with the next time I worked at the Dollhouse. Even the customers I served knew, just by glancing at my face, I was not in the mood for their flirty attitudes or wandering hands. And, of course, Roman and Carter weren’t here, so I actually had to, you know, work.

The absolute horror.

I was on my break, standing in the back of the Dollhouse, just outside the side door. I leaned my back against the brick building, staring up at the night sky, at the moon hanging there. My jacket sat over my shoulders; even though I was near the door, I’d learned it was never good to go on your break while wearing next to nothing. It would only invite the occasional pervert to try to take up your time.

Why couldn’t things be simple for me? Why couldn’t I just be happy? You’d think that, after the whole thing with my sister and my ex, anything would be better, but all this shit with Roman and Lake… it wasn’t better. I was responsible for it, I knew, even though I’d known all along I could never have both.

Or, really, all—since Carter and Roman were pretty much a package deal.

Having them all was selfish and unrealistic. Most girls didn’t have multiple boyfriends, especially girls who came from a family like mine. It just didn’t happen.

Hah, if my parents could see me now, they’d label me a hussy. A slut, a whore who opened her legs for anyone and everyone, and you know what? I didn’t care. I didn’t care what they’d think about me now, because they were not good people. They could literally go fuck themselves while jumping off a bridge and I still wouldn’t care.

I wouldn’t even go to their funeral, I didn’t think.

Was that cruel? Maybe, but it was true.

Fuck my parents.

Heaving a sigh, I was about to go back inside, figuring there was no point in prolonging my break when working would make the time go by faster, but the moment I turned to go back inside, someone else was walking out.

Crystal.

I’d be the first to admit, she and I hadn’t really talked much lately. I’d been so lost in my own world, not to mention paranoid that she felt negative things about me after I pretty much stole Roman and Carter out from under her—along with the money they gave.

“Oh, good,” Crystal spoke once she saw me, “I was hoping you’d still be out here. I need to talk to you.”

Even though I had no idea what it could be about, my heart still sunk. For whatever reason, I knew this couldn’t be good. I returned to where I’d been standing, watching as Crystal came with me.

She leaned on the wall beside me, a fuzzy jacket around her shoulders as she stared out at the parking lot surrounding us. Not another soul in sight. The back was where the girls and Autumn parked their cars during their shifts; customers were not allowed back here. We had a gate around it, along with a bouncer guarding it, very similar to the man who stood near the Dollhouse’s doors, always ready to leap into action should someone get too handsy or rough with one of the girls.

“What’s up?” I asked, not feeling very talkative in general. Still, for Crystal to seek me out like this, it had to be something.

Crystal let out a sigh, and it was a while before she spoke, “Look, I don’t know everything that’s going on with you, but I know you’re tangled up with Roman—a lot more than anyone else here ever has been. He, uh… the other night, Carter brought Lake here.”

Carter brought… what? Oh, Roman and I needed to have a little chat. Didn’t I tell him no more kidnappings?

She must’ve seen the worry on my face, for she quickly added, “He’s fine, I saw him walk out of here just after.” Crystal acted like she wanted to say more, but she stopped herself, her lips curling into a frown.

Well, it was a relief that Lake walked out of here, at least. Ugh, you’d think he would’ve wanted to talk to me after, but… but then again, maybe it was the last straw. One kidnapping too many. Maybe Lake was officially done with me, wrote me off because of everything Roman did. I couldn’t blame him for doing that, but I could get hella pissed at Roman for it. “What happened?” Crystal probably didn’t know, but I figured it was good to ask, just in case.

“Carter brought Lake into the backroom with Roman,” she said.

My mind immediately raced. Did Roman threaten him? Was it all to get Lake alone, away from me, to force him to let me go? Goddamn it, I’d told him—

“It was maybe a few minutes after that when Carter found me,” Crystal went on, breaking through my thoughts as she explained, “it sounded like Roman wanted me to seduce Lake, so I… I tried. When Carter gives you an order from Roman, you don’t say no.”

If my heart could’ve fallen out of my chest and sunk down to the concrete below, it would’ve. Roman had Crystal seduce Lake? Fuck. What the hell was Roman thinking? Was he trying to get Lake out of the picture, so he all but forced him to be with Crystal while knowing I needed my men to be mine and mine alone?

I mean, look at the woman standing next to me, for God’s sake. She was beautiful, busty, and blonde. The three Bs all men loved, even if they didn’t admit it. No straight male would ever say no to her if she came onto them full force, not even Lake.

It didn’t even occur to me that something else could’ve happened, that Lake could’ve denied her even though she was drop-dead gorgeous, but then I realized what she’d told me: she tried. She tried, meaning, she didn’t succeed.

