The Earl, the Lady and the Song of Love by Fanny Finch
Chapter 29
After Lewis left, Imogen found herself in better spirits than she had been in all week. She would have been sad, wishing that she had indeed waited for love like her brother. However, she was hopeful yet again.
It simply was not the end for her and Nigel.
She believed that she might finally have the courage to speak with him, confess her feelings and do away with whatever misunderstanding there was between them.
Perhaps she could do so that evening, the time when she would finally take the last step towards him, towards love.
Unable to just sit still and wait, she set out on a ride.
As she rode, she basked in the glorious feel of the wind blowing against her face, her hair flying freely, Fayre’s graceful gallops beneath her.
Not long after, she came across a large clearing. Deciding to get some rest before riding back to the house, she pulled in the reins. Fayre slowed to a trot before finally stopping and Imogen dismounted.
Stroking the mare’s mane, she whispered, “Do not go anywhere, Fayre. We shall only be a moment.”
The mare neighed in response and Imogen gave her two soft pats on her back. She should have guessed that she was not alone. However, it wasn’t until she had found the perfect spot to sit that she felt his presence.
“Nigel,” she said, surprised.
He nodded at her. “Imogen.”
For a moment, words eluded her. She simply stood there, looking at him, taking in how handsome he appeared in the sunlight. This time, he did not seem to have a smile for her. Not even the merest hint.
She willed her heart not to ache. It was only a matter of time until she got back the Nigel she had fallen in love with.
Shall I do it now, confess?
Perhaps the universe was trying to tell her something, that this was the right time. Why else would they have run into each other at such a private, romantic place?
She swallowed hard, wetting her throat. Yet, when she tried to speak, her voice failed her.
“How did you know I was here?” he asked.
Thankfully, she was able to croak a response. “I did not.”
She cleared her throat, hating that he affected her so. Her stomach was churning, her heart felt like it would give any moment. Yet, all she wanted to do was throw herself into his arms and be loved by him.
“Oh,” he responded.
She spoke again, glad when she sounded much better. “I came out for a ride. I thought this would be a good place to rest before returning home. I was not expecting to see you here.”
He nodded. “I too was returning from the farms when I thought to rest. I was just on my way. I imagine you would like some privacy. I will leave you to it.”
He began to walk away then, whistling for his horse.
Imogen dreaded seeing him leave. She did not want to be alone. She wanted to be with him, to talk with him. It had been a long while since they had done that. Just sit and enjoy each other’s company.
He began to near her, and she knew he had every intention to walk past her.
Say it, Imogen. Tell him. Right here and now. Tarry no longer.
Oh, but she wanted to, with all her heart! Yet, she could not bring herself to speak those words, try as hard as she might.
He is leaving. If he leaves now, there is no telling when you would have such an opportunity again, that voice in her head cried.
Her chest rose and fell, heaving with heavy breaths. He had just reached her side when she heard herself say, “Please do not go.”
He froze in his spot.
“Please stay,” she said again. Swallowing hard, she turned to him, holding his gaze. “This might not have been planned but I am glad I met you here. Please, stay. Some company would be nice, I believe.”
For a small moment, he said nothing. She searched those eyes, afraid. Afraid that he would say no, that he would walk away from her still.
Imogen feared that if he did, she would never have the courage to tell him she loved him again. Ever.
“Alright,” he finally said.
Just one word, yet it felt like the whole world to Imogen. A flood of relief washed over her and when her knees buckled, she realized just how truly afraid of his rejection she had been.
Silence reigned once more as they both walked to a tree. Its long branches spread out, affording them shade. Together, they sat beneath it and stared into the distance.
It was another moment before she broke the spell.
“It is very peaceful here. I did not know such a place existed on the estate. Neither could I have imagined the land was so vast. It could hold an entire village.”
She could have sworn she heard him chuckle, but when she turned to him, the smile had disappeared.
“The land has been in my family for generations. You have not even seen half of it. It extends further still. However, for how large it is, this remains my favorite place. You are right. It really is peaceful.”
There was that soothing voice which she had missed so much. She knew she could listen to him speak until night fell and she would still be reluctant to have him stop.
“You come here often then?” she asked.
He nodded. “Yes. To think and rest, away from the noise and worries of the world.” There was a small pause. He appeared to be in deep thought. After a while, he continued. “I first discovered it when my father died. I was in so much pain. At the same time, I was angry, confused. I did not understand why he had to go, why he had to leave us. It was too soon, you know. I was only eleven. Everyone told me I had to be strong. That my father was gone and that made me the man of the house. I was still learning what it was to be a boy. How could I become a man?”
