Sidequest for Love by L.H. Cosway

Neil: Piss off. You know what I meant.

***

I didn’t manage to bring up the topic of Neil’s baby pictures that evening, but I had every intention of doing it next time. I thoroughly enjoyed getting to know Phil and Rosie, and it was surprising because I wasn’t always such a sociable person. In fact, I often went through phases of barely leaving my flat, especially if I was deep into a gaming marathon.

I’d sit by my computer morning, noon and night, ordering in food and constantly streaming to my growing audience of fans. By no means was I someone who made a ton of money from streaming, but I made a liveable wage, which was enough to pay for rent, groceries, and utility bills, plus a little extra.

The little extra usually went towards my penchant for buying expensive clothes. Whenever I got a big payout, I went on an online shopping spree from my favourite designers. I was particularly fond of oversized, boldly coloured jumpers paired with equally boldly coloured leggings that cost an arm and a leg.

My favourite items, though, were what I called the “Emperor’s New Clothes” pieces. I loved it when designers created clothing that looked kind of ridiculous, but because it came from a lauded brand, everyone acted like it looked amazing. There was a dissonance that appealed to me, an ugly/beautiful aspect to those items that always drew me to buy them. Neil had been scolding me for said purchases while he’d worked on my accounts, but I couldn’t help it. They brought me joy.

Speaking of Neil, over the course of several weeks, our friendship fell into a regular pattern of nightly video calls. We’d finished several great period dramas together, and I was constantly on the lookout for new ones I thought we’d both enjoy. I loved how much of a romantic he was and sometimes suspected he enjoyed the intimate parts of the shows even more than I did.

Intermingled with the nightly calls were daily text messages where we chatted about all manner of subjects. If a random thought crossed my mind, I always knew I could text Neil about it. And okay, often, these random thoughts annoyed him, which was an activity that entertained me immensely.

Afric: I have a question.

Neil: Okay.

Afric: wHY iS iT iNfiniteLy mOre dIsturBing wHen yOu caPitalise rAndom lEtterS iN a sEnteCe?

Neil: Not sure. It just is. Thanks for that. Now I’m creeped out.

Afric: MayBe the rAnDom caPitalisaTion inDicaTes a PsyChoTic staTe of miNd?

Neil: Will you please stop? I feel like I’m texting a serial killer.

Afric: buT sCarinG yOu iS sO mUcH fUn.

Neil: STOP. IT.

Afric: SorRy caNt. oOh lOok, a sHinY kNife …

Neil: Seriously. Stop.

Afric: Muah ha! Okay, sorry for scaring you. Normal Afric is back. Hello.

Neil: Thank heavens.

Afric: oR iS sHe??

Neil: Afric!

***

Afric: Tell me something no one knows about you.

Neil: Why?

Afric: Because I find your secrets fascinating.

Neil: I don’t have secrets. Aside from the one you already know about.

Afric: There must be something. Here’s one of mine: I once fashioned myself an adult nappy out of household items so that I could keep gaming without needing to stop for bathroom breaks. I was trying to break a world record.

Neil: That is … incredibly odd and disturbing. A little gross, too.

Afric: I know. Technically it’s not a complete secret because Sarita and Michaela found out.

Neil: Seriously, Afric, that’s not normal behaviour.

Afric: What about me ever gave you the impression I was normal?

Neil: Okay, I stand corrected. Did you break the record?

Afric: Sadly, no. Some teenager in the Philippines pipped me to the post. Luckily, I’m not obsessed with any games right now, so I haven’t felt the urge to do anything extreme lately. It’s only when I’m obsessed and don’t want to stop that I do crazy things like that. I’ve actually been working on being more moderate with my gameplay. I feel much healthier for it.

Neil: I’m glad to hear it.

Afric: Soooo … have you thought of a secret yet?

Neil: No.

Afric: Oh, come on. There must be something.

Neil: There’s nothing you’ll find interesting.

Afric: I find everything about you interesting.

Neil: Why?

Afric: I’m not sure. Probably because you’re my opposite. Isn’t there something in science about opposites attracting?

Neil: That’s about magnets, not people.

Afric: Either way, it’s true about us.

Neil: We’re not as opposite as you think.

Afric: No?

Neil: No. We both seem to enjoy period dramas.

Afric: I’m not sure that one similarity makes us alike.

Neil: It still shows that we’re not complete opposites.

Afric: Oh, my God, tell me a secret right now before I die of frustration!

Neil: Okay, let me think. Far be it from me to leave you frustrated.

Afric: Neil Durant, are you flirting?

Neil: Absolutely not.

Afric: Liar.

Afric: Anything?

Neil: How’s this? Sometimes I browse homes on estate agent websites and imagine myself living there with a wife and kids. Like fantasy house hunting for my fantasy family.

Afric: I think I might cry. That is adorable.

Neil: I am not adorable. Take that back.

Afric: Sorry, I can’t. You’re a fucking adorable man, Neil. It’s a simple fact.

Neil: Um. . .thanks, I guess.