“Lake wouldn’t let me,” Crystal said, reaffirming my realization and literally lifting the invisible weight off my heart. “He pushed me off him, and then he…” Her lips curled into a smile at the memory. “Then he actually had the balls to confront Roman. I didn’t see much of it, but what I did see was hot—definitely made me look at Lake in a new light, you know? I always thought he was just the dorky nerd living in my building, but he has to have balls to go toe-to-toe with Roman.”

At this point, I had no idea what the hell to say, how to respond to her without sounding stupid or telling her I needed to leave for the night. A part of me wanted to rush home and confront Lake, while another part of me wanted to yell at Roman for trying something so dirty and underhanded.

“I might not know the whole story,” Crystal went on, setting her hands on her hips as she studied me, “but I’m smart enough to know it’s all about you, babe.” She laughed, though it wasn’t a very hearty one. “I guess there’s just something about you, Zoey. You’re like catnip to those guys.”

I wasn’t sure if I should be proud of that or not. With how crazy everything had been, my guess was at the latter.

“If I’m honest, I was a bit jealous, at first,” Crystal admitted with a shrug. “But then I remembered how I don’t want to be here for the rest of my life. I want to make something of myself, and I know I can’t do that at the Dollhouse. The tips were nice, but…” She heaved a sigh. “I think I’m going to start to look for another job. A real job. I don’t have a college degree, so I don’t know what’s out there for me, but… I need to try.”

Hey, I didn’t have a degree either. I walked away from it all, unable to stand the thought of remaining in Hillcrest after finding my ex with my sister. I had no idea what my future would hold past this place, but I wasn’t at the point in my life where I wanted to sit down and think about it; Crystal clearly was, and no matter what happened, I’d support her. We might not be the closest of friends, but she’d helped me out when I had no one. I owed her.

“If you need any help, you know I’m always around,” I told her, smiling softly. I was sad to hear she was leaving the Dollhouse, but that didn’t mean she was moving out of the building. I’d still see her around. Maybe she and I could become better friends.

Of course, all that aside, I was still pretty ticked off at Roman for doing what he did, still worried about what Lake thought of me. If Roman brought him here, I doubted he’d kept the fact that I also worked here to himself. No, I bet he told Lake everything, tried to get him to turn on me and let Crystal seduce him.

But he didn’t. Lake had proved Roman wrong; Crystal said so herself, and she had no reason to lie to me about it.

“Thanks,” Crystal spoke, grinning. “And if you ever need help with Roman, you know where to find me.”

I laughed, although I wasn’t quite sure what kind of help she meant.

Since my break was over, I went back inside. Considering what Crystal told me, I was in a decent mood all of a sudden. Like, maybe, through the clouds and the storm, I could finally see daylight, the end to this dark, ever-lasting tunnel. If there was nothing left between Lake and me, he wouldn’t have denied Crystal. And Roman… Lake doing that had to prove to him that he did in fact care about me.

Was that what all of this was about? Was it some weird, crazy test of Roman’s? I wouldn’t put it past him, because that man would do anything to get what he wanted, and somehow, still, that something was me. Me and me alone.

But I would not come without a cost. If he wanted to have me, to truly have me, he would have to learn to share a bit.

Roman Russo sharing with someone other than Carter. It sounded almost funny in my head.

 

By the time my shift ended, I was actually happy. Not overly thrilled, mind you, but happy enough. Content with where my life was at, even if things were a little messy right now. It was only a matter of time before I saw Roman again, before he either admitted what he did or I confronted him about it. Either way, it would happen, just like something would happen with Lake.

The next time I saw Lake, I planned on having a long chat with him. Even if he knew everything now, I still wanted to come clean about it myself, to admit it to him myself. Tell him that I never wanted to hide anything from him.

I didn’t. I just… how could anyone explain the situation I found myself in? I didn’t even know how the hell it happened, why Roman refused to let me go, why I couldn’t just be another girl from the Dollhouse. There was something about me, I guess, something that called out to him, and you know what? Something about that crazy suit-wearing man called out to me too, just as something did from Carter and Lake.

I really did care about all of them, in different ways. I needed them in my life, while I figured out who I was. Whether or not they’d still be in my life ten years from now didn’t matter. All that mattered was the here and the now, and I refused to stand by and watch it pass me by in a blur.

As I walked home, I pictured what I was going to say to Roman when I saw him next, how I’d ream into him, probably talk to him in a way no one else would ever get away with. I imagined how annoyed he’d be with me, too. Truthfully, I enjoyed riling him up, making him mad. The angry fucking was kind of like I was getting my cake and eating it, too.

