Riley Thorn and the Corpse in the Closet by Lucy Score
44
4:19 p.m., Tuesday, August 18
Their Lyft driver dropped them off in the mansion’s parking lot. A drunken Mrs. Penny swayed like a pirate finding her sea legs.
Burt burst through the back door to greet them, running in happy circles.
“Who’s my best sparkly boy?” Riley crooned to the dog.
She wasn’t drunk. She’d been too tired to put any effort into getting shit-faced. Plus, she’d missed out on the shots Mrs. Penny and Nick were doing due to all the phone calls. Her father. Her sister. Lily called to tell her she saw Griffin Gentry being helped out of a dumpster on TV. Jasmine had called demanding to know why she didn’t get an invite to the hostage situation and bombing of Channel 50.
“I think I could give Burt a run for his money. Wink,” Nick said, winking with both eyes. He was an adorable drunk. He’d announced to the entire bar that he was in love with Riley Thorn and that he thought she was super hot. Twice. The third time he’d tried it, she kissed him just to shut him up.
The server, a woman who hadn’t ever slept with Nick, had brought out a dozen hot wings to celebrate.
So they were dirty, glittery, and sticky. Riley couldn’t wait for a nice long shower. And then she remembered the damage upstairs.
While Burt and Nick raced each other around the parking lot, she pulled out her phone.
“Mom, can we come shower at your place? Our bathroom doesn’t have a ceiling.”
“Sure, sweetie! Come over, and I’ll make dinner.”
“Is Dad still on a diet?” Riley asked cautiously.
“He is, but this is a special occasion, seeing as how our daughter didn’t get murdered today. And your grandmother is leaving to go back to the guild today. How about I make my non-dairy mac and cheese, and we open six bottles of wine?”
It was a recipe that required only snacking beforehand rather than an entire drive-thru meal. “That sounds great, Mom. Thanks.”
“Nick can help your father put the fence back up.”
Riley shot a glance in Nick’s direction. He was lying face down in the tall grass of the neighboring property. “It might take us a little while to get there, and I wouldn’t trust Nick with any power tools today.”
“I’m gonna keep the party going,” Mrs. Penny shouted to them. “Who wants daiquiris?”
Nick raised his hand without lifting his head off the ground.
Burt followed Mrs. Penny into the house, leaving Riley to help Nick up.
“Let’s take a walk, pretty lady,” he slurred.
“Are you sure you’re up for it? If you fall in a doggy landmine, I might not help you back up.”
“I’m fit as a faddle,” he announced, dancing a jig in the grass.
“And I’m just going to record this for posterity’s sake,” Riley told him, cueing up her camera app.
“Let’s go. I’ve got somethin’ to show you, Thorn.”
He grabbed her hand and dragged her toward the neighboring house.
“Have you ever been inside this place?” he asked.
She shook her head. “It’s been vacant since before I moved in.”
Nick tripped on the front porch steps and nearly took a header before he steadied himself.
“You all right there?” she asked.
“Pfft. ’Course I’m all right. C’mere.”
He strolled purposefully to the front door and ducked under the crime scene tape.
“Um, if you think I’m having sex with you at a crime scene, you are sorely mistaken,” she pointed out as he fiddled with the lockbox.
With a flourish, he unlocked the door and pushed it open. “Just hear me out, ’kay?”
Riley gagged. “Oh, God. It smells.”
“Forget about the smell. Don’t think about the dead body I found here this morning. Focus on the marble floor. Look at the woodwork. The cool-ass foy-yay.”
“Have you decided to get into real estate?” she asked.
“Look over here at this room. Wouldn’t this be a nice office for a sexy girlfriend office manager?” Nick walked into a room off the admittedly cool-ass foyer.
The room was spacious and not filled to the rafters with junk.
“It’s very nice,” she said, breathing through her tank top.
“Think about it, Thorn.”
“Think about what?” she asked.
