Reconcile by Nicole Dykes

Eighteen years old

God, she smells good.

Jesus Christ, did I really just smell her hair?

What the hell is going on with me?

Piper is in my arms, lying in my bed. We’re both still naked, and I’m in a state of euphoria I think she’s feeling too as her finger traces over my lower abs. I don’t know how I got her in my bed. With a smile on her face. Relaxed.

Piper Ward doesn’t relax, but she does with me.

Somehow. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t want her. But the night I finally went for it and kissed her, that ignited a new level of obsession I’ve never felt before. I thought she’d shove me away. But she didn’t. She kissed me back, and I haven’t wanted to do anything else since.

I just wanted to kiss her. Hold her. Make her laugh.

And now, I’m fucking smelling her hair after making love to her.

Making love?

Seriously? What the holy fuck is happening?

I don’t make love. I fuck. I don’t take life seriously. It’s my own sort of “fuck you” to my father and stepmother who are always trying to make me be serious. So I party. I screw around. I fuck random girls.

I do not make love to my best friend and then hold her in my arms afterward, dreading the time when she has to leave.

But that’s exactly what I’m doing now. And I hate myself for it because it’s not fair to Piper. I’m exactly who my father says I am.

I’m a fuckup who doesn’t take anything seriously.

I’ll get bored, and I’ll hurt her. My best friend. The girl I’ve been insanely obsessed with for years.

Or worse, I’ll drag her down with me.

Right now, Piper is golden. The teachers love her. Her parents brag about her all the fucking time. But if they find her with me?

A Ross or not, they’ll be livid. They’ll want her with a driven upstanding young man. I can actually hear her parents saying that in my head. Hell, I can hear my own parents saying that.

“What are you thinking about?”

Goddamn it, I hate that she senses I’m thinking. “That was fucking awesome.”

It was, but I despise that I have to make light of it. I can’t let her think I’m suddenly serious. I don’t want her to fall for me. I can’t do this.

She smiles and then rolls her body so she’s straddling my lap, leaning forward and brushing her lips over mine.

Fuck.

Her golden eyes are filled with something that sends a shiver through me.

I know what it is.

Don’t, Piper.

“It was amazing.” She smiles and kisses me softly, her eyes closing as she whispers, “I love you, Sawyer.”

God. Damn. It.

My heart races in my chest, and my palms are sweating as I wipe them on my sheets. I can’t say it back.

I won’t do that to her.

I should tell her that she doesn’t love me. That it’s puppy love. Or an illusion. Instead, I do something just as stupid as saying the words. I close my eyes and pull her into a deep kiss that she instantly returns.

I cling to her bare hips as I kiss her, saying things with that kiss I can’t and shouldn’t voice.

And I know I have to do something desperate to end this.

I kiss her softly as her hands rest on my chest over my heart that’s surely completely black at this point. It’s going to be hard to let her go.

But that’s exactly what has to happen.