And then, of course, my mind went to Lake, what I’d say to him. There were really no words I could use to convince him that everything about what happened was okay, so I would try not to make excuses for Roman’s behavior.

The sun was not yet up by the time I made it back to the apartment building. I yawned, feeling the need to crawl in my bed and sleep for a few hours before I even attempted to talk to Lake. I was still not accustomed to my work schedule—although, to be fair, it was hardly a schedule since I only worked Tuesdays and Thursdays.

My feet took me towards the door, and I was about halfway through the parking lot when the silence of the air was split with someone whispering, “Zoey.”

I stopped, feeling the hair on the back of my neck stand straight, an eerie feeling washing over me as I glanced around the parking lot. Right now was not a good time for whatever this was. But I saw nothing, spotted no one.

Did I imagine that, or was I crazy?

I shook off the strange feeling, heading inside. As I went to the elevator, I kept throwing looks over my shoulder, as if I half-expected someone to rush up to me, throw another sack over my head, and kidnap me.

Thanks for the paranoia, Roman.

What should be needless to say, I got on the elevator with no issues. The ride up took only a few moments, and I zoned out during most of it, wondering what the hell was going on. I really needed sleep if I was hearing things. The doors slid open before me, and I walked out, my intent to go to my apartment and hit the sack, but my legs froze when I spotted the slouched figure just outside my door.

Lake was asleep in the hallway right outside my apartment, his blonde hair so messy it was cute, his legs in nothing but athletic shorts and his lean torso wearing a Superman t-shirt.

God, he was so cute, even when he was passed out in what must be the most uncomfortable position ever.

I quietly moved to his side, kneeling before him. A part of me hated to wake him up, but I couldn’t ignore him, pretend I didn’t see him, and let him sleep here. I set a hand on his shoulder, whispering his name quietly, “Lake.”

He stirred, blinking open his eyes. He was normally a morning person, up bright and early, but even this was too early for that. “What—Zoey, I…” He yawned.

Before he could say anything else, I helped him get to his feet. Lake leaned on me, barely able to walk as I led him back to his apartment—his door was unlocked, by the way, so anyone could’ve just strolled in while he was passed out in the hall. I brought him inside, depositing him on his bed.

His apartment was decorated in much the same way as mine, though you could tell his furniture was from cheap bargain stores, most everything made of pressboard and not real, hand-crafted wood like all of the furniture Roman had delivered for me. Still, it was a more colorful space, full of pop culture references and posters on the wall. It was such a Lake place; no matter where I looked, everything reminded me of him.

Lake crawled into bed, pulling the covers up to his shoulders and giving me another yawn. “We need to talk,” he murmured, his voice slurring the words a bit due to how out of it he was right now.

Gingerly, I sat on the edge of his bed, and I gave him a tiny smile. “We will,” I said, a promise. “But not right now. Go back to bed, Lake.”

He whispered, “Just give me… an hour.” And with that, he rolled onto his side, giving me his back.

The teeny smile on my face only grew, and it took everything in me to heave a sigh and get up, to leave Lake alone in that bed and go to my own apartment. I’d like nothing more than to crawl in that bed, to play the big spoon to his little spoon, and just hold him. Apologize for all the shit I’d dragged him into.

No. I wouldn’t do anything with Lake until we had a chat.

I kicked off my shoes before collapsing on my bed. I didn’t bother to get under the covers, my mind racing as it thought about Lake. Though I was exhausted from a long night, I didn’t think sleep would come to me at all, but it must’ve, because I closed my eyes for what I thought was one second, and the next thing I knew, sunlight streamed through the lone window near my bed.

My head felt heavy, like it always did after I got hardly any sleep. I rolled onto my other side, facing away from the window, about to doze back off when a knock echoed in the tiny space. I didn’t get up right away, mostly because I was tired and wanted to sleep for a few more hours, but then I remembered what happened when I got home from work, how Lake had been so adorably passed out near my apartment, and I forced myself out of that bed.

It was a struggle, trust me.

My bare feet shuffled to the door, and I opened it, finding the man in question himself on the other side, too bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for my liking. Now it was my turn to yawn.

Lake’s sapphire gaze traveled along me, noting how I still wore my jacket from work. “I could come back later? I didn’t know if you’d be sleeping or if… well, obviously you were sleeping.” He took a step back. “I could come back—”

I reached out, grabbed him by the shirt collar, and pulled him into my apartment, closing the door with another yawn.

Lake rubbed the back of his neck as he went to sit on the sofa. The same sofa I’d come onto him, the same sofa that was a part of the equation that got us into this mess. I watched as he reclined back, looking mighty awkward and uneasy.

I decided to sit cross-legged at the foot of my bed, about five feet from where he was, and I said what I said next to try to ease his awkwardness, “Crystal told me what happened.”