“More space for Santiago Investigations. More privacy. No weird roommates walking in on us while we have sex. There’s a gate on the driveway. Plus, Burt already loves pooping here.”
“Are you talking about buying a mansion that someone was murdered in?”
“Forget about the murder part. We can definitely get rid of the smell. And don’t think about the bats either. I know a guy.”
Riley turtled her head into her shoulders as she looked up, expecting to see an entire colony of bats on the ceiling.
“What would we do with all this space? Wouldn’t it make more sense to rent another storefront and live above it?” she asked.
“Yes, it would. But what’s the fun in making sense? This place is here, and thanks to my new partner, I’ve got some additional financing.”
“Who’s your new partner?”
“Shhhh! It’s a secret! Mrs. Penny is a silent partner.”
“Oh, well, there’s no way that can go horribly wrong,” she said dryly.
“Don’t be responsible and logical right now,” Nick told her. “Think about opening the gate and driving up to your very own mansion in your fancy… What’s your dream car?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. A bigger SUV, I guess?”
“Boring. Imagine driving up to your very own mansion in your fancy Porsche convertible.”
“So we’re entering the delusions of grandeur part of happy hour. Okay. Good to know.”
“Gotta dream big, Thorn. Otherwise, you’re not dreaming. You’re just planning.”
“I can’t tell if that was deeply philosophical or total bullshit.”
“Imagine a life where you don’t have to reconnect someone’s phone to the Wi-Fi every day. Where you don’t have to close the bathroom door when you’re peeing.”
“Yeah, I’m still going to do that no matter where I live.”
He sighed. “I have so much to teach you.” He gestured wildly. “This is the kind of place that has Christmas mornings and weekend barbecues. Lazy Sunday sex and snoring dogs.”
The kinds of moments that had turned into photoshoots at Bianca’s house. Leave it to Nick Santiago to inherently know the meaning of life. “Did you hit your head when you fell out of the air vent?” she teased.
“Yes. Yes, I did.”
“That explains a lot.”
He shook his head and then tipped over, catching himself on the fireplace mantel. “I want to live here and work here with you, Riley ‘Tell Me Your Middle Name’ Thorn.”
She couldn’t help but grin. “You’re an adorable drunk, Nick. But I’m not telling you my middle name.”
“But you’ll think about moving here with me, right? Because I’m an adorable drunk, and I’m super great in bed.”
“And in cars and on roofs,” she added. “Do you really want to live here? With me?”
“It feels right. Even though it smells wrong. It feels right.”
The man had a point. Despite the fact that a body had been carted off the premises mere hours earlier, there was something right about the house.
A filmstrip rolled in her head of poker nights and client meetings and family dinners. Of Christmas trees and Thanksgiving turkeys and Burt and friends…and kids.
“Can we even afford this? And by ‘we,’ I mean ‘you’ since you’re the one who pays my salary.”
He waved a dismissive hand a little too close to her face. “We’ve got this. I mean, who in their right mind would want to live in a murder scene?”
“Yeah, Nick. Who?”
“Us. That’s who.”
“I’ll think about it,” she said.
“Promise?” He held up his pinkie.
She hooked hers to his. “I promise.”
“Cool. So about that sex?”
“Not here. And after a shower. Which we’re taking at my parents’ house since our bathroom and bedroom don’t have ceilings anymore.”
“Question. Will your parents mind if I have sex with you in their shower?”
“You’ve met my parents.”
“Right. They’re super cool. My parents would never let me have sex with my hot psychic girlfriend in their shower. They’re lame.”
“How about this. We shower and eat dinner at my parents’. Then we pick up dessert from your dad’s restaurant and spend the night in a hotel.”
“We haven’t had hotel sex yet,” Nick said, perking up.
“Let’s go pack.”
“And you’ll think about the house?” he prodded.
“I’ll think about the house,” she promised.
“You know, it’s nice that you asked this time,” Riley said as they trudged up the glitter-coated stairs of home.
