Highlander’s Winter Rose by Fiona Faris
Chapter Thirteen
Three days had passed since Rosallyn first came to the castle and not much had changed. After Boyd had left her in the room the first day, she had fallen into a panic. She was weakened, not to mention hungry, but she knew that she needed to find a way to escape. Boyd had lost himself completely, she thought.
For her it was impossible to reconcile her memories of him with the man that he had grown up to become. Jealously in all of its ugliness had coated him. It was scary how much a man could change when they did not hold themselves to a standard. She thought of her father and anger filled her. He was someone her father had held in such high regards that he was ready for her to marry him, and yet he had stood by and watched her father be killed.
The war had brought so much regret, but this was one of the biggest ones for her. She regretted that she had ever liked him, and that her father had ever wasted his time on such a person. She had tried to get up but quickly found out that she could not. Her abdomen hurt more than she thought it would. She tried to move her legs off the bed and all of her muscles protested.
She was dizzy just thinking about the soldier who had made her that way. His gray eyes were the most wicked she had ever seen. He had so obviously been enjoying her pain. It brought him joy to make her suffer. He was beyond reasoning and although she certainly hated Boyd, a part of her was glad that it was him who took her instead of that soldier.
It was thinking this that made her lie back and forget about escaping first. She could not do anything with how hurt she was, and it was in her best interests to behave herself and rest. She thought of Maximus, wondering how he was and if he had made it through successfully.
She touched her fingers to her lips in memory of his kiss… That was true… he had kissed her, in all of the mess that happened afterwards, she had not thought of it. A blush stained her cheeks, and she buried her face in the pillow. She wondered what her father would think of the relationship that had blossomed between her and Maximus.
Although he loved the boys, it was obvious that he had not considered either of them as a husband for her. They had no connection after all. Perhaps if they had come with him to meet her when he asked all those years ago, he would have seen the possibility. She wondered if her love for Maximus was truly born out of the fact that she just had not seen any other men.
If she had met Boyd as her father planned, would she have fallen in love with him in the same way? She did not want to believe so… it was deeper than that for her. Even if she had met Boyd first, she liked to think that she would have still fallen in love with Maximus when she met him. Her father had wanted her to be happy, so he would have been happy with whoever she chose.
Boyd had not returned that day, instead a maid brought her some pottage. She had eaten in pain, her jaw hurting every time she tried to take a big bite. She ate carefully, not sure that her stomach was alright either since she had been punched so violently. She was glad that the food was not very solid.
She fell into a fitful sleep that night, not knowing if Boyd returned eventually, but she knew that the dishes were gone when she woke up the next morning, and she had been changed in her sleep. She hoped it was the maid who had done it because she had not just been changed, but bathed also. She had been thoroughly wiped down with a cloth and all the dried blood and dirt on her was gone.
She could also smell alcohol on her palms. The cuts there stung slightly, they had obviously been cleaned with some whiskey and her abdomen was wrapped in bandages, obviously the bruise on her belly had been treated with ice and medicine the night before. Just how much had she slept through?
When Boyd came into the room she had asked him if he was the one who had treated her and he said that he was, although he had a maid help him with the other things such as bathing and clothing her. She had let out a relieved sigh after that, at least he was not awful enough to take her clothes off himself.
He had ruined it the next moment however when he leaned down and tried to kiss her. Rosallyn had never dodged so quickly in her life. She glared at him in surprise, placing her palm over her lips which he had nearly defiled.
“Just what are ye thinkin’?!” She thundered. “What are ye tryin’ to dae?”
She was furious, he tried to kiss her, something that Maximus had only just done. He was going to ruin her memory of Maximus’s lips and she would not allow it.
“I was goin’ to kiss ye… We are to be married; it is only right that we get used to each other.” He said. Her disgust must have been obvious on her face because he winced.
“Who is marryin’ ye? What makes ye think that we are gettin’ married?!” She demanded.
“I already told the Laird everythin’ and he gave his blessin’ despite ye bein’ a prisoner. He is allowin’ us to be married.” He said. Rosallyn felt her eyes bugging out of her head.
“He gave his blessin’?! His blessin?! What makes ye believe that I want the blessin’ of that dirty bastard?! Why would I get married, nae only to a disgustin’ traitor like ye, but under the blessin’ of that horrible tyrant?” She demanded. Boyd winced when she called him disgusting but she was not in any way apologetic.
“Ye regard me so lowly…” he muttered. “Was there never a time when ye held me in good graces? I thought that maybe ye liked me back then.”
He was staring at his feet, obviously vulnerable. It only made Rosallyn more furious, what right did he have to act like that when he was part of the reason her father was dead, and part of the reason why she was so hurt and in pain. He was a traitor who had done horrible things for his own selfish reasons and he had the guts to act like he was vulnerable.
“Aye, there was a time when I liked ye, back then I thought that I would nae mind being yer wife… And I am absolutely ashamed of meself forever thinkin’ that way.” She had spat. His hopeful expression quickly turned to one of pain when she finished speaking. He looked at her with conviction.
“I am goin’ to make ye like me again, and then I would make ye fall in love with me.” He said.