His shoulders visibly relaxed, and he let out a shaky sigh. “Oh, good. Well, I mean, it’s not good, exactly, but—”

Since I knew he’d continue to ramble, I went on, “Roman had you brought to the Dollhouse. He had Crystal come onto you…” I did not like the thought of that woman trying to seduce Lake, so I shook it from my mind, glad I wasn’t there to see it. “But you stopped her.”

“Yeah,” Lake admitted. “I still don’t get it, but…” He shrugged, those pretty eyes locking with mine. He looked so lonely on that couch; I really wished I could sit next to him, hug him, touch him, but we really needed to have this talk, first. “Don’t get me wrong, Crystal is pretty, but she’s not you.”

Me. Me with the fucked-up family. Me with the obnoxiously pink hair. Me, the girl who was trying to find herself in this mess that was life.

Lake managed to smile, even though this wasn’t really a smiling matter. “And then I might’ve yelled at him a little, so if I wind up dead, you’ll know who to blame.”

“He won’t hurt you,” I said. “I won’t let him.” That was something I meant with my entire heart; I would not let Roman Russo hurt Lake, not while I still had fight left in me.

“I appreciate that,” Lake spoke, a grin breaking out on his face, dimples appearing in his cheeks. “He, uh, basically said if I hurt you, he’d kill me. That man is something else. Can’t say I’ve ever met anyone like him, and to be honest, my life was just fine without him in it.” He shifted his weight, rubbing his palms over his pants. He’d changed out of what must’ve been his pajamas, now wearing jeans and a new shirt. “But, then again, if I never met him, where would that leave us?”

It was a moment before I said, “I don’t know.”

Lake went on, “I think that was some stupid test. He went on and on about loyalty. He said he’ll let me stay in your life, as long as I don’t hurt you.” His cheeks flushed a bit. “I never knew I had to get a stranger’s permission to date the girl I like, but I guess life is full of surprises.”

I let his words sink in. “You mean, you’d still want to see me, even if that’s where I work? Even if…” God, how could I say this without sounding insane? Even after all this time, I wasn’t sure what to call the deal between Roman and me. “Even if I’m still with Roman?” When Lake said nothing, only stared at me, I added, “I know it might be stupid, I know the man is dangerous, but… I don’t know. There’s something about him I just can’t walk away from. He helped me feel alive again.”

He bit his cheek, still silent.

“If you’re not okay with that, I get it,” I said. “No hard feelings or anything. I just… I need to know if we can at least be friends.” I took a moment to glance around my place, at the fancy furniture and everything that still didn’t feel like it was mine. “I have nothing here. Nothing but you and Roman.” And Carter, but I always lumped him in with Roman.

Lake was slow to say, “We can be friends.”

I’d be lying if I said my heart didn’t sink a little at hearing that. Being friends was nice enough, but it was second place to what I really wanted. I knew, though, I couldn’t force Lake to do something he didn’t want to, to be in a weird relationship with me while I was under Roman’s thumb.

But then he said something else, something that made my heart swell with joy.

“I’ve heard relationships always work better when the people in the relationship are friends.”

A lump formed in the back of my throat, and though I heard him perfectly clear, I still found myself muttering, “What?”

Lake leaned forward, setting his arms on his knees as he stared straight at me, the intensity in his eyes almost too much to bear. I didn’t think I’d ever seen him so serious. “I want to be with you, Zoey. I don’t care where you work. I want to take you out on dates, watch you demolish a basket of wings every Friday night, and let you be my mentor when it comes to horror movies.”

I grinned. It was insanely hard to remain on my bed and not lunge at him; I wanted to kiss this guy so bad it was ridiculous.

“I want to see that smile a million and a half more times,” he went on, matching my smile with his. “I want to be there for you, Zoey, and I want you to be there for me. Roman is… a bit of a scary dude, but I’m not going to let him scare me away from you. Maybe it’s stupid, but I don’t care.”

Oh, God. Lake was so sweet. So fucking sweet I probably spontaneously got a dozen cavities listening to him go on and on, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

On one hand, I had Roman and Carter, the rough and wild ones, the dangerous ones who would literally kill anyone who looked at me wrong—even though it hadn’t happened yet. On the other hand, I had Lake, the sweet boy next door with the cute dimples and the gentle yet awkward personality. Two opposite sides of the coin, and I craved them both.

You know what? Fuck it.

My tiredness was a thing of the past, and I slipped off my bed, practically rushing to the couch. I threw my arms around him and kissed him, stopping him from saying whatever the hell he’d planned on saying next. He tasted like promises, sweet and soft, a future I wanted.

Maybe, as complicated as this all was, this could work.