“What do you mean?” he asked, dividing his weight between her and the railing.
“The last time we almost died, you just moved yourself in without even asking. This shows progress.”
“So I probably shouldn’t mention that I already put in an offer on the place, right?”
“Nick, seriously? Between getting wedged in a duct and throwing my ex-husband in a dumpster, when did you have the time?”
“When we were drinking. The real estate agent is so happy she’s going to help us fumigate the place for free so it doesn’t smell like corpse.”
She was about to start an argument when Fred’s bedroom door creaked open and a woman exited, carrying her shoes in her hand.
“Grandmother?” Elanora’s feathers were askew, and her long skirt was on backwards.
“Hey! Scary Granny,” Nick crowed. “What were you doing? Having a little afternoon delight?”
“You needn’t look so shocked,” Elanora tsked. “I am human, after all. I, too, indulge in a treat now and again.”
Riley gagged and clamped a hand to her mouth.
“You’ll have to excuse Riley. She’s just picturing you having sex with Fred, and it’s wigging her out,” Nick explained. “Ha! Get it? Wigging out? ’Cause Fred wears a rug.”
“You are intoxicated,” Elanora said.
“Nothing gets by you, Granny E! Can I call you Granny E?”
“No, you may not.”
The doorbell rang. “I’ll get it!” Lily screeched and raced as fast as her eighty-year-old legs could carry her in what looked to be a reproduction of Queen Elizabeth’s coronation gown.
“Detective Weber, how lovely to see you!” Lily trilled.
“If he says one word about needing help with another case, I’m going to throw him in a dumpster,” Nick growled.
“He’s not here for us,” Riley said, feeling her nose twitch sharply. “He’s here for Grandmother.”
“Detective, I’ve been expecting you,” Elanora said, moving around Nick and Riley on the stairs.
“What’s happening?” Nick stage-whispered. “Weber’s not going to have sex with your granny too, is he?”
Riley clamped a hand over his mouth. “Shh. Let the grown-ups talk.”
Kellen appeared at the foot of the stairs. “I have something I need to ask you, Ms. Basil,” he said. “Could we speak in private?”
Lily squeezed behind a large potted palm and peered out through the leaves.
“I am on my way home, Detective. Here is as good a place as any,” Elanora told him.
Kellen adjusted his tie. “A few years ago, my sister was taken. No clues. No contact. Nothing since. I need to know what happened.”
“I need to know that it’s time to give up hope.”
Riley heard Kellen’s unspoken thought, and her heart hurt for him.
“You want me to contact her spirit,” Elanora filled in.
“Oh, shit,” Nick said against Riley’s palm.
Kellen nodded briskly. “I’m tired of questions. You give people answers. Give me this answer.”
Elanora’s nostrils flared. “You will join me in a room that is not coated in glitter.” She turned to look at Riley and Nick. “You will also join us.”
Riley removed her hand from Nick’s mouth, and they trooped down the stairs into the kitchen.
“Sit,” Elanora said, gesturing toward the table. They did as they were told.
“I need silence while I contact my spirit guides.”
Nick let out a giggle then shushed himself. “Sorry. It just slipped out. Shhh!”
Elanora rolled her eyes before she closed them. Riley sat holding her breath as she felt her grandmother’s power rise up. The hair on her arms stood up almost as if the air was electrified. One thing was for certain, Elanora Basil was a powerful medium. And for the first time in her life, Riley wondered what it would be like to be that good at something.
Her grandmother’s eyes snapped open, and Nick jumped. “Spooky,” he whispered.
“I cannot communicate with your sister’s spirit, Detective Weber. Because she is not deceased.”
Stay tuned! Riley Thorn and the gang will be back with another installment. Find out what happened to Beth and what that means for Riley and Nick! Dun dun duuuuuunnnn.
In the meantime, have you dug into my small town Blue Moon series? It’s got matchmaking hippies, attack goats, and a whole lot of hilarious happily ever afters!