With those words he had left the room. She had wanted to call after him that it was useless as her heart already belonged to another, but she thought better of it and instead stayed quiet. He did not need or even deserve to know the state of her heart. He was giving her the best treatment he could afford. The maid had been taking amazing care of her, bringing her ice often to help with the bruise on her belly. She was comfortable if she was being honest.
It was the third morning now and she had not seen him since he declared that he would make her fall in love with him. It seemed that he was busy. He was a commander after all, it would have been stranger if he was able to spend all of his time with her. He was probably helping the usurper put everyone in line. She was glad that he was not with her, but knowing what he was doing made her even angrier. Would it not be better if he was annoying her rather than being out there helping the usurper?
He was making things more difficult for Maximus. She thought of Maximus again, he must have made it across safely. If he was caught, she would know by now since she was in the castle city. The maids were chatty after all, and she listened while they cleaned her room each day, pretending to be asleep. They spoke of how dangerous it was in the castle city to speak ill of the usurper. They also talked about how the search for runaway soldiers was still on. Maximus had certainly made it across.
That knowledge filled her with happiness and hope. She prayed for him each day, that everything would work out for him and he would be able to return swiftly and bring justice for them. She wished that she could have been of more use to him, but there was nothing she could do. Although she was in the enemy’s den, she was injured. And even if she was not, she had no way to reach him.
She was drawn out of her thoughts when the door opened and a maid stepped in but instead of coming to her, she bowed at the door and ushered someone else in. At first Rosallyn’s throat went dry as she worried that it was the usurper, but instead, a woman she did not know stepped into the room.
The maid left them, shutting the door behind her and Rosallyn continued to stare in confusion. What exactly was happening and who was the woman? Was she a healer? If so, why was she just standing there? No, she could not be a healer, from the way she was dressed, she was a noblewoman. She was old enough to be Rosallyn’s mother but her age did not take away from her beauty. She was looking Rosallyn over just the way that Rosallyn was doing her.
She took the first steps deeper into the room so that she could see her face better and Rosallyn watched her with curiosity. Her curiosity quickly became alarm as the older woman suddenly had tears in her brown eyes as she looked at her. What did she do? Why was the woman crying? She could not help panicking slightly at this stranger who just came into her room and began to cry.
“Ye dae look like him…” the woman sobbed, covering her mouth with her hand. “Ye look so much like him… Ye have the exact same gaze.”
As the woman continued to sob, Rosallyn felt her blood run cold as she realized who the woman was. It was her father’s wife. She did not know how to react. What was the appropriate way to react? The woman was obviously in pain. Was she crying because she missed her husband? Or was it because she felt it was unfair that Rosallyn who was an illegitimate child looked so much like him when she could not provide him an heir. Oh, that was true, she was her father’s heir since he had no other children.
She wondered what good that would do her now. The usurper would surely not let her inherit since she was against him. When Maximus returned and took back the Lairdship, he would probably name her heir. Rosallyn was not sure if she wanted anything. In fact, all she would want to keep is the house in the village. She wondered if she should console the woman with that knowledge. At least she would relax.
How had she even come into the room? Did she also betray the clan? Rosallyn felt her defenses rise as she continued to eye the crying woman.
“I dae nae ken who ye are, but if I were to guess, I would say that ye are me father’s wife. Am I correct?” Rosallyn asked, not wanting to jump to conclusions on the off chance that her guess was wrong. She was set at ease however when the woman nodded.
“Aye…” She muttered. Rosallyn narrowed her eyes at her as she slowly drew herself together and stopped crying.
“How did ye get into the castle? Ye dae nae seem to have snuck in, which means that ye are still a noble even under the usurper. Did ye also betray the clan?” She asked, not bothering to hide her thoughts and asking what she wanted to know. She was in no mood to be polite, and quite frankly, she had very little reason to be. The older woman gave her a sad smile.
“I see that ye are as straight forward as him as well.” She said. Rosallyn felt her face twitch from her annoyance. What was wrong with people who she did not know suddenly acting familiar with her? She was on edge and it only served to annoy her even further. Seeing that she was not exactly in a patient mood, her father’s wife talked quickly.
“I am nae a traitor… at least nae in the way that ye are thinkin… I was at home when the soldiers came, demandin’ that I swear allegiance to that man… they told me that Robert was dead. I did nae quite care about the clan after that. I agreed to swear allegiance, but only so that they would leave me alone. I didnae want any of them filthy pigs takin’ over Robert’s home… usin’ his things… I just wanted to be alone with all that I had left of him. I only came out today because I heard that ye were here. I still have me privileges as a noble, so this was possible. I would never go against Robert.” She explained.
Rosallyn relaxed slightly after that. At least the woman was not a traitor, so she could take that off her mind. However, even without that hanging in the air, there were still several things holding them apart.
“Alright… I am glad to learn that ye did nae betray faither… but why did ye come here now? Ye have never been interested in me existence before now.” Rosallyn said, not sparing the woman at all. She saw her wince but was completely unbothered by her discomfort.
“Ye… ye are right… I should introduce meself.” The woman said, her face lightly blushed from embarrassment. “My name is Sophia… I am ashamed that this is the first time that I am meetin’ ye… but it is nice to meet ye.”