Imogen held her peace, happy to listen. It was the first time he was telling her this story, showing her this side of himself. He rarely ever spoke about his father. If he was doing so with her now, it had to count for something, did it not?
“Mother pretended to be fine, but I could hear her crying at night when she thought no one would know. There were times that even during the day, tears would simply start to flow from her eyes. Of course, she would quickly wipe them quickly away, but I could tell she was deeply sad. Ethan was only nine. He was even more confused than I was. Then, there were some of our family and business associates who tried to make things more difficult for mother. My father’s grave had not even gone cold.”
He smiled; it was a sad one. “One night, I ran away from home. I did not know where I was going. I simply kept running until I got here. Then, I fell to the ground and wept. I was found the next morning, asleep with bruised heels. Gaius carried me home. When I’d fully healed, I had him bring me back. As I grew older and learned to ride, I started to visit alone. You could call it my haven.”
“You still miss your father,” Imogen said. It was not a question, but he answered anyway.
“Yes. Everyday. I do not remember much of him, as I was so young, but I know he was the kindest man that I have ever known. The best father. He cared for my mother and protected us. He did not deserve to have left this world so soon.”
Imogen understood all that he had said. “I miss my mother too. After a while, I tried to stop missing her as it hurt too much. So, I decided to be thankful for the people I had left. Still, they could never take her place in my heart. I was fifteen when the illness took her—older than you were when you lost your father. If the grief was so great, I can only imagine the pain you must have endured.”
Slowly, painstakingly so, she reached for his hands, wondering if she could. Hoping that he would not push her away.
When her fingers grazed his and he did not move, she took his as encouragement. Covering his hand with hers, she squeezed.
“I am sorry you had to go through that.”
She felt his gaze upon her then and of its own accord, her head turned so that she could look at him.
Those eyes were filled with many emotions. Too many to name. Nevertheless, she could easily see sadness and hurt.
“Grief is grief, my dear Imogen. Do not think that you suffered less than I did simply because you were older.” He upturned his hand then, so he could fit their fingers together. “I too am sorry you had to go through that. It is a pain I wish we never have to suffer again. Alas, we shall, hopefully in the faraway future. Nevertheless, it is comforting to know that when it does happen, we will have each other, won’t we?”
The butterflies had returned, fluttering harder than ever before. Her heart thrummed softly with all the love she felt for him.
She was so happy in that moment, she wished she could make it last forever. There it was, the glimpse of the man she loved, her Nigel. He seemed to be coming back to her.
“Yes,” she whispered, eyes watering. “We certainly will have each other.” One tear dropped then, and he caught it before it would fall to her cheeks, wiping it away tenderly. It made her heart ache sweetly. “Oh, Nigel!”
“Imogen,” he answered. “My dear Imogen, do not cry. I do not think I could bear to see you cry.”
Those words only made the tears fall harder, and he started to kiss it away—her right cheek, then her left, whispering sweet nothings as he did.
Everywhere his lips touched tingled and the sensation spread through all her body.
She closed her eyes, wishing he would kiss her lips instead. She wanted to feel his mouth upon hers once more. She wanted him to kiss her properly, like a man should his wife.
Perhaps I should tell him this very moment. Confess my love!
That thought immediately vanished as he suddenly pulled away, letting her go. He cleared his throat as he shifted in his seat, looking everywhere else but her.
Her heart broke into clean halves and when he finally spoke, they shattered into further pieces.
“We best be getting back now. I sense a storm coming. The skies are beginning to grow dark.”
She had no words. It was just as she had feared, giving her heart so freely again had brought nothing but hurt. This time though, she had no one to fault but herself. She never should have agreed to a loveless marriage. She should have waited, biding her time. Mayhap, she would have gotten as lucky as Lewis.
Deeply saddened by hopes dashed yet again, she rose to her feet. He led her to Fayre, holding her waist as he helped her on. Imogen tried to ignore the sensation his touch gave her, his overwhelming presence, the love she could not seem to stop having for him.
The ride back to the manor was filled with awkward silence. Just as they stepped into the house, the skies began to pour. Nigel declared he was going into his study and she went up to her bedchambers.
There, she curled into a ball underneath the thick covers and prepared herself for the long, lonely night ahead.
So much for fate.