Shadowed (Team Zero #4) by Rina Kent

She shudders, her voice dropping an octave. “What if something went wrong with my memories?”





Chapter Twenty-Five





A monster. Your father is a monster.

Run, Zoe. Run!

I startle awake with sweat beading down my temples. I push my hair back with shaky hands. When I had that nightmare during the night, strong hands surrounded me and whispered soothing words in my ear. I was able to go back to peaceful sleep.

Now, only unmade sheets and his scent remain, but there’s no trace of Shadow.

Disappointment gnaws at my gut.

Maybe he left. After last night, I shouldn’t blame him. After all, isn’t that the reason why I told him all that? He now knows why I’m so against his killer lifestyle and how it relates to my past.

Yet instead of pushing him away, I hugged him and let him spoon me in his embrace as I fell asleep.

It’s crazy how my entire being moulds into him with a single touch. No. It’s scary. Shadow is bad for me and my sanity. What scares me the most is that the more I know about his past, the harder it is to stay away from him. I can’t refuse him or pretend I have no feelings for him.

At this rate, I’ll always cave in and soon enough, I’ll find myself on the same path as Mum.

Shadow didn’t rape me. I remind myself. Shadow doesn’t go on hysterical fights with me.

Even those excuses aren’t enough to quench my concern especially with the baby growing inside me.

I place a hand over my bare stomach. It’ll start showing soon, and I have hard decisions to make. The most important of all is whether or not I should let Shadow know about the child.

Even if I don’t believe Shadow to be a complete monster, nothing will erase the fact that he’s a killer. How can I let my child grow up in that environment?

I pick up my phone and dial Elle. She answers after a few rings.

“Zoe? What’s wrong?” Her voice is sleepy but alarmed.

Darn. It’s about five in the morning. “Sorry for waking you up. I’ll call later.”

“No, don’t hang up!” she whispers. There’s some rustle, a door being opened then closed. Her voice goes back to normal. “What is it, Zoe? Is everything all right?”

“Yeah. It’s all good.” I feel like the shittiest friend for worrying her.

“Thank God. I thought something happened.” She suppresses a yawn, the alarm seems to wither away. “So what’s up? When are you returning to London?”

“Soon.” I don’t specify when that soon will be.

“Liam didn’t seem so pleased the last time we talked. Although I think it’s about me more than you.”

“Give him time. He’ll get used to it.”

“Ha. Nice one. Liam will totally get used to me having a relationship with an underground boss — who also happens to be at the top of his shit list. I can almost imagine Liam inviting Julian for Christmas and bonding over beer and football games.”

I chuckle despite myself. “Bonding over a boxing match will be easier. Men and their need for the adrenaline is ridiculous, just saying.”

She sighs, seeming resigned. “Tell me about it.”

“Ellie… You’re happy, right? With Ghost, I mean.”

There’s a pause before she answers in a dreamy tone. “I am.”

The Rage Ball I knew never uses a dreamy tone. She was always serious and upright.

“He made me feel like I can be weak with him, you know,” she continues. “I always thought that strength was the key to everything, but Julian showed me how freeing it can be to be weak with the right people. I should be myself instead of putting on a façade.”

I sag against the pillow. “I’m so proud of you. You owe me a dozen hugs.”

“Uh… okay… I guess. Just come back and I’ll see what I can do.”

I laugh. Some things will never change.

“What’s wrong, Zoe?” Her voice drips with concern. “Even your laughter isn’t the same. What happened to you all these months?”

A lot. Maybe like Elle, I’m losing a façade, too. I pull the sheet closer to my nose until I inhale Shadow’s scent. It’s all because of him. He’s making me question everything.

“How is it with Ghost?” I ask instead of answering. “I mean, do you ever forget that he’s a killer?”

“Hmmm. I don’t see a killer when I look at Julian. I see a kid who was abandoned, kidnapped, and forced to become a killer. I didn’t have a say in being a prostitute’s daughter and neither did he have a say in being a killer.”

“What if you want a family? You can’t have it with Ghost’s lifestyle.”

“A family?” She giggles. Elle freaking giggles. “It’s funny because he’s definitely trying to impregnate me. I don’t worry about the lifestyle, though. I know no one would protect me more than Julian.”

“Hey! What about me?”

“You and Liam, too, of course.” There’s a rustle on the other end before she says at whoever beside her. “You’re up?”

Ghost’s voice is distant, but I can hear the possessiveness loud and clear. “Who are you talking to this early?”

“Zoe.”

“Just Zoe?”