Rosallyn said nothing so as not to be impolite. She was much angrier than she thought she was. She had never held her father’s wife in good graces. In fact, for a lot of her childhood, she had hated her. When she got older and her grandmother talked to her about it, she stopped hating her, but it did not mean that she liked her. Did she understand the reason for the way the woman rejected her existence? Yes, but did that mean that she forgave her for it? No.
For the longest time, she was in a state of apathy when it came to the woman, giving her the exact amount of disinterest that she gave her. Now that her father was dead however… it was difficult to stay apathetic, she realized. This woman was the reason why she had limited time with her father. She was fighting down the hatred that was doing its best to bloom in her heart, trying to tell herself that the woman did not deserve it.
“I ken yer father very well, and ye are just like him so I ken that ye are silent because ye hate me. I can nae blame ye… I have nae come to see ye all these years… I have nae allowed ye to be brought to see me… I did my best to keep Robert away from ye and even when yer mother died, I did nae allow Robert to be there for ye until it was winter.” She said, confessing her wrongdoings of her own accord.
Rosallyn was fighting to keep her emotions in check, especially after the mention of her mother’s death. She had been so alone during that time, wanting her father’s comfort but making do with her grandmother until winter came. It made her want to cry, reliving those memories, but she did not want to cry in front of the woman.
“Ye were just a child… completely innocent in the mess us adults had created and yet I deprived ye of so much. I expected ye to sacrifice when I as an adult could nae sacrifice… I ken that I dae nae even have a right to be here… but…” at this point Sophia began to cry again, and Rosallyn could only stare at her blankly, holding back her own angry tears.
“I ken I dae nae deserve to be here, but ye are all that is left of him… ye are all that is left of me Robert and I… I just wanted to be close to every bit of him that was left.” She sobbed.
Rosallyn closed her eyes at that, trying to keep herself in check so that she did not act out. This woman clearly loved her father. Their marriage had been arranged, and her grandparents had sent her mother away so that the love between her father and mother would not get in the way, so her father had never loved this woman, only respected her. He respected her so much that he forsook the woman he loved… because of her, and yet she was so selfish.
Rosallyn was certain that her mother had died of a broken heart. Every winter her father would show up for her, but he would not say a word to her mother who loved him so. Her mother had to live with the knowledge that, because of her, Rosallyn could not get enough of her father’s love since his wife would be suspicious of her as a mistress. It was too depressing for her and she deteriorated. Their story was the most tragic. Sophia had gotten so much from her father. He was forced to marry her, yet he did not leave her even when he met the love of his life again. Yet she was so selfish that she deprived a child the right to her father, even after her mother died thinking that when she was out of the way Rosallyn would get her father’s love.
Now that her father was dead, she came to see her, saying that she wanted to be close to what was left of Robert. Rosallyn was annoyed beyond all reason. The audacity that she had, after pretending that she did not exist for so many years…
“I can nae believe how selfish ye are.” Rosallyn started, managing to keep herself from shouting. She did not want to draw attention to herself here.
“After everythin’ ye have done to me, ye think that ye can just show up here because I remind ye of me faither? Did ye nae have enough of him? Well I had to scramble for every bit of time I managed to get with him. Where dae I find the pieces of him? Tell me. Ye pretended that I dae nae exist for so long, but now ye come here tryin’ to use me to comfort yerself? Well, let me inform ye right now, I am nae me faither! I am Rosallyn and I despise ye! I am nae a thing that can be ignored and then picked up for yer comfort. I have feelin’s, and more importantly, I lost him too!” She thundered.
Sophia had the grace to look ashamed of herself, staring at the floor and twiddling her thumbs.
“Ye are nae the only one feelin’ this loss! Ye are nae the only one sufferin’! I am too, and this is why I can nae stand the sight of ye here! Ye are so selfish for comin’ here. What dae ye think that life is? Ye think that everythin’ revolves around ye and exists for yer comfort? I dae nae ken what I expected, ye are just a spoiled noble after all. Get out of here. Go back to the house ye refused for me to step foot in or even see. I want nothin’ to dae with ye. Ye rejected me all these years, nae carin’ that I was a piece of me faither. Ye dinnae get to hold on to me now that he is gone. I am the last piece of him, and this last piece rejects ye. Get out of here, and I never want to see ye again.” Rosallyn spat.
Sophia stood there, tears dripping to the floor as Rosallyn finished speaking, her own tears beginning to flow despite her best efforts. She did not even come to apologize… she came to use her… As though Rosallyn was not in pain as well. It was no wonder that her father did not love her. She was not the kind of woman her father would love. If her grandparents had not forced her father to marry her, then her father would have married her mother and she would have been a legitimate child. She would have spent all her time with both her parents like a normal child.
“Please… get out.” She wept. Sophia was still crying, but she did as Rosallyn asked, walking out of the room and shutting the door behind her quietly.
Rosallyn took a deep, shaky breath, angling her head back so that she was staring straight at the ceiling. She shut her eyes and tears slid down her cheeks, dripping off her chin.
I am sorry faither… I just cannae forgive her.
