Shadowed (Team Zero #4) by Rina Kent

My mind spins out of control and my body fires with need. There’s no way I can even pretend I don’t want this. Not after all those lonely nights I spent dreaming about him.

Shadow must’ve taken my silence as rejection since his grip tightens around my wrists. “Go ahead. Fight me.”

I do. Not because he told me so or because I want him gone, but because we both get off on it.

I try to wiggle free. He presses me down. I groan and squirm sideways. He tries to force my legs apart with his knee. I lift my leg to knee him, but I miss.

A sadistic smirk lifts Shadow’s lips. “Keep it up, beautiful. Tell me how much you want me.”

I grunt, fighting the chaotic pull of adrenaline and dopamine. He turned me into a wreck.

“Fuck you, arsehole.”

“That’s what I plan to do.”

I buck off the bed as if the mere mention offends me when the truth is I’m trying to hide my reaction to him. “Dream on.”

“Oh, I’ve been dreaming all right. Until the day I thought you died.” He pauses as if remembering something. Lust is still there, but instead of the playfulness, fire contorts his expression. “You made me believe you died.”

I swallow. This angry, mindless side of Shadow is scary.

“You did all that stunt to make me believe you died.” He repeats as if talking to himself.

I open my mouth not even knowing what I’ll say. A stupid part of me wants to soothe whatever demons swirl in his metallic gaze. Pain lurks beneath his rage, but Shadow is the type who would rather focus on the anger.

The impulse to say something is taken away. Shadow lets go of my wrists and flips me over. I yelp then gasp when I recognise the position.

My face is buried in the pillow with my arse up in the air. The sound of his zipper fills the silence.

He’s going to take me from behind because he’s mad at me and doesn’t want to look at me.

“No.” I attempt to lift myself, but he buries a strong hand in my hair and cages me in place.

“You only get to shut the fuck up and feel what I did all these months.”

“No, please. I don’t want our first time to be like this.” I loathe the tears battling to break free and the weakness I have for him. Because even if he took me like this, I’d still want him with every particle in me.

“You wanted to break me, didn’t you? Mission accomplished. But you know what? I hold grudges.” His lips hover near my earlobe and he whispers in hot, dark words. “I’ll break you, too.”

I give up fighting the tears and let them loose. Frustration at both him and myself gnaws at me. Why can’t he understand that I broke myself back then? That in leaving him, I left a piece of me? That’s what I meant in the note. I wrote in bold letters that he broke me.

“Go ahead. Do it!” I scream my pent up energy. “Make me hate you!”

“Don’t you already?”

“Just do it!” I sob.

I escaped him because hating him wasn’t an option, not even when I was supposed to. I was scared of who I’ll become if I stay with him.

Shadow removes his hand from my hair and turns me over so I’m staring into those overcast eyes. Instead of the hatred and rage from earlier, they’re heated with something more volatile. It’s like they’re mirroring the ferocious longing clawing at my chest.

More tears stream down my cheeks.

Dealing with the unfeeling monster is easier than this version. The deep care on his handsome features make me question my own damn sanity.

“Tell me you want me.”

I want to say ‘I don’t’ just to drown in my denial, but the gentle edge of vulnerability in his expression stops me short.

It seems like I hurt him. Perhaps as deeply as he hurt me.

If the roles were switched and I found out he staged his death to escape me, that would draw a hole in my heart.

I reach out a tentative hand to his face. Shadow clutches it, expression guarded. His ink flexes with the motion, and I can’t help admiring the hard ridges of his arms.

“I just want to touch you,” I say in a soft tone.

His expression is still cautious, but he lets my palm connect with the slight stubble on his cheek. He’s warm and big and so utterly male.

I missed this submerging warmth so much.

His jaw clenches, but there’s also the slightest softening. Was he touched like this before?

Instead of answering him with words, I lean over and seal my lips to his. My kiss is much gentler, tentative, like the first time I kissed him. Unlike then, Shadow kisses me back.

It goes from soft to heated in a fraction of a second.

Shadow’s mouth claims mine. His tongue finds refuge inside and he devours my lips, my air, and my fucking sanity.

I’m supposed to think about the repercussions. I’m supposed to listen to that voice at the back of my head.

I don’t.

Shadow has ruined everything I’ve been trying to build in the past two months.

“Why did you find me? I hate you,” I whisper against his mouth and bite his lower lip until a metallic taste explodes on my tongue.

I want to hurt him as much as he’s confusing me. I want to consume him as much as he drives me crazy.

Shadow gathers a handful of my arse and pulls me closer to him. “I despise you, too, beautiful.”

He shoves my legs apart and his rough, calloused fingers trail a path between my thighs until he’s teasing my sensitive folds. My head tips back with a deep-throated moan as my body moulds into his.